Reading Time: 114 Minutes

Title: The Bonds We Make
Author: Keira Marcos
Fandom: 9-1-1, San Andreas
Relationship: Evan Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Canon Pairings
Genre: Romance, BDSM, First Time, Alternate Universe, Friends to Lovers
Warnings: Explicit sex, Explicit language, Angst, Canon-Typical violence, Voyeurism, Discussion-Slut Shaming, Discussion-Bullying, Character Bashing, Discussion-Sex Work, OC Character Death, Tsunami, Discussion-Natural Disaster Aftermath, Discussion-Animal Abuse, Grammarly Beta
Word Count: 53,502
Author’s Note: I’ve written Buck as sexually submissive in this story, but I can absolutely see him in a Dominant role as well. The BDSM elements are very light, and there is no sadism or masochism between the main pairing. No knowledge of the movie of San Andreas is required; I just borrowed some characters. Casting Available!
Summary: Eddie Diaz is in love with his best friend and struggling as privately as he can to accept that Buck doesn’t feel the same. Their friendship means more to them than anything else, so they’re going to make it work regardless of the awkwardness. Things take a turn for Eddie when Buck’s return to the 118 is delayed after the ladder truck bombing. Eddie seeks out some much-needed stress relief and comfort in a private sex club he frequented when he first came to Los Angeles.

* * * *

* * * *

Chapter 1

Eddie wanted to ignore his phone, but his ex-wife made his life a living hell when he didn’t pick up her calls. Unfortunately, she knew his schedule and always pressed him for time when he was off duty. Since she didn’t want to be a parent at all, she only visited Christopher when he was at home. The one time she’d visited while Carla had been in the house, it hadn’t gone well, as Shannon was convinced Carla didn’t like her and judged the fuck out of her.

She wasn’t wrong. Of course, no one in Eddie’s life in LA actually liked Shannon. It was hard to like a woman who had ghosted her own child for three years. Eddie would know since he never planned to forgive her for it. He picked up the phone.

“Hello.”

“Eddie, hey. I was hoping to come over this weekend and see Christopher.”

“We have plans all weekend, and you certainly aren’t spending the night in my house,” Eddie said mildly. It had come up several times at her request. She hadn’t wanted to divorce and had tried to rekindle their relationship several times. “We’re going to the Natural History Museum. Buck will be here soon for breakfast. You could meet us at the museum at ten.”

“No, I don’t want to spend time with him. Buck will have to sit this one out.”

“This is Buck’s birthday present to Christopher last year—he bought them memberships for the whole year so they can see all the special exhibitions. We’re doing the Fossil Lab today,” Eddie said. “So, no, he’s not sitting this one out.”

He tucked his phone against his shoulder as he opened the freezer to pull out the Ziplock bag of homemade waffles Buck and Christopher had made together. He had to get them in the oven so they’d be ready for when Buck arrived. Shannon was breathing heavily in his ear.

“What are you doing tomorrow?”

“Abuela is having a family party,” Eddie said. “To celebrate Buck requalifying as a firefighter.”

“Your grandmother is throwing Buck a fucking party?” Shannon huffed. “She never even wished me a happy birthday, Eddie!”

“I can’t make my abuela like you,” Eddie said. He put three waffles on the tray then covered it with foil before sliding it into the oven. “And why does it matter? We’re divorced.” He paused. “She threw a party then, too.”

“Don’t you want to eventually try again?” Shannon questioned. “We could be good together.”

“No, because I can be a single parent by myself,” Eddie retorted. “And I already got the only good part of our marriage. He’s currently singing a BTS song in the shower at the top of his lungs. That’s Buck’s fault, by the way.”

“That K-pop boy band?” Shannon asked in confusion. “Christopher’s singing in Korean?”

“Yep,” Eddie said blithely. “Pretty decently, I might add.”

“I….” Shannon exhaled noisily. “I’m trying to be a part of your life, Eddie. You’re making it difficult.”

“You can see our son, with supervision, as long as it’s not detrimental to his welfare per our personal agreement,” Eddie said. “That is the extent of your involvement in my life going forward, Shannon. I made myself perfectly clear during the divorce. I’m not going to change my mind.” The front door opened, and he checked his watch. “I have to go. I’ll be off on Tuesday if you’d like to have lunch with Christopher.”

She hung up without responding.

Eddie sighed and put aside the phone as Buck entered the kitchen with a bag in hand.

“Problem?” Buck questioned, quiet and tentative like he had been for weeks.

“Just Shannon being herself,” Eddie said. “I’ve got the waffles in the oven, and I need to go make sure Christopher actually finished his shower. Yesterday, he got out without rinsing the conditioner out of his hair.” Buck laughed.

“I got the chicken sausage and eggs, so I’ll just get started,” Buck said and focused on unpacking the bag.

“Buck.” Eddie took a deep breath and leaned on the counter next to him. “We promised each other we’d get back to normal.”

Buck nodded.

“Normal isn’t going to happen if you can’t even look at me,” Eddie said and stayed where he was until Buck focused on him. “You said you didn’t want an apology from me. But I’m starting to think you need one.”

“Christ, Eddie.” He took a deep breath. “I don’t need or want an apology. You didn’t do anything wrong, and I’m the one that’s….” He shook his head. “A fuck up.”

“You’re really not, and that’s part of the problem,” Eddie said wryly, and Buck laughed reluctantly. “It’d be easier on me if you were the fuck boy I thought you were the day we met.”

Buck huffed. “Asshole.”

He grinned and nudged Buck’s shoulder with his own. “But you’re just one of the best people I’ve ever known in my life, and I’m glad you’re here.”

“I either need more therapy, or you need less,” Buck muttered, and Eddie laughed a little.

“Daddy! I can’t find my green socks!”

“They’re in the laundry,” Buck said. “Unless you did a load this morning already.”

“I haven’t,” Eddie said with a sigh.

He touched Buck then, hesitant in a way he wished he wasn’t. Cupping the other man’s shoulder with his hand shouldn’t be a big deal, but it was. It had been since Eddie had made a move and confessed his feelings, and Buck had rejected him with all the gentleness in the world.

“I really am happy that you’re here.”

“Me, too,” Buck said, even as Christopher yelled about his socks again.

“Coming, Mijo!” Eddie released him and went in search of his son with the hopes that the green sock decision could be negotiated.

He found his son sitting on his bed, frowning at his phone. The phone was a recent acquisition, and Eddie wasn’t entirely on board with it. There’d been an active shooter in a school not far from where Christopher went, and Buck had gone straight to the store to get a phone from PT. He’d presented it to Eddie first, of course, but he was pretty insistent about the fact that they needed to be able to reach Christopher in case of an emergency. Moreover, Christopher needed to be able to contact them.

“What’s up?”

“Mom sent me a text,” Christopher said huffily. “She said she’d come to the museum with us if I told Buck I didn’t want him to come.” He put the phone face down on the bed and turned to him. “I need you to talk to her for me.”

Eddie nodded and sat down. “Okay.”

“She needs to stop trying to make me choose between her and Buck,” he said flatly. “It’s not fair, Daddy.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “And I don’t trust her, so why would I ever pick her?”

Eddie winced. “Did you respond?”

He shook his head. “No.” Christopher frowned and moved the phone around on the bed. “I know I said I was fine with her sending me messages and stuff, but I’ve changed my mind.”

“Okay,” Eddie said and picked up the phone. “We’ll block her number, and I’ll let her know she’s not allowed to contact you directly anymore.”

“It’s not my fault you don’t want to be with her, Daddy, and I’m tired of being used as a tool for her,” Christopher said and brushed tears from his face.

“I….” Eddie exhaled slowly. “Mijo.”

“You’re allowed to want things for yourself, Daddy,” Christopher said. “And you were so unhappy married to her.” He took a deep breath. “Maybe I was, too. I think that was mostly about Grandma because I hated El Paso.”

“Buck’s here,” Eddie said quietly. “Let’s get you some socks on. The green ones are in the laundry.”

Christopher frowned. “Now I have to change my shirt. I should start picking my socks first.”

“Clearly,” Eddie said with a laugh, and his son huffed dramatically.

Shortly, he had his son in a new shirt, with matching socks, at the table in the kitchen. Buck had finished setting the table and was putting plates of food down, so Eddie pulled out the orange juice and poured it for all three of them. He sat down shortly after Buck did and put Christopher’s phone down on the table between them. The phone was on Buck’s phone plan, though Eddie insisted on paying as much of the bill as Buck would accept.

“We need to block Shannon on his phone—calls, text, and FaceTime.”

Buck clearly had a question but seemed to reconsider asking and just nodded.

“What?” Eddie prodded.

“Is that within the custody agreement?” Buck questioned.

“All contact is at my discretion,” Eddie said. “And the cell phone wasn’t even a factor when we signed the papers.”

He nodded. “I’ll handle it on the drive to the museum.” Buck picked up the phone and dropped it into the front pocket of his shirt. “Can I know why?”

Eddie swallowed the irritation that question sparked because he knew it would take time to repair the damage he’d done. He really hoped that Buck would get comfortable again in their friendship. “She tried to emotionally blackmail him.”

“Wow,” Buck muttered and cut into his waffle.

“Mom doesn’t like you,” Chris said. “Because Daddy ignores her when you’re around.”

Eddie flushed, and Buck took a deep breath.

“But you’re more fun than her,” his son continued. “So, I can’t blame Daddy for that.”

Buck laughed. “Christopher.”

“You are definitely more fun than my ex-wife,” Eddie said and just shrugged when Buck sent him a look. “The only thing you nag me about is getting my oil changed.”

“You were nearly a hundred miles overdue!” Buck exclaimed, and Christopher laughed.

* * * *

Buck gave Christopher his phone back before they reached the museum. He didn’t know how to feel about blocking Shannon on the phone. A part of him resented the hell out of her and was even more irritated that she’d attempted to jettison him from an activity that he’d actually paid for. They’d had a good thing going on until she’d decided that she was ready to take her husband back.

He was relieved that Eddie hadn’t gone back to the relationship because he hadn’t thought it was healthy at all based on what he’d been told. Christopher certainly deserved better from the woman who had given birth to him, and he hadn’t shied away from saying so. Part of him wondered how big of a role he’d played in the whole divorce situation.

Buck focused on Eddie and watched him drive for a few moments in silence before focusing on the traffic. He desperately wanted everything to be the way it was before, but that was going to take more time than he’d convinced himself it would. Buck wanted to really believe that Eddie didn’t resent him. But he couldn’t ignore the overt shock and hurt that Eddie hadn’t kept to himself that night. The man had opened up, laid himself bare for Buck, and he’d never had anyone be so frank and sure of their feelings for him before. He did believe wholeheartedly that Eddie loved him.

It made telling him no one of the most heartbreaking experiences of his life. He adored Eddie, and before the bombing…before he faced his own death, he would’ve said yes. He would’ve dumped Ali much sooner and burrowed into the family vibe with Eddie and Christopher as deeply as he could’ve. He’d been ignoring his own needs forever anyway, and the reward would’ve, at that point, seemed to outweigh any sacrifice he’d be making. The issue would’ve sat in the back of his mind, unaddressed, until he’d grown restless. Then he would’ve destroyed everything he loved. Just like he always did.

It was clear now—his life pattern had come into focus in the days after he’d woken up in the hospital. The denial of his own needs, the passive-aggressive lashing out as he grew frustrated with what his intimate partners weren’t providing. The acknowledgment of the things he couldn’t bring himself to ask for, and finally, the self-destruction would come. He’d broken up with Ali before he’d even gotten out of the hospital. She thought they’d ended things because he wouldn’t give up being a firefighter for her. Maybe that was partially true, but he worked her right into that argument, so she was more mad than hurt when it ended.

As much as he loved and wanted Eddie, Buck couldn’t do anything that would damage his relationship with Christopher. Eddie had promised that nothing had changed, and he wasn’t mad at Buck. He believed him because Buck knew what it looked like when Eddie was mad. But it was clear that his partner was confused and still hurt. Buck hated that. He hated it so much that he’d put himself in therapy over it and confessed some seriously private sexual stuff to Dr. Copeland that had left the woman staring at him in quiet shock for several long moments before she’d nodded and told him that ignoring his own sexual needs was certainly not doing him any favors.

“You okay?”

Buck glanced toward Eddie as he realized they were parked. “Yeah, just got lost in thought.”

“Has Bobby put you back on the schedule? He should’ve gotten the paperwork on your recertification already.”

Buck took a deep breath. “I’m on the schedule with the academy for the next month. My first shift is on Monday.”

“The academy,” Eddie repeated quietly and pulled the keys from the ignition. “When did this happen?”

“Just this morning. I haven’t had a chance to wrap my head around it yet. I said yes because it’s a chance to pick my SARTECH II and wilderness rescue certifications. I was invited back for the special session because I did the FEMA coursework while I was laid up and could barely move.” Eddie nodded. “So, the chief asked me if I’d like to round out my certifications before I get back on the schedule, and I didn’t see any reason to say no. Bobby hasn’t been exactly chomping at the bit to get me back and even questioned me about my fast recovery.”

“You’re six months out from the injury,” Eddie said. “And in the best shape of your life. Do you think he’s going to say no to you coming back to the 118?”

“I think he’s looking for an excuse to keep me off the job indefinitely,” Buck admitted and unfastened his seat belt. “Hey, Superman, you ready to dig up a dinosaur?”

Christopher laughed. “I wouldn’t say no. Can we go to Arizona and try for real?”

“I’ll check,” Buck said easily, and Eddie groaned. “Come on, Eds. It’d be fun to at least visit a site.”

“Sure,” Eddie muttered and shook his head as Christopher giggled.

* * * *

Eddie eased the door shut on Christopher’s room. The day had been full, and he’d passed out before the first page of the story was finished. Which was a relief because they were reading the Percy Jackson series, and Eddie wasn’t a fan. He blamed Buck for his son’s obsession with fantasy fiction. Granted, he didn’t think Christopher was old enough for most science fiction, but that would’ve been his preference.

They’d had dinner out because he’d wanted to keep Buck close as long as possible and figured the man would bail as soon as they’d got back to the house. He hadn’t, and Eddie was grateful as he really wanted to ask for more information about the extra training and why it hadn’t already come up. He felt sort of out of Buck’s loop, and that hadn’t been a thing since the first month of their on-the-job partnership.

Buck was nursing a beer on the sofa when Eddie sat down with him. “He down?”

“Quickly,” Eddie said and took a deep breath. “What happens if Bobby still doesn’t schedule you after you come out of training?”

“With all of those certs, I won’t have a problem finding a spot somewhere else,” Buck said. “It’s not what I want, and I don’t get where his head is. It’s kind of like I got hurt doing something stupid instead of….” He trailed off and shook his head.

“There was talk of a party at Bobby and Athena’s house for you for a bit, but then nothing else was said, and I sort of expected an announcement yesterday after we got unofficial word that you’d broken records during recertification.” He turned on the couch to face Buck. “But then nothing.”

“Bobby suggested it, and I said no,” Buck said. “It was after I called him and talked to him about my results. I asked about my schedule, and he said, we’ll have to see.” He huffed. “Like he was the sole authority about whether or not I got to return to work. I’ve been cleared for full-time duty by my doctors, and my certifications are in order. It was a bullshit answer.”

“Something else happened, right?”

“I got a phone call from professional standards asking that I come in for a drug test,” Buck said roughly, and Eddie took a deep breath. “A few hours after I pissed in a cup, I got a call asking me if I wanted additional certs and congratulating me on my emergency management cert from FEMA. I did very well on the field test and got a job offer.”

“FEMA offered you a job?”

“Yeah, and a place at the National Fire Academy if I wanted to further my education,” Buck said and took a deep breath. “There was nothing random about that drug test, Eddie. I think Bobby requested it, and he didn’t even ask me if I was having a problem or struggling with my leg. I’m not, for the record.”

“I recycled your pain meds for you months ago, Buck,” Eddie reminded. “I know you aren’t having any sort of problem on that front. Hell, you barely even drink and never have. Bobby is clearly projecting his own issues onto you, and that’s a bullshit thing to do.” He took a deep breath. “I’m worried.”

“About?”

“Buck, you’re already borderline overqualified for the job you have at the 118. After you come out of these courses at the academy—you’ll be more suited to a task force station focused on SAR. Plus, there’s Bobby’s issues.”

“And Chimney,” Buck muttered.

“What about him?” Eddie questioned. “I mean, he hasn’t had another opportunity for a power trip lately, so that’s been a relief.”

“He joked about Ali dumping me in the hospital,” Buck said. “He just showed up at Maddie’s apartment while we were having dinner and joined us. She wasn’t put off at all, but I was. Well, Maddie told him that Ali hadn’t dumped me, and she made some awful assertion that I’d actually broken Ali’s heart by telling her to fuck off while I was in the hospital. I lost my temper a bit and told them both off. Then I left, and I haven’t really spoken to either of them since.”

“Buck, it got around quickly that you ended your relationship with Ali before you were released from the hospital because there was a discussion about checking on you since you’d be alone all day.” He paused. “Except you weren’t alone—you hired a nurse without even asking us if we would help you.”

“I can feel the judgment, dude,” Buck said with a laugh. “The home health nurse was a godsend, and I’m grateful for her because she was the one who noticed I wasn’t getting any sort of intervention for blood clots.”

“What? You had leg surgery,” Eddie said. “You should’ve come home with a blood thinner and an IPC device to use after the cast came off….”

“Erin noticed immediately I didn’t have a compression device on the leg after the first cast came off, and she made sure my meds were what they should be at the start. Maddie tried to get bossy with her once but then backed off because Erin took none of her nonsense. She also helped with physical therapy. I owe that woman a lot. I’d send her flowers, but her husband is a big dude who could kick my ass.”

Eddie laughed. “Are you still on blood thinners?”

“Just a daily aspirin at this point, and I’ve had an ultrasonography to check the leg for problems. I’m all good,” Buck assured. “But I could’ve been a world of hurt without a dedicated nurse handling all of that for me.”

“Yeah,” Eddie murmured. “I mean…a blood clot could’ve killed you.” He took a deep breath. “This is selfish, Buck, but I hate working without you.”

“I wouldn’t want to work without you either,” Buck said.

“Do you mean that?” Eddie questioned. “Because I know I’ve made things difficult, and while I don’t regret telling you how I feel…I do regret how uncomfortable you are around me now.”

“I’m not uncomfortable with your feelings,” Buck said quietly. “But I hurt you, and that’s the last thing I would’ve ever wanted to do. If I were just…fucking normal, then….” He took a deep breath.

“You aren’t abnormal,” Eddie said roughly. “Or we’re all fucked up.” Buck laughed. “Seriously, you have time to figure yourself out, and you’re allowed to want what you want.” He waved a hand. “Even if you can’t say it.”

“Fuck off,” Buck muttered.

“And for the record, you need more therapy, and I get the perfect amount.” Eddie paused. “My therapist said so.”

“Whatever.” He took a sip of beer. “Tell me about this thing with Shannon.”

“She wanted to come to the museum today and told me I had uninvite you. I said no, of course, because that wouldn’t have been fair to you or Christopher. Also, I don’t actually want to spend any time with her. She asked me if I wanted to try again, and I said no. I think maybe if the divorce had been her decision, everything would be different. But she clearly saw it as a rejection, and she couldn’t stand it. I can forgive her for walking out on me, but I’ll never forgive her for what she did to our son. He cried himself to sleep for weeks after she left. Even now, he resents her more than he loves her, and I don’t see that changing at all.” He paused. “Especially since he snooped through my stuff and found the divorce papers.”

“What?” Buck asked in shock.

“Yeah,” Eddie said and picked up the beer that had clearly been brought to the living room for him. He took a sip and cleared his throat. “She refused formal visitation and didn’t want to pay any amount of child support. I could’ve forced the child support angle in court, but frankly, I’ve done just fine without her money. Getting my legal custody locked down was more important. He didn’t understand everything he read and had a tantrum when I tried to avoid explaining it all.”

“He works best with as much information as possible,” Buck said, and Eddie nodded. “Sorry. That had to be stressful. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“It was just after….” He waved a hand. “And he was also mad because you’d canceled plans with us two weeks in a row, so emotions were already running high around here. He even accused me of making you go away.”

“Sorry.”

“You’ve nothing to apologize for,” Eddie assured. “I’m the one that tried and failed to get in your pants.”

Buck laughed sharply, and for the first time in a while, it felt real and normal. “Shut up.” He stood. “I should go. I promised Abuela I’d show up early and monitor the pit since she doesn’t trust your cousin Luis after the last time.”

“Well, he did set her gazebo on fire,” Eddie said wryly. “I’ll be over as soon as I get Christopher up and dressed. Should I feed him here?”

“She said something about quiche for breakfast.”

“Then he’ll wait. He loves her quiche,” Eddie said. “Drive safe.”

“Yeah, always,” Buck promised and took his bottle to the recycling bin before giving him a wave and leaving.

* * * *

“You okay?”

Eddie focused on Hen and smiled. The Wilsons were the only ones from their 118 family invited to Buck’s party, and Eddie didn’t know what to make of that. He knew that his abuela had asked Buck who he wanted on the guest list beyond family. Only Hen, Karen, and Denny Wilson had made the list. Chris was thrilled, of course, as Denny was his favorite amongst the 118’s kids. Which could be exactly why the Wilsons were invited.

“I’m fine.”

“Can’t say you look it,” Hen said wryly. “I mean, physically gorgeous as always, but you look like you’re walking a hard road emotionally.” She nudged him gently when he huffed. “Come on now.”

“Buck’s not coming back to the 118 anytime soon,” Eddie blurted out as it was the only thing he really could confess to that would be reasonable.

“Why?” she asked in confusion. “He requalified easily. And frankly, I’m tired of the parade of assholes Bobby has been using.” She looked around the yard and focused on Buck, who was chatting with his cousin, Camila. “She looks interested.”

“He knows she’s a barracuda,” Eddie said wryly, and Hen laughed. “Regardless, he’s been invited to do some certification classes at the academy to round out the cert he got from FEMA a few weeks back. He agreed.” He took a deep breath. “And he thinks that Bobby doesn’t want him back, so we need to work on that.”

“Chim’s had Bobby’s ear for a while on the subject of Buck,” Hen admitted. “I don’t know the details, but there’s a lot of resentment that I don’t understand there. It’s always been kind of brewing under the surface because Chim has self-esteem issues, and Buck is…well, Buck.”

“Competent?” Eddie questioned.

“Gorgeous, competent, great with people, and the life of any party he attends,” Hen said with a nod. “Chim and Maddie got together briefly, but then it fell apart again because of an argument that he refuses to discuss. He blames Buck.”

“Hen.” Eddie exhaled slowly. “Did Chim report Buck to professional standards for drugs?”

She turned to stare at him wide-eyed. “What?”

“A few hours after his recertification tests, he was called in and given a drug test. He passed, of course. He barely takes anything at all for any reason, as you know. But Buck thinks that Bobby arranged it, and he’s pretty pissed about the lack of communication.”

“I did wonder why this party wasn’t happening at Bobby and Athena’s house,” Hen admitted. “She talked about it once or twice with me, then made it clear it wasn’t happening. She’s not happy about something, and I don’t know what it is. I don’t think they’re having marriage problems.”

“Abuela told him months ago that she’d have a barbeque for him when he recertified,” Eddie said. “So, this was always in the works, and apparently, Bobby asked about a party, and Buck said no. I just don’t get the undercurrents here because Buck was a victim of the bombing. Yet, some people are treating him like he was the cause.”

“Bobby feels guilty,” Hen said. “And Chimney is just acting out because he didn’t get what he wanted. I don’t know if he and Maddie will get back together because when I asked him about the argument, he just rolled his eyes and said she was too sensitive.”

“For fuck’s sake,” Eddie muttered. “Part of me wants to try to fix that for her so it doesn’t stress Buck out.”

“Me, too,” Hen said and grinned when he laughed. “But there’s no fixing Chim. Trust me, I’ve tried. His pity party has been going on for decades, and his problems have their own separate, clearly defined issues. I don’t have the resources to deal with that, honestly.”

Eddie nodded and focused on their kids, who were at another table across the yard having an intense conversation over a Switch. “Buck got Christopher some new Zelda game. I had to hide the Switch so they’d both eat dinner the night they got it.”

“Denny already asked for it,” Hen said. “Those stupid games cost an arm and a leg. But Karen said he could have it for his birthday next month. Speaking of, he asked to go to the zoo for that, and you guys are invited. Can Christopher handle a zoo trip in this heat?”

“Yeah, but he’ll probably have to be carried a bit now and again. Frequent water breaks will be a thing, but you’re good about hydration. Not everyone is. It’ll be easier if Buck is along as well.”

“Buck’s name was first on Denny’s list,” Hen said with a huff. “Then Christopher and you…then about ten names later, and after Athena, he conceded that Karen and I could come, too.”

Eddie laughed.

“Mama.” Denny scooted up beside Hen on the bench. “Christopher’s spending the night here. Can I stay, too? Abuela said it was okay.”

Hen glanced toward Eddie, who shrugged.

“I’d be helpful and good,” Denny said. “I promise.”

Hen laughed. “Let’s ask the decider, and I’ll speak with Isabel.” She patted Eddie’s shoulder as she left the table and headed for her wife.

She was only gone for a few moments before Buck sat down across from him, a frown in place.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing…except….” He huffed a little. “If you have plans, why didn’t you ask me to watch Chris?”

“I don’t have plans,” Eddie said. “Chris does.” Buck laughed. “Several cousins his age are staying here, and he wants to spend the night with them since most of them are going back to Baja in a few days. I was only consulted after the fact. I’m not sure how I’m spending my evening, but you told me on Wednesday that you did have plans for tonight. Remember?”

Buck flushed. “Oh, well, nothing concrete.”

Which equaled a hookup, and Eddie pushed that thought aside as quickly as he could. He shouldn’t be irritated and wasn’t going to indulge in even a few moments of it. Jealousy was toxic, and even if it wasn’t, he didn’t have a right to it where Buck was concerned. His friend had drawn a firm but clear boundary nearly two months before. He really needed to speed up his adjustment before things got more awkward with Buck.

“He’s growing up too fast,” Eddie said. “He’s making plans overtly that do not include me. The next thing I know, he’s going to ask to borrow my truck to take someone to prom, Buck.”

The look of horror on Buck’s face was deeply gratifying, so Eddie just nodded and considered the chances of him getting some more ribs.

“The ribs are all gone,” Buck said and shrugged. “That’s definitely your I want more ribs face.”

He really hoped he had some chance of keeping some wants to himself going forward.

Chapter 2

Eddie sat in his truck and gently tapped the black card in his hand on the steering wheel. He’d gotten the card a few months after he’d moved to LA from an Army buddy with similar tastes who’d taken one look at Eddie and suggested that maybe he could use some stress relief. The only words on the card were El Código. It wasn’t the first private club he’d visited, so he hadn’t been put off by the advice or the invitation to an exclusive sex dungeon with a higher-than-average membership fee tucked away on a large estate in the Encinal Bluffs, one of the most secluded communities in Malibu. He’d sent in his yearly dues out of habit shortly after the ladder truck bombing despite the fact that he hadn’t been to the dungeon since he’d started working at the 118.

It had featured heavily in his social life after he’d filed for a legal separation from Shannon. Eddie had been careful with Shannon and had never allowed her witness to the baser part of his sexuality as he’d been certain she couldn’t handle it. He’d thought that Buck could. There’d never been an opportunity to discuss that kind of thing. Buck didn’t talk about his sex life much at all, no matter how much others at work did.

Eddie tucked the card in the corner of the windshield in case security checked his vehicle and slid out. The owner of El Código didn’t fuck around when it came to safety or privacy, which he appreciated. Eddie headed toward the side entrance to the house that was for established club members only and pulled out his ID as he walked.

The guard at the door took his ID and browsed a paper list attached to a clipboard. Digital records weren’t necessarily desired in such places, and Eddie had been relieved that the owner understood that from the start.

“Good evening, Master Edmundo. We’re near capacity.” He passed Eddie his ID. “Happy hunting.”

Eddie grinned and put his license away as he was let in. El Código was the one place in LA where he preferred to go by his full name. It added a layer between him and whatever submissive might catch his eye. The depersonalization was important to him as he didn’t see himself ever taking another patron of the dungeon home with him.

The dungeon was divided into public and private areas. He wasn’t sure what he was in the mood for, so he got a bottle of water before moving through the crowd. There was a woman on a St. Andrew’s cross on a stage in the large public room getting flogged. Eddie stopped to watch, more curious than anything else. Sadism wasn’t in his wheelhouse, and while he’d played with masochists in the past, they weren’t his first choice. He preferred to dominate, control, fuck, and take care of his submissive.

The submissive on the stage was so aroused that her thighs were slick. Her overt desire made her even more attractive, and objectively, she was a very beautiful woman. He stayed for a few moments, watching the Dom take her further down until she was so relaxed against the cross she was only upright because of the restraints. Eddie wished he had a submissive in his life who trusted him as much. Since the thought was disheartening, he moved away from the exhibition and only gave a play piercing demonstration a passing glance once confirming that everything looked safe. The dungeon Master had strict rules about safety and sanitation, so it was a relief to see it still very much in practice after not being around for a while.

“Master.”

Eddie paused as a submissive moved boldly into his space. It was an immediate turn-off, and it must have shown on his face because the boy, who barely looked legal, bit down on his lip and averted his gaze. He was delicate, the very picture of a twink, and so far from Eddie’s type that it was almost painful.

“Ah, now darling,” a voice said in amusement, and Master Brayan Ruiz came out of the crowd and pulled the sub into an affectionate side hug. The boy flushed prettily. “You’re about to bite off more than you can chew, Trey.”

“He’s beautiful, Master Brayan.”

Brayan gave the boy a firm tap on the ass. “Master Joseph just arrived. He’s your favorite these days, right?”

Trey nodded and left with a wistful glance in Eddie’s direction.

“He’s young,” Eddie said and took a sip of water.

“Just eighteen,” Brayan said with a grin. “He’s still figuring himself out, but he’s got immense daddy issues and cries beautifully if someone is too stern with him.”

Eddie made a face because he wasn’t ever on board with being anyone’s daddy in a scene. It was one of his few hard rules for the club. He refused to be called any version of father in any language. Brayan cupped his shoulder and guided him away from the crowd a bit and into a secluded booth that was private enough for the space and watched over by the security team.

“You’ve not been around for a while,” Brayan said as he relaxed on the bench seat. “I had quite a few disappointed subs on my hands.”

“Work got hectic, and childcare was difficult. My son didn’t take the eventual divorce easily.” He shook his head. “It was a lot.” He drank some more water. “Then I fell in love with someone I can’t have so….” Eddie took a deep breath and slouched against the bench.

“You obviously need to get out of your head,” Brayan said and picked up his phone. “Fortunately for you, I have a special request on my hands, and you fit it like a glove.”

“I’m listening,” Eddie said and wished he was more interested. He was down to fuck, but it wasn’t going to be anything more rewarding than that.

“Sweet-natured, eager to please, has a bone-deep praise kink,” Brayan said. “He likes a hard ride, submits utterly under the right hand, isn’t opposed to bondage but doesn’t require it to maintain whatever position you want for as long as you want, and absolutely no daddy kink in evidence despite his desire to be dominated, coddled, and downright used.”

Eddie couldn’t help but shift a little on the bench at the thought.

“He’s very fit and strong. His submission is a gift if you can command it.”

“What’s the downside?” Eddie asked because the submissive sounded like a sweet dream come true for him. “And where have you been hiding him?”

“I met him in Peru years ago, brought him to LA with me when I came here, but he’s an American,” Brayan said. “He’s a founding member of the dungeon as a result but doesn’t come around often due to work. As to the downside, you’ll only ever have him once.”

“Once?”

“Well, for this one night. He only plays with strangers, has never accepted a second liaison, won’t give you a real name, and I don’t arrange dates for him unless he’s on the premises, as he’s prone to canceling. He’ll put everything and everyone in his life above his own pleasure.”

“And he’s here tonight?”

“Yes, currently, he’s getting a massage in the private part of the house,” Brayan said. “But I can have him in a room for you in about thirty minutes. Tonight, he’s requested a strong, demanding Dom with no pain kinks who’s ready and willing to dominate and fuck him until he taps out.” He paused. “Which could take several hours. He’s prepared to go home disappointed as I rarely have anyone that athletic on the premises.”

Eddie nodded, curious and relieved by the scenario he’d been presented. “I’m game. He sounds perfect, and his lack of expectations is a relief.”

“Tonight, he’s calling himself Aidan,” Brayan said and sent a text message. “Do you wish to give him a name?”

“No.” Eddie shook his head. “Just Sir tonight. He wants a stranger; a name might detract from the experience.”

“Would you like him to plug in advance?”

“Yes.”

* * * *

Eddie had meandered through the dungeon as he’d waited for an escort to the private room being arranged for him and the submissive that Brayan had paired him with. Some of the patrons were far too hardcore for him, and he’d declined several invitations that were simply not in his wheelhouse before he’d been retrieved by an amused-looking security guard.

“What?”

“The Master suggested I get you off the floor before people started ugly crying over your utter lack of interest.”

Eddie huffed. “For the record, that’s a bigger turn-off than being hunted like a gazelle.”

“This is you—have fun,” the guard offered him a little smile. “We can deliver food if you need it. The mini fridge is already stocked with water and juice.”

Eddie opened the door and, after a few moments, stepped in. He closed the door with a careful hand and flipped the lock. Security had keys, of course, but it would prevent another patron from accidentally or purposefully entering the room. The bathroom door was ajar, and it gave more light to the softly lit room. It opened wide, and Eddie came face to face with the last person he expected to see.

He stared and watched as Buck’s face drained of blood. A bevy of emotions flickered over his face—shock, horror, and devastation. Eddie exhaled slowly as he considered what to say and, moreover, what Brayan had told him about his match for the evening. Buck clearly hadn’t realized who he was being matched with, or he’d never allowed it.

“Master Brayan told me that my date for the evening had been a member for three years,” Buck said quietly.

“Yeah, I got sponsored by an Army buddy,” Eddie said and leaned on the door. “Buck, I….” He shook his head and shoved his shaking hands into his pockets.

“You’re really upset,” Buck said quietly. “I’m sorry if this has changed how you see me.”

“No, that’s not….” Eddie cleared his throat. “Nothing could change how I see you, Buck. But I need to go.”

“What? We should talk about this,” Buck said, and Eddie noted that his eyes were wet with tears.

“Yes, we should, but not here and certainly not now,” Eddie said as gently as he could. “I need to leave this room, Buck, because I can’t even meet the basic requirement you have to be in the private company of a Dom in this dungeon. I’m not a stranger.”

“Oh.” Buck blew air out noisily between his lips. “I’ve not been here in over a year. I can’t believe we ended up here at the same time.”

“Things have been frustrating for us both,” Eddie said neutrally. “So, maybe it shouldn’t be a surprise we both retreated to something comforting to deal with the mess I made.”

“Is it a comfort for you?”

“A profound one,” Eddie admitted. “And it’s one of the reasons why I have no interest in getting back with Shannon. Any sort of aggression from me was a non-starter for her, and I never dared get even mildly rough with her at all. PG violence in movies would upset her to the point of tears.” He waved a hand. “That’s not relevant.”

“Well, you always ramble when you’re upset,” Buck said and sat down on the end of the bed with a sigh. “You should go, Eds.”

“I should, but I’m more worried than upset,” Eddie said frankly. “We’ve been having a difficult time lately, and I know it’s my fault.”

Buck huffed. “Jesus, Eddie, it’s not your fault.” He checked his watch. “Look, let’s just clear out of here, and I’ll meet you at the house in an hour.”

“An hour,” Eddie said. “Your word on that? We can’t let this,” he waved between them, “go unaddressed. I think it might destroy our friendship if we do.”

“I agree, which is exactly why I’ll be at your house within the hour,” Buck said. “I promise.”

Eddie nodded and unlocked the door. He left the room before he could think of a reason to stay and headed for the security at the end of the hall. “I need to speak with Master Brayan.”

“Is there a problem?” The guard asked in alarm and glanced down the hall. “Is he okay? He’s special to Master Brayan. There will be hell to pay if there’s been an altercation.”

“He’s fine physically,” Eddie said. “I didn’t lay a hand on him. I just can’t meet his needs tonight.”

The guard nodded and pulled out a cell phone to start texting.

Shortly, he was escorted into a private office he’d only visited once during his initial interview to join the dungeon. Brayan was leaning on the front of the desk, looking more concerned than anything else.

“I was quite positive I’d made a very good match for you both, Eddie. So, talk to me. Sam reported that you were barely in the room for three minutes, which is bizarre because I know the submissive physically to be your type, and his personality is lovely.”

“He’s beautiful, inside and out,” Eddie said. “Brave, strong, and an amazing friend.”

“Oh.” The older man stared in shock. “You know him.”

“I spend ninety percent of my daily life with him, Brayan. We work together and often share meals when we aren’t working. My kid thinks the sun rises and sets on him,” Eddie said. “We spent the afternoon at a family barbeque at my abuela’s house celebrating his recertification to return to duty as a firefighter.” He cleared his throat. “And leaving him in that room alone, just now, was hard because I haven’t seen that look on his face since the night we pulled him out from underneath that bombed-out ladder truck.”

Brayan was silent for a long moment. He took a deep breath. “I speak from experience when I say that you should have a forthright conversation about this situation and the lifestyle you’ve been living separately from one another. It sounds like you have an intimate friendship already.”

“I told him I loved him two months ago, asked him to be with me, and he said no,” Eddie said. “We’ve both been floundering ever since, and I think part of the reason is this.” He waved a hand. “Buck couldn’t even tell me why he dumped his last girlfriend, but based on what you said—there’s no way she was meeting his needs.”

Brayan just hummed under his breath. “No, I’d agree. I doubt any woman could satisfy him long-term. I’ll get him settled and send him your way because I mean it about the conversation.”

“We agreed to meet at my house,” Eddie said and stood. “I need some time to settle, too.” He huffed. “Because I was going to work out my frustrations tonight.”

Brayan laughed. “Ah, well, the night is young, and he’s always been an eager boy.”

Eddie groaned a little because now everything he’d been told about Buck as a submissive was front and center in his thoughts. “I can’t stand you right now.”

Brayan just smirked.

* * * *

Buck knew he wasn’t getting off the property easily without a discussion with Brayan, so he didn’t argue when security gently directed him toward the owner of the club. The man was careful and very involved in the management of El Código. While he certainly wouldn’t hold Buck hostage for a conversation, he could and would revoke someone’s membership for failing to communicate properly. He didn’t sit but instead leaned against the wall of Brayan’s office near the door and crossed his arms over his chest.

He’d known the older man since he was nineteen, so they had a pretty and pleasurable piece of history between them. Buck was thankful he’d been told early on that Brayan was aromantic because he could’ve easily fallen in love with the man while they’d been in Peru. He’d been infatuated enough with the sex to come with him to LA and had been relieved when Brayan had carefully but firmly suggested he get out of his house and try to find love. They hadn’t been intimate in years, but there was still a lot of trust to be had.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” Buck said.

“I should’ve asked him about his work,” Brayan said. “I’d have never paired you with an active-duty firefighter without your permission. When he was accepted as a member, he was working at his tia’s flower shop and considering his post-discharge options. He still had a bit of a limp because he’d just had surgery on his leg. I honestly wouldn’t have thought he could come back physically from being shot three times to qualify as a firefighter.”

“He’s very good at the job,” Buck said quietly. “Strong, fit, and everything I could possibly want as a partner.”

“But not someone you want romantically?” Brayan questioned. “Because he was pretty frank about what’s happened between the two of you, Evan.”

“I think he’d be perfect for that, too; I just didn’t want to end up in another relationship where my sexual needs to take a back seat. Because no matter how much I trust him and want to make a family with him—I know myself well enough to know that I’d get stupid with it.” He frowned and focused on the floor. “But he’s got a lot more going on than I ever thought. I don’t know how to process that. I’ve never once considered mentioning this place to him because of the crap I have to deal with at work already.

“From the start, I worried Eddie would take the slut-shaming that is practically a hobby for one of our co-workers so seriously that even a friendship would be impossible. He was raised Catholic.”

“Ah, well, no one’s perfect,” Brayan said, and Buck laughed reluctantly, but tears were stinging his eyes. “Come now, azúcar, he’s obviously very invested in you.”

The older man pulled him into a hug, and Buck allowed it with a little shudder. Brayan hadn’t called him that in years, not since they’d stopped sleeping together for Buck’s own good. He stayed there for a few moments, taking in the other man’s strength. He smelled great, too, which would always be a turn-on. He took a deep breath and stepped back.

“I should go. I told Eddie I’d meet him in an hour,” Buck said quietly. “I probably need room to process this. But it seems like if we don’t do it now, we might not do it at all, and it would just ruin things.”

“Well, now is certainly the moment to be entirely honest with the man,” Brayan said quietly. “It might be a hard conversation, but the rewards seem immense.” He paused. “And having had you both—I have to say that neither one of you will be disappointed in the sex.”

Buck raised an eyebrow. “You let Eddie top you?”

“Of course I did,” Brayan said with a laugh. “You’ve seen him.”

“Yeah,” Buck said. “It’s just you’re really not inclined to indulge in that often despite the fact that you tell everyone you’re a switch.”

“It takes a certain sort to gain that sort of interest from me,” Brayan acknowledged. “Eddie is that sort. Strong, careful, caring, dominating, but also very interested in pleasuring his partner as much as possible. He doesn’t have a sadistic bone in his body.”

All of that sounded wonderful, and it gelled with what he knew of Eddie personally.

“Are you in love?” Brayan questioned gently and cupped Buck’s face with a careful hand. “Yes, of course you are. It’s not hard to see why.”

“I hurt him a lot by rejecting him the way I did,” Buck said. “I don’t know how to walk that back without sounding like a selfish asshole. He was clearly prepared to set aside his sexual dynamic to have me, and I wasn’t willing to do the same.”

“It’s more than just a lifestyle choice for you,” Brayan said. “It’s about your emotional needs rather than your physical ones. Every relationship you’ve had has fallen apart, not because of sex, but because you want to be loved, Evan. And you need a physical expression of that love. It’s why I had to let you go because, frankly, if I could’ve made myself fall in love with anyone, it would’ve been you.” He cleared his throat as he released him. “Just be honest, azúcar. It’s what Eddie needs from you.”

* * * *

Eddie locked the door and leaned on it, relieved to be in his own house. He needed the safety of it to unpack what he knew and what it potentially meant. Knowing that they were compatible sexually didn’t mean that a relationship was now possible. It was clear to him why Buck had kept it a secret. Eddie wished that he’d realized that there was a layer of trust missing between them. He should’ve because even as he’d decided to pursue Buck romantically, he hadn’t really considered discussing his sexual dynamic with him in any overt fashion.

He got some water and dropped down on the couch as he browsed through his phone. There were a bunch of text messages from Shannon. Most of them were about the fact that she’d been blocked on Christopher’s phone. Since he wasn’t in the mood for an hour-long text exchange, he called her.

“Eddie, you’ve been ignoring me all damn day!”

“I had plans, as I already explained to you,” Eddie said. “I blocked you on Christopher’s phone at his request. He didn’t appreciate your behavior or demands regarding the museum trip. Making him choose between you and Buck is never going to work in your favor, Shannon.”

“He’s my son! Your friend shouldn’t come before me with Christopher or with you, Eddie. We’ve made some mistakes, and the biggest was getting a divorce. Don’t you see?”

“You consider our divorce a bigger mistake than you leaving El Paso in the middle of the night and ghosting your own child for three years?” Eddie questioned, and she huffed in his ear. “You broke his heart, Shannon.”

“He was four!” Shannon snapped. “He’ll barely even remember any of that in a few years. I don’t remember anything before the second damn grade.”

“He’s never going to forget being abandoned by you,” Eddie said evenly. “Christopher doesn’t trust you, and that’s why you’ll never come first for him again. You stress him out and make him sad.” He cleared his throat. “Listen, I have some potential for a new relationship, and I need you to fully take on board the fact that you and I aren’t getting back together.”

“You’re making a mistake. A lot of women don’t want to be a stepmother, and a disabled child is an immense burden. I won’t make it easy for her.”

“You have no established visitation and no parental rights,” Eddie said. “Your behavior during mediation was so awful that the judge didn’t think you could be trusted with the emotional well-being of my son. That’s why all of your visits with him are at my discretion. I never should’ve allowed you to text him on his phone.”

“And you agreed with the judge!” Shannon snapped. “You couldn’t have my back even once, Eddie. My mother was right, you know.”

“Right about not marrying me or right about ending the pregnancy?” Eddie demanded in a low tone, fury burning in his gut.

She said nothing.

“Okay, this is done,” Eddie said and rubbed his face. “I tried to make it work because I thought Christopher needed you in his life. But the last thing he needs is this crap from you. He’s not a burden, Shannon. He never will be a burden, no matter his level of ability. I’ve been trying to redirect you for months. I’m not sure when you decided that the divorce was a mistake. But the day it was final was one of the most relieving ones of my life.”

Her breath hitched. “God, sometimes it’s overtly obvious you are your mother’s son.”

“Like you? Didn’t your mother abandon you as a toddler then ignore you until she was diagnosed with cancer the first time?” He cleared his throat. “The problem with knowing each other the way we do is that we know how to twist the knife. I don’t want to be this person, Shannon. I don’t like being in the headspace you put me in. It makes me feel immature and stupid. I know I’m neither. I don’t want to hear from you again, personally. If you want to continue visitation, have your lawyer send me a letter, and it’ll be arranged through a visitation center.”

Eddie hung up, blocked her, and deleted their text history just to give himself some satisfaction. He finished off his water, went to refill it, and called his abuela as he returned to the couch.

“Daddy, hi.”

Eddie laughed. “Why do you have your abuelita’s phone?”

“She’s making food. Me and Denny are in the kitchen keeping her company.”

“Food? We have a ton of food left over from this afternoon.”

“Well, she’s making brownies.”

“Lucky you,” Eddie said in amusement. “I was calling you to tell you goodnight.”

“Oh, goodnight. Hen and Karen called a few minutes ago. They said they were having a date night. Are you having a date night?”

“Nah, your old man is boring,” Eddie said. “Buck’s going to come over, though. We’ll probably watch movies.”

“I think he’ll like that.” Christopher took a deep breath. “Maybe it will help.”

“Help with what?” Eddie asked.

“You’ve been upset with each other. A good friendship requires communication, Daddy. Denny and I talk about everything. Karen says that talking about stuff makes it easier to take care of each other and make fewer mistakes.”

“Buck and I are fine, Mijo,” Eddie said quietly. “You don’t have to worry about it, okay?”

“Okay, except…but there are hurt feelings. I can tell.”

Eddie winced. “Feelings are complicated.” Christopher huffed in his ear. “And sometimes, adults have situations that you’re too young to understand. I know that’s frustrating to hear, and I’m sorry for that part. But there are parts of my relationship with Buck that are private because we’re adults.”

“I understand, Daddy. I just wish you’d take better care of each other. The brownies are done. We’re going to have ice cream with them. I hope you’re jealous.”

Eddie grinned. “I’m very jealous.” Christopher laughed. “Have a good night. Buck and I will pick you and Denny up before lunch. We’re going to meet his parents at the beach.”

“Night Daddy, love you. Don’t forget to pack my earplugs.”

“Love you back, Mijo,” Eddie said as he stood and went to find the bag he’d already filled for the beach. He hadn’t packed the earplugs.

Christopher hung up on him, so he put his phone into his pocket after checking the time. He tucked his son’s swimming glasses and earplugs in the bag. He really needed to make a list for that particular excursion because he was always forgetting something and getting judgmental side-eye from his own kid as a result.

Buck had just twenty minutes left on the hour they’d agreed on. Traffic was a factor, so he wasn’t going to get irritated if he was late. Also, he didn’t know how long Brayan Ruiz would’ve taken to talk Buck down from whatever state he’d worked himself into while Eddie had been speaking with the older man. He knew that Buck could spiral easily if he let his emotions get the best of him.

Eddie had tried, since he’d met Buck, to be a source of calm in the other man’s storm. It hadn’t always been easy due to his own issues and the sometimes toxic personalities of the people they worked with. Chimney was often cruel with his so-called humor, but the permissive edge to Bobby’s management style left a lot to be desired.

It had been one of the bigger stumbling blocks he’d faced in civilian life. He was used to and expected his superiors on the job to own their authority and use it appropriately. Eddie had adjusted, of course, because providing for Christopher was his priority, and there was nothing he wouldn’t do for his kid. He’d hoped, stupidly, that Christopher hadn’t noticed the tension between Buck and him.

So, he had a bit more to do on that front than he’d anticipated. Eddie knew he’d have to tell Buck, and that it was going to be a thing as his friend was very invested in Christopher’s comfort. Buck’s attention and care during the divorce had helped a lot, across the board, and it was galling that Christopher was worried about them in a way that had nothing to do with their jobs. He couldn’t control on-the-job danger, but he’d been working with his son to make sure he understood how hard he worked to stay safe.

The divorce had changed Christopher’s emotional landscape a bit and had all but forced Eddie into therapy as a result. He hadn’t wanted to be unavailable with his son the way his own father was. Ramon Diaz had provided for his family financially, but Eddie couldn’t have told anyone the last time the man told any of his children that he loved them. He knew his father loved him, but the words were beyond him. His mother was the exact opposite and overwrought a great deal of the time.

Helena Diaz had expected that Eddie would move back to El Paso with Christopher after the divorce was final. She’d eventually demanded it and threatened to sue for custody. That had led to an outright civil war in his family that had resulted in his father being nearly disowned by his own mother. Eddie supposed that no one had expected his abuela to take his side. Even his sisters had been surprised. He hadn’t spoken to his mother in several months, as she was waiting for him to apologize for the whole mess. He wasn’t ever going to apologize for refusing her demands. She was a horrible mother, and he’d never subject his own child to it.

As if spurred by Eddie’s thoughts, his phone went off with the ringtone he’d assigned to his father. It was about time for the weekly guilt-filled call where Ramon spent several minutes trying to convince him to apologize to his mother because she was crying every day. He really didn’t think his mother was all that upset that he was angry with her. She was just foaming at the mouth that Eddie had cut off her access to Christopher, whom she was still determined to parent.

“Hello.”

“Edmundo, are you busy?”

“No,” Eddie said as he checked his watch. “I’ve got a few minutes before I have something to do.”

“Mamá had a party at her house for your friend,” Ramon said roughly.

“Yeah, the one that was injured during the ladder truck bombing,” Eddie said, and his father exhaled loudly. “Abuela loves him. I don’t know if she wants to adopt him or marry him.”

His father huffed, and Eddie could imagine the scowl on his father’s face. “Do you think it’s appropriate to let your work friend assume he’s a part of our family?”

“He is family to me,” Eddie said evenly. “Didn’t Abuela tell you off last year for trying to tell her who she could consider her family and who she couldn’t?”

His father had pitched a fit over his abuela’s dedication to having lunch with her sister’s second ex-husband on a regular basis. They were all of the opinion that he was the best of Tia Lucrecia’s husbands. Well, everyone but his parents, who seemed to think they got to decide who was welcome in the family at large and who wasn’t. It was a bizarre sort of gatekeeping that Eddie found frustrating.

“Mamá doesn’t need to be encouraged by you or anyone else,” Ramon said. “Your mother expects you to call her tomorrow.”

“Why on Earth would I do that?” Eddie questioned. “She needs to learn to stop expecting anything from me.”

“It’s our anniversary.”

“Okay, and?” Eddie asked in confusion. “What’s that got to do with me? I barely remembered my own anniversary when I was married, Pop. I can’t be expected to celebrate yours. That’s ridiculous.” His father huffed. “Look, Mom needs psychiatric help, and I’m not being an asshole when I say that. She won’t be coming anywhere near my family until she learns to control herself and act like a proper grandmother.”

“Christopher would be better off with us,” Ramon said roughly. “And you know it.”

“I know that neither of you could pick him up and carry him up the stairs in your house,” Eddie said evenly. “I know he’d be as miserable in that house as I was. I know you’re a functional alcoholic, and you often drove drunk with your kids in the car when I was younger. As if driving drunk wasn’t offensive and disgusting enough, you regularly risked the lives of your children because of your addiction. I know Mom has eaten Percocets like candy since her hysterectomy and buys them from the tennis pro at that stupid country club you two belong to.

“I know you’ve fucked every single administrative assistant you’ve ever employed and that mom doesn’t care at all. Your open marriage is your business, of course, but don’t think for a minute that you’ll keep that secret if you try to come at me with a lawyer. If Mom wants another kid, pay your mistress to have a kid for you.”

“I wonder if you’d say such things to my face,” Ramon said tightly.

“Yeah, sure. Did you want to get on FaceTime, or should I write it all down so I can remember it the next time you come to LA without an invitation and try to insert yourselves in everyone’s lives with no consideration or care at all for what anyone else might want?”

His father hung up on him.

He immediately got a text from his sister.

Sophia: Wow. Dude.

Eddie: Did he have me on speaker?

Sophia: Yeah they were trying to stage an intervention. LOL. You’re a fucking savage little brother. 🙂

Eddie laughed and sent his sister a gift of Gerard Butler screaming, “This is Sparta!”, then set his phone aside.

He needed to get his head in order before Buck arrived.

 

 

Chapter 3

Buck let himself into Eddie’s house. His nerves had settled as much as they were going to, and he didn’t want to take longer than the hour than they’d agreed. He was skirting close, but thankfully, traffic at night wasn’t nearly as bad as it was during the day.

“Hey.”

Buck took a deep breath as he dropped his keys into the bowl beside Eddie’s on the entry table. His wallet followed, then after a moment’s hesitation, he put his phone there as well. The conversation deserved his full attention. His hands were shaking, and he couldn’t account for it. A hand settled on his shoulder then Eddie turned him gently and pulled him close.

“Eds.” He wrapped both arms around Eddie and took a deep breath against his neck.

Eddie’s hands clenched on his back, fingers curled into his T-shirt. “Buck.”

“I can’t…please don’t let this be the thing that finishes breaking us.”

Eddie’s hands tightened. “Never, I swear it.”

“I’ve made some big fucking mistakes with you,” Buck said softly. “I’m honestly relieved you can stand the sight of me at this point.”

Eddie laughed a little but released him. “Let’s sit on the couch.”

Buck let himself be pulled to the couch, and they sat down together. He took a deep breath. “I met Brayan when I was nineteen. Before meeting him, I’d been working in a high-end resort in Peru, bartending and….” He flushed and exhaled slowly. “He said I should be honest with you.”

“I’d prefer it,” Eddie admitted and took his hand then laced their fingers together.

“The first time it happened, I didn’t even realize what was going on,” Buck admitted. “This beautiful older woman picked me up in the bar and took me to her hotel room. I had sex with her half the night, went to sleep, and woke up alone. She’d told me she had an early flight, so that wasn’t a surprise. She’d said I could stay until check-out. She left 2,000 dollars on the bedside table under my watch.”

Eddie laughed a little. “You must have rocked her world.”

Buck huffed. “Eddie, I turned a trick, and I didn’t even know it.”

“So, that was the first time,” Eddie prodded. “What about the second?”

“I never asked for money, never gave rates, but I learned to accept what I called tips,” Buck admitted. “Eventually, I stopped bartending altogether. Brayan calls it my sugar baby phase.”

“It’s certainly more accurate than saying you turned tricks,” Eddie said. “How long did that go on?”

“About six months, then I met Brayan. He was the first man, and he warned me in advance he had special interests. He asked me to spend a week with him, and I agreed. At the end of the week, I was pretty much enthralled with him and everything he had to offer. When he suggested I stay with him in his suite, I agreed. I was with him for a year in Peru then he came to the US because he wanted to build a resort in Malibu. I spent another six months living in his house before he set up a trust fund for me and told me to go find the love he couldn’t give me.” He paused. “The trust started out with a million dollars in it.”

Eddie stared for a moment. “I…what?”

Buck shrugged. “I tried to refuse it, but he said he wanted to know I was taken care of and if I ever needed more money or anything else at all, I should call him. I’ve barely touched it beyond buying the loft, but I do have it in a high-interest money market account. I also roll over CDs on a yearly basis. I, frankly, don’t have to work at this point. I could sell my loft, go somewhere with a low cost of living, and just…live.”

Eddie looked down at their hands. “Are you in love with him?”

“No, he told me from the start he was aromantic. I knew I couldn’t spend the rest of my life loving someone romantically who’d never fall in love with me. I grew up with parents who didn’t love me, Eddie. I can’t have that experience as an adult with my lover, too.” He huffed and averted his gaze. “It sounds like a nightmare. No one at the 118 knows about Brayan, the money, or my sugar baby phase.”

“Well, they certainly won’t learn about it from me,” Eddie said. “I swear it.”

“I trust you,” Buck said and shifted around so he could lean against him. Eddie threw an arm around his shoulders, and they settled together on the couch as they often had before things had gotten hard. “That night, when I was laying on the pavement and that bastard was screaming at Bobby…I thought that I was going to die. I lost track of time for a bit, honestly, because one minute the kid was screaming, and the next your hands were on me, then I thought—okay, I’m going to be fine.”

“I wish I’d had your confidence,” Eddie admitted quietly and took a deep breath against Buck’s hair. “You coded in the ambulance.”

“I don’t remember that,” Buck said. “I woke up with Carla. It was nice. I love her mom vibe. But also, I didn’t understand why you weren’t there.”

“You never asked me about this,” Eddie said. “Why?”

“I thought the answer might hurt,” Buck confessed.

“Carla kicked us all out, Buck,” Eddie said in amusement. “I’d been there fifty-six hours. The nurses were starting to give us all dirty looks because I refused to budge, and Athena kept flashing her badge around and calling me your security. I slept in the chair in your room despite Maddie’s certainty that it should be her. I won because I had your medical proxy. Anyways, the others were in the waiting room and would come to see you every couple of hours during visiting hours.”

“Maddie would make decisions that were a comfort to her, despite my wishes,” Buck said quietly. “I’d never let her be the one to make choices for me in the event of a major injury.”

“I agree because she suggested amputation immediately when the surgeon started giving me options and was furious with me when I told him to do everything he could to save your leg,” Eddie said. “She said a long surgery was too risky and amputation was the safer option. Maybe she was right about that, but I knew it wouldn’t be the choice you’d have made.”

“I know because she told me, and she intruded so much on the rehab process that the nurse Brayan hired threw her out of my loft and out of the physical therapist’s office in the same week,” Buck murmured.

“So, he’s why you had a private nurse set up before you were even discharged,” Eddie said. “I was surprised insurance covered it.”

“Insurance covered rehab. He paid for the rest and refused to let me pay him back,” Buck said. “Regardless, taking care of people is his love language, even if romantic love is beyond him.”

“When was the last time you slept with him?” Eddie questioned.

“About four years now,” Buck murmured. “More his decision than mine, and if he’d asked, I wouldn’t have said no if I were single. He’s a source of comfort for me and always will be. I hope that’s okay.”

“Yeah, of course it is.” Eddie rubbed his shoulder gently. “Tell me why you broke up with Ali, please.”

“I had a lot of time to think in the hospital,” Buck said. “About what I wanted and what I was prepared to live with. I realized that my relationship with her was a dead end because I couldn’t see myself staying with her long-term. Ali has a strong, sassy personality, but that doesn’t translate to the bedroom at all. I made all the moves and made all the decisions. While my love language is certainly in acts of service…it wasn’t satisfying emotionally to be with her.

“So, I broke up with her, and she was furious because I couldn’t really give her a solid answer, and she was even more irritated to know that I wasn’t going to give up being a firefighter unless I had no choice. Maddie walked in on the argument and got bent with Ali for yelling at me, which became a whole thing. Eventually, the nurses kicked both of them out.”

“And you said no to me because you didn’t think I’d be down for what you need. Was it the only reason?”

“Yeah, of course. Christ, Eddie, it was practically love at first sight for me, which was annoying and awful because I’d just gotten through a mess with Abby. But there you were, being perfect and looking good enough to eat, then I met Christopher. I was done for at that point.”

Eddie’s hand curled around his bicep as he took a big, ragged breath. “Buck.”

“I know,” Buck said quietly. “I just…. I need more than most people, and no one’s ever been able to handle it. And I couldn’t risk losing you and Christopher. I’m sorry.”

“For what?” Eddie questioned.

“You were clearly willing to give up something that you consider a profound comfort, and I can’t say the same.”

Eddie was silent for a moment. “Buck.” He huffed a little and laughed. “I was and still am firmly of the belief that you’d let me hold you down and fuck you like I’d paid for it.”

“That’s more accurate than I’m comfortable with on several levels,” Buck muttered, and Eddie laughed again. “Seriously.”

“I love you, Evan,” Eddie whispered. “And I don’t care about the sugar baby fund, and I believe with my whole heart that we could make a family together. But, also, I fucking promise I’d never keep Christopher from you. If we can’t make it work—then we’ll do absolutely everything required to get over it and keep our friendship. Because breaking my son’s heart is never going to be something I do if I have a choice.”

Buck shifted and pressed his mouth against Eddie’s, careful and uncertain. Mere seconds passed before Eddie responded, fingers trailing along Buck’s jaw as he deepened the kiss. The kiss was intimate, edging toward demanding and perfect. Eddie pulled back and stared for a moment.

“Sending you home would be the smart thing to do,” Eddie admitted and rubbed his thumb over Buck’s bottom lip.

Buck made a face. “Since when do we do the smart thing?” Then he smiled. “I’m still plugged.”

“What?” Eddie questioned, and his eyes widened.

“Well, no one told me to remove it,” Buck said and shrugged. “I like to be stretched open on a cock, so all of my plugs are relatively small and very wearable.”

“Well, you did ruin my whole plan to work out my frustrations on someone’s ass and should probably be punished for it,” Eddie mused, and Buck grinned. “Brayan was explicit about what you wanted for the evening. Tell me why you’ve only allowed singular encounters.”

“I….” Buck exhaled slowly. “I didn’t want to risk another situation like the one with Brayan. At the dungeon, it was easy to create boundaries that kept me safe on several levels. I also knew that if I came across a Dom that really worked for me that Brayan would facilitate further contact if it was mutually desired.”

“Have you played exclusively in the dungeon?”

“I’ve got a hookup, but he’s on the softer side of any sort of dynamic. There is no chance I’d get attached to him,” Buck said. “Strong, nice hands, and big dick. He’s a hedonist, but he’s demanding and fucks like a Spartan. I’ve been letting him have me once or twice a month since the cast came off.”

“Can that be a thing of the past?” Eddie questioned.

“Yeah, of course,” Buck said. “He leaves contact up to me, so I just won’t text him for sex again.” He focused on Eddie’s face. “I don’t know how to make things right between us.”

“There’s nothing wrong between us,” Eddie murmured. “There are some communication issues, but I understand how you got here. The slut-shaming at work is pretty outrageous, Buck.”

He nodded. “No one else seems to think it’s a problem. I didn’t know how to talk to you about it. I was afraid that you might…well, you were raised Catholic, and I wasn’t even sure of your sexuality until you told me you were in love with me.”

“I haven’t set foot in a church in over a decade,” Eddie said roughly. “I didn’t even allow Christopher to be christened, and trust me, that was an immense deal. My mother will still poke that issue if given the room. She tried to ask Christopher last year if he’d like to get christened, and he got really intense on her and kept trying to make her explain why she thought he was dirty and sinful. She got really flustered.”

“He was trolling her,” Buck said. “He knows exactly what that stuff means.”

“Yeah, of course.” Eddie curled his hand around Buck’s shoulder. “Because I have spoken to him about it, and so has my abuela. He finds the whole thing very off-putting, and I’m probably to blame. But I can’t support an organization that thinks I’m going to hell because I’m bisexual.”

Buck nodded and turned to press face against Eddie’s shoulder. He felt unmoored and absolutely destroyed. Buck shuddered, and Eddie held him tighter. Then Eddie moved away and stood. He held out a hand, and Buck took it immediately, then stood as well. He let himself relax as Eddie led him into his own bedroom, shut the door, and locked it.

“All play has to take place behind this locked door, even if we are alone in the house,” Eddie said.

Buck nodded. “Carla has keys.”

“So does my abuela,” Eddie said in amusement, and Buck winced. “Right?” Eddie sat down on the bed, then leaned back on his hands and stared. “I went to El Código tonight to fuck.”

Buck nodded. “It’s a safe place for that. For more than one reason, we have to be careful with our image to avoid getting a ding from professional standards. That’s why I avoid public clubs. However, in the spirit of full disclosure, there is a high-ranking member of the LAFD in El Código. I’ve never been with him because he’s submissive.” He raised an eyebrow in question.

Eddie just smiled and shrugged. “I wasn’t on the job at the time.”

Buck laughed a little. “Right.” He rubbed the back of his head and took a deep breath. “Why is this awkward?”

“Most conversations like this are,” Eddie said mildly. “People have a hard time asking for what they want in normal circumstances, and nothing about sex is normal. But we can’t move forward when the only negotiation that took place between us went through a third party.”

Buck exhaled slowly and nodded. “I have a few hard limits that weren’t discussed, but Bray wouldn’t have matched us if you were any sort of sadist. In fact, he assured me that you were not.”

“I’m not. The idea of hurting a lover is stomach-turning,” Eddie said. “Is pain always punitive for you?”

“Yes, and it hurts…in other ways, too,” Buck admitted and averted his gaze. “Overt disapproval and humiliation is a complete turn-off.”

Eddie toed off his shoes and slid up onto the bed. “Come lie down with me, Buck.”

Buck sat down on the bed, took off his shoes, and settled down on the mattress beside Eddie as he turned on his side to face him. “Telling you no broke my heart.”

“I could see that,” Eddie said quietly as he let one hand settle on Buck’s hip. “It made things hard, but I want to think that our friendship would’ve absolutely recovered for our own sakes and not just because of Christopher. I appreciate that you put him first, Buck. I swear that I do, but it can’t all be about him. You’re always on-call when it comes to parenthood, but I’ve been learning to carve time out for myself and my own needs.”

“Is that why you told me how you felt?” Buck questioned. “Because you want part of me just for yourself?”

“I, frankly, want all of you for myself,” Eddie said dryly, and Buck laughed a little. “But I’m willing to share you with my kid.” He pulled his pillow closer, and Buck did the same as they got more comfortable. “Do you need it all the time?”

“No.”

“Do you want it all the time?”

Buck exhaled slowly. “I wouldn’t want to live the lifestyle. I already know that I need more personal freedom than that. I can’t say I didn’t find some comfort in the lack of decision-making when I was younger. But I was already starting to chafe under Bray’s authority when he released me from his care.”

“So, you were his pet,” Eddie said, and Buck kind of wished Eddie was less perceptive.

“Yeah,” Buck admitted. “And it was very satisfying physically. I’ve honestly never been more sexually sated before or after that relationship. He met every single sexual desire I had, and living that way made it clear what I needed from the men I slept with.”

“What about women?” Eddie asked curiously.

“I’ve never submitted to a woman,” Buck said. “I’ve topped a few in the dungeon out of curiosity, and it was fine, but nothing I’d seek out now.”

“Brayan told me that he couldn’t imagine a woman satisfying you long-term,” Eddie said. “Do you think that’s true?”

“I know it’s true,” Buck said and sighed. “Because I tried repeatedly to get my needs met with women.”

“Is that some kind of internalized homophobia?” Eddie asked with a frown.

Buck laughed. “No. No, of course not. It’s just…I want kids, Eddie. And I thought the easiest way to get them was to settle down with a woman and have them. There are other options, of course, but I let myself get hyper-focused on the idea of needing a woman. I do enjoy having sex with them, so that part wasn’t a hardship or anything. I like women a lot, but I don’t miss them when I’m with a man if that’s a concern.”

“Yeah, same,” Eddie said and curled his fingers into the front pocket of Buck’s jeans. “Brayan told me you like to be fucked out and used.”

“I don’t want to make any decisions,” Buck admitted and smiled when Eddie just nodded. “I want you to be in charge. I want to be taken, held tight, and…I want to be precious to you.”

“You are precious to me,” Eddie said quietly. “I want you to belong to me—always. I want your love, Evan.”

“You’ve had that for ages,” Buck confessed. “The night you told me that you were in love with me, I desperately wanted to ignore everything I’d already decided for myself. I started telling myself lies in a rapid-fire spiral of irrational thought. But I came to my senses because, on the night of the bombing, I promised I’d start living my life if I survived. Because I hadn’t been living, I’d just been existing. I had this pattern, you see.”

“What kind of pattern?”

“I’d fuck around a lot, find a woman I figured I could commit to, go all in on a relationship, then it would either fizzle out, or I’d start to hate myself for how fucked up I felt over being unsatisfied with the situation. Ali is a good woman, Eddie. She’s strong, sweet, independent, intelligent, and beautiful. But I saw, clearly, that I was already starting to kind of get pissed off at her for nothing. Then there’s the loft.”

“What about it?” Eddie asked curiously.

“I don’t like it, but she wanted it, and I bought it for her because I wanted to please her,” Buck admitted with a flush. “And for a while, the fact she was pleased with the purchase was satisfying to me. But it wasn’t going to carry that whole relationship if that makes sense.”

“It does.”

“I don’t need sex to always be hard and aggressive,” Buck said. “But I never want to be in charge of it. I’ll fuck you if you want, but that’ll work best for me if I’m told what to do and how to do it.”

“Absolutely none of that is putting me off,” Eddie admitted and grinned when Buck laughed. “Do you want to please me?”

“God, yes,” Buck admitted and felt his face heat. “I only want dominance in the bedroom, but I enjoy taking care of things for you.”

“Acts of service,” Eddie said, and Buck nodded. “Do you want to be told what to do, or is it better if you make those decisions?”

“I think…it’s probably best if I decide,” Buck said and frowned. “I’m not certain. As I said, I lived with Bray for a year. We had a contract—everything was clearly outlined, and I was eager to meet his every requirement and need. He even chose my clothes. None of that was particularly off-putting because it was all stuff I’d agreed to in advance. I wouldn’t want to go back to that.”

“Tell me your hard limits.”

“No body fluid play outside of cum. Bondage is fine, but nothing that I can’t get out of on my own, if necessary. No pain, not even for discipline. My parents hit me, and I….”

Eddie moved closer. “Buck.” He cupped his head. “They beat you?”

“Not outright,” Buck said. “But they were free with physical discipline, and my mother is the sort to smack you repeatedly in the face when she’s angry with you. She hit Maddie, too. I wasn’t all that surprised to find out that Maddie stayed in an abusive marriage for over a decade. It was normal to her. It was normal to me, too, until I….”

“Until what?” Eddie prodded.

“I thanked Bray for not hitting me after we had an argument in the first month of our contracted time together. He was fucking appalled and just…he put me to bed alone that night. I felt like I was being punished, and I didn’t understand. He’d been very clear about his expectations, and I’d misstepped early on. He’d explained what I’d done wrong and sent me to my room. So, not getting an explanation was terrible. In the morning, there was a stranger at breakfast. And I thought it meant that Bray was going to share me for the day.”

“He did…what?” Eddie demanded.

Buck laughed. “It was in the contract, Eddie. I enjoyed it.”

“I’m not going to share,” Eddie muttered. “Ever.”

“That’s fine,” Buck promised. “Anyway, I was pleased because I figured it meant he wasn’t all that unhappy with me. Sometimes he liked watching other men fuck me, and it was a kink of his that I had no issues with catering to. The man wasn’t there for that, though, which was very disappointing because he was gorgeous.”

“What was he there for?” Eddie asked quietly.

“A psychological assessment,” Buck muttered, and Eddie laughed. “I was a real brat about it and slept alone for a whole fucking week as a result. When I complained about that, he threatened me with a cock cage. Regardless, that’s how I met Dr. Cristobal Salas, and we had sessions three times a week the entire time I was in Bray’s intimate care. He even paid for Dr. Salas’ to move to LA when we came here.”

“What was the original argument about?”

“He wanted to buy me a new wardrobe, and I had some shame to process around the whole sugar baby issue. I told him I wasn’t a whore and wasn’t going to be treated like one. He was really furious with me because he found it so offensive that I would assume such a thing about him. I can see, in retrospect, that I’d cast dispersions on his own dynamic. He enjoys spending money on his submissives and finds it deeply gratifying.” Buck wet his lips. “What do you find satisfying? What do you enjoy?”

“Control, ownership,” Eddie said quietly. “Utter compliance in bed. I also discovered, during my marriage, that coming in and on my partners really does it for me.”

“I’ll get tested as soon as possible,” Buck said easily. “I’ve never gone raw with anyone—not even for oral sex.”

“I love oral sex, too,” Eddie said. “Controlling your pleasure, deciding how and when you come is exciting. I’m not into pain—giving or receiving. Your body fluid limits coincide with my own. But in the spirit of full disclosure, I dated a guy before I married Shannon that enjoyed getting pissed on.” He shrugged. “So, we did that in the shower a few times.”

Buck nodded. “There was a Dom at El Código that wanted to watch me piss. He also wanted to feed me. He brought sushi to the play date, and I wasn’t opposed since I enjoy eating it, and it was gourmet. Kinks are what they are. What about the actual sex?”

“I prefer to top. I’m not strictly opposed to being penetrated, but I’ve never gotten off on that alone. Oral sex is fine, as I already said. I can’t share a romantic partner, ever. My parents have a so-called open marriage that boils down to the fact that she used sex to control him one time too many and he just started having an affair. She acts like his mistress was her idea. My sisters and I were exposed to all of those awful, screaming fights throughout our childhoods.”

“That sucks,” Buck said. “I guess I didn’t realize that their toxic behavior wasn’t only focused outward.”

“I’ve got a lot to unpack in therapy,” Eddie admitted. “Adriana doesn’t intend on ever getting married, and Sophia spends as little time with them as she possibly can. She made the mistake of letting our parents buy her a car, and it was in my father’s name. They took it away from her when she mentioned moving to LA.”

Buck huffed. “Douche move.”

“She sold it and showed up at Pop’s business with the buyer. He signed over the title to save face and was furious when she refused to give him the money for the sale. She has proof that the car was a gift since they gave it to her for her birthday, and actually bragged about the purchase in her birthday card. Regardless, she banked the money and is doing a job search now.”

“I’m not getting laid tonight, am I?” Buck questioned suddenly.

“I told you that you needed to be punished,” Eddie retorted and left the bed. He pulled his shirt over his head as he headed for the bathroom. “But you can shower with me and jerk me off. I’ll schedule tests as well. Because the first time you blow me—it’ll be raw.”

Buck left the bed and followed Eddie into the bathroom with a pout he couldn’t help. “Eds.”

“Sir,” Eddie said and curled a hand into the front of Buck’s jeans, then pulled him close. “Behind that locked door, you’re to call me Sir, and the only response you’re allowed to any order is ‘Yes, Sir’ unless there is a genuine problem. What’s your safe word?”

“Colorado.”

Eddie stared for a moment and nodded. “Mine’s snafu.”

“Snafu,” Buck repeated and took a deep breath as Eddie’s fingers grazed over his stomach. “Are you really going to punish me?”

“No, of course not,” Eddie murmured and unbuttoned Buck’s jeans. “It’s hardly your fault I got cock blocked at a sex dungeon.”

“It might be.” Buck grinned. “A little.”

Eddie laughed and pressed him against the counter. Buck groaned softly against Eddie’s mouth and shuddered when the other man’s hands held him still. Eddie was strong and lean but not thin. He kept himself incredibly fit, and that spoke to the kind of strength and stamina he could bring to any situation. Eddie brushed his lips along Buck’s jaw as he unzipped his jeans.

“Can I….” Buck shuddered when Eddie slid his hand right into his boxers. “Jesus.”

“What?” Eddie questioned.

“Can I bathe you?”

Eddie’s eyes widened a little, and he exhaled slowly. “Yeah.” He pulled his hand free and stepped back to pull his shirt over his head. “Strip.”

Buck quickly shed his clothes, piling them on the counter where Eddie dropped his. He considered the anal plug and wondered if he should remind Eddie that he had it in. Eddie moved closer, cupped his hips, and turned him. Buck took a deep breath as he stared at their reflection. Eddie pressed an unspeakably soft kiss against his shoulder.

“You’ve been bulking,” Eddie murmured and moved closer, pressing his erect cock against Buck’s ass. “You look fantastic. It’s been driving me nuts.”

Buck resisted the urge to move. “I didn’t want to risk my heavy rescue cert. I don’t want to work without you, either.”

“We have a good reputation as a team in the department,” Eddie said. “I’ll go wherever you want.”

“Really?” Buck questioned.

“Is that hard to believe?”

“You’d be the first, ever, to leave with me when I had to go. I guess I was never worth it to anyone else,” he murmured, and Eddie kissed his shoulder again. “That sounds pathetic.”

“No, it sounds lonely,” Eddie corrected.

He released Buck’s hips, trailed his fingers over the small of his back, dipped between the cheeks of his ass, and curled them around the small knob of the plug. Eddie tugged, and Buck shuddered.

“Don’t come,” Eddie ordered.

“Yes, Sir,” Buck whispered and locked his knees when Eddie pulled the plug almost entirely out, then slid it right back in. “Fuck.”

“Easy,” Eddie murmured. “You said all of your plugs are on the small side?”

“Yeah, this one is silicone, but I have glass and metal ones for a more intense experience,” Buck admitted and shivered as Eddie pressed against him.

“Is it more necessary when you’re upset?” Eddie questioned.

Buck averted his gaze so he didn’t have to see the blush staining his own cheeks. “Yes, Sir.”

“It’s okay to have needs,” Eddie murmured. “And it’s important to acknowledge them.”

“Shouldn’t I be beyond needing that kind of validation?” Buck questioned quietly.

“No,” Eddie said simply and carefully pulled the plug out. He dropped it in the sink, then pushed two fingers right into Buck’s ass.

“Jesus,” Buck said and shuddered. “I….”

“Shhh.” Eddie pressed his mouth against Buck’s shoulder as he thrust his fingers in as deeply as he could. “You’re perfect like this. Did you enjoy your massage earlier?”

“Yes,” Buck admitted and bit down on his lip as Eddie’s fingers brushed over his prostate. “It was a professional. There’s always at least one massage therapist on the property when the dungeon is open. I needed to settle my mind.”

“Because of me?”

“You were certainly a factor,” Buck admitted. “Sorry.”

“No,” Eddie said firmly. “Do not apologize for the fact that I was stressing you out.”

Buck laughed a little. “Well, I was stressing you out, too.”

“You were, yes, but I felt really guilty as well.” He pulled his fingers free. “Let’s take that shower.”

Buck stayed where he was until Eddie motioned him to join him in the stall. It was big enough for them both, and it was a relief to be close to Eddie again without the worry burning in his gut. He relaxed as he soaped a cloth, and Eddie seemed to willingly surrender to his care. It was so comforting that tears were burning in his eyes. Eddie’s hand settled on the back of his head as he knelt.

“I’m looking forward to fucking your mouth.”

Buck trembled, and his cock jerked a little. He’d not been so aroused in a very long time. But there was also a calmness and certainty in the moments stretching out between them that he hadn’t experienced since he’d been in Brayan’s intimate care. It had been impossible to build trust in his encounters in the dungeon—all he’d had was Brayan’s judgment and the rules of the dungeon. All of that had provided physical safety but had done nothing for him on the emotional front.

He stood when Eddie prodded him to his feet, letting his soapy hands trail up Eddie’s legs as he did so.

“Make me come,” Eddie ordered roughly and urged Buck’s hand around his cock.

“Yes, Sir,” Buck said and started to stroke him.

“Yeah, just like that,” Eddie said and nuzzled against Buck’s cheek as they rested on the tile.

“God, you’re pretty,” Buck muttered as he started to stroke Eddie’s cock. “Seriously.”

Eddie laughed a little and wrapped an arm around his neck to pull him close. “Feels good.”

“I really want to blow you,” Buck confessed, and Eddie groaned. “I’ve never had anyone’s cum in my mouth. But I can’t wait to taste you.”

Eddie shuddered and came. He held Buck tight and kissed him with a soft brushing of his lips. Eddie turned them and pressed Buck against the wall chest first. He slid a hand between Buck and the wall, wrapped it around his cock, and pressed it upward against Buck’s stomach. Eddie held his dick there, firmly against his own stomach, as he put three of his fingers back into Buck’s ass.

“Hands on the wall,” Eddie ordered.

Buck curled his fingers against the tile even as the water from the shower started to cool. They were running out of hot water. It didn’t appear to concern Eddie at all. Since Buck knew the man often took cold showers, he wasn’t surprised. The pleasure was intense, and soon, the temperature of the water was the last thing he could focus on. He felt confined, and the control Eddie was exerting was absolutely perfect. Maybe it was a mixture of love and trust, but Buck found it difficult to keep his knees from buckling.

“Easy,” Eddie murmured.

Buck let his forehead rest on the wall and trembled with pleasure and emotion. “Sir.”

“I’ve got you,” Eddie promised. “Come for me.”

Buck groaned and came all over himself and the tile before he could even acknowledge the order.

“You’re perfect,” Eddie whispered against his shoulder.

 

 

Chapter 4

“So, we need to talk about Chris,” Eddie said and watched Buck’s shoulders get a little tense in response.

“Did you want to keep this a secret from him until we figure it all out?” Buck questioned.

“No, I don’t,” Eddie said. “Frankly, I think that might do more damage than good, considering what he said to me yesterday.”

Buck slid eggs onto both of their plates as Eddie poured juice for them both. “I don’t understand.”

“He noticed that we were struggling a bit lately,” Eddie said. “And also said he thought we’d hurt each other.”

Buck exhaled sharply. “Dude, honestly. I love the hell out of the kid, but I wish he wasn’t so intuitive sometimes.”

Eddie laughed. “Yeah, same. I told him that we’d work on us, and he didn’t have anything to worry about. While he doesn’t ever need to know the specifics of our intimate relationship, it would probably be well-received if we told him that we’d figured ourselves out and that everything was okay.”

“Okay,” Buck said and nodded. He took the plates to the table. “Anything else?”

“I think Chimney is the reason that you were drug tested by professional standards,” Eddie said, and Buck huffed. “I was talking to Hen at the party, and she mentioned that he’s been getting in Bobby’s head about you. I don’t know what that is about.”

“Maddie doesn’t want me to go back to being a firefighter,” Buck said. “We argued over it, and Chim is probably trying to get back into her good graces by keeping me out of the 118. What he doesn’t know is that it will mean a transfer for me, which HR and professional standards have already approved. And full SAR isn’t less dangerous by any stretch of the imagination.”

“Yeah,” Eddie said and nodded. “Did you want to talk to Bobby?”

“I’m not sure even sure what I would want to say,” Buck admitted. “I don’t even think I want to at this point. He owes me a fucking apology, Eddie.”

“I work tomorrow,” Eddie said. “Do you want me to prod him?”

“I don’t know,” Buck muttered and slouched down in his chair.

“Do you want Chris with you tomorrow, or should I call Carla?” Eddie questioned. “He’d mentioned wanting to go to the pier. Since Denny is currently attached to him—they’ll probably lobby to go today when we’re at the beach.”

“Maintaining that friendship for him, if we leave the 118, might take work,” Buck said. “So, we might as well start doing that now rather than later.”

Eddie nodded. “I want to think that Hen and Karen would be on board with that plan. The boys don’t need to suffer because of…well, all of this shit.” He huffed a little and focused on his eggs, which were perfectly over medium. “Are you ready to give up your relationship with Bobby?”

“What do you mean?”

“Chimney has obviously worked to drive a wedge between you and Bobby because he’s jealous. He wouldn’t be the only one to be envious of the bond you share with the captain. Bobby sees a son in you, and Chimney is using his fear against him.”

“What do you mean by that?” Buck questioned.

“Hell, Buck, the man’s already buried two children,” Eddie said gently. “In his place, I’d have probably crawled right into the grave with them. I don’t see how I could survive that kind of loss. Parents aren’t meant to outlive their children. You took that hit for him because that asshole was targeting Bobby out of revenge. I can’t imagine the weight of that kind of guilt, compounded by how he feels about the fire that killed his first wife and children. We all know Bobby blames himself, even if he was cleared of wrongdoing officially.”

“I’d never forgive myself,” Buck admitted. “It’s clear he hasn’t. I don’t want to have to fight for someone’s love and approval, Eddie,” Buck said frankly. “I need Bobby to see me for who I am and recognize my abilities. How much will it be worth if I shove it down his throat?”

“I get it,” Eddie said and wished he didn’t. He wanted to fix the situation for Buck or at least mitigate the hurt. “What are your options?”

“I don’t know, but I think we’d have more together since we have a great record as partners, and you were mentioned several times when I was discussing the coursework at the academy. You’re short the SARTECH II as well. You could request the training. I think they’d accept you immediately based on what was asked of me.”

“What did they ask?” Eddie questioned.

“Mostly, they asked about our work partnership and if I wanted to keep it. I said that I did. I wouldn’t be surprised if you get a call. The official coursework for the SAR cert doesn’t start until Wednesday. I’m going to spend Monday and Tuesday reviewing my current certifications and taking some written tests for apparatus operations.”

Eddie nodded. “Okay, well, I’d welcome the call. The broader our skillset, the more options we’ll have. If the course is full, ask if you can pass the written materials to me to study for the next session.”

“Yeah, of course.”

Eddie checked his watch. “We have a few hours before we have to pick up the kids.”

“I need to swing by the loft and pick up some clothes,” Buck said. “And a uniform for Monday.” He flushed. “Unless I should sleep there?”

“You should sleep here,” Eddie said. “But if you need space, just tell me.”

“I don’t at the moment,” Buck said. “Honestly, I’d probably just spiral with anxiety because of the work stuff, and being here makes things easier.”

“Then stay here,” Eddie said simply.

“I could get online and make appointments for us both to get tested. We might even get something for today.”

“Yeah,” Eddie said and put a hand on Buck’s forearm. “That would be very good.” He squeezed gently. “Do you have any concerns?”

“No,” Buck shook his head. “I’ve never had any sort of sex without a barrier.” His cheeks flushed. “Even with long-term partners, I had that boundary set. Ali said we could stop using condoms because she was on the shot, but I wasn’t on board with it. I’m not sure if she was bothered by my reluctance or not.”

“Do you need that boundary with me?” Eddie questioned because as much as he wanted it and got off on it, condoms weren’t going to be a deal breaker.

“You don’t want outside partners, and I trust you,” Buck said. “So, no, I don’t need that boundary.”

“You didn’t trust Ali?”

Buck sucked air between his teeth. “With women, it was never about trust but more about the fact that I wasn’t going to elevate the risk of a pregnancy. Ali is child-free and would certainly abort if she got pregnant. It’s a health concern for her and not something to be negotiated. At any rate, she has a lot of faith in her birth control, but I didn’t. Really the only utterly effective birth control is to not fuck at all.”

Eddie laughed a little. “I only went raw with Shannon, and a year before I was discharged, I started using condoms again. She was clearly offended by it, but there was….” He focused on his food. “I didn’t have proof, but I was worried that she was cheating.”

“Did your parents put that in your head?” Buck asked curiously.

“No, Shannon did with her behavior. It felt like she detached emotionally from me, but she never admitted to an affair. There was just a new tone in our relationship that put me off and made me doubt her. I never made an accusation, but the condom usage was probably enough of a clue that I had lost trust in her. Then I came home injured and more of a burden than she could tolerate, so she fucked off in the middle of the night. Even now, she doesn’t feel guilty at all for how much she hurt Christopher. She said that in a few years, he’ll barely remember it because he was so young. Apparently, it shouldn’t matter as a result.”

“I don’t think he’s going to forget being ghosted by his own mother,” Buck muttered. “I can’t stand her, Eddie. And it’s not just about her trying to shove me out of your life constantly.”

“I’ve blocked her on my phone as of last night and told her any future visitation requests will have to go through my lawyer. I expect to find a bunch of furious messages on Facebook when I log in. It’s the only method she has left to contact me. She abandoned my son, Buck, and literally called him too much of a burden in court. There’s never going to be a day when I will allow her back into my life.

“I’ve told her that repeatedly, but it was like my explicit rejection of her flipped some kind of switch in her. She was fine with the end of our relationship when it was her idea. But then I filed for divorce, and she refused to sign the papers. It’s why we ended up in court. She thought she could just refuse the divorce and tried to demand marriage counseling for the sake of our disabled child.”

“She leveraged Chris’ condition in court,” Buck said. “You didn’t tell me that. In fact, you told me very little about the divorce. Why?”

“You had enough on your plate after the bombing,” Eddie said. “And I didn’t want to add to it. The court stuff was frustrating, but I dealt with it. Between you and Carla, at least I didn’t have to worry about childcare during all of that.”

Buck pulled out his phone. “Planned Parenthood has a good process for STD testing. I can check for appointments this morning. There’s a branch not far from the loft. I’ve used it before.”

“Sounds good,” Eddie agreed.

* * * *

Eddie didn’t think the loft was a bad place, but now that he knew how Buck felt about it…well, he could see how it wasn’t exactly a fit for the man. The stairs had made his recovery after the ladder truck bombing pretty difficult. They’d gotten appointments for testing, but they were more than an hour apart. He’d already had his and was sitting in Buck’s apartment browsing through options for food near the beach they’d chosen to take Denny and Christopher. Hen and Karen had left the decision to him because of Christopher’s stomach issues, which were far more manageable now than they had been in the past.

Plus, Buck was a picky eater. It probably wasn’t fair to think that because Buck took care of his body, ate organic, and didn’t like to consume a lot of junk. It made feeding him and Christopher at the same place a little difficult if either of them were in a mood. It was honestly easier to just let Buck cook as much as possible as he made allowances for Christopher every single time, even if it included a separate main course.

Buck had been taking care of them practically from the beginning, and Eddie wondered how much that care had given him emotionally that he hadn’t vocalized. The bombing and Buck’s injury had destroyed their routine, and they’d lost a little ground on the little family vibe they’d been creating. Plus, Shannon had gotten bent around the axle shortly before Christmas when Eddie had asked for a divorce. He wondered how things would’ve gone if he’d just given in and taken what she’d offered on the day they’d met outside of Christopher’s school.

He hadn’t, of course, because he’d already started falling for Buck, and it had been the hardest fall he’d ever taken in his life. Eddie didn’t fall in love easily or often. His marriage with Shannon had been such a mistake; they’d have been better off co-parenting as friends. Maybe the friends part would’ve been difficult in the long term as Shannon hadn’t respected Eddie’s commitment to the military or his choice to make it a career.

The front door opened, and he looked up to find Maddie Kendall standing in the entryway of the loft. She pulled the door shut with a frown and took a deep breath. “Where’s Evan?”

“He had an appointment,” Eddie said and tucked his phone away.

“Oh, I was hoping he’d have lunch with me….” She trailed off. “I figured we could talk about his options.”

“Options?” Eddie questioned.

“Well, I heard that he had to meet with professional standards,” Maddie shrugged. “That couldn’t have gone well considering his issues.”

Eddie stayed as still as he could, fury swirling in his gut. “It went very well, and the only issue Buck has currently is the remarkable lack of faith some people have in him.” She paled. “And we already have plans for lunch and the rest of the day.”

“He’ll have to cancel,” Maddie said. “I need to talk to him about what kind of job he can get since Captain Nash isn’t going to let him come back to the 118 for his own good.”

“He’s not canceling,” Eddie returned, and she blinked in surprise. “He’s spending the rest of the day with me and my son.” He stood from the sofa and walked into the kitchen area for more water. He filled his flask as Maddie followed.

“Look, Eddie, I appreciate the fact that you’re my brother’s friend…and that you care about him, but he’s my family, and he needs guidance.”

“Where was this guidance for the ten years before you came to LA?” Eddie asked evenly, and she paled. “What about when you went off to college and left him in the house with your abusive parents? Did it cross your mind at all to call social services? Or was your mother’s cruelty enough guidance?”

“I didn’t realize Evan had talked to you about our parents,” Maddie said quietly. “It wasn’t that bad. They’re good people…just not good parents.”

“That’s the most disgusting thing I’ve ever heard,” Eddie retorted. “Good people don’t abuse children, Maddie. A good person doesn’t abuse anyone. Did you report Buck to professional standards for a non-existent drug problem, or did you talk Chimney into doing it?”

“Evan doesn’t need to go back to being a firefighter,” Maddie said. “And if you cared about him at all, you’d see that! You’re bad for him, Eddie! You enable all of his stupid decisions!”

A door slammed, and they both turned. Buck was standing there; he looked devastated and furious.

“Get out,” Buck said quietly.

“I was telling Eddie that he needed to go so we could have a family discussion,” Maddie said.

“I was talking to you, Maddie,” Buck snapped.

“We need to talk about what happens next, Evan,” Maddie said. “Surely you realize that.”

“What happens next, Maddie, is that you leave the apartment that I paid for,” Buck said evenly, and Eddie winced. “Then, I think it would be best if you went back to Boston.”

“What?” she asked in shock.

“You’ve got friends there, and Doug’s dead,” Buck said. “Go back to Boston and take back what he tried to destroy. While you’re at it, you can figure out how to stay in your own damn lane. You aren’t my parent, and I wouldn’t take advice from either of the wretched hellbeasts that created me on a bet.”

“But I….” Tears welled and fell. “I just love you, Evan. I want you to be safe.”

“You want me to be safe?” Buck questioned. “Or do you want someone in your life you can control? If that’s the case, then you should definitely start dating Chimney because that asshole will do anything a woman wants to get his dick wet.”

Maddie gaped at Buck, and Eddie cleared his throat to keep from laughing because he knew it would be inappropriate.

“You can micromanage that asshole every single minute of every single day, and he’d allow it. Of course, he’d also lie to you incessantly, disparage anyone that comes close to coming between the two of you because he’s an insecure, middle-aged womanizer with abandonment issues. So, if you want to be some man’s rehab center, then he’s definitely the best choice you could make.

“But, if you had an ounce of self-preservation left in you, you’d go back to Boston and focus on your own mental health. Don’t bother saying goodbye when you go. I’d rather not hear from you for a very long time. In fact, why don’t you just wait for me to reach out? That’s for the best.”

“You don’t mean that, Evan. We need each other.”

“I don’t need anyone that would try to undermine and manipulate me,” Buck said evenly. “And for the record, there is an obvious difference between support and enablement. I know you can’t see that because of your history, which is just another reason why you should be in therapy.”

“I don’t need therapy! Therapy is for weak people who can’t help themselves! I survived! I won, and Doug’s dead!”

“Jesus Christ,” Eddie muttered and walked toward the stairs. “I’ll get together a bag for you, Buck. Did you want your blue swim trunks?”

“Yeah,” Buck said as he took a deep breath. He watched Eddie walk up the stairs. “I’m in therapy, Maddie. I’ve been in therapy on and off since I was nineteen fucking years old because of our wretched parents. I’m not weak in any single way.”

Maddie averted her gaze, cheeks pale despite the fact that tears were streaming down her face.

“And I’m not going to allow you to run my life. You’re traumatized, and you need therapy. I can’t keep catering to this crap. I can’t keep giving you a pass on bad behavior because of your history. You’re on a mentally unhealthy and dangerous path that I will not endorse. Nor will I continue to enable it by not telling you the truth.”

“Fine! Ruin your life!” Maddie snapped.

“Wow, it’s like Margaret Buckley just sprung right out of your body,” Buck retorted, and Maddie glared at him. “Did you want to slap my face a few times and tell me I’m a fucking waste of space that you wish had never been born, too?”

“Mom never….” She trailed off. “She wouldn’t have.”

“She did every single chance she got,” Buck said evenly. “She’s mentally ill, and I bore the brunt of it after you left home, Maddie. And if you don’t want to end up just like her, you’ll go to therapy and do the work.” He waved a hand. “But either way, I’m fucking done trying to get you to see reason.”

“But….”

“You didn’t answer Eddie’s question,” Buck said, and his sister glared at him.

“He needs to mind his own business! I still can’t believe you made Eddie your medical proxy. You barely know him!”

“Did you have anything to do with me being called into professional standards to be tested for drug use?” Buck questioned, and she looked away from him. “Get out right now.”

“But….”

“No! You don’t get to try to blow up my goddamned life with no consequences.” He walked away from her. He was furious and didn’t want to scare the hell out of her.

“You need to calm down and think about this! I’m your family,” Maddie shouted after him.

“Leave your keys.”

She stared at him in shock for several moments and carefully set down a set of keys on the counter. “You’re making a big mistake. That’s all you do, Evan, is make one mistake after another. Chimney’s told me all about your ridiculous behavior with women. All you do is fuck around, and Bobby Nash should’ve never taken you back after he fired you.”

“We’re done for now,” Buck told her carefully. “I can’t have this kind of toxic behavior in my life, Maddie. Don’t force me to call the cops to have you removed from my property.”

He picked the keys up from the counter as his sister fled the loft with a sob. Buck hated confrontation, and he certainly couldn’t stand to hurt his sister, but he really couldn’t afford to take on her profound mental health issues along with his own. Especially when she had no intention of getting help.

Buck walked to the door, turned the deadbolt, and flipped the security bar for good measure because, in retrospect, far too many people had keys to his loft. He walked up the stairs and found Eddie sitting on the bed.

“That was a lot,” Buck muttered.

“Yeah, come here.”

Buck walked over to him, and Eddie spread his legs.

“Kneel,” Eddie ordered, and Buck did it without hesitation. “Give yourself a minute.” He cupped the back of his head as he pulled him forward between his thighs, and Buck just buried his face against Eddie’s chest.

The moments stretched out between them and Eddie’s hands on him was such a relief that he could barely breathe. Buck forced himself to take several deep breaths and exhale slowly. His family had always been an immense source of stress for him, and acknowledging that had been part of the reason he’d never really worked hard to get himself included in Maddie’s life when she’d lived in Boston.

Buck let himself wallow in the security Eddie was providing for several minutes, relieved that he didn’t need to explain anything and that his partner had responded to his needs without a discussion at all. He’d always known that Eddie was very good at reading the situation.

“I’m sorry for whatever part I played in that argument.”

Buck just shook his head. “She doesn’t like that I spend so much time with you. She said our friendship was unhealthy and codependent.”

Eddie huffed. “Wow.”

“I know, right?” Buck groaned a little when Eddie laughed. He lifted his head then, crawled up onto the bed, and astride Eddie’s thighs. He pushed the man down on the mattress.

Eddie relaxed and quirked an eyebrow. He rubbed Buck’s thighs. “Tell me how to make you feel better about this.”

“I don’t know how to feel better about it,” Buck admitted frankly. “She has a lot of trauma, and she’s not dealing with it. Maddie had to kill her own husband in self-defense and thinks she doesn’t need therapy to deal with that. How is that even a thing?”

“She’s used to suppressing her trauma,” Eddie said quietly. “Domestic violence compiled with childhood abuse and absolutely no emotional control doesn’t bode well. She’s clearly been stressed out and rung out emotionally for over a decade, and there doesn’t appear to be a relief point for her. I’m glad you didn’t take your parent’s bullshit opinions about mental health care on board.”

“Oh, I did,” Buck assured and rolled off Eddie to sprawl beside him on the bed. “But I wasn’t given a choice about therapy. Well, I had a choice between Brayan canceling our contract or going to therapy. I wanted to stay with him and figure myself out sexually. I was ready to endure the rest of it. I learned a lot about myself and my dynamic when I was seeing Dr. Salas.”

“You’re not seeing him now.”

“No, he returned to Peru a couple of years back, but I am seeing someone he recommended. He said the US was a cruel place, and he desired to live somewhere beautiful. Plus, his wife was ready to have children, and they were deeply opposed to having them here in this country,” Buck said. “I can’t say I blame them.”

“No, sometimes it’s awful,” Eddie murmured. “We should go get the kids before we start getting passive-aggressive texts from my abuela’s phone from Christopher.”

Buck laughed, and Eddie moved forward to slide on top of him. He spread his legs, and Eddie settled between them like he belonged there. Buck cupped the back of his head as he stared. “Meeting you was the best thing that could’ve happened to me. Maddie has a skewed worldview.”

“I know I’m not the problem around here,” Eddie said and caught Buck’s hands. He guided them up and pinned them to the mattress. “Your sister isn’t going to recognize a genuine friendship in her current state, nor would she be able to engage in any kind of healthy relationship. Hell, she’s probably never had one.”

“Yeah, it makes me sad,” Buck confessed. “I don’t see how to help her.”

“She has resources, Buck.” Eddie settled most of his weight on him, and Buck couldn’t help but relax on the mattress. It was such a relief that he could hardly articulate why.

“It feels selfish to focus on myself.”

“Your sister has spent over a decade in some form of crisis, Buck. She doesn’t have any version of normal, and it’s up to her to find it. You could certainly press the issue, maybe even legally, if that’s what you really want.”

Buck shook his head. “I can’t take it on, not after what she’s done. I can’t trust her. So, I need to create concrete boundaries to protect myself.” He wet his lips. “We’re due to pick up the kids in just forty-five minutes.”

Eddie kissed him then, hands tightening on his wrists briefly as he did so. He lifted his head. “Then we should go do that.”

* * * *

“I asked Chimney about the professional standards thing,” Hen murmured as Eddie finished putting all the food down on the picnic table they’d staked out for themselves. “He denied it at first, but….”

“He lied,” Eddie supplied.

“He certainly knew about it before I said anything and was surprised to find that nothing came of it. In fact, when I asked, he just shrugged and said that the station could do with some change and that Buck was easily replaced. I think he was actually angry to find out that Buck had come through that whole process free and clear.” Hen exhaled slowly. “I don’t get it.”

“Maddie Kendall doesn’t want her brother on the job anymore. She made some assumptions about Buck’s pain management and tried to get him fired,” Eddie said and cleared his throat as Denny ran up to the table.

“I’m to guard Chris’ chicken tacos with my life,” Denny declared.

Eddie laughed. “We got plenty of those. It’s the steak ones that are going to go fast.”

Shortly, Buck arrived with the cooler full of drinks with Christopher, who was navigating the area carefully but with confidence that Eddie was proud to see. Karen Wilson came last, shouldering another bag that matched the one that Hen had dropped on the ground with the backpack that he and Buck had brought. A trip to the beach with kids required a lot of stuff. Well, taking a kid anywhere sort of required packing for an apocalypse. Especially if they didn’t want to spend ten dollars on a single bottle of water.

The kids plowed through lunch, and Karen guided them toward the sand in what was clearly a planned move. Hen looked like she had a lot to say but didn’t know how to get started.

“Go ahead,” Buck said when Hen exhaled sharply. “It’ll be fine, Hen.”

“Chim has been working hard to keep you from coming back to the 118. Eddie said it was about Maddie, and I’m sorry to hear that. I can’t believe he’d really work against a member of our team because of a woman. I realize she’s your sister, but his lack of loyalty to the team has put me off more than his whole tyrant-imitation when Bobby was suspended.” She frowned. “And that was hard enough to push through, especially since it ended with the bombing. I guess I saw Buck’s return as the indicator that our team had fully recovered from that night.”

“I’m starting a new certification course on Monday,” Buck said. “I’m not sure if I’m going to come back the 118. I don’t know where Bobby gets off thinking that I’ve pushed my recovery. I spent an extra month on physical therapy and training after I was cleared by my doctor to work before I went for certification at the suggestion of the nurse who handled my in-home health care.”

“I didn’t know that,” Hen admitted. “What certification are you going for?”

“I was offered SARTECH II,” Buck said, and Hen blew air out between her lips. “And I finished my FEMA coursework two weeks ago. They offered me a job at their Sacramento location, but I said no. I’ll have plenty of options after I finish with the certs I’m going for, and I don’t think I can work with Chimney going forward. Not only has he been conniving with my sister to ruin my career, but he’s also just been an asshole for a while, and I’m finished tolerating it.”

Hen nodded. “I have a question—it’s rude, but I promise you it has play.”

“Okay.”

“Did you buy your loft outright?”

Buck shared a look with Eddie but then nodded. “Yeah, I’ve been banking and investing my money since I was seventeen, Hen. Why?”

“Chim’s been speculating about how you paid for it and figures that Ali brought it for you.”

Buck laughed. “Hen, I’m not going to throw Ali’s business out there, but she wasn’t in a position to buy a property and walk away from it. She did pick it out, and I kind of hate it, so I’m going to be selling it soon.”

“Maddie told Chim that she saw a bank statement of yours and that you have a lot of money. They both figured you did something illegal to get it,” Hen finally said, clearly reluctant. “I didn’t get a number, but it was implied that you don’t have to work.”

“If I were careful, sold the loft, and moved somewhere with a low cost of living, then I could live on a decent budget for the rest of my life if I never got married, didn’t have kids, and did very little else but eat and sleep,” Buck said. “A lot of my money is tied up in CDs that I roll over. I don’t know what Maddie saw, but it doesn’t matter since it’s none of her business.”

Hen nodded. “Still, that could be part of the reason why your sister seems so comfortable with the idea of destroying your career. Chim did eventually admit to me that he told her to call to report you for drug use and listened to her make the call. I don’t know how to say this without making Chim seem like a predator. But I feel like he’s using your sister’s clear mental health issues to manipulate her.”

“Don’t mistake my sister’s fragile demeanor for gullibility,” Buck said. “And neither of them are the picture of mental health. Of course, Maddie thinks that therapy is for the weak. I’ve suggested that she go back to Boston. I don’t know if she’s going to do it or not. I’m glad she’s free of Doug, but I wish she wasn’t here, and that makes me feel like a real bastard.”

“She came back into your life with a lot of entitlement,” Eddie said. “She broke into your ex-girlfriend’s apartment, acted like you were the problem for accidentally walking in on her while she was in the shower, and continued to act like you were a problem she had to solve from that point forward.”

“Well, his problems are easier to manage than her own from her point of view,” Hen said and shrugged when Buck groaned. “But you aren’t doing what she wants, so she’s lashing out to regain control. That’s certainly behavior she’s learned from abusive people in her past.”

“Yeah, pretty much exactly that,” Buck muttered. “The thing is that I got used to being alone, and I’ve not needed that kind of input in my life in years. As for the money, none of it was made illegally, and I’m not going to apologize for having it. Having money in savings and a healthy 401k isn’t a crime, Hen.”

She nodded. “You’ve never appeared to be the sort to be stupid with your money. I mean, you drive a twenty-year-old vehicle.”

Buck laughed with a shrug. “I keep it in good condition. Though I have been considering trading it in. The safety rating is okay, but it could be better. We’ve seen enough accidents with old Jeeps that I’m concerned about it. I’m definitely considering a newer vehicle.”

“I think if anyone needs to leave the 118, it’s Chim, not you,” Hen blurted out and took a deep breath when Buck gaped at her. “He’s lost ground with a lot of people, and Cosmo is precariously close to filing a complaint. Without you as a target of his humor, he’s been ragging him a lot about all the dating he does. Bobby has taken him aside several times and ordered him to tone it down. Chim does it for a while, then just goes back to making awful comments that he claims are jokes about how Cosmo is going to wear his dick out.”

“Is he biting off more than he can chew there?” Eddie questioned. “Cosmo outranks him.”

“Chim doesn’t think boundaries apply to him,” Buck muttered. “It makes him hard to work with.”

 Hen sighed. “You’re really going to leave?”

“I don’t know how I can stay when Chimney is like this. Moreover, Bobby doesn’t trust me.”

Hen shook her head. “Bobby doesn’t trust himself, Buck. If you leave because of him, it should be because of his overt personal investment in you. He clearly sees a son in you, and boundaries need to be created for both of you around the job. There’s nothing wrong with finding someone who should be your family and making that happen as much as you can. But he’s got a lot of grief around the loss of his family in Minnesota that he never processed.”

“Well, he’s not communicating, and acting like I’m the problem isn’t helping at all,” Buck muttered.

 

 

Chapter 5

“Can we talk?”

Eddie glanced to his left and slowed down a little on the treadmill. “Is it job-related?”

Chimney blinked in surprise. “No.”

“Then, no,” Eddie said shortly. “We don’t have any mutual personal business.”

“Buck and Maddie had a big fight, and you were apparently the cause,” Chimney interjected.

Eddie turned off the treadmill and stepped off as he grabbed a towel. “Is that the story she’s telling?”

Chimney crossed his arms.

“Or is it the lie you’re spreading?” Eddie raised an eyebrow when Chimney’s mouth dropped open. “It doesn’t matter either way because I won’t be discussing it with you.”

“She’s really upset and thinking about leaving LA.”

“That’s her choice,” Eddie said with a shrug and rubbed the sweat from his face. “I need a shower.”

“Maddie thinks it would be best if you backed off and let her handle Buck. He’s got a lot of issues and needs his sister more than a so-called friend.” Chimney frowned at him. “A real friend would be helping him, not encouraging him to do stupid shit.”

Eddie stared at him. “Do you actually believe any of that? Do you always get this twisted up, trying to please a potential romantic partner? Buck doesn’t have any issues that are the department’s business. He passed the review with professional standards with flying colors. In fact, they were so impressed with his requalification results that he was invited back to the academy for his SARTECH II certification, plus whatever else he might like. After that, he’ll have no problem whatsoever with a station placement in the LAFD. Especially since they know that FEMA offered him a job already.”

“You actually believe that FEMA thing?” Chimney questioned and laughed.

“Yeah, I read the job offer because I was curious,” Eddie said. “If it weren’t so far from Los Angeles, he’d have probably taken it for the thirty percent pay raise alone. They offered him a place at the international academy as well. Buck’s good with his money, very focused on saving for his future retirement, so the pay increase had to be attractive.” He figured digging into that issue was a good thing since Buck would never want it revealed how he really got that money. “I’m glad he chose to stay. It’s too bad you clearly don’t feel the same.”

“He should do what Maddie needs him to do,” Chimney said. “He’s just making her life unnecessarily difficult and stressful.”

“Wow,” Eddie muttered and walked away from him.

He took a quick shower and browsed through his phone, which was full of messages from Christopher using Buck’s phone, since he’d forgotten his own at home, to take pictures of the pier. Denny was hamming it up in a lot of the pictures. Eddie found Hen sitting on the sofa, staring at her phone with an amused grin.

“This could be the best group text I’ve ever been a part of,” Hen declared as Eddie sat down. “Where the hell are we going to put those big fluffy bears? Your boy needs a talking to.”

“There’s no containing Buck on the issue of those stupid games,” Eddie said. “Chimney just cornered me in the gym and literally tried to get me to stop being friends with Buck like we are in high school.”

“More than friends, though, right?” Hen questioned. “You guys have got a vibe now.”

“Yeah, we’re going to talk to Christopher about it, but I wanted to have a couple of days off in a row in case that needs management. I think he’ll be thrilled, but sometimes little kids can surprise you.”

“Yeah,” Hen agreed. “Still, I’m happy for you both.” She frowned as Chim sat down in the chair across from them.

Eddie wondered if they were arguing or if Hen was just trying to discourage the other man from actually speaking. His phone started to vibrate in his hand, and he answered a FaceTime call from Buck’s phone without thinking about it.

“Daddy, hi! Did you get our pictures?”

“Yeah, I was working out, so I’m just looking at them now. What are you guys doing?”

“We’re taking a break,” Christopher said and tilted the phone so he could show Denny where he was sprawled on top of one of the bears. “We’re going to get ice cream, but we had a very good lunch. Promise.”

Eddie showed Hen the view he was getting, and she laughed. “Where’s Buck?”

“In line at the ice cream truck,” Christopher said. “He’s watching us from there. It’s not far.” He turned the phone, and Eddie got a shot of Buck standing in line at an ice cream truck. “We’re being bribed, Daddy, but we’re okay with that.”

Eddie smiled as his son turned the phone back to his own face. “Your cheeks are a little pink.”

“Buck practically smeared my whole head with sunblock,” Christopher complained, and Hen laughed even as Chimney made a little frustrated noise and left.

“Why are you guys being bribed?” Hen questioned. “Are you misbehaving?”

“Nah, he just got tired of carrying the bears,” Christopher said with a grin. “We’re going to take them to the Jeep after this, but we had to park in one of those big parking garages on like the top floor. So, we need a break before we all take that trip. We’re going to come back and ride some more stuff.”

“Christopher! Denny!”

Suddenly, Christopher was jerked up from the bench.

“Run, Denny! Go toward the engine!”

A tsunami alarm went off in the background, and the phone clattered to the ground. The station siren went off roughly ten seconds later.

Eddie turned to Hen and found her looking at him in horror. They both lurched off the couch and ran for the stairs. They quickly geared up and went for the truck.

“Tsunami in Santa Monica, it’s a big one,” Bobby said tersely as the climbed onto the ladder truck.

“Buck’s there with the kids,” Eddie blurted out, and Bobby turned to stare at him in horror as the truck rolled out of the station.

* * * *

Buck grabbed the back of Denny’s jeans, hauled the little boy up, and tossed him on top of the truck. Denny screamed a little as he scrambled around and held out his hands for Christopher immediately. Buck shoved Christopher up, and a wall of water hit him. There was no fighting a tsunami wave, so he didn’t try. He needed to save his strength. He caught the roll bar of a truck, pulled as hard as he could, and managed to tuck himself behind the cab.

Water washed over and around him so fast that it was horrifying and disorienting. He curled his arm around the bar, closed his eyes, and took a deep breath as the truck was covered entirely by water. Buck could only hope that both boys were okay and that the water hadn’t overtaken the fire truck, too. The water rushed over him for what seemed like hours, and just when he thought he was going to have to let go, it started to slow down.

When it felt reasonable, he let go of the bar and looked for light. He broke the surface and took a deep breath.

“Bucky!”

“There, Chris! He’s there!”

Buck swam toward their voices against the current and found them both still on top of the truck, where he’d thrown them. The relief was so overwhelming that he stopped moving for a second then started to work twice as hard to get to them. He caught the side of the truck, and both boys reached out for him.

“No!” Buck shouted. “Stay back. I might pull you into the water.”

“Papa!” Christopher’s fingers clenched on his hand.

“Baby, please get back from the edge,” Buck pleaded. “Denny, pull him down into the truck.”

“Come on, Chris, Buck’s big. He needs room to get up here.” Denny tugged gently, and Christopher let go with a little hiccupped-filled cry.

“I dropped the phone, sorry,” Christopher called out. “I was FaceTiming Daddy.”

Jesus Christ. Buck took a deep breath as he assessed the situation. The current was strong but no longer seemed stupidly destructive, which he knew was deceptive. “I’m going to check the inside of the truck for stuff. There could be a radio.”

“Be careful,” Denny yelled.

He slid in through the open window. The entire cab was full of water, but he was able to move between the front seats and into the back of the truck. He found a paramedic’s bag, which he heaved into the front seat. All of the supplies would be sealed, so that was something. The dashboard was entirely submerged, which meant that the radio was probably not usable. He felt around the console, as he couldn’t see much in the murky water, and connected with a handset. It was such a relief he almost threw up. He unzipped the bag, stuck the radio in it, and closed it quickly.

“Buck!”

“I’m fine, Superman! I’m coming out. You guys stay out of the way, okay?”

He kept a death grip on the bag until he could get it on the roof of the truck, then pulled himself up onto it. Buck slid down into the back of the truck where the boys were huddled. It wasn’t a big space, but it would keep them relatively safe from debris or hopefully prevent them from falling into the water. That thought brought him up short, and he started thinking about how to keep the two kids on the truck but also give them the ability to get off of it if it were to tip over. He didn’t know how to accomplish it, and that was worrying as fuck.

Buck opened the bag as Christopher shifted around and pressed against his side. The kid was shaking like a leaf. “It’s gonna be fine.” He cupped his head and focused on Denny, who gave him a nod. “You two okay? Did I hurt you by throwing you up here?”

“I probably got some bruises,” Denny said and shrugged. “But I’m okay with that.”

Buck laughed, and Christopher did, too. He pulled out the radio, turned it on, and changed it to the main Metro Dispatch channel. The reasoning was two-fold: he didn’t want to encounter Maddie, and moreover, he needed one of his own versus someone from LAPD dispatch.

“Dispatch, this is Firefighter Buckley from the 118.” The radio crackled, and he held his breath.

“Firefighter Buckley, this is Firefighter Morris. We’re keeping this channel clear. Switch to 146.”

Buck quickly did as instructed. “Firefighter Buckley, 118, location Santa Monica Pier.”

“You’re on the pier?”

“The pier itself is gone. We’ve got survivors in the water, and I can hear people in the distance. I’m off-duty, Firefighter Morris, but I did manage to climb on top of a fire truck from the Santa Monica Fire Department—the 136. I have a standard paramedic bag and a radio. I estimate between 400 and 600 casualties in this area alone based on the crowd when the wave hit. I’ve not seen anyone from the 136 since the wave, but there was a squad on the pier shortly before the tsunami.”

“Is it just you on the truck?”

“No, I have two survivors with me—Christopher Diaz, age eight, presenting with cerebral palsy, and Denny Wilson, age nine. They both probably have some bruises but didn’t spend a significant amount of time in the water. I need to be connected to Captain Nash with the 118.”

“Captain Nash is already en route.”

“I’m sure, and he has two on-duty firefighters that are going to want to know that their kids survived the wave. Working without that knowledge won’t be easy.”

“Understood, Firefighter Buckley. I’m routing SAR to the pier. Connecting with Captain Nash, now.”

“Captain Nash, 118. Talk to me, Buck.”

“Cap,” Buck said and took a deep breath. “Tell Eddie and Hen that we’re safe. Both kids are okay.”

“We are very relieved to hear that, son,” Bobby said hoarsely. “Anyone injured?”

“I have some scrapes, but I got the kids on top of an engine from the SMFD before the wave hit,” Buck said. “Metro is sending SAR this way. Tell them I’ll get the kids on the first evac out, I promise.”

“You, too, Buck,” Bobby ordered.

Buck considered arguing, but he didn’t want to be unprofessional over the radio. “If there’s room. Buckley out.”

“Take care of yourself. We were worried about you, too,” Bobby said.

Buck tucked the radio into a side pocket of the bag. “Okay, let’s look you guys over. Anything hurt?”

* * * *

Eddie’s fingers were aching, but he didn’t see how he was going to let go of Hen Wilson’s hand any time soon. So, she was going to have to shake him off. It could be hours before they got anywhere near them, and it was agonizing to think that the three of them were out in the middle of a natural disaster.

“Dispatch is organizing a field hospital at the old VA building,” Bobby reported over the radio. “Chimney, you’re heading there. Hen, Cosmo, Eddie—you’re being sorted to SAR teams once we hit the ground. I don’t know which one of you is heading for the pier, but I was promised at least one of you would.”

“Shouldn’t I go, too?” Chim asked.

“You didn’t get the swift water cert this summer when it was offered, so you’re staying on dry land, Chim,” Bobby said shortly as the truck came to a stop. “Eddie, a SAR helicopter is landing in the next five minutes. That’s your ride. Cosmo and Hen—head for the boats.”

“Where are you heading?” Cosmo asked as he parked the truck.

“I’ve been asked to take command at the VA hospital,” Bobby said. “The incident commander is being relieved. She just found out that her husband was killed in the initial hit. His brother was with him and lived to tell the tale.”

“Jesus,” Hen muttered and squeezed Eddie’s hand. “Thank God our kids were with Buck.”

“He just got lucky,” Chim muttered. “That’s all Buck has going on for him.”

“Hey!” Hen snapped, and everyone stopped moving around them. “Do not ever say another ugly thing about Evan Buckley as long as you fucking live, Chim.” She tugged Eddie toward the boats. “I mean it!”

Eddie just glared at him and let Hen tug him away. “He’s such an asshole.”

“Yeah,” Hen muttered as she released him. “Listen, it’s probably going to be you that finds them first. Keep all three of them as close as you can until you’re on dry land. If I get to them first, I’ll do the same.”

“Deal,” Eddie said and helped Hen load her bag into a boat and pushed it out into the water with one of the other men setting up. “I’m heading for a helicopter. Do you know where I should go?”

“Captain Gaines is on his way for you,” the other firefighter said. “Thomas Marshall.” He offered Eddie his hand, and he shook it. “Heard your kid is out there on the fire truck? There’s an off-duty firefighter out there owning the whole thing and rescuing people left and right.”

“Yeah,” Eddie said, and looked up as a chopper approached. “That’s my partner.”

“We set up the landing area over there,” Marshall said and motioned toward a blocked-off area of the parking lot. “Good luck!”

Eddie shouldered his bag and headed for the helicopter.

* * * *

His catchline, made out of a firehose, was doing a great job of catching survivors. Buck braced the boy he was helping out of the water. “Check in with my kids—give them your name, age, and city. They’ll relay it to dispatch. We’re building a survivors list for next of kin.”

“Sure, man, thanks,” the teenager said hurriedly. “I’ll get sorted, then I can help people up.”

“Don’t injure yourself,” Buck ordered and let go of the truck in favor of the hose. He had two more teenagers; both girls were clinging to the hose where they’d caught it when he was halfway to the truck with his previous catch. “How are you ladies doing?”

“Cool!” one girl called out. “Better now! Great hose usage, dude.”

Buck laughed. “Come to me one at a time and watch for debris under the water.”

He got the first girl up on the truck, and the second girl reached him pretty quickly. Her hand curled into his shirt as she let go of the hose. “It’s okay. I’ve got you.”

She huffed a little as she looked up at the top of the fire truck. “My boyfriend says I’m too heavy to pick up.”

Buck shared a look with the boy at the top of the truck as he lifted her easily out of the water. She probably weighed around 140 pounds. “No, you’re not.”

“You need a new boyfriend,” the boy said as he lifted her out of Buck’s hands and put her down next to her friend. “I’m Lucas.”

“I’m Stacy, and this is my best friend, Willa,” the second girl said.

“That’s Buck in the water. Christopher and Denny are manning the radio.” He waved a hand around. “No clue about the rest, but we’re making a list.”

There were about twenty people on top of vehicles at that point, as he’d known he couldn’t put them all on the fire truck, and it was easier to get them out of the water and onto things closer to where he caught them.

“Help! Hey! Hey!”

Buck turned in the water and found a woman heading toward the catchline. There was something about the way she was holding herself and trying to swim at the same time that was concerning. “Hold on, I’ll come to you!”

She caught the hose, and in a few short moments, he reached her. The second he slid an arm around her waist, he realized the problem.

“Oh God, how pregnant are you?”

“A week overdue.”

“No.”

“So much terrible, yes,” the woman retorted. “Great job on this hose thing. Very handy. I saw it from the down the way and let go of the pole I was on when I saw all the people. I figured it was better to be with others.”

“As your incredible luck would have it, I’m also an off-duty firefighter,” Buck said. “I hate to be rude, but what are you weighing in at right now?”

“Not rude,” she said with a laugh. “About 160.”

“Okay, let’s see what our friend Lucas can help with,” Buck said and moved them down the line toward the truck. “Lucas, I need you to move Stacy and Willa to the SUV behind us so we can get our new friend out of the water before she gives birth. Can you girls handle that?”

“We can go, yeah,” one of the girls said. “The water isn’t moving fast between them.”

“Great,” Buck said and pulled the woman close as the water rushed a little. “What’s your name?”

“Gina Patton-Cortez.”

“Well, Gina Patton-Cortez, make our day and tell me you’re not having any sort of contractions.” She made a face. “Man.” Buck groaned. “Christopher, get on the radio and tell Firefighter Morris that we need that evac very soon.”

“Okay, Bucky! Is the lady super pregnant?”

“Very super pregnant,” Gina called out cheerfully.

* * * *

“Diaz, turn your radio to 146,” Captain Gaines instructed from the pilot seat. “No talking. That’s a Metro channel.”

Eddie did as instructed silently.

“Okay, Firefighter Diaz, Jr, what’s your current total?”

“Twenty-three adults, three kids, and one baby on the way. Firefighter Buckley says she’s in labor—contractions three minutes apart,” Christopher reported, and Eddie let his head fall back against the seat. “Oh, correction. We have two more adults on the catchline, and the baby is…here.” He paused again as the sound of a screaming infant could be heard in the background. “It’s a girl. Gina wants you to tell her husband she doesn’t hate him as much as she did five minutes ago and should probably love him again by the time they see each other.”

“Understood,” Morris said with a laugh. “Tell Gina that her husband is already at the hospital waiting for them both.”

“Firefighter Wilson, Jr has a list of the new names and basic data if you’re ready to receive.”

“Oh my God, that is the cutest thing I’ve ever heard,” the woman in the seat across from him said with a delighted grin.

“Go ahead, Firefighter Wilson, Jr,” dispatch ordered.

Eddie just nodded as he listened to Denny give dispatch names and basic vitals for ten people.

“And finally, Eva Marisol Patton-Cortez born in Santa Monica, California at 2:46 PM on September 21, 2019.” Several people cheered in the background on Denny’s end. “Dispatch, Lucas’ phone is working now. He’s sending pictures to the number you gave us. Living first?”

“Yes, Firefighter Wilson, Jr, living first,” the dispatcher said quietly.

Eddie closed his eyes and wondered how many bodies the kids had seen. He knew there was no preventing it.

“Sending. Santa Monica Incident Fire Truck Command out.”

Eddie swallowed hard and shook his head when the woman across from him started to speak.

“I’m sure Firefighter Buckley is doing the best he can,” the woman across from him said.

“Yeah, of course he is,” Eddie said. “Buck doesn’t know how to do anything else. And he’s doing the job of a four-man team right now.”

“He’s doing the work of a whole damn station,” Captain Gaines said. “We’ve got eyes on the scene. McBride, notify dispatch of our approach. Sae, Diaz, there’s nowhere I can land safely. You’ll have to go down on ropes. Take the basket for the woman and her baby. We have to evac them first. Sae, do assessments and relay those details to dispatch so we can sort survivors to the right place. Diaz, is it true that you were a medic in the Army?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Then, in this circumstance, you are very qualified to make hard triage decisions.”

“Yes, sir.” Eddie nodded. “I can make those choices.”

“Good.”

* * * *

Buck sat back on his heels as two people came out of the helicopter on ropes. “Okay, Gina, that’s your ride.”

“But what about the kids?” she questioned. “The little girl doesn’t have her parents.”

The girl, one of the first he’d plucked out of the water, was tucked up between Christopher and Denny. She’d barely been able to give him her name. How she’d survived was a miracle. He’d caught her on the hose, and she’d clung to it immediately, which had saved her life. Buck doubted he could’ve found her otherwise.

“The kids aren’t injured, as crazy as that is, and we can’t risk you getting an infection. You need antibiotics at the very least.”

The first SAR asset hit the roof of the fire truck with a basket, and the second followed. Buck gaped because the last thing he’d expected was Eddie to be one of them. His partner was reserve SAR, just like he was, but he’d figured that Eddie would end up in whatever field hospital was being set up because of his medic training. In a disaster, it was all hands on deck in that kind of situation.

“Eds.”

Eddie stopped briefly and touched the boys gently before moving down the truck to set the basket down. “Look at you out here saving lives and helping babies into the world off-duty on a Sunday.”

Buck laughed. “Gina did the work. I just caught the baby.”

“Well, first, you caught me,” Gina said and glanced toward the basket. “You’re really going to take me up in that?”

“It’ll be safe. Sae is going to handle the transfer,” Eddie said. “I’ll be staying down here to make room for more evacuations.” He focused on Buck. “Injuries?”

“Surprisingly, few.” Buck stood and shifted out of the way as Eddie put his bag down, and Sae moved in to take care of Gina. “A broken arm on the SUV, a grade one concussion on the car, and the rest are just bruised and getting dehydrated. Most can go on boats. I think Gina and Eva are the ones that need priority transport.”

“Let’s take her, the baby, and the concussion,” Sae said as she checked Gina’s pulse. “And the three kids.”

Buck shared a look with Eddie because he really wasn’t on board with being separated from their kids. “The little girl doesn’t have an adult with her. She said her name is Harper, and she’s three. She’s clearly traumatized. I’m not sure going up on a rope to a helicopter is the best choice for her emotionally.”

She activated her radio. “Cap, what’s the time on the boats?”

“Twenty minutes, I’ve routed one to an intact Ferris wheel,” Gaines said over the radio. “I’ve found ten more survivors on the roof of a building two blocks from your location. McBride dropped them supplies while they wait on evac.”

Sae exhaled and nodded. “Yeah, okay. I’m going to evac a broken arm, a concussion, and the new mom complete with baby. Mom’s up first.”

Eddie opened up his bag, pulled a radio harness from it, and passed it to Buck.

“Thanks,” Buck put it on and turned the radio on. He sent Eddie a relieved look because carrying around the handheld had been difficult, so that hadn’t lasted long at all.

Eddie nodded and glanced around. “Where’s the concussion?”

“Blue car,” Buck said and pointed across the street. “I can go get her.”

Eddie exhaled loudly.

“I know the terrain—there are some obstacles under the water,” Buck said.

Edde nodded and focused on helping the female paramedic get Gina ready for transport. “Buck, this is Sae Bu with SAR.”

“It’s great to meet you,” Buck said. “And thanks for coming.”

She grinned at him. “It’s a privilege, Buck. We’ve been listening to the kids’ reports. You’ve been working your butt off out here. Cap had to call dibs to get on the chopper himself.”

Eddie laughed.

Buck shook his head at them, slid over the side of the truck, and started toward the car. He moved quickly as he had a good routine going. “Arliss, you’re getting evacuated because of your concussion.”

The girl nodded and lifted her head off the lap of the new friend she’d made.

“We have boats coming in for the rest of us—but we need to get the injured and newly born out first. Janie, when I get Arliss to the truck, I’m going to come back for you and move you to the SUV so you aren’t alone. I’m taking Jake to the truck, so there will be room.”

Janie nodded. “Yeah, thanks, Buck.”

Eddie watched Buck move through the water easily, guiding the girl along the hose straight to the truck. It was clear he’d done it dozens of times already. The teenager on the truck moved to help Buck, and Eddie cleared his throat.

“Oh, sorry. I just…it’s sort of a habit at this point. A lot of people started out here, and we had to move them when it got crowded, and the water started to recede a little, so there was more surface to sit on.”

Eddie nodded. “You did great, but you can rest now. You look worn out.” He moved to the side and took the girl from Buck’s hands.

“This is Arliss. We’re figuring a grade-one concussion,” Buck said. “I’m going to move some people around and bring Jake, who has the broken arm, over when I get my loner off that car and to the SUV.”

Eddie nodded. “We’re going to lift Gina up and into the helicopter, then Sae will take Arliss up in a harness.” He guided the girl to a spot to sit and pulled out a flashlight. “Let’s give you a check. Have you thrown up?”

“Yes, but it was mostly water,” she said and blinked a little as he moved the light between her eyes. “I’m okay. I can stay so the little kids can go.”

“We’ll take them out in boats,” Eddie said. “A helicopter ride might be the limit.” He glanced toward the boys and found the little girl had snuggled up with Christopher and gone to sleep. “You guys okay, Mijo?”

“I’m good, Daddy,” Christopher said and yawned. “We’re thirsty, though.”

“We’ll send water down before we leave,” Sae said as she tightened the belts on the basket and activated her radio. “McBride, I’m ready for the lines.”

“Denny?” Eddie questioned.

“I want a big nap,” Denny declared. “And I think Harper needs a blanket.”

Eddie moved up to the front of the truck and squatted down in front of the kids. He touched the little girl’s face gently and found her warm but not feverish. She was shaking a little. He ran his hands down her arms, then did the same thing for her legs and sighed as he encountered a piece of hard plastic. He carefully pushed up her knee-length shorts and checked the device.

He picked her up with a soft curse and took her his bag. “We’ve got ourselves a diabetic.”

“What?” Sae looked up from where she was securing lines.

“She’s wearing a monitor.” Eddie rummaged through his bag, took out a blood sugar kit, and pulled on a pair of gloves. Buck had returned with the man who had the broken arm, and Sae moved to help him.

Buck was back on the truck and by his side, as Eddie took a blood sample and checked the girl’s sugar. “Diabetic?”

“She’s wearing a monitor under her shorts,” Eddie said.

“I didn’t check.” Buck exhaled slowly.

Her blood sugar was seventy-eight. “She needs to go on the helicopter,” Eddie said. “And I wouldn’t have checked either in your place. She was breathing, showing no signs of drowning, and could speak. You don’t even have fresh water out here, so feeding her wasn’t an option either. She’s low but not dangerously so. She definitely needs a hospital versus the field hospital to prevent a real problem.”

“We’ll route her with mom and baby,” Sae said as she hooked up the basket. “Okay, McBride, she’s ready. I’ll be back down in a few minutes, you guys.”

“Wait,” Gina said. “Can you put her in the basket with me? She doesn’t have her mom.”

“It’s doable,” Sae admitted. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah, of course,” Gina said. “There’s room.”

Buck helped unbuckle the straps and adjusted the baby that was swaddled in an emergency blanket that they’d wrapped around Gina to create a sort of carrier. It had been a just-in-case decision, as Buck hadn’t been entirely certain the fire truck would stay where it was if there was another surge. They tucked Harper into the basket beside Gina, who wrapped her free arm around the little girl, and secured all the straps again.

“I’ll take good care of her, Buck,” Gina said.

“Of course you will. You’re already totally owning this whole mom gig,” Buck said and offered her his fist, which she bumped with a laugh.

The SAR team made quick work of evacuating the ones that were in the most need. Eddie appreciated their professionalism and the promise they’d be back out as soon as they could. Once everyone was up, they lowered a case of water and some meal bars.

Eddie emptied out a small bag from his kit and passed it to Buck, who started filling it with supplies that he could take to the other vehicles. He shortened the strap from the larger bag and handed it to Buck so he could use it to secure it to his body.

“You okay?”

“Me?” Eddie asked with a huff. “I’m fine. You guys were in a freaking tsunami.” He waved both hands.

“Stress is stress,” Buck said as he zipped the bag and looped the strap over his body. “Back in a few. Lucas, get some water instead of staring off into space.”

The teenager started and nodded. “Yeah, sorry. Hey, make sure Stacy gets a meal bar or two if it’s possible. She was telling us that she hadn’t eaten all day because her boyfriend ragged her at breakfast.”

“She really needs a new one,” Buck muttered.

“Which….” Eddie trailed off as he really didn’t know how to ask that question.

“The curvy blond on the SUV,” Lucas said as Buck eased into the water. He unwrapped a meal bar and took a bite. “Her dude said she was too big to pick up. She was afraid that Buck wouldn’t be able to get her out of the water.”

Eddie shook his head. “Buck can deadlift 375 pounds on a normal basis and as much as 400 when adrenaline is involved.”

“Yeah, I certainly weigh more than her, and I’m pushing 150 since I’m going to start bulking soon for wrestling.” He opened a bottle of water. “You have a similar body type to me. What are you bench pressing?”

“315,” Eddie said. “You’ve got a trainer for that, right?”

“Yeah, of course, my dad is a personal trainer. He wouldn’t let me start that process until he found a nutritionist he trusted. I’m hoping for a scholarship, and I need to do well in wrestling. We’re in pre-season right now, so I hope to be in a good place by the end of November.”

Eddie nodded and squatted down in front of the boys. He opened bottles of water for them both. “Drink slowly. Hungry?”

“A little,” Denny said. “I think I could split a bar?”

“Yeah,” Christopher agreed.

Eddie opened up a meal bar and split it between the two boys. “If you need more, tell me. We have plenty, and we’ll be evacuating soon.”

“We’re okay, Daddy. Buck took great care of us.”

“He always does,” Eddie said and smiled when both boys nodded seriously.

Part 2