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Touching Secrets

Touching Secrets
Author: Keira Marcos
Fandom: Stargate: Atlantis
Pairing: John/Rodney
McSheplets Challenge: 41- Secrets
Rating: PG
Genre: Pre-Slash
Author’s Note: Non-series related

Summary: He didn’t know who started it but there was a wall on the Northeast Pier that the populace of Atlantis called “The Confessional”.

Disclaimer: I don’t own them. I don’t pretend to. I won’t make money off of them. I rarely spend my time doing things that actually make money—much to my husband’s utter horror.

– – – – –

He didn’t know who started it but there was a wall on the Northeast Pier that the populace of Atlantis called “The Confessional”. The first note appeared written in block letters with a Sharpie marker and simply said, “I’ll never forget the relief in his eyes when I shot him”.

Over the first few months, when they were all certain they’d die in alien city, in another galaxy, far from Earth… other messages started to appear, in different color Sharpie markers, different but generic handwriting but all equally blunt and horrible.

“I miss my mother.”

“Every day I think about killing myself—but I don’t because I don’t want to be buried here.”

“I dream about the Wraith every night. I stopped waking myself with my own screams six months ago.”

“He’ll never love me the way I love him.”

“I’m just using her for sex; and I don’t feel guilty about it which makes me an asshole.”

After contact with Earth was established, he figured the confessions would stop but they didn’t. They came randomly; sometimes without regard to major events on the city or in the galaxy. He could have ended it any time by putting up a security camera but like the other inhabitants of the city he found the ‘The Confessional’ oddly comforting. The honesty was a relief even if it was shrouded in secrecy.

“I never trusted him the way I should have, and now he’s gone.”

That confession appeared a week after Ford disappeared through the gate and Rodney couldn’t help but agree. He wondered if ‘the confessor’ of that little secret felt as guilty about it as he did.

“I lost count of how many people I’ve killed.”

“I know I’ll die alone but I live in hope that it won’t be in vain.”

“My father hit me because I was the only person at home when my mother dropped dead. He blames me. I blame me, too.”

“She doesn’t love him; she loves the man she thinks she can make him be.”

Rodney traced his fingers over those letters and sighed, he though that was about him and Katie Brown. It certainly fit that situation completely. He rationalized that most women thought they could change the man they ended up with… he wasn’t the only one who faced that situation every time he had a new relationship.

“I was raped off-world but I didn’t tell anyone because I don’t want to get sent back to Earth.”

Rodney grimaced over that one and wondered if the person who wrote that ever got any help. It was written in tiny letters, each letter looked shaky as if the person who wrote it was hanging on by a thread. Most thought it was a woman—but Rodney believed it was a man. As it was when that confession had hit the wall, all the women had been scheduled for ‘discussions’ in the infirmary. He never knew what came of that situation. Carson had discussed it privately with Elizabeth and nothing was ever said again.

He closed his eyes. Elizabeth. There was a whole section—all written neatly down one panel about Elizabeth.

“I was in love with her but never told her.”

“She was the best of us—brave and beautiful—I always resented her for it.”

“She didn’t have the stomach for war—they should have sent her home instead of letting her get killed.”

“I miss her every day.”

“She took me to her bed one night—she was amazing, relentless, and desperate. The next day she couldn’t even look me in the eye.”

He moved away from Elizabeth’s panel with a sigh. There were over one hundred messages there and each more depressing than the last. It was difficult to see how a woman he’d admired and respected had touched so many in so many different ways—not all of them positive.

There were three panels dedicated to sexual confessions, ranging from favored kinks to actual experiences.

“I like to get spanked.”

“I called my boyfriend ‘Daddy’ in bed last night and he freaked out.”

“I can’t get off unless my lover ties me up.”

“I don’t want to die a virgin.”

“In the twelfth grade, I let the captain of the football team suck me off every day, for a month. I wonder if he still tells people he’s not gay.” The day that one appeared Rodney had laughed so hard he cried. Then he’d felt compelled to add his first secret to ‘The Confessional’ : “I’ve slept with sixteen men—all but one were US military and ten women—none of which were US military.”

He’d expected a backlash but what he’d gotten was the kind of response that a judiciary committee on Earth would have literally had a conniption over.

“I gave my first blow job in uniform during boot camp; my drill sergeant said I was his best recruit. He was a bastard but he had a pretty cock.”

“I fucked every guy on my team, twice. The first time aliens made us do it.”

“My first CO told me that a man is only as straight as his options. It was the only truthful thing he EVER said to me.”

“McKay has the best ass on Atlantis. I jack off thinking about bending him over a bench in the lab and fucking him until he can’t say another word.” He’d sputtered and blushed furiously for a week over that one—especially when three different people had added “Amen” to the end of it.

“I think Caldwell could do with a good buggering; it might improve his mood.”

Colonel Caldwell had pitched a total fit over that but Sheppard had informed him that he had no intention of investigating it because it would amount to a witch-hunt and possible violate DADT. He’d grudgingly ordered two Marines to scrub the wall clean but the city had erected a force field over the wall every time they got near it with their cleaning supplies. Rodney had been ordered to cut power in that section and he’d had to tell them that the section didn’t have power at all. It was a waste of the ZPM to power a section no one used. Caldwell blamed John but it happened even when he wasn’t in the city and he’d admitted defeat. It turned out that Atlantis was an excellent Secret Keeper.

Caldwell had retaliated by shorting the city on sugar for a full three months. Which Rodney knew hadn’t won him any favors among the city’s population. In fact, it had spawned three more statements all speculating on what it would take to put the ‘Grinch Who Ruined Cookie Day and Stole Our Happiness’ in a good mood.

The messages had gotten more frequent after Elizabeth was lost. People lingered at the wall in groups; discussing what was written but never adding to it while anyone was around. Everyone respected the sanctity of the wall—it was their refuge from the brazen lies that kept them all sane.

“I miss Carson so much.”

“She’s too young to be here; what the fuck were they thinking?”

“I hate him. I learned more from him in a week then I did in grad school and I hate his fucking guts. I’d kill him but I realized ten days after I got here that he’s the only thing keeping us alive out here. I hate that, too.”

McKay knew there was more than one message on the wall about how people hated him. He used it to gauge how well he was doing with his staff. When they were really frustrated with him—the panels would get dense with mean little jabs, the air in the hall would reek of Sharpie marker, but the city would be a top performance and that was all that mattered.

“I resent her for sitting in Elizabeth’s chair; but it’s not her fault.”

He touched those words and wished he regretted writing them. He knew Sam had seen them; he’d been there when she’d toured the wall for the first time, nearly a month after she had arrived. She’d touched them, her fingers shaking slightly as she skimmed the deceptively neat block letters. Everyone made sure to keep things plain as to not point an immediate finger at themselves, McKay included. No one could truly hide their handwriting, he knew that. He knew an expert could scan the wall and pick out every writer he just hoped that the SGC never bothered with it.

“He never wanted me enough to risk his career. I hate him for it.”

“I never wanted to leave Earth but he needed him more than me.”

Rodney sighed and moved to a relatively bare section of the wall. He’d written something there three days ago—within hours of ending his relationship with Jennifer Keller.

“I’ll never love anyone the way I love John. I’d keep him if he’d let me.”

It wasn’t the safest thing he could’ve said even if there were ten men on the city named John. It had to be one of the most common first names on Earth but anyone looking at it would assume it was about Sheppard. He’d assumed they would think it was a female confessor—but he was very wrong. Because the responses were pointed:

“Is good choice. The Colonel is very pretty attractive.”

“If we had a contest he’d get voted the ‘Most Fuckable Man on Atlantis’.”

“You should tell him.”

“Grow a pair! He might love you back.”

“Thank God the regulations changed—was your discretion removed at birth?”

He shook his head and blushed. It was really too bad there was no way he could follow their advice. John’s friendship meant too much to him to fuck it up. He glanced up above his confession and found a new one written in black, with bold strokes.

“She’ll never love him as much as I do. I was SO relieved when he dumped her.”

Rodney realized he wasn’t alone precisely three seconds before he was grabbed—he was pressed firmly but carefully against the wall. “What the…”

“Shh.” Lips brushed against his ear lobe. “I’ve spent the last three days trying to figure out who wrote it—hoping it was you but just knowing it wasn’t.”

Rodney relaxed. “John.”

“Don’t take it back, Rodney. I couldn’t… no one has ever wanted to keep me. At least no one outside of weird alien chieftains intent on using me as breeding stock.”

“Who wouldn’t want you forever?”

“I could make you a list,” John murmured. “I’m sorry for coming here—for breaking the rules. We aren’t supposed to watch others touch their secrets.” He lifted away and took a deep breath. “The one above yours… that’s mine.”

“I really didn’t dump her,” Rodney murmured. “I just… well shit.”

John chuckled. “You dumped her.”

“I’m an asshole.” He sighed and then frowned. “Wait… that football one is yours, too. Right? And the one about me and the lab bench?”

John turned him around and pressed him against the wall. “You aren’t supposed to guess, McKay.”

“You aren’t supposed to be sneaky and watch people either,” Rodney returned and poked him in the chest. “Am I right?”

“Yeah.” John leaned in. “Jesus, I’ve already fucked you in every lab on Atlantis in my mind.”

“I can’t believe you wrote that about me on the wall,” Rodney muttered.

“You loved it,” John responded. “You were more amused than embarrassed when it went up.”

“You love me.”

“Yeah.” John admitted.

“Why didn’t you ever…” Rodney trailed off. “I wasn’t worth your career?”

“I’d have gotten sent back to Earth and you would have been here on Atlantis,” John leaned in and pressed his forehead against McKay’s. “I decided to have a little bit of you rather than none at all. My career… shit the Air Force can kiss my ass.”

“I would have left with you; you have to believe that.” His hand dropped to John’s hip as they both moved to get closer. “You’re my home, John.”

The first kiss was stunning—honest and as brutal as anything Rodney had ever known. The desperation burning off John’s skin and into his was so intense that he could only hold on and open his mouth under in the hot demand of John’s lips and tongue. They thumped back against the wall and McKay snaked one leg around John’s and pulled their bodies flush together.

John lifted his mouth away and sighed. “I’ve wanted to do that since Antarctica.”

Rodney closed his eyes briefly. “I really should kick your ass, you intensely beautiful idiot. You owe me five years of fucking and I’m going to collect.”

John laughed and let his forehead rest on Rodney’s. “Yeah, we’ll make a schedule. You can do one of those time management spreadsheets for me like you do for your minions when they really piss you off.”

“You make me stupid,” Rodney muttered. “But I forgive you.” He reeled John back in for another kiss, his fingers digging into Sheppard’s arms.

The End

Author’s Note: Alaina is writing a series of shorts based on Touching Secrets. You can find them here: The Confessions Drabbles

Check out the podfic for this story by cookiemom6067.

About the author

Keira Marcos

Keira Marcos

In my spare time I write fan fiction and lead a cult of cock worshippers on Facebook. It's not the usual kind of hobby for a "domestic engineer" in her 30's but we live in a modern world and I like fucking with people's expectations.

130 comments

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  1. Ladyholder

    :: pets the pretty fic :: Nice update!

    ~L

  2. Winterhart

    Just… you made a crappy weekend so much better, again.

    Thank you, bless you, and Happy Yule, Keira.

    P.S. Can I have your love child *grin, wink*

    1. Keira Marcos

      There can never be enough mini-mes in the world.

      1. Stormraven

        Amen to that!

  3. talliablink

    Love it. Just loved it.

  4. Mimine

    “I never wanted to leave Earth but he needed him more than me.”

    That’s Sam’s, isn’t it? It’s so sad :(

    Loved the fic! The secrets were very effective as storytelling.

    1. Keira Marcos

      Yeah- just a little touch on SG1 canon. Obviously, Daniel was the much better choice to lead the Atlantis Expedition than Sam yet she was the one that O’Neill sent out.

      1. Alania

        The one above that, about not risking the career, that’s her as well, right?
        Also, the replies “Is good choice, the Colonel is very attractive” – Radek, right? And “Grow a pair” sounds totally like Cadman :)
        I have a lot of free time on my hands, do you mind if I write fics for this? If you know who you wanted to have written some of the things, or just gender or job, let me know so I don’t get it wrong as well. Such a brilliant fic!

        1. Keira Marcos

          I don’t mind people writing fics based on my fics as long as they don’t claim they are a “sequel” to my work. “Inspired by” with a link would work well for me and actually I’d like to see who YOU think wrote each of the secrets– it would be interesting. But I will say that the “risking career” wasn’t Sam in my mind when I wrote it.

          1. Alania

            Huh, really? That actually opens a lot of doors :) I just read it and the one below and thought they were both Sam-ish, but it actually makes sense if that one isn’t, because she’s clearly not silly enough to think he’d ever pick her anyway.

            I love your work but I kind of hate you as well, I’m writing things that are making my chest hurt and I just wouldn’t if this wasn’t there to inspire me.

            1. Alania

              Huh, really? That actually opens a lot of doors :) I just read it and the one below and thought they were both Sam-ish, but it actually makes sense if that one isn’t, because she’s clearly not silly enough to think he’d ever pick her anyway.

              I love your work but I kind of hate you as well, I’m writing things that are making my chest hurt and I just wouldn’t if this wasn’t there to inspire me.

              First two drabble/fics are here:
              http://earyn-black.livejournal.com/18428.html#cutid1
              http://earyn-black.livejournal.com/18481.html

              1. ladyholder

                Both of these are very well done. Good job.

                ~L

                1. Alania

                  I have a couple more, although these ones are together. Let me know if you don’t want me to keep posting the links on here

                  http://earyn-black.livejournal.com/18851.html

                  1. Keira Marcos

                    It’s cool! Also, keep using your tag because I made a link out of the tag for the story page in author’s note so people can find them easier :-)

                  2. Keira Marcos

                    Also– you should totally post them on Different Roads or at least make a list of them in a post :-)

              2. Alania

                I have a few more posted! They’re all under the tag story/series: the confessions here: http://earyn-black.livejournal.com/tag/story%2Fseries%3A%20the%20confessions.
                I am going to try to make a list on Different Roads now.

  5. Irina

    Powerful. A confession wall – what a great idea. I can see John starting this. “I’ll never forget the relief in his eyes when I shot him”.

  6. LLN

    oh that was nice!

  7. Kat

    I love stories that make me smile!!

  8. Patti

    another fic, wonderful. I come in after moving 18″ of snow and find another present…. thanks!

  9. maria

    so nice I thank you for the nice fic

    I thank you for helping me procrastinate I really don’t want to study!!!

    Post some more and I will never get this paper done.

  10. Sunnyd_lite

    Loved the confessions:
    I dream about the Wraith every night. I stopped waking myself with my own screams six months ago.” *shivers and dispair*

    “She took me to her bed one night—she was amazing, relentless, and desperate. The next day she couldn’t even look me in the eye.” I can see this.

    Grinch Who Ruined Cookie Day and Stole Our Happiness’ *snerk*

    You make me stupid,” Rodney muttered. “But I forgive you.” Clearly true love from Rodney!

    1. RavynOwl

      I wonder who she took to bed….

      1. Pawa93

        Radek… he totally has the biggest crush on her

        1. Keira Marcos

          I’d like to think that Elizabeth wouldn’t have been so cruel as to use him for sex– she had to know how he felt about her.

          1. Pawa93

            wouldn’t we all :)

      2. Cath O.

        You know, and I have no idea why, I think was Grodin.

  11. danceswithgary

    Very good, I could see this happening. *nods*

  12. melagan

    I really, really, love this.

  13. tangosaint

    Simply gorgeous. Thank you.

  14. Hettie

    This was just amazing and touching. Some of the comments on the walls just hit you in the face (not in a bad way).
    Thank you

  15. Thesseli

    I absolutely loved this story.

  16. Tarlan

    Gorgeous!

  17. magicalpirate

    I luved it! It gave me mushy gooey feelings that I refuse to admit to having. Kick Ass story as always!!

  18. Paula

    Now my mind is going crazy trying to decide who might have written each!

  19. Lissa

    So good. I just love it.

  20. Nehfi-Tirri

    Intensely awesome! Really love the concept :)

  21. chibigirlflower

    i’m amazed how well you put all those years and emotions in just a few words – Radeks line was most delightful

  22. Seliki

    OK Now your just showing off…please keep doing it. This was an awesome story and I love the concept of a confessional wall. It would be wonderful and really depressing depending on the confession.

  23. mayachain

    I’m smiling at all their secrets, even if they’re bittersweet.

  24. sam

    thank you so much made my day!!
    **Smiles in bliss**

  25. yinka wills

    Woa Mama!

  26. Stacey

    Loved it so much, can actualy see it happening on Atlantis and love how honest it is and Caldwels reaction lol.

    Merry Christmas

  27. ann

    Thanks for the updates. Your stories warm my heart.

  28. Ladyofwinter

    Thank you for brightening a weekend full of work.

  29. D

    The idea for the confessional wall is wonderful. The secrets are touching. Love John and Rodney writing their secrets and John finally cheating and confessing to Rodney.

  30. EmruasCat

    This is beautiful. A lot of people, when writing Stargate: Atlantis, forget about the very real psychological issues that crop up when soldiers and scientists are sent to war. A friend of mine just got back from Iraq; he’s staying with me until he finds a place for himself, since the rest of his family is on the other side of the country. He read this with me and laughed a little: apparently, someone started something very similar in the camp he spent a few weeks in – and his CO wouldn’t get rid of it, either.

  31. Stormraven

    A confessional wall just brings home the point that we are all human. Love walls like that, you can find anything from “My sister is a bitch, so I put the cat’s hairball in her bed.” to other topics that are just soul-shattering. Love the fic!

  32. freemountin

    Awesomely awesome! They should have done this in an episode, it made Atlantis full of *people* instead of backgrounds and redshirts. Thanks for posting and Happy Holidays!

  33. adafrog

    This was great! I adore the idea of the confessional wall. And you did a wonderful job with it.

  34. Liz

    WOW. That was intense.

  35. kelly

    i wish i could have had the force-field shield over the confessional wall we wrote up after one of my classmates in high school committed suicide- we argued that it should be left up as a reminder, an in-your-face punch to anyone thinking of committing suicide, of how much he hurt the people he left behind, but the damned school painted it over. we had written it over his locker and down the wall, and over the other lockers, and a lot of people knew it was a good thing, because this way he couldn’t be forgotten, like he didn’t matter. a lot of graffiti popped up, well, they called it graffiti, after the wall was painted over, and you can still find some in corners in other halls where they haven’t painted, under desks. sometimes the authority, like this fic’s Caldwell, have no idea how important something like this, as a confessional and a way to let off steam and a reminder.

    thank you for this fic, it hurt so good

  36. slashaddict

    So beautiful and bittersweet… i loved the confessions, it really made me smile and tear up a little bit because it was so heartbreakingly true about war and death and life in general. Thank you for sharing!

  37. Steph

    This was amazing!

  38. Goddess47

    In a small community there really are no secrets and yet there is also no one to really talk to.

    Yes, they would love and hate Elizabeth but never tell her.

    Yay for John for watching… and finally doing something about it!

    Very nice!

  39. iadorespike

    This is just wonderful. I have a feeling that it has a lot more to reveal to me on my re-reads. So much packed into so few, for you, words. Thanks so much!!

  40. Chris King

    Ah, the perfect little treat for my lunch break.

    *applauds*

    I love it… I love the Wall. And of course, I love how John & Rodney find each other in the end.

    Happy endings just butter my muffin.

  41. Slvrbld747

    Absolutely stunning. This is an amazing story. I love how you take no prisoners with just a few sentences.

    ~I was raped off world but I didn’t tell anyone because I didn’t want to be sent back to Earth.

    Rodney thinks it was a guy, and that makes sense because the men simply outnumber the women drastically. I love how John spied on the wall when he was getting desperate. And I love how you manage to drag the heat between Rodney, and John along with you from story to story. This was superb. Thanks for sharing it. -SB

  42. fanarts_series

    It’s sad and plenty of hope and love, love john and rodney so much, happy ending is always better when the guys make it.

  43. Syble

    I found that sad and warm all at the same time. I really like the idea of a wall of secretes.

  44. rellan

    Confessional Wall is a great idea. A safe way to let off steam with no recriminations.

  45. Angela

    Great way to end a stressful week. Thanks…

  46. AmyCat =^.^=

    *purrrr* Nice little Holiday prezzie ya gave us! Thanks…

  47. libellule

    this is not only a great original idea its a touching and powerful story. thanks, L

  48. Tangymoose

    This was absolutely lovely & just what I needed at the moment.

  49. Kim

    What a great idea and such a good story! It really, really works and they should have devoted a whole episode to it in the tv-series (oh, they wouldn’t have had the guts to show John and Rodney kissing, or the sex confessions – but the rest would have made for awesome tv. It certainly made for awesome fic!)

  50. Barb H

    Well that was just…was just…Oh hell, unlike you I don’t have the words. Thank you for one of the most original and emotionally charged works I’ve read in a long, long time. Again, thank you. Barb

  51. Hannah

    I like this a lot. It makes me want to start a confession wall at my school. The ending is shiny. :)

  52. Kitson

    It made me want to cry K.

  53. Vera

    That was beautiful. Thank you.

  54. Stephanie

    I love the idea of the confession wall. that is great. I always wondered how the people on Atlantis dealt with all the shit that happens to them and this idea is very realistic. Oh and I love the screaming peir that you have in your other fic as well.

  55. tibby

    I love this – it’s just so perfect, that wall of secret confessions. Thank you for this lovely Christmas gift.

  56. Deliciously Weird

    That was just excruciatingly perfect. Thank you.

  57. Wyntyr

    This brought a smile to my face and a tear to my eye. Now, I’m begging on my knees (and that’s hard cause I’m in a leg cast) for another chapter in Ties That Bind, hopefully a LOOOONNNNNGGGG one. I’m home recovering from surgery and I NEED another chapter almost as much as I need pain meds. Is there a 12 step program for your fic? ‘Cause I know I’m hooked. Thanks for every word of every story so far and for those yet to be written.

    1. kelly

      Even if there was a 12 step program for Kiera’s work, there is no way I’d sign up for it- this is a much better addiction to have than drugs or alcohol. :)

  58. Peasha

    I love this story so much!!! All I can say is MORE PLEASE!!!!!

  59. marmalade

    lovely fic…any chance of a continuance so i can read more of rodney over his lab bench fucked stupid?…’cause that’d be the only thing that would make this fic better!

    1. Keira Marcos

      I thought I agreed not to write any more porn for you until after Christmas so you wouldn’t have gay porn squirms around your Nana?

      1. EmruasCat

        That doesn’t mean the REST of us wouldn’t appreciate it. *hopeful eyes*

        1. Margaret

          *chimes in as well*

      2. Chris King

        *pouts*

        But I wanted gay porn for Xmas. I did!

        Marmalade can just say she’s chairdancing! *grin*

  60. tidaof2

    Loved it, gave me a smile and a warm fuzzy feeling. Just perfect with John sneaking up on Rodney like that,

  61. Tove

    You’ve done it again!!!
    Absolutely LOOOOOOVE the story!!!

  62. purrfus

    The wall: Rodney – John. Scary, angry, hopeful, excited.

    For Caldwell: what would it take to make him happy? I had a flash to Ties that Bind when he told John he could crawl into his lap anytime. That really hit me because the character seemed to need to dominate his environment and everyone in it. Bending John over in the gateroom would probably take the edge off.

  63. JL

    I love this. They soooo need a place to leave their terrors, despair, and even hopes. Writing something down has so much power even if you are the only one to see it.

    Thank you.

  64. Booffra

    I just loved this story. The idea of a confessional wall is so good. I really can see it being an integral part of coping in the SGA universe. I love the confessions that were on the wall – so honest they hurt.
    Very well done.
    Hope you have a fantastic Chrismas and New Year.

  65. Katrina

    beautiful fic… made my day. Thank you so much for sharing.

  66. Romyra

    Chillingly Beautiful!

  67. Alwaysand

    Wish I had a wall.

  68. libsechumanist

    I wish one of the boys would write on my wall…but my husband would probably get upset. Sigh. Thanks.

    1. Darklady

      Believe it or not – you can buy ‘chalk board’ paint from Home Depot ( although it has to be ordered). I think it comes in green and brown and maybe a few other colors. Once on the wall it can be written on with chalk just like a ‘real’ blackboard.
      Your kids might love it. :-)

  69. Tempest07

    I´ll be in Nowhere, Mexico for the next couple of weeks. I gotta say that this was the best surprise that I got when I went to the nearest city to check my e-mail. Keep it up!

    Looking forward for more updates…

    -Tempest07

  70. Desertpoet

    This is incredibly beautiful and moving. You made my day so much better. Thanks

  71. sentarla

    really liked the idea of the wall, was strange to seem starting over again as am so use to the series. loved it, thanks!

  72. Rosie

    This was beautiful. Very moving.
    I think everyone should have a wall, I think just writing about it makes the world just that much easier to live with. We had something similar at my highschool. But it was one particular desk, tucked away in one corner of the only classroom that was for seniors only. You didn’t find out about it untill you hit grade 11. And noone ever told the younger years. But it was very heartfelt. It would have the year, then it had a blurb or two from something that happened that year. Like in 2001, one of the grade 12 girls commited suicide. Or in my senior year (2006) one of the students and his mother were killed in a car acident on the way to school. Some stupid arse drunk driver smashed them up against a power pole. Everyone would rotate during the year to sit there. But you never saw who wrote on it, but at our grad we all went and read what had been written, then wrote the next year to close it off. Very bonding. And none of the teachers ever covered it up. It was still there when my brother got to senior, I have to wonder if it will be there when my sister gets there?

    Very lovely, I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas.

    Rosie.

  73. Margaret

    This is probably better than even sga post secrets. I love how all your comments are believable and really touching. And I love Atlantis that much more.

    Is it okay that I’ve added supportive!Atlantis to my personal canon? Because wow, the warmth off that will make me happy for days.

    And the John&Rodney special was the perfect topping! Thank you.

  74. Anne

    This is such a lovely and touching story. The PostSecret Wall of Atlantis — I am in love with this idea. All the comments are so real and believable and honest. Some make me cringe, some fill me with glee. I will choose to believe that this is part of canon, that all those desperately brave people had this kind of outlet and everyone chose to preserve its sanctity. Just lovely.

  75. Chiara

    That was just beautiful. Thank you!

  76. Marchann

    Don’t know why but I didn’t want to read this one. Boy am I glad I did read it after all. I can so see this really happening in the world, I know I would write on a wall like this.
    Great Job and Happy Holidays for 2009.

    1. Keira Marcos

      I’m glad you gave it a chance.

  77. vampiric_mcd

    I really loved this story. It hits you in the gut and gets in your face about the horror and real problems that people go through – that a Mission in another galaxy goes through.

    I’d really like to see more insights to the people that wrote on the wall – likeI get the feeling a lot of the reviewers of this fic would. The man that got raped, Sam on being less needed than Daniel, the man who spent the night with Elizabeth, etc…

    I don’t know if you’ve got any plans in this fic/universe, but any embellishment would be loved. Of course, I feel the same way with any of your writing. But this doesn’t feel like a short fic. It somehow speaks to me as a all encompassing universe – out of which you’ ve given us a tantalising snippet.

    Brilliantly done.

  78. Lady Susan

    This started out laugh-out-loud funny, and then it was poignant and then cute. Great work.

  79. Lierra

    I`m better in reading then writing English, but I want to tell you how much I love your Stories.

  80. susan

    I keep coming back to re read this. Its so beautiful but so painfull.
    Every one of your stories is so perfect, each time I go back to a story
    I find something new to adore.
    Thank you for sharing them
    with us lesser mortals.

  81. moloch

    i love post secret and fic using the core idea of it is my not so secret vice. thank you so much for writing this.

  82. Ninkasa

    I love this so much.

    *flails*

  83. Tibby

    This was a wonderful concept. The wall of secret confessions was heartbreaking and neccessary and just right.

  84. epona34

    I was reading this fic once more and I just realized I had never told you how much I love it.
    It’s beautiful, full of sadness, hope and love. It touched me as rarely a fic ever did.

    I love all of your fics, both your one-shot and your multiple fics verse. And I’ve read them at least 10 (20?, more?) times but this one got a special place.

    Thanks for sharing.

  85. Charly

    I’ve tried so many times to say it and I never really can, but I’m rereading and feeling the need to try again. I am too lousy a writer to come up with anything profound, and too moved to try, so I must quote.
    Neil Gaimen: “Things need not have happened to be true.”
    Atlantis, Sentinels, people with wings, none of them exist (at least not in this universe). But every word you’ve ever written was true. Where we are surrounded by so many lies, you give us truth, and that is your gift to us.
    Thank you.
    (Have I said exactly this before? I can’t remember, I’m in an emotional fog from your writing again. I might have.)

  86. Amanda

    I’ve read this five, seven, maybe ten times. It’s so moving. I can’t wait to read it again. Wonderful moving.

  87. Lady Ra

    This was so wonderful and touching, and poignant. The raw emotions in all the comments really touched my heart.

  88. Nattie

    Everytime i read this, i cry. It’s so powerful, sad and beautiful.
    You truly have a wonderful gift that i totally envy.
    Thank you.

  89. Billie

    I just found this and it is really a sweet way to start the week. Thanks so much for all you share with us lurkers.

    Billie

  90. starr_falling

    Wow, this hurt so good. I love that John wants Rodney to keep him, and am so sad that no one else has. I kinda want to know who all you had in mind for the secrets. But at the same time I like that we can create our own stories for them.

  91. spacedogfl

    Overall, I love your work, but I have to say this piece is probably the best. The idea of the wall is just brilliant. All of those thoughts and feelings that people would normally be afraid to share being posted for everyone to see hurts in such a beautiful way. Thank you for sharing this (and everything else) with us.

  92. Aussieangst

    Oh, oh, that…

    …was awesome (in the truest meaning of the word).

  93. LadyLilith

    I have no idea why, but the line “In the twelfth grade, I let the captain of the football team suck me off every day, for a month. I wonder if he still tells people he’s not gay.” was stuck in my head all day yesterday and today though I hadn’t read this fic in a while. ^^
    so I came back after work today to reread it. ^^
    together with Monsters,inc. it’s my favourite of the stand-alones!!! ^^

    Lilith

  94. Deliciously Weird

    I keep coming back to read this fic. There is just something about it that is compeling and heart rending to me.

    I love almost all of the stories that you have written. You are one of my favorite fanfiction writers. It’s hard to compair this to your wonderful longer works. This one however word for word is my favorite.

  95. Eternus Discipulus

    Just discovered this and im just all WOW and a bit mushy inside. I both hate and love you for this Keira, you fucking move a person and that is the best badassness a person can have.

  96. Brainst0rms

    I would guess that the first secret about Caldwell would be Carson’s (or at least someone from the UK based on the word). Well written.

  97. BethGreenleaf

    Ok, I just hae to say how fantastic this is. The idea of a wall where they all come together yet in secret is just amazing. If I were on Atlantis, I would definitely use it. I also like the way John and Rodney come together at the end. I must say, that some of the comments made me want to cry, and some of them made me want to giggle – especially the bits about Caldwell.
    Anyway, thanks for an amazing fic.

  98. josie

    your story made me cry

  99. Polly McCall

    Hi!

    Just wanted to let you know that a podfic of your story “Touching Secrets” is now up at amplificathon, McKay-Sheppard, and my LiveJournal.

    Thanks for your generosity in granting permission to record this fic for Help Japan.

    I have been a huge fan of your long works, particularly “What Might Have Been” and “The Sentinals of Atlantis,” but I confess I had not been aware of/read your shorter works. I liked this one very much. You are a very talented storyteller and I appreciate your contributions to fandom.

    Polly

    1. Keira Marcos

      It’s awesome. Thank you! ;-)

  100. Sulien

    You’re one of the few fan fiction authors whose stories I always enjoy, without exception, and this one does not disappoint. I love this, especially the line about Sam and her reaction to it.

    I know this is a McShep story and I love it all the more for that, but I can’t help but wonder if Sam ever wrote on that wall and what she wrote if she did.

    Thanks for sharing!

  101. leulade

    Wonderful story, I loved it !
    Merveilleuse histoire, je l’ai adorée !

  102. moonbunny
    moonbunny

    I love this fic it reminds me of post secret plus it made me cry.

  103. Spes
    Spes

    This is so gorgeous.

    1. Keira Marcos
      Keira Marcos

      Thank you.

  104. AlexiCyn
    AlexiCyn

    You make my heart ache at times. But in a really stellar way. Thanks for that. :)

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