Dear HET Reading Minions

I write a lot of slash, that is to say there is a lot of gay porn on this site. I’m really very pleased to have you here reading Harry Potter and the Soulmate Bond. Really. I don’t want you to click on something all willy nilly and get surprise butt!sex of the gay variety.

So, to avoid that whole thing let me just say there is a LOT OF BUTT SEX ON THIS SITE.


Now, this is not a WARNING as I don’t believe in warning for slash. This is merely a heads up — if you invite your mom or your grandma to the site to read my Harry/Hermione story do monitor them closely to make sure they don’t go on a Surprise!butt Sex Magical Mystery Tour.

AND, if you find that your grandma has already been on the Surprise!butt Sex Magical Mystery Tour (and she liked it or alternatively thinks you’re going to hell), you only have yourself to blame. Honestly, you brought that shit on yourself.


Much Love,




Keira Marcos

In my spare time, I write fanfiction and lead a cult of cock worshippers on the Internet. It's not the usual kind of hobby for a 40ish "domestic engineer" but we live in a modern world and I like fucking with people's expectations.


  1. :: cackles/wheeze ::

    Oh, I love it.

    Thank you for that.


  2. Hell Het sex shock me lol A pussy ….. this huge gap between our leg OMG fortunately you warned me LMAO

    Now the question, shall i invite my mom to read your HP fic ? That’s the question….

    I began to read your HP (au secours Het) fic and it’s really great (like if you wrote crap once *snort*)

    Love Minerva and Sirius a lot.


  3. Welcome to today’s Surprise!butt Sex Magical Mystery Tour

    My name is Tempus, and I’ll be your guide for the day. πŸ˜€
    No really, you’ll have fuuuuuuuuuun.

    • sorry folks, I’ve just been informed that there’s another Tour Guide who’ll be with you shortly.


      I’ll just follow.

  4. That is exactly why I give doc, pdf, mobi or epub copies to family members and friends who can’t handle slash but are both horrified and fascinated!

  5. Surprise!butt Sex Magical Mystery Tour

    Where is the tour? Where do we sign up? Cost? $$$$? Oh don’t worry I’ll just rob a bank πŸ˜€

  6. ” Surprise!butt Sex Magical Mystery Tour”

    OMG I love this. I actually think more people should go on this tour. LOL

    It’s very good of you to give a heads up for the newby hey minons. πŸ™‚

  7. BAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! I’ll be over here humming the song. You knows I’m a G.

  8. Can I take the tour?!?!? Can I, huh? Been WAY too long since I have watched some magical, mystical butt sex of the hott gay kind in person. Where do I buy tickets? OHHHHHH is it an E ticket? Or is the tour the big Ohhh ticket? WANTS!!! PRECIOUS!!!

  9. I love you so much…even more so by making my brother-in-law snort coffee whilst reading this over my shoulder. He has noted before now if he wasn’t completely gay and married to my brother, he would turn Het for you. Both of them would like you to vacation with them if you ever come to England as they adore your posts as much as I do, so do note you and CP have a permanent invitation. Hugs, Hxx

  10. OMG Surprise!butt Sex Magical Mystery Tour(You know this has just been added to the Minion dictionary right?). I haven’t stopped laughing yet. I have this feeling even if each page was labeled in bolded text with *butt sex ahead* somehow somebody would still be surprised by it. The video was hysterical.

  11. Speaking as a grandmother, I can give another warning: don’t be surprised if it turns out your grandmother likes the butt!sex too.

    I’m just saying.

  12. I just absolutely love you. That made my day!

  13. That was so funny, I almost poured a can of coke down my dress at work.

    And I have to admit that I have already given my mother the Surprise!butt Sex Magical Mystery Tour. She not exactly a fan of the butt sex, but the rest of it is too entertaining for her to give it up.

  14. :-} Am I reading between the lines? It sounds like some Surprised person’s referring Minion got all whiny at you after their Surprised Grandma got all freaked out at them. Seriously, if someone’s old enough that their (grand)kid’s reccing fanfic to ’em, they’re old enough to “compartmentalize”! Liking a “vanilla” story doesn’t make ’em pervy just ’cause that author also writes BUTT!SEX!!! (not to mention all the other interesting kink here). I think I was about 10 when I first discovered that a favorite YA author had also written some adult material which (at the time) I found boring and stupid. The fact that the author had written stuff I didn’t like did NOT make their Stuff I DID Like any less likable!

    Your Het!Minions should tell Grandma to grow up already.. πŸ™‚

  15. OK… So.. Sorry to reiterate the question but, No I think I’ll rephrase that: Just how many BrainDead complains did you recieve about; “But I’m a brain damaged mofo who can’t get that it’s not in any way shape or form my place to complain about something I did not commission nor pay for. Why yes, I do need to grow the fuck up.”

  16. omg. “surprise! buttsex” has me rolling.


  17. Really Nanna and Mum have both been on the tour for a while!!!

  18. Sometimes I’m really glad that my mom didn’t learn enough English to be able to read fanfictions. Makes my life sooo much easier!!!

  19. What’s really kind of awesome is when Nanna or Mum turn out to be really kind of awesome and happily surprised by the surprise butt-sex. Didn’t happen to me, but it happened to a friend of mine when her mother found the fanfic. Once she got over the “oh jeez, my mother likes slash” phase, they bonded over it.

  20. *giggle*. I love it πŸ™‚

  21. Rofl. I <3 you hon. So much.

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