Author: Keira Marcos
Fandom: Star Trek AOS
Challenge: Trope Bingo (Friends to Lovers)
Relationship: James Kirk/Spock
Genre: Science Fiction, Romance, First Time
Warnings: No beta, explicit sex, explicit language, and an author who has zero respect for canon
Word Count: 5,042
Author’s Note: Nero did attack, but Vulcan was not destroyed, and Amanda Grayson lives because fuck that noise.
Summary: Jim and Spock make plans to grow old and jaded in space.
“I have been—and always shall be—your friend.”
– Spock, Star Trek: The Wrath of Khan (TOS)
– – – –
Jim threw himself on the lounge and rubbed his bare toes against the fabric. When Spock had invited him to his ancestral property on Vulcan, he’d expected something different than what he’d gotten. He knew that the House of Surak was very wealthy—practically royalty on the planet—and had many dozens of properties all over the planet. He’d suspected, due to his status in Starfleet mostly, that he’d be housed in T’Pau’s residence so he’d be more easily accessible to the High Council. Instead, he and Spock had beamed down to a secluded mountain retreat that reminded him of a chalet he’d once visited during a trip to France after he and his crew had prevented the destruction of Vulcan.
Spock placed a glass of wine on the table near the lounge and walked to stand at the railing. “Did you need anything in your room to make your stay more comfortable?”
“I found a few extra blankets in the closet,” Jim said and took a deep breath. “Thanks for this, Spock, I really needed a break from the whole…” He trailed off and waved his hand. They were coming up on the 5th anniversary of Nero’s attack on Vulcan. The Enterprise had been in orbit around the planet for nearly two weeks, and the pressure to perform was intense. “I have a choice to make.”
“I’m aware,” Spock said and took a sip of his own wine. “The whole crew is aware on some level. I’ve been offered a teaching position at the academy. I’ve just a week to decide.”
Jim knew he didn’t want to stay on the Enterprise without Spock, but he couldn’t say that aloud as he didn’t want to hold his friend back career-wise.
“What will you choose?” Spock questioned. “Another five-year mission or a diplomatic post?”
Jim sighed. “I’m no diplomat, Spock, and I don’t want to spend the rest of my career in ‘fleet as a show pony. I don’t think Pike would’ve offered me that at all if he’d had a choice in it. He looked disgusted the whole time he was talking about me accepting the post of ambassador.” He focused on the rich red wine Spock had brought him. “I’ll get new officers if I take another five-year mission. Uhura has already accepted a transfer to the Hood, and Sulu is joining Chekov on Reliant. Scotty’s assured me he’s going nowhere any time soon. I think he’s in love with the Enterprise, and who can blame him?”
“I would prefer no other ship,” Spock said and focused on Jim. “And no other captain.”
Jim tried to ignore the swell of pleasure in him that statement caused. “Don’t know if that’s the best career decision you could make.”
“I have no desire to enter the command track,” Spock said. “My maternal grandfather assures me I’m old enough to determine to whom I should hitch my wagon.” He flushed when Jim laughed a little. “I had to delve quite deeply into a non-Federation approved language database to figure out what he meant by that.”
“Oh, Spock,” Jim said with a grin. “Honestly, you’re my favorite.”
“I greatly prefer you over everyone else as well,” Spock admitted and took a deep breath before focusing on his wine. “What will you do, Captain?”
He felt like he was making the decision for them both, and that…felt wrong. “Can we set aside rank for this conversation, Spock? Come sit with me.” He motioned toward the lounge chair next to him.
Spock joined him but chose to fold himself into the lotus position and focus intently on Jim.
After a moment, Jim found himself mirroring the position and set aside his glass. “Tell me something.”
“If I can,” Spock agreed.
“What was your goal when you joined Starfleet?”
Spock hesitated and focused on his wine. He sat the glass aside and cleared his throat. “If anyone else were to ask that question, I would speak of duty and honor. There would be truth in that answer.”
Jim nodded. “Of course.”
“But it would not be the whole of my answer,” Spock admitted. “I wished to be free of…expectations. I was the first of my kind to survive to adulthood—only the second to complete gestation. From the moment I was born, every move I made was measured and weighed. Many found me wanting merely for my existence. To some, I’m little more than a vanity project for the House of Surak.”
“I don’t understand,” Jim admitted.
“When my father returned to Vulcan with a human wife, many went out of their way to let him know they disapproved. Thus, he made it clear to them that he did not care one way or another if they approved of her or not. When she expressed a desire to have a child, my father went to T’Pau and explained that his wife would have a child. She agreed, and for the five years that followed—our house resources were generously allocated to that endeavor. I was the first hybrid child born to the House of Surak but not the last. I have three cousins who are also of mixed heritage. One was born just a few months ago.”
“It’s lovely legacy, Spock,” Jim said. “Your birth gave others in your family hope for children where they may have had no hope at all before that.”
Spock inclined his head and cleared his throat. “I was invited to study at the Vulcan Science Academy, but as I stood there before the High Council—being praised for my success despite my genetic disadvantage—I realized that I did not wish to spend the rest of my life striving to be what they expected me to be. I was…frustrated.”
“I understand,” Jim said.
“I know that you do,” Spock murmured. “I declined the offer to study at the VSA and enlisted in Starfleet a week later.”
“Are you saying you joined Starfleet as a way of telling the Vulcan High Council to kiss your ass?” Jim asked in shock and laughed when Spock’s cheeks flushed green. “Spock.”
“Being half-Human isn’t a disadvantage,” Spock finally said. “I wished for them to understand, fully, that I did not consider it such. Moreover, it was important to me that my mother believed that her heritage was just as integral to who I am as a person as my father’s. My parents moved to Earth when I was at the academy as they both feared, rightly, that was I was not prepared to be in classes day in and day out with non-Vulcans. I’d been in no single way prepared for it. In fact, I wrote a series of essays while I was at the academy regarding isolationism and how Vulcan failed to prepare its citizens to live amongst other species.”
“Insult to injury,” Jim said wryly. “I read those essays, by the way. They were really helpful to me. I went straight from my grandmother’s house on Betazed to a dorm at the academy. I don’t have to tell you how overwhelming it was to be around so many undisciplined minds.”
“The very minute we entered orbit above Nero’s ship, the most intense sense of relief I’ve ever known overwhelmed me,” Spock admitted quietly. “My mother wasn’t on Vulcan and hadn’t been on the planet in years because I’d joined Starfleet. Were I a religious man, I would’ve dropped to my knees in thanks.
“As it stands, I often have to bite my tongue not to thank individual members of the High Council for their bigotry and speciesism since the city my mother lived in was destroyed by Nero during the attack. A purposeful act considering what we learned from my counterpart before he passed.”
“I’m glad she wasn’t on the planet as well,” Jim admitted. “I don’t know where the Enterprise would even be if Dr. Grayson wasn’t around to mother us all.” He cleared his throat. “I was hoping that we could visit Ambassador Spock’s resting place while we’re here—if it wouldn’t be awkward for you.”
“It would not,” Spock assured. “I learned much from him during his time with us and miss his correspondence. Why did you ask about my reasons for joining Starfleet?”
“Because I joined ‘fleet to escape,” Jim said wryly. “Just to escape. Being bound on a planet was stifling when I knew I could be out in the stars. I wanted to fling myself off Betazed before I even turned fifteen. My grandmother didn’t understand, of course, and she clung a bit to me because of how she’d lost my father, but I couldn’t stand to have my feet on the ground, Spock. I felt like I might suffocate, and she eventually understood. I promised her I’d take all the care I could with myself but living in the grief caused by my father’s sacrifice wasn’t healthy. I had to step out—I had to make my own way.
“When I first started at the academy, I was torn between engineering and command. In the end, I chose the command track because I wanted to explore. I needed to get out in the universe and just…go somewhere.”
“To go where no one has gone before,” Spock murmured. “That’s the mandate for the five-year exploration mission you’ve been offered.”
“Yeah,” Jim said and took a deep breath. “It is. Pike says I’m a dreamer.”
“He told me once that you were the epitome of what a Starfleet captain should be,” Spock murmured. “He said that you’d been born with adventure in your heart and heroism carved into your bones.”
Jim felt his face heat. “Wow, what an image to live up to.”
“You more than do so,” Spock said. “I was not sure I would stay on the Enterprise after Christopher Pike took a promotion, but he asked that I give you a year. He said that you needed an experienced first officer to help you get your feet under you, then I could have the posting of my choice. Six months into that year, you stood on the bridge of the Enterprise and made it clear to Nero that you would not surrender. Then you told him that your father had shoved a starship up his ass decades ago, and you were not above doing it again.”
Jim laughed. “I get so much grief for that! Pike started every conversation for six months afterward asking me if I’d threatened any more Romulans with a starship enema.”
“Well, you have yet to have the opportunity,” Spock pointed out.
Jim nodded his agreement. “Do you want to teach at the academy? You did it for a while, right?”
“I did a tour while we waited on the completion of the new Enterprise. It was fascinating to watch out different species learn and adapt to the academy environment. I would not be opposed to teaching again.” He paused. “Perhaps once I reach mandatory field retirement age.”
Jim grinned then. “Long time for even a half-Vulcan.”
“Granted,” Spock agreed. “Do you have a far-reaching goal for yourself, Jim? Is the captaincy as far as you’d like to go on the command track?”
“I’m comfortable in the chair,” Jim murmured. “I’d rather not leave it anytime soon. I think I’d like to go back to engineering when serving in the field is no longer an option.”
“Then shall we grow old and jaded in space, Jim?”
“I think we should,” Jim admitted. “It’s the best option for everyone involved. But let’s not tell your mom about the jaded part—she’d lecture us, and she probably wouldn’t bring us any more cookies.”
“I do favor my mother’s cookies above all others,” Spock admitted. “Five-year exploration mission, then.”
“If you want it as much as I do.”
“I believe that I do,” Spock murmured. “I would stay at your side, Jim.” His cheeks flushed green. “I…”
Jim swallowed as Spock averted his gaze, and for the first time since they’d met, Jim let his awareness spread until his mental touch flitted across Spock’s mind. He retreated immediately, shamed to have given into the temptation. Jim scrambled out of the lounger and walked across the balcony as if physical distance made any sort of difference.
“I’m sorry,” he said hoarsely. “I haven’t been…” He rubbed his face.
“It must be difficult,” Spock murmured, and Jim turned to find that his friend had joined him at the railing. “To have to confine your mind at all times. It’s an unnatural state for you.”
“I had to work hard to learn to control myself,” Jim admitted as he wrapped his hands around the railing. “I’m truly sorry I…”
“Why did you reach out to me just now?”
“I’ve wanted to be closer to you.” Jim blew out a breath. “You’re the best friend I have, Spock. I don’t want to ruin that.” He took a deep breath when Spock slid his hand on top of his.
“I shall always be your friend, Jim,” Spock murmured. “There is no path I would wish you to walk without me.” His breath hitched as Jim spread his fingers, and after a moment’s hesitation, they laced their fingers together. “You do not even attempt to shield your mind.”
“I trust you,” Jim said and turned to face him. “But you know that.”
“Jim.” Spock used his free hand to cup the back of Jim’s head. “I would have you.”
“I’m yours,” he said hoarsely and shuddered.
Jim groaned as Spock brushed their lips together gently as if he were fragile and precious. It had been years since he’d known such tenderness. Spock pulled him close, hands trembling as they settled on Jim’s hips. The urge to surrender and the desire to soothe his friend rumbled around inside of him until Jim gently cupped Spock’s head and clenched his fingers against the Vulcan’s skull.
“You’ve gone far too long without a bond,” Jim murmured against Spock’s jaw.
“I couldn’t accept another temporary arrangement,” Spock confessed as he turned his face against Jim’s neck and fisted his hands into the material of Jim’s lounge pants. “Not after the disaster of my…”
Pon Farr, Jim thought but did not say aloud. Spock had entered into a bond for his own safety with another Vulcan after his childhood bondmate, T’Pring, asked to be released. No one had expected Spock to outright reject the arrangement in the throes of his Time and nearly die. It was a distant worry, as they only had three years before Pon Farr was once more upon Spock, but Jim had been considering the mission and how he’d make sure to have Spock within range of Vulcan when the time came around again.
Spock’s second bond mate had chosen to pick a fight with Spock when he realized that sex wasn’t going to get them through Pon Farr. Jim had to admire Stonn’s tenacity in the situation as it had kept Spock alive even if the other Vulcans involved had been quietly appalled by the whole thing. Jim had been too relieved to be over-concerned regarding the bloodshed and the destruction of the guest suite the two had been confined in on the Enterprise.
“Stonn told me years ago that I should…” Spock cleared his throat. “Just…”
“Just what?” Jim asked as a tendril of amusement curled between them.
“Toss you on the nearest flat surface and demonstrate my willingness to engage in whatever emotional displays you required for courtship,” Spock said wryly. “He spent most of our younger years trying to convince that trying to be a whole Vulcan when I was only half was the height of illogic.” He inhaled sharply against Jim’s skin. “I told him that he should not attempt to toss those of other species around as they are not nearly as sturdy as us. He mentioned seeking out a Klingon if he ever had the desire for such sport.”
Jim laughed. “Toss me on a bed, then, and show me what you got.”
“Shouldn’t we discuss this further?” Spock questioned. “We might form an accidental bond if we’re intimate.”
“If I form a connection with you, Spock, it won’t be by accident. I’m an adept within the Mendissia Principles,” Jim explained and brushed his fingers over a meld point on Spock’s face. The Vulcan’s eyes fluttered shut briefly. “If your courtship demonstration meets my approval—we can cause a complete scandal amongst the elders of the House of Surak and get married naked on a beach on Betazed.”
“I have been reliably informed that I am aesthetically pleasing in the nude,” Spock confessed and cupped Jim’s ass.
Jim sucked in a breath as Spock lifted him, and he wrapped his legs around his friend’s waist. It wasn’t often that he had a lover that had the strength and stamina to carry him off someplace. It was both exciting and disconcerting. Bare moments passed before he found himself sprawled on a large sleeping platform. The mattress was thin but comfortable. Spock knelt between his legs, and Jim didn’t hesitate to meet his gaze. The afternoon sun streamed into the room from several different windows and a skylight. There was no hiding for either of them such circumstances.
“I can darken the windows,” Spock murmured.
“No,” Jim said and shook his head as he pulled his shirt over his head. “I don’t want to miss a single moment of this.” He lifted his hips as Spock hooked nimble fingers into the waistband of his lounge pants. Jim spread his legs and stretched his arms over his head after Spock pulled his pants away and tossed them aside.
“In the years that I have known you, I have truly come to understand what it means to be beautiful,” Spock murmured.
Jim took a deep breath. “I…” He swallowed hard as his face heated with a blush.
“I admit to being quite enamored with the turn of your face and the strength of your body,” he continued. “But there is nothing shallow about your beauty and coming to understand that has changed me irreparably.”
“Should I apologize?” Jim questioned and took a deep breath as Spock slid his hand down the inside of his thigh.
“No, never.” Spock cleared his throat. “I wish to penetrate you.”
Jim wet his lips and shifted on the mattress. He had no idea why that singular statement was the hottest thing he’d ever heard. “Yeah, I’d love that.”
“We require lubricant,” Spock murmured and left the bed.
Jim stayed where he was, pleased with the light and warmth of the sun on his skin. Spock returned, naked, with a shallow bowl. He placed the bowl on the nightstand and joined Jim on the bed. Being in Spock’s arms was everything he’d ever thought it might be—every touch was done with purpose and knowledge. Jim let the last of his mental barriers fall away as Spock wrapped a hand around his cock, and they both shuddered.
“Jim,” Spock whispered fiercely against his jaw. “You love me.”
He trailed his fingers through Spock’s hair as his friend met his gaze. “Yes, with everything I am.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Spock demanded.
Jim touched his face with a gentle hand and allowed his thumb to graze a meld point. Spock trembled against the contact, and eyes fluttered shut briefly. “You were still bonded to T’Pring when I realized, and I could never take a lover that is telepathically bonded to another. Then when your Time came, you chose Stonn, and I understand why. Your childhood friendship with him was a comfort. You needed that after T’Pring’s rejection. You left the ship bonded to T’Pring and returned to the ship bonded with Stonn.”
“You never made room for me, Spock, and I respected that. It needs to be said that you had many options on the Enterprise. Any number of people would’ve been more than willing to bond with you even temporarily.”
Spock made a face that was so human that Jim laughed aloud. “I did create a bond with Stonn because I trusted him and knew he would not demand an intimate relationship with me outside of Pon Farr,” he admitted roughly, but his touch remained gentle as he stroked Jim’s cock. “I retreated to the Enterprise with Stonn because I did not feel safe on Vulcan after T’Pring’s rejection. She intended to seek Stonn herself and was surprised by the fact that he was not only uninterested in her but disgusted by her actions.” He took a deep breath. “Had I known I could’ve had you—I’d have returned to the ship unbonded. Even in the midst of plak tow, I only wanted you. Stonn fought me to keep me from seeking you. I was too far gone to be rational.”
“I’m sorry you suffered so,” Jim murmured and shifted closer. He nuzzled against Spock’s neck then scraped his teeth over the Vulcan’s pulse point. “I’ll be with you next time.”
Spock exhaled deeply and closed his eyes. “Jim, you wake something primitive in me that I cannot comprehend.”
“We’ll figure it out together,” Jim said and pushed Spock gently onto his back. He slid astride Spock’s thighs and braced himself on the Vulcan’s chest.
Spock cupped Jim’s hips with trembling hands as their cocks brushed against each other. “I love the feel of you—the softness of your skin, the brightness of your mind. In this moment, I want for nothing.”
Jim felt his face heat, and he took a deep breath. He was no stranger to sexual want, but what was moving between him and Spock felt nothing like the desire he’d known in the past. “Get me ready.” He braced himself on Spock’s chest with both hands.
Spock kept one hand on his hip, and the other dipped into the bowl. “This is your personal lubrication formula—I wanted to make sure you were safe from allergens.”
“That’s a fine excuse for hacking my personal replicator repository,” Jim said wryly and sucked on his bottom lip as Spock’s fingers rubbed over his asshole. He spread his legs a bit more.
“I heated it to slightly above your average body temperature,” Spock continued, clearly prepared to ignore Jim’s accusation of hacking. He slid one finger in, and Jim groaned. “Perhaps pleasuring you will become my singular preoccupation.”
“Old, jaded space explorers who fuck a lot,” Jim said and grinned when Spock raised a single eyebrow at him.
“We shall tell my mother nothing of our plans,” Spock declared and added a second finger.
“For the love of…” Jim trailed off and rocked down onto his lover’s fingers. “Don’t talk about your mom at a time like this!”
“In the morning, you can provide me with a list of topics you find acceptable to discuss while I finger fuck you.”
“Oh my god, you’re the most adorable person in this whole universe,” Jim said with a soft laugh that turned into a groan as Spock unceremoniously added a third finger. “Enough, fuck.”
“The instructions I read said that thorough anal preparation is very important to avoid injuries,” Spock said.
Jim stilled, eyes wide. “Spock.” He took a deep breath as Spock pulled his fingers from his ass. He missed the fullness the fingers had provided immediately. “Are you…have you ever had sex?”
“I’ve engaged in sex acts but nothing penetrative.” Spock’s eyelids fluttered shut briefly. “But I researched extensively, so I know what to expect.”
The very idea that Spock had gone into his pon farr mostly a virgin was appalling, so Jim pushed it aside—more relieved than ever that the situation had ended in a brawl instead of the fuckfest he’d been expecting to endure the knowledge of. He shifted forward slightly, and Spock’s breath hitched as Jim dragged his fingers through the lubricant.
“I’m going to slick up this gorgeous cock of yours,” Jim murmured. “And give you a long, slow ride.”
“I should be on top.”
“Should you?” Jim questioned with an amused grin as he wrapped one hand around Spock’s cock and spread the lube.
“That’s the way intercourse was presented in the AV file. The penetrating partner was on top.” Spock shifted under him, eyes dark, and cheeks tinged green.
Jim’s hand slowed, and his mouth went a little dry. “Spock, did you watch porn?”
“It was an instructional documentary,” Spock explained hoarsely. “I did not expect it to feel this way. I…it has never felt this way with my own hand.”
“The pleasure of two,” Jim said. “I’ve never really enjoyed pleasuring myself all that much. It lacks emotional intimacy, and that’s something I need due to my Betazoid heritage. I can’t see how it would be any different for a Vulcan. Later, I’d very much like to hear about the sex acts you’ve participated in.”
Spock’s breath hitched. “Touching others can be difficult…but I’m human enough to crave physical contact no matter the cost. I worried that intercourse would be too much.”
“Or maybe not enough?” Jim questioned, and Spock focused on him intently. “Physical pleasure alone often leaves me emotionally and telepathically bereft, Spock. I understand your concerns very well. Far too many people divorce themselves from their emotions—in and out of bed. It’s hard to build the trust required for mental intimacy.”
“I trust you.” Spock trembled gently as Jim slowly took his cock inside. “I…Jim.”
“I’m here, darling,” Jim promised and braced his hands on Spock’s chest as he settled completely. “This has always been burning between us—hasn’t it?”
“Yes.” Spock brushed his fingers across Jim’s cheek then trailed that hand down his body to grip Kirk’s hip. “You’re everything I’ve always wanted. I’m relieved to have never known another in this way.”
Jim let his head fall back as he started to move. The pleasure of finally having Spock inside him was quickly paling in comparison to the deep and abiding love that was swirling around him like a storm. He’d never felt such devotion before, and it was as intoxicating as the hot, stinging pleasure of having another inside him. The hot grind of their bodies was a perfect sort of agony.
Spock rolled them over abruptly, and Jim’s breath hitched at the man’s show of strength. He felt like it probably shouldn’t be a turn on, but it was in the most base way possible. Spock moved tentatively at first—watchful and concerned. At any other time, Jim might have made a joke about science experiments, but he actually enjoyed being the center of Spock’s attention and felt no need to pretend otherwise.
“Like this?” Spock questioned as he gave Jim one measured thrust after another.
“Yeah, just like that.”
Jim wrapped his legs around Spock’s waist and lifted up eagerly into each movement of his lover’s body. Spock’s raw physical power was hard to ignore, and Jim was actually startled by how much he enjoyed it. He’d always preferred to take men to bed, but he’d never sought out ones that could dominate him physically. He couldn’t help but touch Spock—letting his hand wander over the other man’s chest then up to cup his cheek.
Spock turned into his hand and kissed his palm. “Jim, please, I…”
“Anything,” Jim murmured.
Spock shifted his body, cupped Jim’s ass, and lifted just so, then settled them on the mattress chest to chest. His fingers drifted over Jim’s face, settled on meld points, and a beautiful connection bloomed between them. Jim came messily between the press of their bodies, and Spock groaned harshly against Jim’s shoulder as he followed.
“You leave me weak, ashayam.”
The words sounded like a complaint, but the amusement and admiration thrumming between them gave them a different meaning. Spock’s fingers drifted away from his face, and he lifted his head.
“I hope you find strength in me as well,” Jim murmured and brushed Spock’s hair from his forehead gently. “Because I find it in you—every single day.”
“I have often felt irrationally invincible in your presence,” Spock confessed as he pulled free from Jim’s body. “Fortunately, I have never expressed such in any psychological examination as I felt it would be detrimental to my ability to serve.”
Jim laughed as Spock dropped down on the mattress beside him. He turned on his side, ignoring the mess they’d made of themselves and the bed. Spock brought him close, curling one arm around Jim’s back, so Jim rested his chin on the Vulcan’s chest and stared.
“Things will change,” Jim said. “Maybe in ways that you will find uncomfortable. You’ve never liked your private life being on display. Bonding with me…will come with an unreasonable amount of scrutiny.”
“I love you,” Spock said quietly and flushed when Jim pressed closer. “I will love you as long as my katra exists, James Kirk. Have you ever heard the term k’hat’n’dlawa?”
“It’s from Vulcan soulmate philosophy, right? Betazoids have a similar ideology. They speak of kindred souls—cruelly separated and forced to search for each other over and over again. It’s the founding principle surrounding reincarnation on Betazed.”
“It is what I’ve always felt for you. The moment I saw you—a part of me that had always felt empty filled up,” Spock admitted. “I would not wish to ever know such emptiness again.”
“You’ll outlive me by decades,” Jim whispered.
“I will carry you with me, t’hy’la, always.”
Ashayam – a beloved person; similar in usage to the word t’hy’la but more intimate/emotional
K’hat’n’dlawa – one is who is half my heart and soul in its deepest sense
T’hy’la – friend, lover, lifelong companion, soulmate, shield brother/sister