Need

Title: Need
Author: Keira Marcos
Pairing: Sheppard/McKay
Challenge: Deep (McSheplets LJ)
Rating: R
Spoilers: None
Word Count: 1,000

Summary: He thought he’d never have this. Their hands clenched together, bodies pressed tightly in a beautiful tangle of limbs that was beyond perfect.

Status: Completed (and not series related)
Disclaimer: I don’t own them. I don’t pretend to. I won’t make money off of them. I rarely spend my time doing things that actually make money—much to my husband’s utter dismay.

– – – – – – –

He thought he’d never have this. Their hands clenched together, bodies pressed tightly in a beautiful tangle of limbs that was beyond perfect.

John Sheppard wasn’t the kind of man who was used to getting exactly what he wanted. Life had certainly taught him along the way not to expect much from anyone and to never want anything too much. The only thing he’d ever allowed himself to really want was flying… until he’d sat down in a chair in Antarctica and everything he thought about the universe changed right before his eyes.

Stepping through the Stargate and into the warm embrace of Atlantis had been amazing and some small part of him had screamed ‘yes, this is what I want’ but John had kept that small part of himself isolated and pressed down deep so it wouldn’t hurt as much when Atlantis was taken from him. Except she wasn’t, five years later and he was still the commanding officer of the most beautiful place in the universe—she still bent to his desires and whims with ease while alternately treating anyone that John didn’t like with a casual disdain that most people didn’t believe the city was capable of.

He hadn’t allowed himself to want a better relationship with his father since he was nineteen years old, so it hadn’t hurt as much when Patrick Sheppard had died as maybe it should have. John felt shallow and empty on the topic of his father and even his brother. John worried about that deep empty place inside of him—he just hoped it never got any bigger.

Major, think about where we are in the solar system.

John would never forget the moment he met Rodney McKay—not just because he’d found himself lighting up a piece of alien technology like a Christmas tree. McKay had been brash, twisted, arrogant, and a little mean—and John had sort of figured he’d met his soul mate.

Most wouldn’t say that McKay was a beautiful man—but there was something about him that spoke to strength and intelligence that was just extremely fucking sexy.

He’d been content to accept the friendship McKay offered and not want more. But weeks and months passed—then there were years of friendship and sacrifice stretched out between them and John realized that the most intimate relationship he’d never had with anyone in his life was the friendship he had with McKay. Things between them hadn’t always been the best but somehow they’d always managed to come back together—often with a stronger friendship.

Now, there was something more and John was overwhelmed. It was so wrong, it was not what he’d planned, not what he’d allowed himself to want or expect. Rodney wasn’t his—not this way—never this way.

Rodney’s words filled the silence of the room, had been filling John’s silences since the day they’d met. Had he known that McKay would be this way? Demanding, excited, and so fucking greedy. Slick fingers wrapped around his cock and he groaned as he pressed into the body beneath him. McKay shuddered in his arms and demanded more, demanded everything John had to give. No one had ever wanted that much from him. No one, before Rodney, had ever even expected him to have anything to really offer.

He got lost in it – the pleasure, the relief, and the freedom of having the one the thing he’d never acknowledged in himself but always needed. It touched on the want he’d carried inside of him since Antarctica.

Rodney shuddered and moaned beneath him, large, strong hands clenched on his back, and then he came calling John’s name. Sheppard jerked against McKay, his hips snapping against his ass as need bled away to desperation. John moaned against the side of Rodney’s neck as he was pulled into a tight embrace and he came as words he hadn’t heard in years were whispered in his ear. Words he hadn’t believed in since his mother had died.

I love you, John.

The darkness in his room wasn’t enough to keep reality at bay, no matter how much he wishes that were the case. John glanced towards the door and then purposely turned away from it. He wasn’t ready to give it up, yet.

“Ask me.”

John took a deep breath. “I can’t.”

“Ask me.”

He closed his eyes but didn’t leave the bed, didn’t stop touching him. “It’s too much.”

“You never ask for anything, John. Be a selfish bastard for once, I think you’re entitled.”

John laughed weakly. Tired and ashamed of himself, he just let it tumble out of his mouth in a rush, “stay with me, leave her. She’ll never accept you for who you are.” He took up one of McKay’s hands and curled his fingers between his. “I’ll go back to Earth if that’s what you want. I’ll leave the Air Force… whatever it takes to keep you.” He turned on his side and forced himself to look at McKay, the darkness of the room didn’t give them much to work with but their eyes met despite of it.

“Atlantis is our home,” Rodney touched his mouth with hesitant fingers, rubbed John’s bottom lip with his thumb.

“You’ll stay.”

“Yes, of course.”

“I love you, too.” He pressed against Rodney, his body relaxing as relief settled over him like a blanket. “So much.”

Keira Marcos

In my spare time, I write fanfiction and lead a cult of cock worshippers on the Internet. It's not the usual kind of hobby for a 40ish "domestic engineer" but we live in a modern world and I like fucking with people's expectations.

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