Reading Time: 139 Minutes

Title: Firebreak
Author: Keira Marcos
Fandom: 9-1-1, San Andreas, Numb3rs
Relationships: Evan Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Maddie Buckley/Lou Ransone, Other Canon Pairings
Genre: Romance, Alternate Universe, First Time, Slash
Rating: NC-17
Warning: Explicit Sex, Canon-Typical Violence, Discussion-Original Character Death, Discussion-Canon Character Death, Character Bashing, Discussion-Dysfunctional Family Dynamics, Discussion-Domestic Violence, Discussion-Attempted Murder, Homophobia, Discussion-Mass Shooting, Discussion- Suicidal Ideation, Grammarly Beta
Word Count: 110,646
Summary: Evan Buckley only spent a month at the 118 after Eddie Diaz was hired before he was recruited by SAR. Eddie sees that as a missed opportunity in more than one way. He felt like he could’ve made a good friend if they’d had the time. Just one year later, fate would bring Buck back into his life in the exact moment Eddie needs him most.

Chapter 14

“Where did you learn to do this?” Bobby asked curiously.

Buck paused in the application of the drywall mud just briefly before he began smoothing more mud on the wall. He was on the third coat for the entire room. “I did some construction work in high school during the summers to get out of the house and to put aside money for my escape. My parents didn’t care where I went when I left the house, and I don’t know if they ever knew if I had a job or not.”

“Didn’t they have to give you permission to work?” Bobby asked curiously.

“Yeah, I got my mother to sign the form while she was super drunk,” Buck said easily. “I turned off the Internet then pretended we needed new equipment that she had to sign for. So, she signed off on it because she was pissed that she couldn’t get online to talk with her boyfriend of the moment. I don’t like to think about all of that much because I had to do a lot of shady shit to make my life work.”

“That’s none of your fault,” Bobby said quickly, even as he very carefully mimicked Buck’s movements on the wall he’d been given. “I’ve always wanted to learn how to do this. Harry was goofing off with a friend on the stairs, and they fell. Didn’t injure themselves, but now the wall has a hole in it.”

“I can come over and help you patch it,” Buck said. “We’ll need a few supplies for the hole itself and all of that, but it would take long to fix it. Painting would be the worst part of the job. We might have to repaint the wall to make sure it matches.”

“We can make Harry help,” Bobby said in agreement. “Maybe it’ll teach him to be more careful.”

“Couldn’t hurt, plus maybe he’ll learn something that will interest him.” He cleared his throat. “His father is an architect, right? Didn’t Michael work in construction when he was in college to pay his way? Or am I getting people mixed up?”

“Yeah, he did,” Bobby said. “But he doesn’t come to the house much anymore. He’s dating a guy who doesn’t really like kids, nor does he like that Michael lived as a straight man for decades. It’s like he can only accept parts of Michael instead of all of him.”

“Then he’s dating him because of the money,” Buck said, and Bobby grunted his agreement. “I mean, it could be the sex if Michael can throw down, and who’s to say he can’t?”

Bobby laughed.

“We both know that good sex can lead a man astray,” Buck continued. “So maybe Michael is too wrapped to recognize that he’s damaging his relationship with his family. How are May and Harry handling it?”

“May’s disappointed, and Harry waffles between furious and sad. The sleepover and trip to the zoo was good for him. He likes spending time with Christopher and Denny and was worried that he wouldn’t get to see much of Christopher because of Eddie’s transfer. The immediate sleepover after the transfer helped soothe some of those worries.”

“They’re great kids,” Buck murmured. “And were real troopers on the zoo trip. I mean, there were kids everywhere, and I saw some really bad behavior, but Harry, Denny, and Christopher were chill even when they got tired.”

“They were all three on their best behavior because of you,” Bobby said wryly, and Buck laughed. “Seriously, all kids lose their little minds at some point or another. I’d be alarmed, actually, to meet a kid who’d never had a single tantrum. They have a lot of emotions, and emotional control is learned.”

“Right,” Buck murmured. “I wasn’t…allowed to get upset with my parents as a kid, so I understand what you mean. I don’t remember specifically why, but I knew from a very early age that not doing exactly what my mother said would be dangerous.”

“I hate them,” Bobby admitted roughly. “You don’t have any contact with them anymore, right?”

“They disowned me years ago,” Buck assured. “And now Maddie is disowned as well, so it’s just us. Our parents even went out of their way to send us each a letter certified mail to inform us both that we’d been disinherited. We burned the letters in a pagan cleansing ritual that we looked up online and sent a video of it to both of those assholes before we blocked them.” He paused. “They’re fundamental Christians.”

Bobby laughed. “A plus trolling, as May would say.”

“It was Maddie’s idea. She got really bent out of shape over the whole thing,” Buck admitted. “Also, around that time, I found out I had a brother who died when he was a kid. It turns out that I was a savior sibling, and I failed to save my older brother. My parents loathe me for it.”

“I’m not above a road trip,” Bobby warned. “Athena would go with me.”

“I’m fine,” Buck assured. “I worked through it in therapy, and I know that I’m not to blame for my brother’s death. My parents are just disgusting bastards, and I’m at peace with that. I’ll never allow them in my life again.”

“Eddie’s parents are awful, too,” Bobby said. “As a head’s up.”

“Yeah, he told me about them. What kind of problem do you think they are?”

“The kind that would ruin their son’s life and destroy their own grandchild just to maintain control over their family,” Bobby said. “I think Helena Diaz wouldn’t even care if Eddie were dead if it meant she got Christopher.”

“I really hope she’s not on the list of potential guardians,” Buck muttered and resolved to find some way to ask Eddie about it. “He’s a sweet kid—bright, cheerful, and empathetic. Probably more mature than he should be for his age because of his disability.”

“Agreed,” Bobby said. “But he’s a strong kid, too. Very resilient, which is probably a product of the fact that his mother just disappeared.”

“Yeah, parents can really mess you up,” Buck said. “My therapist says my parents were lucky to have not raised a serial killer.”

“I could say the same thing about my old man,” Bobby admitted. “He was a drunk and a real bastard nearly all the time. He never hit us, but the emotional abuse was significant. My habit of self-medicating was learned at his knee.”

“And it got out of control when pain meds were introduced,” Buck said and nodded. “Seeing your road to addiction is important, right?”

“Right.” Bobby agreed. “This is looking good so far.”

“Yeah, I’ve been considering seating options, and I think some couches lower to the floor is my current idea. Maybe a sectional that will sort of flow around the room. It’s a big purchase, so I’m going to play Goldilocks in a bunch of furniture stores in the near future.”

“What does the floor look like under this drop cloth?”

“Hardwood, but it needs to be refinished. I figured I’d handle that after I painted. It’s oak—I’m going to rent a floor sander to resurface it and redo the stain.”

“How much construction work did you end up doing as a teenager?” Bobby questioned.

“Most weekends starting at fifteen,” Buck said. “I was a big kid, and I was eager to learn, so I got moved around a lot to different tasks when I worked in construction. I also volunteered with Habitat for Humanity, so I learned a bunch of stuff doing that as well. After I left home, I sort of meandered down the country doing odd jobs and even worked on a ranch. Physical labor has always come easy for me.”

“I went out and took the walk you made with Eddie during the forest fire,” Bobby said, and Buck stopped what he was doing to turn and stare.

“What?” Buck questioned.

“During the reenactment, I was out there with Ray Gaines and a few others,” Bobby said, and Buck huffed a little. “I wanted to see the terrain, and I admit to being curious about the FBI’s operation and their search.”

“Did they find anything else?”

“Yeah, he abandoned a backpack full of supplies at some point. Probably because the smoke inhalation was making it difficult to think and move,” Bobby said, and Buck nodded. “I didn’t get a look at the contents. But one would assume it had more weapons, food, and probably ammunition. At any rate, the two firefighters who did the actual walk were stupidly impressed with your stamina and your directional awareness. Because the one doing the carrying got off track three times in broad daylight, and he ran out of air before the firebreak.”

“It’s weird,” Buck confessed.

“What?”

“It’s weird having my work assessed in such a way by the FBI.” Buck sighed when Bobby laughed. “But, also, I don’t personally think I did anything all that impressive on the physical front. I did my job, Bobby.”

“You saved Eddie’s life, Evan,” Bobby returned, and Buck took a deep breath. “And you know that.”

“What else could I have possibly done?” Buck questioned. “I felt extraordinarily grateful to have even seen him in the first place. It was a stroke of luck for both of us.”

“Doubly so for him because precious few people could’ve reached him in time to save his life,” Bobby said. “At the start of the reenactment, the FBI was going to have the guys from the 27 at the pick-up point. Ray corrected them, put the carrier at the lookout, and made him take the trip out to pick up his partner at a sustained run.”

“I did run most of the way to him,” Buck said. “I had to get there as fast as I could.”

“That was also our assumption, so that was factored in. It only increased the level of incredulity from the FBI, by the way. So, we’re all standing at the lookout when JD Pugh all but dragged himself and his partner up those stairs, and Ray just checked his watch and made a face at them.” Buck laughed. “And Pugh apologized for his slow time.”

“I think Agent Eppes works from a different perspective and expected the average from even first responders when it comes to that kind of thing,” Buck said. “I think most people don’t really understand the physicality involved in the job that we do and what it takes to do it properly. It’s also a level of commitment that some people consider far too much of a burden.”

“Granted,” Bobby said. “Lunch?”

“Lunch,” Buck agreed. “I’ve got some salmon filets marinating. Is a salad good for a side, or do you need carbs at this point in the day?”

“A salad is fine,” Bobby said as he helped organize the supplies.

“I have some fresh strawberries and spinach, so I thought I’d put together a salad with that. We can make a dressing of some sort—I don’t have anything premade that would really work for that.”

“Sounds good.” Bobby stretched. “A lemon vinaigrette would be nice with it.”

“Yeah, and you can help me brainstorm dinner options—Eddie and Christopher are coming over.”

* * * *

“This is a big house!”

Buck nodded as he guided Christopher toward the kitchen. “A lot of the rooms are still a rough mess, Superman, so we have to be careful. Okay?”

Christopher nodded. “Daddy said you were renovating. How long have you lived here?”

“About eight months,” Buck said. “So, I’m working on the rooms one at a time. I’m just taking my time with it to get it right. I have it on good authority that you really like shrimp.”

“I do,” Christopher said and eyed him. “Did Daddy tell you?”

Buck shot Eddie a grin. “Nah, Bobby was over here for lunch today. He helped me with the drywall in my future theater room. I grilled some steak, shrimp, and chicken.”

“That’s a lot,” Christopher said.

“Well, some of it is meal prep, but you can have whatever you want.”

“I don’t look forward to feeding him as a teenager,” Eddie muttered, and Buck laughed. “I guess it’ll be like feeding you, though.”

“Certainly,” Buck said. “I did some baked potatoes, too. Chris, how do you feel about asparagus? Bobby didn’t know.”

“It’s better than cauliflower,” Chris said. “But I like broccolini more.”

“Ah, then we’re in luck because I have some,” Buck said as he headed for the fridge. “We can eat at the bar or the table. You guys can decide.”

“The bar is fine,” Eddie said and helped Christopher up onto a high-backed stool. “Can I help with anything?”

Buck gave him a look, and Eddie laughed. “You can get some plates, I guess.” He pointed toward a cabinet. “Silverware is in the middle drawer of the island.” His doorbell rang, and he frowned before picking up his phone to check the camera. He stared at the image for a moment with a frown. “Ah. Well.”

“What?” Eddie questioned.

“Unexpected company,” Buck muttered and tucked his phone in his jeans. “I’ll get rid of them, but can you wash this broccolini?”

“Sure.”

Buck wiped his hands with a dish towel and went to get rid of the guy on his front porch. He never tolerated unannounced visits to his house, and the fuck buddy in question knew that well enough. They hadn’t had sex in a few months, and a mid-evening meeting without a phone call was weird and unfortunate. He opened the door.

“Buck, hey.” Hector Moreno gave him a warm, flirty smile, and Buck acknowledged that as much as Eddie had a type, so did he. “Busy? Did you get a new truck?”

“Very busy, and that’s not my truck,” Buck said and exhaled slowly.

“Oh, dude, sorry,” Hector said quickly and took a few steps back. “I was driving by and saw the truck. I’m looking into getting the new F-150, so I figured I might test drive yours and get a ride, too.” He wet his lips.

Buck shook his head. “I’m in a relationship now.”

“That sucks. You’re my favorite,” Hector admitted, and Buck laughed reluctantly. “Oh.” His eyes widened as he stared over Buck’s shoulder.

“He’s my favorite, too,” Eddie said as he joined them.

“I’ll go,” Hector said with a grin and left the porch. “Nice truck, man.”

“Thanks,” Eddie said and shot Buck a look before shutting the door for him.

Buck followed Eddie back to the kitchen after locking the door. “Favorite? I’d better be the only one, Edmundo.”

“Same, Evan,” Eddie said breezily and turned to Chris. “You were right.”

“I normally am, Daddy,” Christopher said earnestly. “We might ought to put a sign on the door or something. Denny says pretty people bring shady people out of the woodwork.” He paused. “Whatever that means.”

“Do you want to know what it means?” Buck questioned as he carried the broccolini to the cutting board to cut, and Christopher nodded. “It means to either appear out of nowhere or fade into the background of a situation. The root of the phrase is a reference to insects hiding in the woodwork of a house without notice only to appear unexpectedly.”

“Cool,” Christopher said. “I wonder where Denny heard it?”

“Probably a grandparent,” Eddie suggested. “His grandmother babysits for him sometimes, right?”

“Right, and she’s nice. Sometimes, she brings him over to Abuelita’s, and they watch telenovelas together. Abuelita has been teaching her Spanish,” Christopher said. “Denny’s been learning, too. He says he’s going to pick it for his language elective in school when he can. Abuelita says I should, too, so I can improve my grammar. Plus, I have a better foundation than most kids, so I’ll do well in it. But I kind of want to learn French in school since I’m learning Spanish at home.”

“You can get a grammar primer for your iPad,” Eddie said. “And you can take French if you want. The more rounded your language education is, the better your job opportunities will be. Being able to communicate well with peers easily from other countries will set you apart in most scientific fields.”

“I think so, too,” Christopher said. “What do you think, Buck?”

“A second or third language is a bonus,” Buck said as he turned on the burner. He tossed the garlic he’d already minced in the skillet with some oil. “I’m conversational in Spanish and Portuguese. I’d like to become fluent in Spanish for the job, so I’ve been working on it, and I’ve been considering an online class. As far as science careers go, you might consider studying German as well, right?

“And Mandarin Chinese,” Christopher said with a nod. “We need to start looking at junior high schools soon, Daddy. I want to pick one that teaches German or French.” He paused. “But I think I’d prefer to start with French.”

“We’ll figure it out,” Eddie assured. “And you can supplement with online classes if you want.”

“I’ve been working with French already on Duolingo,” Christopher said, and Buck raised an eyebrow in surprise. “The summer got boring.”

He laughed. “I get it. Maybe I’ll try that as a work activity.” He tossed the broccolini in the skillet. “Your dad said you want to be an astrophysicist.”

“Or a rocket scientist like Aunt Karen,” Christopher said. “I think I’d like to work at JPL or directly for NASA. My first choice for college is CalSci, but I’ll take CalTech if the scholarship options are better.”

Buck didn’t know if all little kids were so focused on future planning or if it was a by-product of watching Eddie work his ass off on a regular basis. Christopher did seem the sort to learn a lot through observation. He quickly plated food, put the leftovers away, and joined them at the bar to eat. He noted that Eddie had given them all water, and Christopher hadn’t complained or requested anything different. Buck resolved to ask privately what Eddie’s rules were regarding drinks with sugar and caffeine.

“Did you go to college, Buck?”

“No, I ran away from home as soon as I could,” Buck admitted frankly, and Christopher’s eyes widened. “My parents weren’t great. I traveled around a bit and worked in a bunch of different jobs while I was figuring myself out. Then I came to LA and joined the fire department.”

“Do you wish you’d gone?” Eddie asked.

“No, not at all. I’m happy with how everything worked out with my career,” Buck said. “Before I transferred to SAR, I was considering studying fire science or going the engineer path with the LAFD. Now, it’s not so appealing. I value education and experience pretty equally.”

“What’s fire science?” Christopher questioned.

“It’s about studying fire behavior and prevention. Arson investigation uses fire science to figure out how and why fires are started,” Eddie said. “A lot of life-saving procedures and equipment we have today to fight fires came from people studying fire science. A lot of universities even offer degrees in the subject.”

“That’s cool,” Christopher said. “I didn’t know that was even a thing.”

“There are a couple of documentaries you can watch,” Buck said, and the boy nodded quickly. “The academy sometimes offers classes and research seminars on the subject for people who want to get certified for fire science. But those that want to get into arson investigation often end up going on to get a degree. The pay is better, and career advancement is easier.”

“Daddy, why didn’t you go to college?”

“I pretty much ran away from home, too, Mijo,” Eddie said wryly, and Buck laughed. “I just let the Army do the driving. I needed to stand on my own two feet as soon as possible, and I knew that I couldn’t depend on my parents. Well, I knew I couldn’t depend on them to support my decisions. I grew up knowing the easy way in their house was my mother’s way.”

“Grandma’s really invested in her own opinion,” Christopher said. “The shrimp is really good, Buck.”

“Thanks. I figured the grilling would be a safe bet. How do you feel about paella?”

Christopher stared. “What’s that?”

“A Spanish rice dish. It can be made with seafood, though that isn’t necessarily considered traditional. Do you eat other kinds of seafood?” Buck glanced at Eddie. “Mussels?”

Eddie laughed. “No, but he’ll eat calamari.”

“I’ve done it with sausage in the past. Chorizo, to be specific,” Buck said, and Christopher made a noise that sounded like he was interested. “We’ll try it. I have to substitute the wine anyway, so I don’t make an authentic version. Experimentation is always fun.”

“Sure,” Eddie said roughly, and Christopher laughed. “I don’t like most fish. I’m especially opposed to catfish.”

“It smells gross,” Christopher said. “Grandma loves to cook it.” He made a face.

“I prefer salmon, but I’ll eat most fish,” Buck said and laughed at the looks he received. “I normally skip tuna.”

“I like tuna salad,” Eddie admitted, and Christopher made a disgusted face. “As long as my abuela makes it.”

“Well, no one’s perfect,” Buck muttered, and Eddie laughed.

* * * *

“His name is Hector,” Buck said.

Eddie hummed under his breath as he settled on his bed and adjusted the earbud in his ear. “I wasn’t going to ask.” He paused. “Does he make a habit of showing up uninvited?”

“No, I don’t really encourage that at all with anyone. Even my sister calls in advance,” Buck said. “It was a casual thing with Hector, and I’ll make sure to let him know that it won’t be revisited.”

Eddie curled his toes against the sheets. “He’s beautiful.”

“So are you,” Buck pointed out.

“When I was younger, I considered my looks to be a detraction,” Eddie admitted. “There was a guy in boot camp that called me pretty boy, and I felt like he was picking on me until he followed me into a supply closet one night and practically begged to suck me off.”

Buck laughed. “Did you let him?”

“Of course I did,” Eddie said. “What eighteen-year-old turns down a blow job? I already knew I was bisexual, so it wasn’t like he was the first to get on his knees for me. He was the first, however, to come in his pants while sucking me off. It was the hottest experience I’d had up until that point.” He paused. “He actually thanked me, and the next time he called me pretty boy, it didn’t feel like an insult at all.”

“I wonder if he still thinks about you,” Buck murmured. “Having someone turn you on like that can leave a big impression.” He cleared his throat. “I only have one regular hook-up, and I sent her a text to let her know that I was in a relationship. I hadn’t seen Hector in months, or I would’ve sent him one, too. In fact, the last time I called him, he told me he was seeing someone, so I’d sort of set him aside as an option.”

“What does the woman look like?” Eddie asked curiously.

“Dark red hair and green eyes,” Buck said. “She’s a smokejumper. She told me to tell you that she’ll kick your ass if you hurt my feelings.”

“Adelaide Calhoun, right?” Eddie guessed. “She’s smart, brave, and gorgeous. I met her when I first started doing reserve work. Why didn’t you marry her and make babies with her?”

Buck laughed. “The first time we met, she made it clear that she didn’t have the time for anything serious. Plus, she’s ten years older than me and doesn’t want kids. She’s great, though and I like to be with good people as a rule. I’m not interested in having toxic relationships—not even when it comes to a fuck buddy. Hector’s a good person as well. He’s a nurse practitioner. We met during a bicycle charity event a few years back. What about you?”

“My last hook-up was about five months ago,” Eddie said. “But I don’t have a regular fuck buddy at this point. My divorce messed me up a little, and it got hard to trust people with even that much. I only recently started dating again. The kid-hater was the third person since my divorce was final as far as actual dating goes.”

“I’m glad to have made the cut then,” Buck said.

“Trusting you was easy from the start,” Eddie admitted. “Even when you were being a dick. I think, especially because you were a dick actually.”

“What do you mean?” Buck questioned with a laugh.

“It’s just…you were being a rude little shit, then you turned around and volunteered to do something immensely dangerous with me as if you hadn’t spent most of the day clearly wishing I wasn’t anywhere near you,” Eddie said. “It told me everything I needed to know about you, Buck.” He took a deep breath. “And it was telling that no one else volunteered.”

“What?” Buck questioned.

“Buck, you were the only person on that scene to volunteer to go with me,” Eddie said quietly. “I was…well.” He took a deep breath. “It’s like they all forgot I was probationary in the face of my military experience. I was the best choice if the patient was to survive, but…I’m probably not explaining myself well.”

“No, I get it,” Buck said. “And it makes me even sorrier for leaving you behind the way I did. They probably forgot you were probationary a lot, right?”

“Well, everyone except for Chimney,” Eddie said. “Who went out of his way, often, to make it clear that my military service didn’t matter to him at all. In fact, I’d go so far as to say that I think he finds my service offensive. I’ve encountered that kind of attitude before. Most people thank me when they find out, but others…. Well. I know veterans were treated much worse in the past, especially those who served in Vietnam, despite the fact that many of them were drafted and had no choice in the matter at all. But I’ve gotten accused of murder for serving in a war zone by a civilian more than once.

“There was a parent a few months back in a PTA meeting who was thrilled to speak with me about being a firefighter but actually paled when she found out I was in the Army. I overheard her tell someone else that I was attractive, and it was too bad I had such a disgusting past. I think she might have responded better if I were an ex-convict.”

“Wow, people suck. I’m sorry you had that experience. I can go with you to the next PTA meeting and stare at her with a disappointed look on your behalf.”

Eddie laughed. “Sounds great.” He checked his watch. “We should go to sleep. It’s just about nine hours before our next shift.”

“Yeah, I’ll see you in the morning then.”

Chapter 15

“We’ve got a climber wedged in a crevice a hundred feet down a cliffside,” Ray reported over the headset as the helicopter rose easily off the ground. “There is another on a ledge about forty feet below him. The one wedged is conscious and reporting no serious injuries. The one on the ledge has been unconscious since they were discovered. The pro climber that found them reports that the crevice has a sheer, vertical surface, and he didn’t have the equipment on him to render assistance.”

“Name on the pro?” Buck questioned.

“Heath Cross,” Ray reported. “Any info?”

“Steady, not prone to showing off, never takes amateurs out for clout, rarely films himself, and the last I heard, he was training for Everest,” Buck said. “His wife is a pro surfer. They split their time between here and Hawaii, where her family is from. No kids.”

“How big is the wedged victim?” Eddie questioned.

“He’s reporting a chest measurement of forty inches,” Ray said and glanced over his shoulder. “So, you and Sae are the only ones that are going to get past the point where he got stuck.”

“I could, but it would be tight,” Buck said. “I got a new suit last month, so my current chest measurement is thirty-eight inches.”

“We’ll run the three of you on separate winches,” Ray said. “Eddie and Sae will be taking the long trip down with a basket. Buck, you’ll focus on the wedge situation, and once he’s hauled out, you’ll help Sae and Eddie maneuver the other victim up with the basket—which we’ll have to do vertically. If that victim is awake, one of you will climb in tandem with the basket to keep them calm. Thomas and I will stay top side as neither one of us will be useful in the crevice.”

Eddie hadn’t been on the ropes, not even with the climbing wall, with Sae, but he trusted Buck’s assessment of her when it came to the work they were about to do. Beside him, Buck shifted and pressed their knees together briefly so Eddie focused on him.

“Cool?”

“Yeah,” Eddie assured. “I realized recently that helicopters aren’t really the problem. It’s the assholes who keep shooting them down.”

Buck stared for a moment and huffed a little. “I mean…yeah. Neither crash was mechanical failure or pilot error. You have the weirdest luck, Eds.”

“I don’t know if I would call it luck,” Thomas said across from them. “Might be karma, though. Do you think you were a bag of dicks in a former life?”

Eddie laughed. “I like to think I’ve been amazing from the very beginning. Thank you very much.”

“I think I was probably a serial killer in a former life,” Sae said and stretched her legs. “My mom said I’ve been casually homicidal since birth and that she thinks I either died hard in a previous life or I was a murder hobbyist, and I carried that interest with me. But I promise I’ve never killed anyone.” She paused. “In this life.”

Thomas laughed.

“I don’t know whether or not to take you seriously,” Eddie admitted, and Sae laughed. “But I’m going to put you on the list of people I can call if I ever need to hide a body, just in case.”

“Have shovel will travel,” Sae said with a cheerful grin, and Ray laughed from the front of the helicopter.

“It’s a good thing our internal chatter isn’t recorded,” Cohn said wryly from the pilot seat. “We’re four minutes out. Dispatch has relayed that I have a landing area about a hundred yards from the crevice. Buck, can I trust this Cross guy with that kind of assessment?”

“He’s a civil engineer by profession and works for LA County,” Buck said. “I think if he had even the smallest of concerns regarding us landing, he’d have relayed it. I met him after the earthquake last year when I was volunteering during my off hours. He was on the site of a building collapse helping with the removal of bodies.”

Eddie flexed his toes in his boots and relaxed in his seat as the helicopter started to descend. The flight path was smooth and Cohn McBride was handling the craft expertly. It helped a lot that he could trust in the man’s skills. He’d gone up with Ray Gaines several times, and his captain also had a deft hand at the controls.

“Did Eddie go to sleep?” Sae questioned.

Eddie opened his eyes and focused on Thomas. “Nah, but I used to be able to. You know what it’s like.”

Thomas nodded. “I can sleep in any vehicle and through just about any noise outside of gunfire.”

“Same,” Eddie admitted. “Well. Any noise my kid makes will wake me up, but that’s different.” Thomas nodded. “External noise normally doesn’t bother me at all.”

“When I first got out of the Army, my biggest issue was hypervigilance,” Ray said over the radio. “So, I couldn’t sleep through anything. Took a therapist three years to talk me down to what would be normal for my circumstances.”

They landed and quickly sorted themselves for the rescue. After anchoring the wenches, everyone, including Ray, put on harnesses and safety ropes. Eddie appreciated the fact that their captain clearly worked under the assumption that he might be needed and took nothing for granted.

“Do you know either of the victims, Heath?” Buck questioned.

“Nah,” Heath Cross shook his head. “And the wedged guy doesn’t know the other guy’s name, so they weren’t together either. They’re new to the area or new to climbing outdoors.”

Buck nodded.

“How do you know?” Sae questioned.

“Anyone who’d been around a while would know to avoid this cliff side because of the crevice. It’s easy to miss from either direction, but coming at it from the top is a recipe for disaster,” Cross explained. “Neither has managed to make friends with other climbers in the area, or they’d know not to rappel down this particular cliff.”

“It’s recessed from the top and a sheer vertical drop inside,” Buck said. “I climbed down there about two years ago to check it out after I was told about it. There was a sign up here marking the area as dangerous.”

“Yeah, it gets stolen several times a year,” Cross said dryly. “I reported it to the county about a month ago. In fact, that’s why I came out this way. I wanted to see if it had been replaced or if I needed to complain again.”

“We’ll complain for you,” Ray said, and Cross nodded. “Visit with our pilot and give him a witness statement before you leave, Mr. Cross, and thank you for your proactive response to this situation.”

“Of course, sir, I’ll get out of the way, and thank you for the fast response. I’ve got enough time to get in a climb myself before the sun sets.” He picked up his backpack and trotted off toward the helicopter.

“He’s hot,” Sae said as soon as Cross was out of earshot. “Did you hit it?”

“Of course I did,” Buck said with a laugh and exchanged a fist bump with her. “And his wife.”

“Go you,” she said with a grin. “I’m super jealous.”

Eddie figured he might be a little more jealous than Sae was, but he decided to keep that to himself since it was an unfortunate flaw in his character that he worked hard to keep in check.

“It’s been an age since a couple of marrieds picked me up,” Thomas said and sighed. “But the last time was epic.”

Eddie looked at Ray and found him shaking his head in a mournful fashion. “How do you put up with them?”

“I just keep reminding myself that this is, in fact, my circus,” Ray said wryly, and they all laughed. “Do you let marrieds pick you up, too?”

Eddie shook his head. “No, I don’t get that kind of thing. I’ve never been interested in sharing my partners.”

“Finally, someone on my side,” Ray said wryly and activated his radio. “Cohn, let’s work under the assumption that we’re transporting both victims.”

“Understood.”

Five minutes after landing, Eddie was sliding two cams into an opening directly above their wedged victim. The man’s breathing was labored, but he’d been answering questions easily enough since they’d gotten close to converse without yelling. He hooked his rope into the cams, shifted to the left, and above him, Buck went right. Sae was ten feet above them in a holding pattern while they picked the path down to the fall victim.

“Sir, how are you are doing?”

“Better now,” the man said roughly. “My name is Aaron Peters.”

“Do you have anyone we can call to meet you at the hospital, Aaron?” Eddie questioned.

“My parents live back east,” Aaron reported as Eddie started to work a harness around him. “My girlfriend is out of town on business. I haven’t been here long enough to make any real close friends. I guess my boss is the best bet.” He let his forehead rest against the rock. “Which is lame.”

“Well, my boss is definitely on my list of people to call if I’m stuck somewhere,” Buck said and grinned when Aaron laughed weakly. “What do you do for a living?”

“I’m an occupational therapist working with the adult disabled,” Aaron said. “Most of my patients are newly disabled—accidents, vets, and the like. I work a lot. Maybe too much since I’ve been here six months and don’t have a single close friend outside of my girlfriend.”

“Well, you had your priorities,” Eddie said as he threaded the rope through the harness and tied it off. “Does it hurt to breathe?”

“No, and I’m only wedged because I couldn’t get purchase to pull up.” His hands flattened against the rock surface in front of him. “I thought I was going to die when my rope snapped.”

“The crevice edge cut it,” Buck said. “The danger signs that should be at the top of this crevice were stolen. It happens, unfortunately, all too often.”

Eddie looked down at their fall victim. “Did you witness his fall?”

“No,” Aaron admitted. “I didn’t even notice him until the sun got high enough in the sky to provide some light. He hasn’t moved or made a sound that I’ve noticed in the hour and a half that I’ve been stuck here. Can I also say I’ve never regretted disabling Siri more in my life? Nina, my lady, talked me into getting an iPhone when I moved here so we could FaceTime when she traveled. But I’m an Android user from birth and didn’t think I needed that shit. I can’t reach my phone, and I tried for a while before that guy found us.”

“Lesson learned,” Buck said and laughed when Aaron groaned. “I’m going to climb back up with you. Once we get you moving, you’ll want to cross your arms over your chest as soon as you can and curl your fingers against your body to prevent further injury. You’ve got some scrapes already—no need to break anything if it’s avoidable.”

“Understood,” Aaron said and looked up. “Well, I’m really glad I didn’t lose some muscle like my boss suggested when I first moved here. She was worried that I might intimidate some of my patients.”

“A few inches off would’ve been enough to ruin your day,” Eddie agreed as he activated his radio. “We’re ready, Cap.” Buck gave him a nod and attached a tether to Aaron’s harness.

Shortly, Sae was guiding the basket down on his right as they headed for the second victim. He listened as Buck guided Aaron up the crevice then repositioned himself to act as a spotter for the two of them as they landed on the ledge.

Eddie was relieved to find there was no smell of decay once they got close enough. If the man was dead, he hadn’t been dead long. He pulled off his climbing gloves and checked for a pulse. There was none.

“Broken neck,” Sae murmured and activated her radio. “Cap, our second victim is dead. His neck is broken, and the placement of the body appears to match that of a natural fall. Do we leave the body or bring it up?”

“I’ll contact the LAPD,” Ray said. “We’ll have to turn that situation over to them as an unattended death. It wouldn’t be the first time someone has used a crevice like this as a body dump, unfortunately.”

“He is wearing appropriate gear for a climb, at least,” Eddie said, and Sae nodded. “Boots look worn, and the harness looks broken in but newish. If it’s a body dump—it’s a thoughtful one.”

“Understood. I’m relaying that information to the LAPD.” He paused. “Any idea on how long he’s been down there?”

Eddie pulled the man’s cellphone out of his pocket, and it lit up. “His phone has a ninety percent charge, and body temp has to be near normal, but in this heat, that wouldn’t be a surprise. No signs of decomp, and fly activity is minimal. He was already down here when Aaron fell…an hour and a half ago. But he didn’t necessarily die immediately on impact.”

“LAPD is requesting one of us stay to preserve the scene. Begin your ascent. I’ll stay with the body while the rest of you transport our living victim. Cohn can pick me up afterward.”

* * * *

Eddie ignored the looks as he sat down on the bench in front of his open locker. He grabbed the bottle of lotion and started on his feet. Most of the bruising was gone, but he had a few yellow spots here and there. He figured he was getting more attention than was polite because of the scars. He had five—shoulder, abdomen, and thigh. The bullets that had gone through had caused the most damage, as exit wounds were always nasty.

Buck left the showers at that point and sat down on the bench in front of his own locker, which was next to Eddie’s. He wondered if all partnerships were arranged that way in the locker room. Sae and Thomas were directly opposite them. They’d already come and gone from the area as they’d returned to the station while he and Buck had returned to the crevice with Cohn.

They’d ended up hauling the body up for the LAPD after forensics had checked things out, as they’d only had one person capable of even climbing down into the crevice on duty to work the case. Handling a dead body was never pleasant, but he was relieved that the man had been found quickly and his family wouldn’t have to worry and wonder where he was for days or even weeks.

“You cool?”

“Yeah,” Eddie said and glanced toward Buck, who was dressed only in a pair of boxers. He focused on his thigh and worked his thumbs around the scar gently.

“Scar tissue?”

“Minimal at this point,” Eddie said. “I had to have three surgeries on this leg. One in theater, then two more after I was discharged. One to remove the bullet and another to remove scar tissue that was causing a pinched nerve. Still, working with it keeps me from getting muscle cramps.”

“I would’ve thought the shoulder was the worst one after the kidney removal,” Buck said. “Bullet plus dislocation seems like a lot for a single area.”

“It healed much better than I could’ve hoped for, and I haven’t had a dislocation since,” Eddie said and rotated his shoulder. “The scars look worse than they are at this point.”

“They don’t detract,” Buck said and grabbed some clean socks. “Hungry? I’m considering a sandwich. We’re two hours out from a scheduled meal.”

“I’d take a sandwich,” Eddie agreed. “What are the options?”

“Usually—ham, turkey, and chicken. The sandwich area is stocked from a deli down the street, so it’s good stuff.” Buck pulled on a pair of pants, then a T-shirt. “Wheat, rye, and sourdough on the bread.”

“Suddenly, I’m starving,” Eddie admitted, and Buck laughed.

He dressed quickly and followed Buck out of the locker room and toward the kitchen. His partner was humming under his breath as he pulled out the sandwich supplies. Eddie wondered what Buck was thinking as his normally expressive face was quite neutral.

“What’s up with you?” Eddie questioned.

“Just wishing the shift was over,” Buck said frankly as he put two plates down. He stared for a moment, then pulled out his phone. He sent off a text, then stared for a moment and worked for a bit. “I’m adding you to the team group chat—it’s just me, Thomas, Sae, and Cohn.”

“Thanks,” Eddie murmured and pulled out his own phone. “Not the captain.”

“Nah, he doesn’t engage in our off-duty shenanigans unless it’s a special event, and he arranges those. We use the group chat to set up meets for PT and the like when we aren’t on duty. Cohn joins us sometimes, depending on his lady’s schedule. Sometimes, he brings Kylie with us if the activity is viable for a five-year-old. He’s hoping to adopt her, so he’s pulling out all the stops on that front.”

Eddie nodded. “The biological father isn’t in the picture?”

“That asshole doesn’t even pay child support,” Buck muttered. “Sae got a bowl of fruit already, and Thomas wants a turkey sandwich.” He pulled out another plate after putting his phone away. “I don’t get people who abandon their kids. They don’t…make any sense to me at all.”

“They weren’t meant to be parents, and life happened to them. Then, they don’t have any ability to be responsible for another person, so they bail in every possible way they can. The courts can force child support payments, but it’s not a perfect system, and people game it all the time. I tried to push for child support briefly before I realized that I could bargain with Shannon.”

“What do you mean?”

“When I realized she’d never wanted a child at all and had basically used the pregnancy to make me marry her…I put the termination of her parental rights on the table in exchange for no child support. It was immediately accepted. It didn’t end hostilities between us, but it made the divorce proceedings move quickly. She eventually even stopped fighting the prenup. I think she realized the money wasn’t worth continued contact with me.”

“I don’t….” Buck frowned and shook his head.

“What?”

“It’s just that your ex-wife made a stupid decision. One day, she may see what she gave up and try to come back.”

“That’s never going to be allowed,” Eddie said frankly. “She broke my son’s heart, and she’s not getting a do-over with me, Buck, not ever, for any single reason. Her limited visitation is for me to decide and lately it’s becoming more trouble than it could ever be worth. Shannon destroyed any trust I had in her, and there’s no fixing that.”

Buck nodded. “You both deserved better from her.”

Thomas trotted into the kitchen area at that point and leaned on the counter. “So….”

Buck made a face. “Dude. It’s too early in the shift to give us bad news.”

“Thirteen hours of time to brood about bad news is a lot,” Eddie conceded, and Thomas laughed. “But I’d rather know than speculate.”

“The dead guy in the crevice turned out to be the only son of one of our own,” Thomas said. “Captain Michael Donaldson at the 96. Scuttlebutt is that the kid was an adrenaline junkie who dropped out of the fire academy halfway through a session due to boredom. He turned twenty-three a month ago.”

Eddie sighed. “At least it was an accident, right?”

“Won’t know for certain until an autopsy,” Ray Gaines said as he joined them. “Captain Donaldson extends his gratitude for the care we showed in the retrieval of his son’s body.”

“He’s a local. How did he not know about that crevice if he was climbing in that area regularly?” Buck questioned.

“His father said he’d only started climbing recreationally about six months ago because his friends joined a climbing facility. He apparently got bored with the walls and decided to do some climbing outside despite being warned against doing so,” Ray said.

Eddie figured that arrogance and overconfidence killed more people than anyone would want to admit. He focused on the sandwich situation as Buck sighed. None of them really had to say what they were thinking since they were clearly on the same page.

* * * *

“Are you tired?”

“A little,” Eddie said as he slouched down on the sofa and watched his son packing his backpack. “We did a few rescues and climbed down a cliff yesterday afternoon.”

“Cool. Where’s Buck?”

“Asleep,” Eddie answered, and his son huffed a little. “But we’ve got plans for the afternoon, so he’ll be with me when I pick you up from school. You can start thinking about what you want for dinner.”

“Italian,” Christopher said and zipped up his backpack.

“You didn’t put your folder in your bag,” Eddie said, and Christopher groaned. “I’m just sayin’.”

“It’s on the kitchen table,” Christopher said. “I’ll get it before I leave, promise.” He picked up the iPad he’d had propped up on the nightstand and held it with both hands. “I’m glad you like your job now, Daddy.”

“What do you mean?” Eddie questioned.

“You always looked…stressed out when you’d call me in the mornings,” Christopher said. “Even when you didn’t have to do anything hard. Denny says that his mom’s been stressed, too. But he doesn’t know why. Do you know why?”

“Sometimes adults have complicated relationships,” Eddie said, and his son made a face at him. “I know that sounds like a cop-out, but there are things happening in Hen’s life that I’m not at liberty to discuss with you or Denny. She’s entitled to privacy, Mijo.”

“Denny said that Chimney showed up at their house and yelled at both his moms about not helping him get out of jail.”

Eddie groaned, then blew air out between his lips. “Right.”

“And he was drunk. It scared Denny, and Aunt Karen threatened to call the cops, which made Chimney yell some bad words at her that Denny didn’t want to repeat. He said that Chimney was really disrespectful.”

“Sometimes people have mental health issues that cause them to act out and behave badly,” Eddie said.

“Or he’s just a mean jerk,” Christopher retorted, and Buck laughed as he joined Eddie on the couch. “Durand has a zero bullying policy. I think the fire department needs one, too. It’s not hard not to bully people. All of you guys are adults. You were supposed to learn these kinds of social skills in kindergarten.”

“The judgment is so real,” Buck said in amusement.

Eddie tilted the phone slightly so his son could see his partner. “This one comes from a long line of very judgemental people.”

“Abuelita assures me there’s nothing wrong with telling people about themselves, Daddy. She says some people are terminally unaware of how terrible their behavior is. They’re not going to learn anything if no one tells them.”

“Seems reasonable to me,” Buck said in amusement and let his head rest on Eddie’s shoulder. “You ready for school?”

“Just gotta get my folder from the kitchen,” Christopher said. “Even my socks match today. I figured Daddy didn’t need more attitude from the moms in the pick-up line. They save it all for him and treat Carla like she’s a saint.” He paused. “Well, she is one actually. But she lets me wear mismatched socks just as much as everyone else.”

“Are you tattling on me, young man?” Carla asked in the background, and Christopher laughed.

“It’s time to go, Daddy. You guys be safe!”

Eddie didn’t get a chance to respond before the call ended.

“He gets that from you,” Buck said wryly. “You don’t know how to end calls, either.”

Eddie huffed and focused on his partner. “You like treating me like a pillow?”

“Yeah, I do.” He wet his lips and lifted his head then shifted around on the couch so he could stare at him. “I tend to take good care of my pillows, you know.”

Eddie laughed. “Shut up.” He fiddled with his phone. “I thought I did a better job of keeping how stressful work was to myself.”

“Christopher’s a very empathetic kid,” Buck pointed out. “He’s going to notice when you’re stressed out or hurt. You’re raising a very good man, you know.”

He was so tempted to kiss the Buck that it was shocking because Eddie prided himself on being professional at work.

“Stop saying sweet things to me at work,” Eddie ordered and slid off the couch when Buck laughed. He pocketed his phone and headed for the kitchen. “I ran the dishwasher earlier.”

“I just put those dishes away,” Buck said but followed along behind him. “Did you get enough sleep?”

“Yeah,” Eddie said and stretched. “You’re going to rent that sander today, right?”

“Yeah, I can pick it up at eleven, and it shouldn’t take more than an hour to sand the den floor. Then we can go to your abuela’s and fix her fence before Christopher gets out of school.”

“He chose Italian for dinner.” Eddie leaned against the counter after grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge. “You cool with that?”

“Does he have a favorite place to eat, or would he be fine with eating at home?” Buck questioned.

“He’s obsessed with chicken piccata,” Eddie said. “So, if you can make that, then he won’t care where he eats it.”

“I can make it,” Buck said with a laugh. “It’s my sister’s favorite, too.” He cleared his throat. “Maybe I could invite her and Lou to dinner as well? You barely met Maddie before, and Christopher never has.”

Eddie considered that and nodded. “Yeah, that would be good.”

Buck smiled warmly. “Great.”

* * * *

“So, I did a half shift of overtime at the 122,” Buck began, and both captains nodded. He took a deep breath and rolled his water bottle between his hands. “And Sal Deluca was being his usual self.”

“Arrogant and convinced of his superiority?” Anita Alvarez supplied, and Buck nodded.

“At any rate, I never worked with him at the 118, but I know he was transferred out of the station because he failed to follow orders in the field, and Captain Nash suspended him then sent him to the 122. Apparently, Deluca was convinced he should’ve been made captain of the 118, and he hasn’t gotten over it. Though he did pivot in the last two years, and you both know he’s been seeking a placement in SAR.”

“It’s not going to happen here,” Ray said and leaned back in his chair. “And I thought that was clear. He doesn’t have the right personality for our work environment and would only cause problems. The few shifts he worked here before I put him on my no-list were stressful. I’m not going to have a firefighter in my station who thinks he’s better than everyone else.”

Buck nodded. “I appreciate the equality you demand on the job, sir. I never have to wonder where I stand with you or anyone else in the house, and it’s really helped me a lot since I transferred in. I was on the cusp of a pivot myself after my probationary year. The job felt like a calling from the start, but I was dealing with a lot of disillusionment and issues with motivation.”

“I know, kid,” Ray said carefully. “What happened with Deluca that has you sad-faced in my office when you could be mooning over your partner?”

He groaned. “Come on, Ray.”

“He’s pretty as hell,” Anita said in amusement. “The shift voted, and we’re going to let you recruit for us going forward, Buck. You did a great job.”

“Man.” Buck huffed. “At any rate, about Deluca. He found out that Eddie had transferred out of the 118 and into the 56. It clearly pissed him off to the extreme, and he bitched about the lack of experience that Eddie had compared to himself. Then he asked me point blank whose dick he needed to suck to get a job in SAR.”

Ray blinked in surprise, and Anita sighed.

“I know.” Buck shrugged. “If I were a couple of years younger, I might have told him mine.” Ray laughed. “But I just ignored the question and walked away. He avoided me the rest of the shift, but the damage was done as far as I was concerned. I think he realized he’d misstepped with me, but he didn’t apologize or ask me to forget what he’d said.”

“Did you report this to Captain Barnes?” Anita asked.

“No,” Buck admitted and shook his head. “I didn’t feel comfortable doing that. It was weird since I was just a sub for one of his firefighters, and he expected me to be there to work and not cause problems. I don’t like to make waves when I’m a guest at a different station. My reputation followed me from the 118 for good and bad because of Chimney’s behavior and his penchant for slut-shaming me to anyone that would listen.”

“I’ll need to act on this in some fashion,” Ray said roughly. “It won’t be the first time that Sal Deluca has taken a hit for this kind of thing. His bitterness over his lack of advancement is doing him no favors.”

Buck nodded. “I was…well. It’s not my natural inclination to report people for bad behavior. Except I’m worried that he’s repeated that speculation in front of other people, and that undermines the hiring process. It also casts dispersions on every single person working in this station.”

“It doesn’t help his case that he was probably talking about me,” Ray said roughly. “And I really don’t appreciate the implications. Having someone spread those kinds of rumors about me is galling, and I consider it a threat to my livelihood and marriage.”

“Well, he didn’t use a name,” Buck said. “But yeah, the implication is clear. Is this the kind of thing that is going to result in a complaint to HR?”

“I’ll speak with his captain first.” Ray rubbed his head with one hand in what looked like frustration. “Will you provide a witness statement, if needed?”

Buck nodded. “Yeah, of course. Ensuring the integrity of the whole hiring process for SAR is important.” He frowned. “Frankly, having worked with Deluca more than once, he simply shouldn’t ever make the cut for a permanent place in SAR. I’m not even sure he should continue to be in the reserves.”

“Oh, he’s certainly going to be removed from the program entirely,” Anita said and crossed her arms with a glare.

Chapter 16

“That was the longest shift ever,” Buck muttered as he pulled Eddie close and sought a kiss.

Eddie’s hands clenched on his hips as Buck pressed him against the closed door. He didn’t know how they’d managed to make it all the way into Buck’s house. With a groan, he pulled free of the kiss, yanked Buck’s belt loose from his jeans, and tossed it aside.

“From now on, you have to be a real dick to me at work,” Eddie said, and Buck laughed. “Every time you’re nice to me, I want to crawl into your lap. It’s utterly unprofessional.”

“Being a dick to you would be unprofessional, too,” Buck said as he gently prodded Eddie toward his bedroom.

His house had been the obvious choice since it was close to the airfield, and neither one of them was interested in waiting a moment longer than necessary. Eddie pulled his T-shirt over his head and tossed it aside as they stopped by the bed.

“I don’t know how to say this without sounding like a territorial caveman,” Buck began. “But maybe you should get dressed in private at work.”

“What?” Eddie questioned with a laugh.

“I’m just saying that whole thing with the lotion in the locker room was a full-on show that none of our co-workers deserved to see,” Buck said and huffed when Eddie laughed again. “Seriously. I had to glare at half the people we work with to make them move on and stop staring at you.”

“I figured they were looking at my scars,” Eddie admitted, and Buck’s fingers brushed over the scar on his shoulder with gentle fingers. “Plus, I’m new, so the curiosity will wear off soon enough.”

Buck seriously doubted it, but he dropped that conversation in favor of taking off the rest of his clothes so he could follow Eddie, who had sprawled across his unmade bed without appearing to care about the tangle of sheets and blankets. His lover held out a hand, and Buck took it as he joined him on the bed.

He laid down beside Eddie and let one hand settle on the man’s stomach. “Your scars really aren’t as ugly as you perceive them to be.”

“Shannon thought they were awful,” Eddie murmured. “Everything was already closed when I was released from the hospital, but she actually shuddered the first time she saw the ones on my back.”

“The exit wounds.”

“Yeah,” Eddie said and took in a deep breath. “It hurt a lot, actually. I don’t think she meant it to be cruel, but she clearly was put off by all of the scarring and the fact that I could barely walk when I came home. I remember her asking me several times if I was sure I wasn’t going to be permanently disabled. She said she couldn’t handle another burden like that, and looking back on it, that’s when I should’ve realized I couldn’t trust her with my son or myself.”

“I know, considering my history, that this might be hard to believe, but I’m not going to cut and run from what we’re building unless you tell me to take a walk.”

“Your history of removing yourself from abusive situations isn’t a problem for me, Buck,” Eddie said quietly and took a deep breath when Buck trailed his hand downward and cupped his half-hard cock. “You have every single right to protect yourself, and you know it.”

“Early on, Jason questioned me about my transfer out of the 118 so soon after the end of my probationary year, and I was explicitly honest with him about it. He asked me if I’d ever considered working on my relationships with everyone or if I just bailed because it got hard without even trying to fix it.”

“What an incredibly obtuse question,” Eddie said quietly. “I thought you said the two of you got along.”

“We did, and he wasn’t trying to be an asshole about it. Jason is just the sort to dig in and work a problem, personal or otherwise until it’s resolved. He doesn’t like loose ends. Before he left town—he visited every bar he frequented to make sure he didn’t have a tab he forgot to pay. Then he went to his dry cleaner’s twice, just to make sure.”

Eddie laughed. “I see.”

“He also asked me yesterday if I’d mind checking one more time with the cleaners because he was missing a winter coat,” Buck said. “So, I went over there, and sure enough, they had a winter coat of his in the back in the unclaimed section from six months ago. Why he had it cleaned then is anyone’s guess. I picked it up, of course. I need to ship that to him soon.”

“Didn’t his father take a turn for the worse around that time?”

“Yeah,” Buck said and nodded. “Right. He was really stressed out and traveling a lot.”

He rubbed his thumb over the head of Eddie’s cock and licked his lips. Eddie lifted his hips slightly in response and took in a ragged breath. He didn’t think he’d ever had a relationship that had come together so easily, and the thought brought him up short.

Buck shifted against him and released his cock with a little hum. “What’s up, Eds?”

“I just…I’ve always had to work hard in my previous relationships,” Eddie confessed. “Things are going so well and easily for us, and it’s surprising.”

“I’ve learned along the way trying to force myself to fit into a box for another person is deeply unrewarding,” Buck murmured and brushed their mouths together. “But it seems like you’ve got a space in your life shaped just like me. I want to dig in and make myself at home.”

Eddie pushed gently and slid astride Buck’s hips as the other man relaxed on his back. He braced himself on Buck’s chest and stared at him for a moment. “I do feel like you’ve been the missing piece all along. I’m so glad we’re here.”

Buck sat up and pulled Eddie close. “Kiss me.”

Eddie sank into the kiss with a shuddery little breath.

* * * *

“Dios.”

Eddie focused on his sister, who was standing in front of the sink, staring out the window into their abuela’s backyard. “What?”

Sophia cleared her throat. “Just ogling your boyfriend.” She smiled when he huffed. “That’s what you get for bringing someone pretty around. He saved your life, so it’s kind of mandatory that we all love the hell out of him going forward. Plus, he’s out there letting Abuela boss him around, and that’s just charming.”

It was pretty charming, and Eddie was doing his best to ignore it since it was only making Buck more attractive. Not many men their age would be content to spend the afternoon in the backyard with a seventy-year-old woman planning a garden. But the fence repair had kind of morphed into a discussion about raised garden beds and planting. Apparently, Buck had ideas to grow his own crops at some point and had already been researching how to plan out his own backyard for maximum use.

“We went to the farmer’s market before coming here,” Eddie said. “It’s just down from his house. He knew most of the people running stalls, and a few of them had his stuff ready before we reached them. He greeted them all by name, we were fed samples throughout the whole hour, and we got invitations to two different farms.” He leaned on the counter. “Also, there were some food trucks there, and I had the best lamb kabobs I’ve ever had in my life.”

“I’m gonna need the address to this place,” Sophia said seriously as the back door opened.

Eddie watched Buck hold the door for his abuela as she rambled in Spanish about peppers and tomatoes. Buck responded with a slightly accented Spanish that Eddie knew to be Peruvian in origin since he’d been told that was where Buck had learned the language.

He turned to Eddie with a smile. “I was telling Isabel that we need to go so we’re not late to pick up Chris.”

* * * *

There was a new step stool in Buck’s kitchen, one clearly designed for Christopher in mind, and Eddie didn’t know what to think about it. Though his son immediately took it as permission to get into the process and Buck seemed pleased to answer his questions about what they were cooking.

Eddie ended up on salad duty, and he was fine with that as it was a pretty good match for his knife skills. The table was already set for five, and Buck had explained that Maddie would be showing up with Lou Ransone. Christopher was looking forward to meeting a police detective. Getting to participate in the making of his favorite meal was certainly making his son’s day, so Eddie was content to watch them.

“What are capers?” Christopher questioned as Buck added some to the skillet in front of him.

“It’s a flower bud,” Buck said. “And they come from a bush. They don’t grow naturally here, so they can be pretty expensive depending on where you buy them. I get mine from a specialty market, so these are imported from Greece. But we can also get them from Italy and parts of Asia as well, depending on the brand.”

“Cool. Can I try one by itself?”

Buck opened a drawer and snagged a spoon. “Sure, but it’s going to be a bit strong because of the brine.”

He offered Christopher a spoon that had two capers on it, and Eddie grinned as his son peered at it for a few seconds before taking the spoon and popping it into his mouth. He nodded slowly.

“They’re good,” Christopher decided. “They’d be good mixed with the goat cheese cubes.”

Buck seemed to consider it seriously. “Yeah, maybe.”

“With some pasta, too. Like a pasta salad.” He cut his eyes toward Eddie. “For lunch.”

Eddie laughed. “I see you working, Mijo.”

“I’m just trying to broaden my options, Daddy, and expand my palate.”

“I’m making enough that you can have leftovers for lunch tomorrow if you want,” Buck said, and Christopher nodded quickly.

“I’m going to get so much trash talk from the moms,” Eddie muttered, and Buck laughed. “Seriously—sometimes Bobby’s food ends up in Christopher’s lunch box, and he’ll be eating beef bourguignon for lunch next to a kid having a ham sandwich.”

“I told them it was just beef stew,” Christopher said defensively and huffed when Eddie laughed. “But the teacher questioned me to make sure it didn’t have wine in it.” He rolled his eyes. “Like Daddy would let me have food with wine in it.”

“Well, if she asks tomorrow—you can assure her that your lunch was made with chicken broth, olive oil, and lemon juice,” Buck said. “I never cook with alcohol. Some people tell you that the alcohol gets cooked out, but that’s not exactly true.”

“What do you mean?” Christopher questioned.

“It would have to cook for several hours to remove all of the alcohol content,” Buck explained. “In a dish like this, almost half of the alcohol would make it onto the plate. It probably wouldn’t cause outright intoxication, but since I never drink, it’s something I keep in mind when I cook.”

“Did you have a bad experience with drinking?” Christopher asked. “Abuelita has wine with dinner sometimes.”

“I don’t have a problem with it and used to have a beer with meals and stuff,” Buck said. “But I stay completely sober for the job. It’s important that I be available at a moment’s notice if there is an emergency. Working search and rescue is a different kind of commitment. It’s not a requirement, of course, but it’s just a decision I made.”

Christopher nodded. “That’s good.”

“Is it?” Eddie questioned.

“I think….” Christopher shrugged. “Some people don’t take their commitments seriously. It’s better to be around adults who are responsible for their stuff.”

“Because it makes you feel safe,” Eddie said quietly, and his son nodded quickly. “It’s okay to feel that way. I understand.”

“I know, Daddy.” He peered into the pan, and Buck put a hand on him when he leaned forward. “Sorry.”

“Just keeping you steady, Superman,” Buck said easily. “The pan is hot. Oil burns can be especially painful.” He picked up a pot holder and shifted the skillet. “And this pan is iron. It is very hot as well.”

The doorbell rang. Buck snagged his phone and hummed. “It’s Maddie and Lou.”

“I can get it?” Eddie questioned, and Buck nodded.

He walked through the house; several doors were closed because of the construction work, but he was curious about how it was all going. He’d not had a full tour of the house. Though, he wasn’t all that disappointed with the fact he was much more familiar with the man’s bedroom than he was with the rest of the house.

Eddie opened the door, and Maddie Buckley glomped onto him with a bright smile. He accepted the hug with a startled look in her man’s direction. Lou Ransone just shook his head.

“You’ll get used to it.”

“Used to what?” Maddie asked, gave him another squeeze, and released him. “I’m really glad you’re okay.”

“Just the Buckley habit of emoting all over the place,” Lou said as he took her jacket from her and put it in the coat closet with his own. “Something smells delicious.”

“Chicken piccata,” Eddie said, and Maddie hummed under her breath. “And garlic bread.”

“Oh, awesome!” She trotted toward the kitchen. “Eddie Diaz, meet Lou Ransone, by the way.”

Lou laughed and offered Eddie his hand. “It’s good to meet you.”

“You as well,” Eddie said as he shook Lou’s hand. “Long day?”

“Just dumb people doing terrible, dumb things,” Lou said and adjusted his shoulder holster. “I can store my gun if you’re concerned about your son seeing it. Buck let me put a gun safe in the front hall closet.”

Eddie had seen the gun safe but hadn’t asked about it. “No, it’s fine. If he asks questions, it’ll be a good time to remind him not to touch weapons. I have a 9mm in a gun safe in my bedroom. So, we’ve had several discussions about weapons and safety.”

“That’s good to hear,” Lou said as they headed for the kitchen. “I’m glad to see you’ve recovered so well from your ordeal.”

“Daddy’s reached his limit on helicopter crashes, statistically speaking,” Christopher said from his place beside Buck. “If it happens again, then we’ll need to start talking about what the universe is trying to tell him.”

“Let’s trust in the math for now,” Buck said. “No need to borrow trouble.”

“What’s that mean?” Christopher questioned.

“It’s when you worry about something that hasn’t happened,” Buck said as he helped him down from the stool. “Now, let’s figure out drinks for everyone, and we can eat.”

Eddie helped transfer the platted food to the table and noted that Christopher’s portions were appropriate for his age. He wondered if Buck had looked it up or if he’d gotten advice from Bobby. It was a sweet thought, either way.

A half-hour later, they were near the end of the meal, and Buck had brought out a tiramisu for the adults and a strawberry shortcake parfait for Christopher.

“Have you decided what to do with the pool?” Maddie questioned

Buck made a face. “No. It needs more work than I originally thought. I can’t leave it as is, of course, because it could become a health concern. It needs a new lining and a new filter system. It’s a decent size for exercise, so I’m not completely opposed to keeping it. I think I’d prefer a saltwater system.”

“Then you’ll need an outdoor shower,” Maddie pointed out. “Or a little pool house.”

Eddie laughed at the face that Buck made. “An outdoor shower would be more economical, to say the least.”

“Granted,” Buck said. “It would be a good space for entertaining, but I’d have more room for a garden if I took out the pool.”

“Keeping it would add value to the house if you ever sell it,” Lou pointed out and pushed the basket of bread closer to Christopher when he reached out for it.

Eddie watched his son try to casually sneak another piece of bread and just shook his head as he picked up the lemonade he’d chosen for the meal. Buck had proven to have a few options on the juice front, and Christopher was having a strawberry and cucumber juice that he appeared very enamored with. They’d probably go home with a flask full of it for the lunch that Buck had apparently already packed. Fortunately, his son had a lunch box designed for hot food, courtesy of Bobby Nash.

“A pool would be fun,” Christopher said and smiled when Buck focused on him. “Plus, you could have a swim day at home sometimes when you don’t want to be around people.”

“Fun is important,” Buck said and flicked one of Christopher’s curls. “I suppose.”

“All work all the time is bad for your feelings,” Christopher said firmly. “You gotta relax sometimes, Buck.”

Eddie laughed and shrugged when Buck looked at him. “His therapist is big on relaxation activities and reducing stress as part of a healthy lifestyle.”

“Dr. Sam says that stress can hurt your whole body, Daddy,” Christopher said with a little frown. “And I read online that stress can decrease your lifespan.”

“You’ve gotta put a parental filter on his iPad,” Buck said with a huff.

“It’s got one,” Eddie said wryly. “But I had to go in and manually block WebMD.” He shot his son a look when Christopher frowned. “Because he kept self-diagnosing.”

“Google once convinced me that all of my hair was going to fall out,” Maddie said in amusement and smiled when they all laughed. “So, it’s best to leave that sort of thing to your actual doctors.”

“I’m older now. I could handle WebMD,” Christopher said.

“You thought you had Ebola six months ago,” Eddie retorted.

“I had almost all the symptoms, Daddy.”

“Yeah, of the flu.”

Buck shrugged. “I can’t be trusted on WebMD, either.”

“I think that I already knew that,” Eddie said, and Maddie sighed as he focused on her. “He turns into a big baby, right?”

“Yep,” Maddie said and shook her head as she sat back in her seat with her glass. “The world might as well be ending.”

Buck sighed and turned to Christopher. “Clearly, we should’ve had dinner by ourselves.”

“Clearly,” Christopher agreed and giggled when Eddie poked him.

* * * *

Eddie shut the back door of his truck and leaned on it. “Where did you get the stool in the kitchen?”

“Oh, I ordered it online,” Buck said with a shrug and slouched down beside him against the truck. “Isabel mentioned that Christopher liked to help in the kitchen, so she wanted to get a safer option for him in hers. We looked it up, and I helped her order one when we were outside planning her garden. I ordered myself one, too. I like to cook, so I figured it was something I could share with him.” He paused. “Did I overstep?”

“No, of course not. I was just surprised.” Eddie took a deep breath. “And I need to stop that.”

“What do you mean?”

“Not everyone is great at including or even considering Christopher in their day-to-day lives. Even members of my own family stumble around a bit on that front. They make assumptions that prove hurtful or frustrating. It’s rarely malicious, unless I include my parents, but it’s there, and it’s awful. But you’re getting it right, and that’s weird.”

Buck laughed a little and glanced over his shoulder. “His carb crash might last the rest of the night.”

Eddie nodded. “Probably, but that’s fine. He really liked it and especially enjoyed getting to help make his favorite food. You’re definitely in the running for his favorite person. Might be hard to beat Carla out entirely, though.”

“Carla’s my favorite person, too,” Buck said with a grin and nudged Eddie a little with his shoulder. “You’re coming in third these days. Sorry.”

Eddie laughed. “Well, it’s not a bad list to be on.” He exhaled slowly. “You’re sister seems a lot better now. I don’t think I realized how stressed out she was the few times I saw her before you left the 118. It’s clear, now, that she was in a very difficult place.”

“Yeah,” Buck said. “I wish I’d known more about her circumstances, but it’s hard to express that kind of thing to her. I don’t want her to take on more blame than she already does.” He looked up for a bit and took a deep breath. “He was a monster, and I still have nightmares about him sometimes.”

Eddie caught his hand and laced their fingers together. “I wish I could’ve been there for you, for all of that.”

“Well, it wasn’t your fault,” Buck pointed out. “I was the one that disappeared and cut off everyone. Looking back on it, I wish I’d have done things very differently. I don’t regret the transfer, and I love my work situation now. It’s better with you there. I forced myself to ignore who and what I was leaving behind at the 118. For good and bad.”

“I should go,” Eddie murmured. “I have to get up early to get him ready and out the door for school.”

“Come by after you drop him off,” Buck suggested.

“Got a plan?” Eddie questioned.

“Nothing that involves clothes until after lunch,” Buck said, and Eddie laughed. “But I’ll feed you breakfast first.”

“I should be here after eight, then.” Eddie tugged him close and pressed a soft kiss against Buck’s mouth. “Get some sleep and send me the link to that stool.”

“Yeah, of course.”

Buck let go reluctantly and walked into his house as Eddie got in the truck and left. He really needed to figure himself out because he was a hair away from asking the man to move into his unfinished house. It was a ridiculous thought, but it did make him consider what he could do to make it liveable for a family of three.

He paused as he shut the door then locked it. A family. It had just been him and Maddie his whole life as he’d realized at a very young age that his parents didn’t consider him family and only kept him out of obligation. When he was little, he wished they’d give him away, and running away was the best decision he could’ve ever made for himself. He hadn’t found out why they bothered to have him until shortly after Doug Kendall tried to kill them. Maddie had blurted out the whole story about the older brother he didn’t remember and how he died.

Buck didn’t think about Daniel and his own status as a savior sibling unless his therapist made him. Maddie respected the boundary without question, and Buck did wonder if that was a leftover from the mental conditioning their parents had done to her. They’d wanted her to forget that Daniel existed and made her promise to never even mention his name. Buck counted that as one of the more heinous things his parents had ever done. They’d tried to erase their own dead child from their lives. They hadn’t even had a funeral. It was appalling, so Buck pushed it out of his head.

He picked up his phone, which had vibrated a few times since his sister and Lou had left.

Maddie: I love them! They’re perfect.

Maddie: Christopher likes you a lot. You’re doing a good job with him.

Maddie: I’m really glad you have a partner on the job that you can trust.

He’d trusted Jason. Maybe he hadn’t trusted him the way he wanted to, but he’d tried really hard. He’d thought about Eddie off and on after he’d left the 118 and wondered what kind of partnership they’d have had after a year of working together. Now he knew it would’ve been amazing. It was better at the 56 because he trusted his whole shift. Chimney had tainted his memories and his feelings regarding most of the people they’d worked with. Absolutely no one had brought the man up short due to his behavior.

Buck: What’s it like to fall in love?

His phone immediately started signaling an incoming FaceTime call, so he answered it.

“Hey.”’

Maddie was in her living room, curled up in the corner of her couch. “Hey. I’m alone. Lou got called in for something…ugly. I could tell it was ugly because he got that look on his face he always does. I hope it isn’t a kid. Those cases hit him really hard.” She cleared her throat. “I don’t have a good relationship with love.”

“I know,” Buck said quietly. “I don’t want to bring up bad memories for you. I just don’t think…I’ve ever been in love. I love you, but that’s different, right?”

“It’s very different,” Maddie agreed and took a deep breath. “It’s exciting to fall in love, and sometimes it’s scary, too. Personally, I was worried about trusting my judgment when it came to Lou. After Doug, everything was harder because, in the beginning, I trusted him. I thought Doug was my soulmate at first. Then it was like living in a nightmare I couldn’t wake up from. Killing him broke my heart as much as it did anything else.”

Buck nodded.

“But I couldn’t let him hurt you like he’d hurt me for years,” Maddie said and took a deep breath. “Looking back, I would say that I worked hard to love Doug. The relationship took so much effort and time because he was hard to please. Even when we were just dating, before he ever hit me…looking back, there were a lot of red flags.

“With Lou, it’s just so easy. It was kind of weird, and I sort of freaked out when I realized I’d fallen in love again. I never intended on doing that, you know. I thought I was done with romantic love and that I couldn’t trust myself enough to have another relationship. But Lou is such a good man, and he’s invested himself in earning your approval. He understands how important you are to me and doesn’t resent you for it like Doug did.”

“I like Lou a lot,” Buck said. “And I trust him.”

“Yes, me too,” Maddie said with a warm smile. “It’s such a relief to be with a good and honest man.”

“You normally bring your own bottle of wine for dinner,” Buck pointed out. “Eddie wouldn’t have minded if you’d had a glass of wine in front of Christopher.”

“Well,” Maddie began and took a deep breath. “I won’t be drinking for a while.”

Buck raised an eyebrow. “How long of a while?”

“Probably at least a year or more if I decide to breastfeed.”

“Seriously?” Buck questioned.

“Yeah,” she said with a pleased smile. “I saw the doctor earlier today after I had two positive home tests. Lou is ecstatic, and we’re talking about moving in together. He’s a little worried about his ex-wife finding out, but that’s the only real issue we’re concerned about.”

“Why would his ex-wife care?” Buck questioned. “If you can tell me.”

“Oh, I don’t…think he’ll mind. He and his ex divorced because he wanted kids, and she finally confessed, after ten years of marriage, that she didn’t and never had. It came up because he suggested fertility treatments because they’d been trying for over a year. As it turned out, she’d never taken out her IUD. She fought the divorce, and they ended up in court because she tried to make some outrageous demands.”

“Right, that’s pretty shitty,” Buck said and shook his head. “Were you guys trying?”

“Happy accident,” Maddie said in amusement. “I was taking the pill but got sick—remember? Antibiotics can impact the effectiveness of the pill, and I knew that, but I sort of forgot. Regardless, I’m about three months pregnant, and I’m starting to think about how things will go.”

“Is medical school still on the table?” Buck questioned.

“I don’t know,” Maddie admitted. “I want the baby so much, and I want to be really present for everything, which means that I won’t have the time for medical school for a while. Confirming the pregnancy has sort of made me reconsider what I really want and what I’m willing to let go of to get it. I’ll probably go down to part-time hours after maternity leave.”

“Lou’s the old-fashioned sort,” Buck warned. “You can expect the man to take a knee very soon.”

Maddie grinned. “He ended up on both knees when I told him. I said yes, of course, but I told him we didn’t need to rush into anything just because of the pregnancy.”

“That sounds about right,” Buck said with a laugh. “Well, I’m happy for you both. I look forward to the courthouse wedding. Tell him to let me know when to show up.”

Maddie huffed. “You’re right. I need to go find a dress, don’t I?”

“Certainly.” He laughed when she made a face. “Maybe a pink one, if you don’t want to wear white. You look great in pale pink.”

“Are you falling in love?” Maddie asked.

“I don’t know,” Buck admitted. “I want to be with him all the time. Nothing about his situation or his vibe puts me off if that makes sense. He’s honest, generous, and a great dad. I feel like I could trust him and make a family with him.”

“That’s important,” Maddie said. “Trust is hard to come by in relationships—romantic or otherwise.”

Buck nodded. “Everything feels right.”

“Intimacy can make things a little complicated,” Maddie continued, and Buck made a face because he really didn’t want to discuss his sex life with his older sister. “I don’t necessarily mean sex, Evan.”

“We’re compatible,” Buck said. “Can we leave it at that?”

She laughed. “I’m not asking for details. What I’m saying is that sometimes intimacy can make situations and feelings complicated. I’m not suggesting that you’re confusing sexual attraction with deeper emotions because you’re very mature emotionally, and you’ve got plenty of experience. You know when sex is just sex.”

“I do, yes,” Buck said. “It’s…emotionally satisfying and was from the very start. It feels like we’re building something important and rewarding.”

“I’m really glad,” Maddie said. “I like him a lot, and I think…you could make a beautiful family with him and Christopher. How does he feel about more kids?”

“He said he was open to more—adoption or surrogacy. In fact, he seemed really pleased that I was thinking about that kind of thing. I told him I’d been saving for a surrogate.”

“I think for a man like Eddie, your level of commitment and planning would be very attractive,” Maddie said. “What do you think?”

“I think he’s pretty much all I could want for a partner on and off the job. I’m worried I’ll fuck it up.”

“You won’t.” Maddie took a deep breath. “You don’t actually fuck up much of anything, Evan. I know your therapist has been working with you on this because we’ve talked about it once before. People have failed you in the past, and I think you’ve taken that on board as if you did something to deserve it.”

Buck considered that and refrained from shrugging. “I guess…yeah. There have been times when I’ve internalized some stuff. Like when Abby bailed on me and ghosted me from her European Fuck-Tour, then acted like I was the problem when I didn’t give her my new phone number.”

Maddie huffed. “Don’t even bring that heifer up, Evan. I’ll get back on Facebook and curse her out some more.”

“No,  it’s fine. I just…I did take her behavior personally. I went all in on that relationship, Maddie. I couldn’t figure out what I’d done wrong.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Maddie exclaimed huffily. “I never heard that she was a terrible person, but she was clearly under a lot of stress. You were….”

“A distraction,” Buck supplied.

“Yeah, I’m sorry,” Maddie said with a frown. “You were looking for something serious, and she was just looking to escape her problems as much as she could. Then, when she could, she ran as far as she could from LA and the life she’d lived with her mother.”

“I get that intellectually, but it hurt a lot,” Buck said. “And maybe that’s why I didn’t give the relationship with Ali a real try.”

“She wanted you to change and fit into a box that made her comfortable,” Maddie said. “I know that mindset because I was pretty close to making some stupid demands from you myself. I was in this weird place where my comfort with your job was more important than your own desires. I had to work hard in therapy to get over it.”

“Maybe Ali just needed reassurance from me,” Buck said and took a deep breath when his sister frowned at him. “I just got so irritated by her demands that I broke up with her without even trying to get her to see my perspective.”

“Are you anxiety spiraling over there?” Maddie questioned and quirked an eyebrow.

“No,” Buck denied and frowned when she laughed. “Maybe a little. I don’t want to get it wrong with Eddie. I have a lot to lose if I do.”

“I think you need to trust yourself and Eddie to get things right together. A relationship isn’t held together by the actions and will of one person, Evan. We learned that together, right?”

“Yeah,” Buck said because it had been a hard road for him emotionally because he normally took on a lot of blame for failed relationships—intimate or otherwise. “So, when is your next doctor’s appointment? I figure Lou gets dibs on the first ultrasound, but can I attend one at some point?”

“Yeah, of course,” Maddie said warmly. “There will be plenty to attend. I can even get a 3D one, which is crazy.”

“Cool.” He checked his watch. “I should go. I have a breakfast date. I thought I might prep for a quiche. Eddie’s abuela told me that he loved feta, bacon, and spinach quiche.”

“Do that deep dish one,” Maddie suggested. “It’s very impressive, and you’ll have enough for all week.”

“Yeah, good idea. So, now I definitely have to go if I’m going to make that much pie crust.” He paused. “Want me to make you one, too?”

“Yeah, absolutely,” she admitted, and he laughed. “Good night.”

“Sleep well, sis.”

Chapter 17

“What else did my abuela tell you about me?” Eddie questioned and shuddered as Buck scraped his teeth against his jaw.

“Just stuff,” Buck murmured. “Are you knocking the results?”

“You can’t tell anyone,” Eddie warned, and Buck laughed. “But that was the best quiche I’ve ever had. You probably used free-range organic eggs or something. I don’t want to have to explain myself to my abuela for having my head turned by hipster quiche.”

“Like I’d buy anything else,” Buck muttered and pulled Eddie closer when the man laughed. “I only get my eggs from the farmer’s market.” He sprawled back on the bed. “Come here.”

Eddie responded by sliding astride Buck’s hips. “Did you really want to spend the whole morning naked?”

Buck wet his lips. “If I did?”

“I’m not complaining,” Eddie assured.

“I’ve had complaints in the past,” Buck confessed. “About my sex drive. So, I hope you know you can be honest with me about this if you’re not really down for it, and I am.”

“I could get off twice a day and still want more,” Eddie admitted, and Buck hummed under his breath. “So, we’re on the same page, and I’ll let you know if that changes.” He rubbed his cock against Buck’s. “I did get some tests done—so I’m good to go if you’d like to stop using condoms.”

Buck hummed under his breath. “I…I’ve never done that before.”

“It can wait until you’re comfortable,” Eddie assured.

“I trust you,” Buck murmured and caught one of Eddie’s hands. He pulled gently and Eddie laid down on his chest. “I’ve recently realized that I’ve never been in love before.”

“That must have been startling,” Eddie said. “Are you worried about us?”

“I’m worried…that I’ll disappoint you,” Buck admitted. “I’ve got a lot to lose in this.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Eddie promised, and Buck let himself relax a little. “I trust you, too.”

“What…do you need from me?” Buck questioned.

“Honest communication, fidelity, and the promise that you’ll never, ever hurt my son on purpose,” Eddie admitted quietly. “Kids get hurt feelings over the smallest things, and we can’t control that. But he already adores you, Buck. I need you to take great care with his heart, no matter how things shake out between you and me.”

“His mother’s abandonment is a big issue for him,” Buck said.

“It takes up the majority of his time in therapy.” Eddie ran his fingers through Buck’s hair. “He liked you a lot from the very beginning and was disappointed when you stopped coming around. It would be different now. Though he does have a plan.”

Buck grinned suddenly. “A plan?”

“Yeah, he suggested we come over and claim some territory in your house as part of a campaign to keep you around this time,” Eddie said in amusement.

“He can have my whole house,” Buck admitted and flushed when Eddie laughed. “But we probably shouldn’t tell him that.”

“Certainly not,” Eddie said. “He’s probably already got opinions about what kind of TV you should put in your den.”

“I’m going to go stare at a bunch of them at Best Buy,” Buck confessed. “Maybe he can come with me.” He ran a hand down Eddie’s back and cupped his ass. “I want to be with you all the time.”

“Yeah?” Eddie smiled. “What if you get tired of me?”

“I’m never getting tired of you,” Buck said and rubbed his fingers through the cheeks of Eddie’s ass. They’d already fucked once, so the man’s hole was slick and slightly open. He slipped his fingers inside, and Eddie’s breath caught. “Absolutely no one would guess that you’d be so eager for cock.”

“I’m more than willing to fuck you,” Eddie said, but he rocked down on Buck’s fingers.

“You absolutely can—when you want to,” Buck returned. “But right now, it’s very clear what you want.”

“What do you want?” Eddie questioned and brushed their mouths together in a soft kiss.

“To get you off,” Buck murmured. “To come in you.”

Eddie groaned. “Yeah, I’d love that.” He sat up and braced himself on Buck’s chest.

Buck shifted under him, wrapped a hand around his own cock, and positioned himself. Eddie shuddered as the head of Buck’s cock pressed against his asshole. Eddie rocked into the penetration, and they both groaned as they came together.

“Fuck,” Eddie said as he started to move. “Feel good?”

“Warmer, wetter,” Buck admitted hoarsely. “I…god, Eds, it’s so good.” He grabbed the lube, slicked up his hand, and wrapped it around Eddie’s cock. “You’re so fucking pretty.”

Eddie sat back in Buck’s lap and started to roll his hips. “I guess I can’t blame that guy for wanting to take a ride.”

Buck flushed. “I think it’s rude to discuss past sex partners at a time like this.”

Eddie just grinned. “Don’t worry about it. I brought him up. It was gratifying to see that I’m your type, though.” He wet his lips. “At least when it comes to men.”

“You’re everything I want,” Buck said quietly. “Gender is irrelevant.” He offered Eddie his free hand and laced their fingers together when his partner took it. “Get yours, Eds.”

The pace was slow and deliberate, and the pleasure was intoxicating. He’d rarely had a lover so content in the moment when it came to sex. It wasn’t a race toward orgasm with Eddie, and that was a new experience for Buck in several different ways. He stroked Eddie’s cock slowly, savoring every bit of the pleasure building between them.

Eddie’s hand tightened in his, and he groaned harshly as he came, splattering cum all over Buck’s hand and stomach. Buck pulled him down so that his lover sprawled across his chest and cupped Eddie’s ass. He started thrusting up into his partner, and Eddie buried his face against Buck’s neck in response with a shuddery little groan.

“You’re perfect,” Buck murmured and let himself come before Eddie got overstimulated.

“You’re the best sex I’ve ever had,” Eddie admitted against his skin. “I kind of want to brag about it.”

Buck laughed. “I know exactly what you mean.”

They separated slowly and Eddie slipped off of him to lay on the bed beside him. “We should go work out.”

“I could get a significant work out right here in this bed if I put my mind to it,” Buck retorted, and Eddie laughed. “But Sae and Thomas mentioned working on the wall today in the afternoon. There will be a group text after lunch. We’re waiting to see if Thomas’ mother needs him for the afternoon before we make a plan.”

“I noticed that convo,” Eddie said. “Sae wants to work on her Grigri skills, right?”

“Right, and I think you’re probably better at it. Were you planning on joining us? You didn’t respond to the chat.”

“I got distracted by my abuela calling,” Eddie said and stretched. “I figured I’d respond when there is actually a plan in play since my afternoon is clear until it’s time to pick up Christopher.”

Buck turned on his side and stared for a moment. “I do want to be with you all the time. You’re pretty much all I think about, and I don’t know what to do with it. I’ve never been in this place emotionally or mentally with anyone. The thought of messing this up feels like it might ruin me.”

“Hey,” Eddie said gently and kissed his mouth gently. “I’ve got your back, and I’m all in on us. We’re going to get this right and don’t ever think I’m getting impatient with you when it comes to the things you haven’t said.” He leaned into him and kissed him again. “Maybe talk to your therapist about it before you start fixating on a non-problem. What did you tell Christopher?”

Buck huffed a little. “To not borrow trouble.”

“Right, it’s good advice, and I know it’s awful to have your own words thrown in your face. That’s not what I’m trying to do. I don’t make a habit of scoring points off my partners—romantic or otherwise. Just give yourself some time to think about your past relationships and ask yourself if those people were as invested as you were in making things work. Because I’m just as invested as you are in building something permanent between us.”

“Okay.” Buck cleared his throat. “And I do promise that I’d never hurt Christopher in any single way on purpose. I’d do a lot to avoid hurting his feelings, even by accident.”

* * * *

They were in line to pick up Christopher when Buck’s phone started playing the theme song for some old ‘80s television show that Eddie couldn’t quite place. Eddie raised an eyebrow at him as Buck answered the phone with a push of the button on his steering wheel.

“Hey, Cap,” Buck said.

“Hey, I’m going to need you in HR first thing on Monday morning regarding the situation with Sal Deluca. I tried to keep your name out of it officially, but the union is requiring a witness statement.”

Buck huffed a little. “Has he already been interviewed?”

“He spent the day in HR with his captain. He’s furious that his comment was reported but didn’t deny saying it. In fact, his captain had already reprimanded him internally for saying the same thing to four different firefighters on his own shift.” Ray sighed. “And his captain isn’t thrilled that I’ve taken personal offense and filed a complaint.”

“What? So this asshole gets to question your integrity and disparage your marriage to numerous people without consequence?” Buck made a face. “I can be there in forty-five minutes, give or take. Or shortly after our shift ends on Monday morning.”

“Let me check with Corrin.”

Buck tapped his fingers on the steering wheel even as they were motioned forward in the line. He moved upward in the line and parked since they were officially in a spot for child retrieval. Eddie slid out of the passenger seat and shut the door with a little look in Buck’s direction.

“Buck?”

“I’m here, sir. We’re in line to pick up Christopher. Eddie’s separating him from the herd as we speak.”

Ray laughed. “Corrin says that Monday morning is better. She has some work to do and another meeting with a union rep.”

“If he’s already admitted to doing it more than once, what good is my report?” Buck questioned.

“They want it because I only went to HR because of what I heard from you.”

“Ah, so Captain Barnes is in trouble as well? He’s not a bad guy.”

“He’s not a good captain,” Ray said shortly. “And in this instance, Barnes should’ve had my back instead of Deluca’s. I’d never let a firefighter in my house disparage another captain in this way without serious repercussions, and the union agrees with me. It erodes respect for the chain of command, and since he also said it to you—he actively tried to undermine my authority in my own house.”

“Okay, well, I’ll organize my thoughts and prepare a thorough statement,” Buck said. “Eddie’s coming back with Christopher.”

“I’ll let you go. See you on Sunday.”

He ended the call and gave Eddie a nod when the man paused at the passenger side door. So, he opened the back of the truck and helped Christopher up onto the seat.

“Hi, Buck! Daddy said you guys climbed on a wall. Can I climb on the wall, too?”

“Well, not the one at work,” Eddie said. “It’s for advanced climbers. But we can try one of the recreational places, maybe.”

“It sounds like fun,” Buck agreed, and Christopher cheered. “How was school?”

“Kind of weird,” Christopher admitted as Eddie settled in the passenger seat.

“What do you mean by that, Mijo?” Eddie questioned as he put on his seat belt. “Did someone upset or bother you?”

“Not really,” Christopher said. “I didn’t get bullied or anything. They don’t allow that at Durand, which is nice because the public school wasn’t always great about protecting students. I didn’t get picked on there because even most bullies don’t pick on a kid with crutches. It’s like they think that’s crossing some line or something.”

Buck thought all bullying was crossing some kind of line, but he knew that topic was a trigger for him.

“And I tell on bullies anyway,” Christopher continued from the backseat as they started inching forward out of the parking lot. “Because I don’t care if they get mad at me for doing the right thing. Anyways, it was weird because my teacher asked about Daddy and the forest fire.”

“What?” Eddie questioned and half turned in his seat despite the seatbelt he was wearing. “What did she ask?”

“She asked if you were part of the group of people who fought the fire, and I didn’t know how to answer her question. So, I lied.”

“You lied,” Eddie repeated. “What did you tell her?”

“I told her that I didn’t know anything about your job,” Christopher said. “I know that’s wrong, but also, it would’ve been rude to tell her to mind her own business.” He paused. “Right?”

Eddie sighed. “Right. I’m sorry. I should’ve prepared you for that kind of conversation. We’ll go over the ways you can deflect those kinds of questions in the future because you’re right; my work is none of her business.”

“I don’t know why she always asks about that stuff,” Christopher muttered.

“Have you met her?” Buck questioned, and Eddie nodded. “She thinks your dad is hot, Chris.”

Christopher groaned. “Who’d want a teacher as a parent? I think if you were a teacher, Daddy, I’d have to go to a different school than the one you worked at.”

“I agree,” Eddie said in amusement. “But I don’t have the patience to be a teacher. Did you want me to talk to the principal about your teacher?”

“Ms. Flores is just nosy,” Christopher muttered. “She’s a good teacher even if she does ask me questions that are none of her business.”

“Maybe you could put a note in his folder for her,” Buck suggested. “And ask that she refrain from asking your son questions about your work.”

Eddie nodded. “Would that be okay with you, Christopher?”

“Sure,” Christopher said as they exited the school parking lot. “What’s for dinner?”

“What would you like?” Buck questioned, and Eddie sighed. “Within reason.”

Christopher laughed. “Butter chicken?”

Buck hummed under his breath. “Sounds good. We’ll need to go to the grocery store.”

“What’s up with the ringtone for Ray?” Eddie questioned.

“It’s the theme song from that old TV show, Greatest American Hero,” Buck said. “I asked him what he wanted his ringtone to be on my phone, and that’s what he requested.”

Eddie snorted. “Shut up.”

“I’m serious. Sae’s is Satisfaction by the Rolling Stones,” Buck said. “I picked yours out myself.”

Eddie quirked an eyebrow and pulled out his phone. Buck flushed just a little as the song I Cross My Heart by George Strait burst out of his phone.

He shrugged. “You used to hum it under your breath all the time when we first started working together. I didn’t know what it was called, so I hummed it to my sister, who hummed it to Lou, who hummed it to his partner at work. Finally, after about ten people humming at each other, Lou texted me the title. I sort of figured it would be a George Strait song.”

Eddie grinned as he ended the call. “That’s adorable.”

“Now you can shut up,” Buck muttered, and Christopher laughed in the back seat.

“What’s Thomas’?” Eddie questioned suddenly.

“You Sexy Thing by Hot Chocolate,” Buck said, and Eddie burst out laughing. “Sometimes he calls me just before he enters a room I’m in so he can have theme music for his arrival.”

“I actually adore that dude,” Eddie admitted. “You’re lucky I met you first, or I might be chasing him all over LA.”

“His mother would be thrilled—he has the worst luck on the romance front,” Buck said and shrugged. “Makes no sense, really. He’s a great guy.”

* * * *

Going to the grocery store with Buck had been an eye-opening and sort of frustrating experience. The man browsed, and Eddie was the sort to make a list, get everything on his list, and leave. Buck had spent five whole minutes discussing various cuts of meat with the butcher, whom he knew by first name, and had let Christopher pick out the chicken thighs they were going to use to make the butter chicken.

He’d just followed along behind the two of them, keeping his frustration to himself since he knew he was kind of unreasonable about the whole shopping thing. He’d always hated it, and Eddie blamed his mother for that, as she’d often showed her ass in stores when he was little. His mom had a long and storied history on the Karen front, and it was embarrassing to think about it even years after the last time he’d agreed to go to a store with her.

They checked out quickly, so that was a plus in the store’s favor. It wasn’t one he frequented as it was near Buck’s house versus his own. Still, it was on the way home from work, so it could be an option in the future if he needed to do a quick shop before going home. Once at Buck’s house, they tackled dinner, and he ended up sitting on a barstool watching as he was unnecessary to the operation.

Eddie pulled out his phone to check his texts since he’d gotten a notification while they’d been shopping that he’d ignored.

Hen: Chim’s gone completely off the rails. I don’t know what to do and Karen refuses to even discuss him. He’s been my best friend for years and suddenly everyone is telling me that he doesn’t deserve my help.

Eddie stared for a moment, a little frustrated by the thought of getting involved in the situation. Hen had enabled Chim a lot through tacit approval, and she’d yet to acknowledge that. Granted, the man had never been outright cruel in front of witnesses, but she knew what he’d done and never really called him out for it.

Eddie: It’s not about what he deserves at this point. You don’t have the tools to help him navigate the mess he’s made of his life—not legally or psychologically. Chim’s destroyed his career with the LAFD and made a very powerful enemy in the process. He let his mental health issues turn him into a vicious bully. Now he’s paying for it. Getting involved could just taint you be association.

He hit send and took a deep breath before sitting on his phone.

“Something wrong?”

“Just a text from a friend dealing with something beyond their scope,” Eddie said with a glance toward Christopher, who was using a spoon to peel a small ginger root.

“Ah,” Buck said. “Friendships are complicated, but the good ones are worth it.”

Eddie nodded. “It is a friendship that I would prefer to keep for a few reasons.” He glanced toward his son briefly, and Buck nodded even as his phone vibrated on the counter in front of him.

Hen: That’s harsh. Are you saying I shouldn’t even try?

Eddie: Is his friendship worth your marriage? Is it worth him showing up at your house and scaring Denny with a drunken tantrum? Does he have your back the way he wants you to have his? Can you afford to support him emotionally or financially through the process of a criminal trial? Are you going to visit him in jail if he goes?

Hen: Do you think he’ll really go to jail? He says the charges are bullshit.

Eddie: Have you talked to Athena? Did you know he tried to get her to fix the problem for him like a dirty cop? Her decades long career apparently meant nothing to him if he got away with driving twice the legal limit and resisting arrest.

Hen: TWICE?

His phone started ringing. Eddie sighed as he answered the call and slid off the stool.

“Hello.”

“Eddie,” Hen said and took a deep breath. “Chim told me he hadn’t even been drinking and that he was set up by a cop holding a grudge against him.”

Eddie walked through the house, went into Buck’s bedroom, and shut the door before he responded. “He showed up at my house raging and drunk that night, Hen. He threw a beer bottle at my house. I know for a fact that he was drinking. I wouldn’t have said he was that drunk, but he’s got a high tolerance, right?”

“Yeah, he has since I’ve known him,” Hen admitted. “So, he lied to me about what happened that night.”

“If he was that drunk, then he might remember it happening that way,” Eddie said wearily. “But he’s going to be punished for this, Hen, and there’s no coming back from this with the LAFD. He was already in trouble with HR because of the hazing, and now there’s this.”

“Why did you report him after so long?” Hen asked curiously. “I’m not disagreeing with your choice, so please don’t think that. He deserved to get reported for that bullshit, but I thought you’d moved on from it.”

“I didn’t file the initial report,” Eddie said. “And I can’t say who did. I was interviewed about the situation, though, and filed a complaint that would be used only if he actually sues the department for wrongful termination.”

“He doesn’t stand a chance on that front if his license is suspended,” Hen said and groaned a little. “Christ, Eddie, I don’t know how to be a good friend in this.”

“I don’t think you can be a good friend to him,” Eddie said plainly. “But you can be a good wife and mother by keeping him away from your house. If ever there was a time when you needed to circle your wagons, Hen, then you’re in it.”

“Right,” Hen said quietly. “Thank you for being so blunt with me. I know I wasn’t the friend you needed when Chim was doing what he was doing. I was really blind to the worst of him, and I don’t know why.”

“Because he had your back,” Eddie said simply. “And he treated you kindly when you first started with the LAFD. So, you invested yourself in that friendship because it felt safe to do so.”

“Yeah, I guess…that’s exactly right,” Hen said and sighed. “It hurts a lot.”

“I know,” Eddie murmured. “Having a friendship implode like this can be just as emotionally damaging as losing a romantic partner. It sounds like Karen is too angry to really help you through this. Have you considered making an appointment with your therapist?”

“I made one, and you’re right—she’s too angry. She’s been furious since Chim showed up at the house and scared Denny. I was angry with him, too, but she doesn’t have the…same perspective as me on Chimney. I know he’s having some kind of mental episode. She just sees an asshole with a temper.”

That’s exactly what Eddie saw as well, but he knew that wasn’t something that would add to the conversation.

“She doesn’t have the history you have with Chimney,” Eddie said. “He’s never saved her life, and he was never there for her when the job tore your heart out. He was your partner, and that matters, Hen. It’s a loss you’re going to have to process and move on from it the best you can. It’s okay to grieve the loss of the friendship you thought you had with him.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Would a good friend have shown up at your house to throw a drunk tantrum over a situation that was no single way your fault?” Eddie asked, and her breath hitched. “You were always a better friend to him than he was to you. He didn’t consider your family at all when he drove to your house drunk to throw a fit. How did he get home that night?”

“I drove him home,” Hen admitted. “But Karen…she made him give up his keys because he’d been drinking. I have to admit that it didn’t cross my mind at all.”

“Because you trust him,” Eddie interjected. “You trust his judgment because years on the job tell you that you can.”

“He was furious about the whole thing and didn’t speak to me the whole ride home,” Hen said. “Then picked up his car the next day after texting us to leave his keys on the porch. He said he had nothing left to say to me.”

“Then he called you. What did he ask for?”

“He wants me to testify on his behalf if he can’t get a plea deal that doesn’t include jail time,” Hen said. “Basically, as a character witness. I don’t think it would go the way he wants because I wouldn’t lie for him in court, and I said as much. I don’t know why he thought I would.”

“Because you’ve had his back on the job in situations that would’ve made plenty of other people protest,” Eddie pointed out, and she huffed in his ear. “You come to depend on that kind of loyalty when it’s given to you—deserved or not. I’m not surprised he expected you to pick him over your wife and to lie for him in court. You’re probably the closest friend he has in the world.”

“And I shouldn’t help him?”

“He’s asking you to set your family on fire to keep him warm,” Eddie said flatly, and her breath hitched. “Are you okay with that?”

“You know I’m not!” Hen snapped and took a deep breath. “Sorry. I’m a mess.”

“Well, you know what you have to do,” Eddie said. “It’s what you owe yourself and your family. Getting yourself right is the best choice you can make—it’s what you deserve, and now is definitely the time to be a little selfish.”

“Yeah,” Hen said. “Fuck. This is awful. I’m so angry with him for not being the person he should be, and that feels weird.”

“He disappointed you to the point that you can no longer ignore the behavior you’ve always found objectionable,” Eddie pointed out reasonably. “Just give yourself some room to process it and be honest in therapy. The biggest wrong I’ve ever done myself was to lie in therapy about how I was doing, and I did it throughout my career in the Army to my own detriment. All that mattered at the time was passing my fitness reviews.”

“I understand,” Hen said quietly. “I’ve come precariously close to losing my marriage once because I was so focused on ignoring my problems rather than dealing with them.”

“I get it,” Eddie murmured. “I played a part in the destruction of my first marriage, Hen. A lot of people in my life blame Shannon entirely because she ran away in the middle of the night. But I wasn’t a good husband to her, and I allowed my mother to run roughshod all over Shannon and our marriage. I regret it, but there’s no coming back from it.”

“Do you wish you could fix it with her?” Hen asked. “Would you take Shannon back if she was everything you thought she was?”

“No,” Eddie said. “Too much ugly happened between us, but more importantly, I’m not in love with her anymore, and living that kind of lie is damaging to everyone around you. I want to model good and healthy relationships for my son, Hen. I want him to know that love is important and precious.”

“I have to let Chim go,” Hen said quietly. “I can’t fix him.”

“No, you can’t.” Eddie listened to her breathe. “And your son deserves better than to watch you try.”

“Thanks, Eddie,” Hen murmured. “I needed to hear this, and I needed to be heard.”

“Have a good night, Hen,” Eddie said, and she ended the call with a murmured good night of her own.

When he walked back into the kitchen, Buck was transferring plates of food to the table, and Christopher was already seated.

“Sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Buck assured. “Everything settled?”

“As much as it can be,” Eddie said roughly and sat down. “I keep reminding myself that some friendships are worth keeping even when they’re deeply stressful.”

“How much stress is too much?” Christopher asked, and Eddie took a deep breath.

“Well, not all stress is bad,” Buck pointed out, and Eddie relaxed as Christopher focused on him. “A lot of times, the stress our body and mind goes through is a motivation of a sort. It can help us push through very difficult circumstances.”

“Okay,” Christopher said. “Like what?”

“Well, you’ve heard about fight-or-flight, right?” Buck questioned, and Christopher nodded. “You know, it’s an automatic response to a situation that scares you, but it can also be in response to a stressful situation. And fight doesn’t always equal an altercation of some sort. It can be about fighting to survive or overcome a situation. Granted, most of this is a stress response to a threat, and that’s how our species has survived and even thrived throughout history.”

“So, sometimes stress can save my life,” Christopher said with a nod. “Which is a good stress.”

“Well, the situation that you’re in wouldn’t be good, but the stress response is good.”

“An evolutionary adaption,” Christopher said, and Eddie raised an eyebrow at him. “What? I pay attention in science class.”

“I know you do, Mijo,” Eddie said. “Sometimes, you sound a lot older than you are.”

“I’m wise,” Christopher said with a sharp nod, and Buck laughed.

Eddie focused on his plate. “This looks great.”

“I helped a lot,” Christopher bragged, and Eddie smiled when Buck just grinned.

“Then I’m very lucky to have you two cooking for me,” Eddie said.

“Yeah, you are,” Buck said and nudged his foot gently under the table.

Chapter 18

“We’ve got ourselves a daredevil,” Ray said as they lifted off the ground.

Buck groaned a little and shared a look with Eddie.

“He’s currently hanging off a single rope near the top of the Aon Center. We were alerted to his predicament by his partner, who was using a drone to film his climb. His goal was to sit on the Aon sign as part of a promo for his YouTube channel. She doesn’t think he has the physical strength left to complete the climb and is worried he’ll fall. They’re currently arguing over the phone, and the LAPD is on the roof waiting for our arrival.”

“Fantastic,” Eddie muttered. “The only thing worse than a domestic is a domestic in the middle of an emergency.”

Buck agreed, so he worked on settling his mind so he could focus on the problem at hand. A combative victim could be frustrating as hell, even more so if they’re convinced that they don’t need rescuing at all. The fact that the man was going to be arrested as soon as he was free of his current predicament only added to the problem.

“The partner has admitted he hasn’t moved from his current position in nearly thirty minutes,” Ray reported. “She was asked if he has any behavioral issues, and she said no. He apparently bulked up to look more impressive for his fitness-focused channel.”

“Gross,” Buck muttered. “I don’t see any of that being useful in getting him to calm down if he’s up there having a fit about her potentially saving his life because he did something illegal.”

“I’m surprised he got as far as he did,” Eddie said. “If he bulked up without training for it, then he doesn’t have the experience, stamina, or muscle memory for the kind of climb he undertook.”

“He probably used sheer brute strength to accomplish it—which could be why he stalled out. He’s exhausted and frustrated that he didn’t prepare for the top of the building—a transition from a glass surface to concrete where the sign is. I doubt he has the equipment for it, either. Since he probably used suction cups like that idiot who climbed Trump Tower in New York,” Thomas said, and Buck sighed. “You know I’m right.”

“The lack of jail time in that case did nothing to curb the desire for urban climbing,” Ray said over the radio. “And it still chaps my ass.”

“Get ready for the drop,” Cohn said.

Thomas knelt by the winch and secured his own rope, then Sae’s, before reaching out to take the ones that Eddie and Buck offered. He tugged hard on each connection, then held out a hand for Ray’s as the man joined them. Buck checked on Eddie as casually as he could and found the man focused on securing the rope for their gear with Thomas. It was their first drop from the helicopter, and he didn’t know what kind of memories Eddie had associated with that.

“I’m fine,” Eddie said as the helicopter moved into a hover position.

Buck nodded.

Shortly, he slid out of the helicopter and rappelled to the roof. He’d learned how to do it in Colorado, but when he’d joined the 56, Ray had insisted on teaching him how to do it the way he’d been trained to do it in the military. He noted that Eddie was using the same HRST method and wondered how many times the man had used fast roping while he’d served.

He released his line and policed the rest of them as they ascended, ignoring the cops who were huddled in one corner of the building. Buck wondered if any of them had checked the roof for weaknesses. He shared a look with Eddie, and the man grimaced then shook his head.

Eddie grabbed their gear and moved to the side of the building. Buck followed after Ray was on the roof and off the rope. He helped Thomas anchor the winch first then they started pulling out ropes to prepare for the climb.

Eddie was near the parapet, looking down.

“Problems?” Buck questioned.

“He’s directly under the A of the neon sign,” Eddie reported. “Where’s the drone?”

“The LAPD made her ground it,” Ray said as he joined Eddie at the ledge. “Thoughts on cutting out a window?”

“We’d need to set up the torch,” Eddie said, accepting the question for the test it was. “And there would be at least two layers of tempered glass. It would take a while. None of these windows are going to open, or if they do, they won’t allow us to pull a body through them. It’s a suicide prevention method. We could probably break it, but each window is about two by two feet wide—they have to be upwards of forty pounds each. So, that’s roughly eighty pounds of tempered glass falling on the crowd below at terminal velocity since I’m unsure if we could break them individually. We couldn’t control impact, descent, or distribution.”

Ray nodded and turned to the LAPD. “Sergeant Redman?”

A man crossed the roof to them. “Captain Gaines. Thanks for coming out.” He offered Ray his hand. “We offered him a rope when we first arrived to give him so more security until you arrived, and he told us…to go fuck ourselves.”

“Sounds about right,” Ray responded. “Do you know if he has a criminal history?”

“First-time dumbass from all reports,” Redman said, and Ray laughed. “His filming partner and girlfriend has already dumped him, by the way. So, he’s having a very frustrating evening. Fortunately, he seems to be unaware that he’s going to be arrested and isn’t currently hostile. His name is David Smythe.”

Shortly, Buck found himself over the side of the highrise with Eddie. The climb was relatively short since the victim had managed to climb to nearly the top of the building. He noted with some amusement that by the time they reached him, he was hanging dejected in his rigging and was no longer on the phone.

“Hi, David,” Buck said pleasantly. “Nice night for a climb.”

“I thought so,” the man muttered. “Cool helicopter. Too bad I didn’t get any footage of it.”

“We’re going to check the integrity of your harness, and if it meets our standard, we’ll put a rope on you from our winch to lift you up onto the roof,” Eddie explained. “If it doesn’t, we’ll need to put you in one of ours.”

“I got the best one I could. It’s an Arc’teryx,” David said huffily. “I don’t fuck around with my own life.”

Buck begged to differ, considering the man’s circumstances, but he kept that himself. “It’s a great choice for winter conditions and the hanging comfort it offers is second to none.”

“You wouldn’t have picked it for this climb?”

“Urban climbing isn’t something I’d ever consider outside of the job,” Buck said easily. “It’s not a challenge for me.”

“Why?” David asked with a frown.

“No building on this planet is ever going to challenge him the way Everest did,” Eddie said shortly. “When you’ve completed that climb, the rest of the planet sort of pales in comparison.”

“I wouldn’t mind taking on K2,” Buck said in amusement, and Eddie huffed a little.

“You really climbed Everest?” David questioned.

“Yeah, years ago,” Buck said as he activated his radio. “Cap, his harness is fine, and hasn’t suffered any damage during his climb. We’re going to tie him into our system so he can be pulled up.”

“Understood,” Ray said.

He shared a look with Eddie as David huffed dramatically between them.

“I don’t know why I couldn’t find the energy to finish,” he said and looked up at the sign. “It would’ve been epic.”

“You trained for strength but neglected stamina,” Eddie said shortly. “You’re lucky to have not gotten yourself killed due to exhaustion.”

“Right,” David said thoughtfully and looked up at the sign. “Stamina.”

Buck hoped the asshole wasn’t taking what Eddie said as advice, but he figured the pending charges against him would work to deter unsanctioned urban climbing in the future better than a lecture from them. The winch pulled them up in tandem with the climber, and shortly, they were pulled over the roof’s short wall.

Eddie removed their rope from the climber and dropped it near the winch as Buck unhooked his own rope. The call had been similar to the kind of thing they’d have done at the 118, and he wondered if they were sent out because everyone else who could handle such a simple rescue was busy. He figured that had to be a thing, considering how busy some nights got in LA due to stupidity.

“What are you thinking?” Sae questioned.

“Just wondering if heat makes people stupid,” Eddie admitted, and she laughed.

“What the fuck do you mean I’m being arrested?” David Smythe shouted. “Get off me, asshole! You can’t arrest me for climbing!”

“Shit,” Thomas muttered from where he knelt near the winch.

Unfortunately, Smythe was two of the cop trying to cuff him, and he pushed the man off then ran toward them. Ray shifted, jerked Sae right off of her feet, and turned away from the incoming charge. Smythe veered toward them and shoved Buck out of his way as he headed for the rooftop door. Thomas tackled Smythe. Buck tumbled back, unprepared for the shove, and went right over the wall.

“Buck!” Eddie scrambled for his partner’s rope and managed to wrap it around his forearm before he was jerked over the wall due to Buck’s weight. “Goddamn it!”

Buck hit the sign, sparks exploded around him and Eddie closed his eyes briefly as he slammed against a window. Buck was dangling in his harness, making no effort to move at all. The only thing keeping them where they were was the rope on Eddie’s harness.

“Buck!” Eddie shouted and tightened his grip on the rope with one hand where it was digging into his arm. There was already blood soaking it.

He grabbed a carabiner from his harness, hooked it into the rope, knotted what he could then clipped it back into his harness. It was a messy connection, but it felt secure. He unwrapped the rope from his arm, then worked another carabiner into place, knotted it, and created a belay.

“Diaz, Buckley, call out,” Ray ordered tersely.

Eddie paused to turn his radio on, then started to pull Buck up. “Buck’s not responding, but I’ve created a belay out of a carabiner. He hit the sign. I can’t tell if he’s….” He took a deep breath. “Alive. I can’t fucking tell.”

“Understood. We’re on our way down to you,” Ray assured.

Eddie continued to pull on the rope and had a hand wrapped around Buck’s harness when Thomas and Ray appeared on either side of them. “I got him.”

“Yeah, of course you do,” Ray said quietly. He reached out and turned off Eddie’s radio for him. “Let’s get you guys up and onto the helo.”

“Good idea,” Eddie murmured. “I think I hit my fucking head again. Don’t know if I have a concussion, but it hurts like a fucker.”

“We’re going to start a pool,” Thomas said seriously.

Eddie laughed reluctantly as he was finally able to press his fingers to Buck’s pulse. “Thready.” He touched Buck’s helmet to check for damage as Ray worked a rope into his partner’s harness. “The helmet is intact. I didn’t see how he hit.”

“We’re going to put him in the basket in case he has a spinal injury,” Thomas said as he fit a collar around Buck’s neck.

“Is that guy still up there?” Eddie questioned.

“LAPD should have him off the roof by the time we get up there,” Ray assured.

“I knocked him out,” Thomas said roughly. “His face didn’t like meeting the roof up close and personal when I tackled him.” He put a firm hand on Buck’s shoulder as if to assure himself that he was alive. “I’m really glad you’re here, Eddie.”

Eddie closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Yeah.”

“We got you both,” Ray said. “You did so well, Eddie.”

“Thanks, Cap.”

* * * *

Maddie Buckley’s pacing was making Eddie feel a little better about the level of anxiety he was dealing with. He’d been checked out and barely avoided another concussion diagnosis. He was sore, of course, and about to bounce out of his skin as they waited on results. Lou Ransone had come and gone several times. He’d told them that David Smythe had been booked, and the DA was involved in discussions regarding charges of resisting arrest, reckless endangerment, and attempted homicide.

Eddie had given a statement just before dawn, and the rest of their team had come and gone from the hospital several times. Thomas brought Eddie’s truck at some point, but he didn’t remember the time. The doctor had come out to talk to them once, and Eddie had been so relieved that Maddie had included him in the conversation. He didn’t have any real right to be there, but she was being very kind to him.

Maddie sat down beside him and clutched suddenly at his hand. “I heard your statement, you know. You saved his life.”

“Well, it was my turn,” Eddie said quietly, and she laughed a little sharply before taking a deep breath. “The job itself isn’t as dangerous as anyone assumes. Sometimes, it’s the outside forces—like unexpected aggression—that hurt us.”

“Or kills you,” Maddie said quietly, and her fingers tightened briefly around his. “I try to be accepting of his job, but at times like this, I want to beg him to pick a safer occupation.”

“Well, the world’s not safe, and no one is promised tomorrow,” Eddie said, and she made a soft, wounded sound. “It’s a hard thing to acknowledge. Buck loves the work he does and sees it as a genuine calling.”

“Do you?” Maddie asked.

“Military service was my calling,” Eddie said. “And it destroyed me to lose it. I had plans, and I worked hard to get where I was. It was all taken from me, and I spiraled for a bit. I considered a few different options for a second career, but it seemed like joining the LAFD would offer me at least part of what I’d lost. Being part of an organization with a purpose that serves the public is very rewarding. I can’t defend my country anymore, but now I can protect as many people as I can on a daily basis as a firefighter.”

“I’m sorry for what you went through,” Maddie said. “But I’m glad you’re here with us. You’ve been so good for Evan. I can’t explain the difference, really, but he seems calmer and more centered with you in his life. It’s like you and Christopher were the missing pieces of his puzzle.”

“I don’t…know what to say that,” Eddie admitted, and she smiled. “But I love him, and I trust him with my son.”

“It’s a big deal, trusting someone with your child,” Maddie said quietly. “Even trusting someone enough to make a family with them, right?”

“Yeah,” Eddie said. “I learned that the hard way.”

“I’m pregnant,” Maddie blurted out.

“Congratulations?” Eddie said hesitantly, and she laughed.

“Thanks, Lou is over the moon,” Maddie said and took a deep breath. “After my first marriage turned into a nightmare, I gave up the idea of ever having a child of my own. But now I’m sitting here pregnant with a baby I get to keep.”

Eddie winced and looked away from her briefly to process the fury that statement caused. It brought back the conversation that he’d had with Buck about the day Doug tried to murder them both.

“Lou appears to be a good man,” Eddie said.

“Yes.”

“But if we’re wrong about that—don’t be afraid to tell us,” Eddie continued, and she turned to stare at him. “I mean it.”

“Okay,” she said quietly. “I never meant to keep Doug’s behavior a secret, you know. It wasn’t exactly fear that made me hide what my marriage was like.”

“Shame?” Eddie questioned, and she nodded, then frowned. “What?”

“You’re very perceptive, and I’m wondering if that’s a problem or not.”

Eddie laughed. “I’ve had a lot of therapy—some of it against my will. But I quickly realized that I needed it so I could be a good father to my son. I didn’t want Christopher to suffer the way I did because neither of my parents is the picture of mental health, and their children bore the brunt of that bullshit. Something you’re familiar with based on what Buck has told me about your bios.”

“Gah, they’re such sorry bastards,” Maddie muttered. “I can’t stand the air they breathe. I already love my baby so much. I don’t understand how either of my parents failed to love their children.”

“No, me neither. The moment the nurse put my son in my hands, it was…I was changed fundamentally. Everything I did from that point forward was about making sure he had everything he needed. It still is, honestly. I work hard to provide for him. I go to therapy to be a better man for him. I fight my parents on the regular to prevent them from having access to him because they’re toxic as fuck. I spent money that I didn’t have to make sure my ex-wife lost her parental rights because I can’t trust her with my son’s heart.” He took a deep breath. “So, yeah, everything is for Christopher, and I’ll never understand your parents.” He turned and found Maddie in tears. “Dios, why are you crying?”

“It’s just you’re a really good dad,” she said and hastily wiped tears from her face. “Sorry.”

“I guess that’s something you don’t have a lot of experience with,” Eddie said.

“I used to think Doug’s father was a good man,” Maddie said and took a deep breath. “Until I told him that Doug had hit me, and he asked me what I did to deserve it.”

“Sorry motherfucker,” Eddie muttered.

“Right?” Maddie huffed. “At any rate, sorry to cry on you. Stress and hormones. I’m going to be a mess for months, I assume.”

Eddie nodded. “Don’t be afraid to use it as an excuse as often as possible.”

Maddie laughed but then took a deep breath as the doctor approached them. Eddie stood and pulled her carefully up with him.

“Ms. Buckley,” the doctor began and gave Eddie a nod. “Firefighter Buckley is conscious and has easily answered questions posed to him. He has some bruised ribs and a grade-one concussion. I expect him to have no problems with recovery as he’s in superior shape. The LAFD has already requested a status report, and he’s authorized the release of his medical information to them. He’s unwilling to be admitted and has asked repeatedly for you, Mr. Diaz. I assured him that you were out here waiting.”

“I can take him home with me,” Eddie said. “I was a medic in the Army, so I can handle his care and bring him back if something unexpected happens.” He glanced toward Maddie, who nodded quickly. “I won’t have a problem moving him physically if that is required.”

“He needs help getting dressed,” the doctor said. “But he sent the nurse away when she offered to help.”

“His boundaries get really firm when he feels vulnerable,” Maddie said quietly, and the doctor nodded.  “And body autonomy is always important to him, but he hyper-focuses on it with medical personnel due to an incident in his past.”

Eddie bit down on his lip to avoid asking her about the incident. Buck had been pretty open about his past and his trauma, so he wondered what else could be lurking in the man’s background. He hoped that Buck would trust him with it because he wanted to be exactly what his partner needed in situations like the one they were currently in.

“I understand,” the doctor said. “Well, you can both come back, but you can expect a lecture, Ms. Buckley. He was very concerned to learn that you’ve spent hours out here and asked me a bunch of questions about stress, uncomfortable chairs, and early pregnancy.”

“I’m fine,” Maddie said in amusement. “Eddie, let’s go back, and I’ll reassure him that I’m going to go straight home. It will calm him down.”

Buck was in a curtained-off area speaking with a man Eddie didn’t recognize when they were escorted back to him by a nurse.

“Look, Mr. Mackey, I already told you that I’m not interested in your services,” Buck snapped. “Leave, or I’ll contact security.”

“Mr. Buckley, you’re making a mistake. You were nearly murdered tonight due to negligence on the part of the LAPD,” the man said. “And I can help you get properly compensated.”

“Hey,” Eddie snapped, and they both focused on him. “He told you to go away. So leave.” He glared when the lawyer started to speak. “Immediately.”

Mackey huffed, tossed a business card on the bed, and stalked off. With a frown, Maddie followed, and Eddie hoped that meant she was going to tear someone a new one for the unauthorized visitor. Eddie sat down in the chair and put a hand on Buck’s arm as his partner focused on him.

“Hey, are you okay?” Buck questioned.

“Me?” Eddie said with a little exhale of breath. “I’m fine. You’re the one that nearly died.”

“You had my back,” Buck said and covered his hand with his own. “I’m sorry to have worried you guys. I didn’t even see him coming at me. I was focused on what Ray was doing.”

“Ray secured the most vulnerable member of our team to a physical threat,” Eddie said quietly. “Had I been near her, I’d have done the same. But I’m glad that I was able to get ahold of your rope.” Buck touched the bandage on Eddie’s arm gently. “It’s just a rope burn. A pretty bad one, but I’ll be fine.”

“It broke the skin.”

“Yes, in several places—I’ve got some surgical glue and Steri-Strips but no stitches or staples.” Eddie shrugged. “If I’m allowed to work, I’ll probably be the man behind for two or three shifts while the skin heals.” He leaned forward and cupped Buck’s head gently. “How do you feel?”

“Silly,” Buck confessed. “I should’ve been paying attention. We knew, already, that he was reckless and stupid.”

“Well, climbing a building and trying to kill someone are vastly different things,” Eddie said.

“I told the cops that I didn’t think he did it on purpose.”

“It won’t matter,” Eddie said. “He caused it during the commission of another crime, which makes it attempted murder. It went from misdemeanor territory to felony in an instant. He endangered your life while resisting arrest as well. The charges just piled up the moment he decided that he didn’t deserve to be arrested.”

“So, he ruined his life trying to do some stupid stunt for his YouTube channel,” Buck said quietly. “What an insane situation. I was thinking earlier that life is complicated.”

“Yeah?”

“Then everything became really simple the moment I went over that wall,” Buck said and looked at their hands. “And I realized that I’ve been waiting for something to go wrong.”

“With us?”

“With my life,” Buck said. “Because it always has. I get to a point where I’m happy, and everything is going just the right way, then it’s like I get pulled up short and slapped in the face with the fact that I don’t deserve to be happy.”

“Buck,” Eddie said and leaned on the railing of the bed. He took a deep breath. “You deserve to be happy.”

“It’s hard to let go of the shit my parents basically hammered into my brain as a child. I was never really allowed to be happy in their home,” Buck explained. “I didn’t know why at the time. I just knew they hated me and didn’t want me to enjoy anything in my life. I wasn’t allowed to want for anything. I didn’t get to have a favorite food. I mean it was…well. It was about my older brother, Daniel. He died. I was created to be a perfect bone marrow donor for him. The transplant failed, and he died. I was useless to them after that.”

“Jesus Christ, I fucking hate your parents,” Eddie said quietly. “Let’s get you up and dressed. The shift ends shortly, so Ray and the others will be back. They’ll want to see you—I can redirect them to my house if we can escape fast enough.”

“That would be great. My clothes are in a bag underneath the bed.”

* * * *

Most of their team was camped out on his porch when they arrived. Eddie just laughed a little as he pulled into his driveway. “I’m glad I keep a clean house.”

Ray stood and trotted down the stairs as Eddie cut the engine. He opened the passenger side of the truck, crossed his arms over his chest, and raised an eyebrow.

“Gah!” Buck muttered as he fiddled with his seatbelt. “I’m getting the eyebrow, Eddie!”

“You deserve it,” Sae said as she tried to nudge their captain out of the way. “You fell off the building!”

“I got pushed off the building,” Buck retorted and muttered under his breath as his captain pulled him carefully out of the truck. “Just a little concussion and some bruised ribs. I’ll be fine in a couple of weeks.”

“I read the report,” Ray said. “I’m waiting.”

Buck huffed. “Fine. Ray, I’m sorry I almost died without your permission.”

Eddie laughed a little as Ray made a face at him since the apology hadn’t sounded sincere at all.

Thomas stood up from the porch as Eddie approached and motioned toward their work bags. “Brought your stuff—Tilda packed for you both, so if anything is missing that you want, just let her know, and she’ll make sure it gets sent your way.” He focused on Buck, who was walking up the sidewalk slowly with Ray and Sae on either side. “You get one more concussion, Buck, and we’re going to make you see a neurologist.”

“That’s so rude,” Buck muttered. “Eddie, make them leave me alone.”

“I’m tempted to take you to a neurologist right now,” Eddie retorted. “How many concussions have you had?”

“This is his third since starting with the LAFD,” Sae said and smiled when Buck scowled at her. “What? Were you going to lie?”

“No.” Buck slouched up the stairs like a teenager. “All of you losers go home. I’m going inside this house, then I’m going to sleep in Eddie’s bed and get cuddles.”

Ray laughed as Buck tugged on the doorknob. “Might want to make room for the man with the keys there, Buck.”

Thomas pulled him to the side as Eddie unlocked the door.

“Let us know if you need anything, Eddie,” Sae said. “We can hit the grocery store for you. I know all the stuff he likes. Cohn might have to bring it. He’s picking up his potential bonus baby from school because she has a fever.”

“That would actually be great,” Eddie admitted. “I don’t have any of the organic milk he prefers, and I’ve never met the chickens who laid the eggs in my fridge. I’ll text a list.”

Buck groaned. “This is awful. I don’t even know why I like you.”

“There goes any hope you had of cuddles,” Eddie said wryly and motioned him into the house. “Did you guys want to come in?”

Ray shook his head. “Just wanted to set eyes on him. Call me if you need anything, and you can come in for your next shift as the man behind, like you suggested in our text convo, unless your wound becomes infected. Thomas or Sae will evaluate it before our next shift for the paperwork.”

“I can come over tomorrow and redress that arm if needed,” Thomas said. “I only have a couple of errands to run, and it’ll be hard to do it on your own. Buck could handle it if he feels up to it, but I don’t mind coming around to do it for you.”

“I’ll call,” Eddie said and glanced into the house. Buck had retreated to the sofa. “He’s a little moody.”

“He always is when he’s hurting,” Sae said quietly. “He refused painkillers, right?”

“Yeah, I’m going to make him take some Tylenol shortly,” Eddie assured, and Sae nodded.

Sae and Thomas left after waving at Buck, who motioned to them with his hand in what looked like a mixture of a wave and dismissal as he slumped on the couch. Ray stayed and leaned on the porch rail.

“Is there a problem, sir?”

“Howard Han filed a report with HR accusing you and Buck of having an intimate relationship. One of his last little digs, I assume, on his way out. It made it to my desk yesterday morning.”

Eddie huffed a little and glanced toward Buck, who’d put a throw pillow over his head. “I realize there’s a disclosure process, but we’re not really there yet, officially.”

Ray nodded. “I haven’t noticed any issues working together, so I’m not concerned about it. That being said, Buck needs to know it might come up in his HR interview, which will be rescheduled for tomorrow due to the…cluster of last night. He needs to call me if he’s not up to it in the morning. I’ll text with a time.”

“Okay,” Eddie said with a frown.

Ray put a hand on Eddie’s shoulder. “You did an amazing job last night because you were doing exactly what you were supposed to do—paying attention to your partner. Take a few days to reset, and I’ll see you for our next shift unless your arm becomes an issue.”

Eddie nodded. “Thanks.”

“Great.” Ray patted his shoulder. “Also, you should text or call Bobby Nash before this gets to him. Because he’s probably going to show up here as soon as he hears about it.”

Eddie exhaled noisily. “Right. I will. I wouldn’t want him to hear a bunch of half-truths and assume the worst.”

Eddie pulled out his phone as Ray left the porch with a wave and found Bobby’s number in his contacts. First, he texted Carla to ask if she could pick up Christopher after school and got an affirmative answer almost instantly. Then he made the call before he could talk himself out of it.

“Eddie, hey,” Bobby said and yawned in his ear. “Have a good shift?”

“It was a lot,” Eddie admitted. “Are you driving?”

“No, just got home,” Bobby said and took a deep breath. “Is he hurt?”

“Yeah, but we’re at my house, so he’s basically fine,” Eddie said and pulled the front door of his house shut. “Listen, you’re probably going to get an earful about this from more than one direction. We had a highrise rescue this morning with an urban climber who lost his mind when he realized he was going to be arrested. He resisted and broke loose from the cop trying to cuff him. Our team was standing between him and the rooftop door. He shoved Buck out of his way and….” Eddie rubbed the back of his neck. “Buck had already taken his rope off the winch.”

“Jesus Christ.”

“He went over the side of the building and hit the giant stupid logo sign. It was that Aon building. At any rate, I was still on the winch, and I grabbed his rope. He dragged me over the side with him, but I kept ahold of him until the others could get us back on the roof. He has a minor concussion and some bruised ribs.”

“And you?” Bobby questioned quietly.

“Rope burn where I wrapped it around my arm to keep ahold of it,” Eddie said. “It’ll be fine in a week or so.”

“Okay, get some sleep, and I’ll bring you boys some dinner,” Bobby murmured. “What’s on your mind for that?”

The door opened, and Buck stared for a moment. “If you’re talking to Bobby like Ray wanted, and we’re being offered food—I want pasta of some sort. I don’t care what kind.” He shut the door.

Eddie laughed. “Did you get that?”

“Pasta is his comfort food,” Bobby said in amusement. “I’ll handle it.”

Chapter 19

“You okay?” Buck questioned.

Cohn McBride huffed as he put down the grocery bags and shared a look with Eddie. “You’re the one that almost died. I had a bird’s eye view of the whole thing, ya know. It was horrifying.”

“I’m okay, but you look wrecked,” Buck said. “Is Kylie really sick? Sae said she had a fever.”

“She’s…I took her to her grandmother’s house,” Cohn said and cleared his throat. “She’s miserable and…hell, Buck, she called me Daddy. I nearly cried all over Dana’s mother.” He cleared his throat. “Soibhan just patted me and laughed at me a little. I’m sure she’s already told Dana that it happened.”

“Well, it’s natural,” Eddie interjected, and they both focused on him. “She’s young, right?”

“Yeah, just five. She doesn’t actually remember her biological father,” Cohn said and sat down at the table when Eddie pointed him toward a chair. “Why is it natural?”

“You’re there doing the work,” Eddie said with a shrug. “You’re picking her up from school when she’s sick, taking care of her when her mom works, and even taking her to activities you think she’ll enjoy.” Cohn nodded. “So, you’re being the dad, Cohn. Plus, she goes to school with kids who have two parents.”

“Why does that matter?”

“Christopher presented me with a list of qualities he’d like for a step-parent when he was five,” Eddie said wryly, and Buck laughed while Cohn gaped at him. “Other little kids in her class have dads, and she doesn’t have one. She’s looking at you, doing all the work, and thinking—that’s my dad. Of course, she’s going to call you daddy when she’s sick and doesn’t have much of a filter. Her mom has probably already talked to her about it.”

“In what way?” Cohn questioned.

“In Dana’s place, I’d probably tell my kid that adult relationships are complicated and that I understand his feelings for my partner, but there are legal matters that should take place before he considers that partner a parent. But he’s seven going on thirty. He’s already told me I need to figure out how to seal the deal because Buck is prime step-parent material.”

Buck laughed, and Cohn nodded thoughtfully.

“You are great step-parent material,” Cohn said in Buck’s direction. “Seriously. That’s why Dana kept trying to introduce you to her sister.”

“I like Dana, but her sister is….”

“You don’t gotta tell me anything,” Cohn said wryly and focused on Eddie. “Her sister is a maneater. I don’t know how they came out of the same household, much less the same womb.”

“Experiences shape us all,” Buck said. “Yeah, but Cora is a lot, and I’m glad Dana gave up trying to set us up.” He rubbed his head as he sat down at the table with Cohn.

“How’s your head?” Cohn questioned.

“A little sore, but my vision is fine, and I’m not suffering any severe symptoms as far as I can tell.”

Cohn nodded and turned back to Eddie. “Should I talk to Dana about the whole thing?”

“Certainly, her mother will tell her, and if you don’t talk about it, she might think you’re put off by what happened,” Eddie cautioned, and Cohn frowned. “There’s this fine line with a single parent between wanting a relationship for yourself and watching out for your kid’s heart. Little kids love easily and quickly. They’re open to it—affected by it in a way we wish they weren’t. This woman let you into her life, let you into her baby’s life in a very profound way.” He leaned on the counter. “Might be time to take a knee.”

“I already bought the ring,” Cohn blurted out, and Eddie grinned. “I’m just nervous over it.” He wet his lips. “And I got Kylie a little charm bracelet that can be expanded as she gets older. I already put some charms on it—for stuff we do together like a soccer ball, a book since she loves the library, and a surfboard since I’m teaching her to surf.”

“That’s great,” Buck said. “She’ll love it, and it’s nice to include her in the engagement. It’ll make her feel special to get a gift.”

Cohn checked his watch and stood. “I promised Kylie I’d get her some egg drop soup and bring it back to her for lunch. It’s her favorite when she’s sick.” He patted Buck’s shoulder. “Take it easy, man.”

Eddie walked him out, and when he came back into the kitchen, Buck was putting stuff in the fridge. “I can handle that.”

“I’m fine, Eds,” Buck murmured. “Just sore and tired.”

“I’m not fine,” Eddie said, and Buck focused on him. “I’m….” He exhaled slowly. “Dios, I’m really not okay.”

Buck closed the fridge and caught Eddie’s hand. “Hey.” He pulled him close, and Eddie came in and wrapped his arms around Buck. “Talk to me.”

“I thought…you were dead,” Eddie whispered hoarsely against Buck’s skin. “I haven’t felt so fucking helpless since Afghanistan.”

“You weren’t helpless.” Buck held him tight. “You were exactly where you needed to be, and you had my back. I’d be dead if you weren’t on that roof with me.”

“The others….”

“All have their priorities,” Buck reminded. “And Jason wouldn’t have been paying attention to me last night. He’d have been flirting with Sae. The rescue was over, and he would’ve treated it just that way.” Eddie shuddered against him, and Buck swallowed hard. “I’m sorry. I didn’t expect him to come at me that way.”

“It’s not your fault,” Eddie said. “I’m just a mess over it. I’m glad I have a couple of days to get my head on straight.”

“Do you think we need to work separately?”

Eddie’s hands clenched on his shirt. “No, I need to know you’re safe at work, and I need to know you’ll be there to do everything to bring me home to Christopher.” He cleared his throat. “It was just a lot.”

“Let’s go take a nap,” Buck suggested. “Then we can get up a little fresher, and it’ll be my turn to be fucked up over the whole thing.”

“That’s a deal,” Eddie said.

* * * *

Eddie woke up to someone touching the fingers on his hand. He opened his eyes and watched Christopher, where he was perched on the side of the bed, gently touch his fingers again.

“Hey, Mijo.”

“You’re hurt, Daddy,” Christopher said in a whisper. “How’d you get hurt?”

“It’s just a little rope burn,” Eddie soothed and wrapped his uninjured arm around his son to pull him close. “Come here. Did you have a good day at school?”

“Yeah,” he said quietly and put his finger to his lips. “Shhh, Buck’s asleep. Is he hurt, too?”

“He fell a little and bumped his ribs, but he’s okay,” Eddie said and shifted so he could leave the bed with his kid in tow.

Christopher laughed a little when he was thrown over Eddie’s shoulder but quieted quickly as they left the room. He paused to pull the bedroom door shut and hauled his amused kid through the house. Carla was in the kitchen, sitting at the table with her laptop out.

She raised an eyebrow at him. “Confess.”

Eddie laughed. “We had a little fall. Buck has some bruised ribs and a minor concussion. I have rope burn on my right arm.”

She exhaled slowly. “I see.” Carla stood and tapped her screen before focusing on Christopher. “Let’s get you set up for homework, little man, then I’ll supervise your dinner so your dad doesn’t injure himself further.”

Christopher laughed but gamely followed along behind her, plucking up his crutches from the couch as he went. He’d set the house up so that Christopher could use furniture to brace himself if needed, and he was glad that it was working. There was a fine line between safe practices and encouraging independence. He just hoped he was on the right side of it.

Eddie hesitated a little before sitting down at the table in front of the laptop. He made it a point to avoid other people’s electronics just for the sake of respecting privacy. There was an online article about the urban climber from the night before, the altercation, and the arrest. There was a picture of Buck and him dangling off the building. It wasn’t an up-close picture, so neither of their faces were detailed, but it was clear they were in trouble.

He rubbed his chest as he focused on the content of the article and was relieved that neither of their names had been released, and the LAFD had declined to comment at all on the charges pending against the climber. He exhaled slowly and slouched back in the chair as Carla came back into the room.

“That’s the two of you, right?” Carla questioned.

Eddie nodded. “The climber tried to run from the police, he pushed Buck out of his way, and he went over the side of the building. His rope had already been taken off the winch. I barely caught it in time, and I….” He touched his bandaged arm. “I did what I had to do to keep ahold of that rope. It could’ve been worse.”

“It’s bad enough,” Carla said and squeezed his shoulder. “How about I fix dinner?”

“I was going to make pork chops. Christopher asked for them yesterday.”

“I can handle that,” she said in amusement. “Go wake that boyfriend of yours for a check-up and tell him to come give me a hug.”

“I am awake and already seeking a hug,” Buck announced as he entered the room. He snatched her right up, and she laughed. “I’ve missed you like crazy.”

Carla patted his shoulder gently as he released her. “Look at you—you get broader by the minute. It’s like trying to hug a wall.”

Buck laughed. “How are you?”

“How am I?” She huffed and glared at him. “How many times do you need to be told not to go dangling off the side of things, Evan Buckley?”

“Probably more than the average person,” he admitted and grimaced when Eddie motioned toward the laptop. “Names?”

“No, the department declined to comment.”

“That’s something at least,” Buck muttered and grabbed a flask which he filled with water from the fridge. “I could use some more Tylenol. Then I need a shower and take a few selfies like I’m getting ready to work out for Insta.”

“What?” Eddie questioned.

“I have a big, unfortunate following,” Buck said wryly, and Eddie laughed. “If I don’t post like normal, there will be speculation about that rescue that I don’t want. I’ve tried to mitigate attention on the team and the station since I transferred. The PR department used me a lot during my probationary year because I already had a following from climbing circles, and they banked on my looks in a way that amused me at the time.”

“And now?” Carla asked curiously.

“It got really gross quickly,” Buck said. “Especially after the whole catfishing thing. Badge and ladder groupies are the worst, honestly, and I want no part of that scene. For a while there, I wouldn’t even tell people what I did for a living to the second or third date.” He watched her pulling stuff out of the fridge. “How can I help?”

“You can sit your pale butt on the couch and rest,” Carla said tartly, and Buck laughed. “Take your partner in crime with you.” She jerked her head toward Eddie.

“I’m not doing anything wrong,” Eddie protested. “A man can’t even mind his own business in his own kitchen.” He took Buck’s hand, though, and let himself be pulled out of the chair and out of the kitchen. “Can we have scalloped potatoes with the pork chops? Is that too much work?”

“It’s not,” Carla said. “Howard is out of town visiting his father, so I have nowhere to be any time soon.”

“Oh, good, you’re gonna stay for dinner, right?” Buck said. “Unless you’re taking your food to go to avoid us. Which I understand, but it would hurt my feelings.”

“Wow,” Carla muttered.

Eddie laughed as he slouched down on the couch beside Buck and just hummed a little when he was pulled close. “How’s your head?”

“Achy,” Buck murmured against Eddie’s hair. “But I need to take those pictures.”

“Yeah,” Eddie said. “The Tylenol is my bathroom medicine cabinet.”

“Okay.” Buck shifted a little. “And I want that shower.”

“In a few minutes,” Eddie suggested, and Buck hummed his agreement.

* * * *

“Maddie put an eggplant on my Insta post,” Buck said. “She’s always so mean to me on social media. I should probably mention that in therapy.” He set aside the phone and snagged a pillow as he got comfortable on the bed. “Is Christopher okay?”

“Yeah, he gets up at least once a night,” Eddie said as he settled back on the bed. “Just a little anxiety around wetting the bed, which he’s never done. My mother is the cause, and I didn’t realize how much damage she’d done on the issue until it was a full-blown problem. I felt like a complete fucking failure for it.”

“It’s natural to trust your parents, right?” Buck said. “Then they destroy it, and you’re left feeling like you’re the one with a problem. There was a time when I avoided being friends with people who had so-called normal families because I didn’t want to get slapped in the face with what I didn’t have.”

He pulled Eddie close. “Still fucked up?”

“A little,” Eddie admitted. “Is this position hurting your ribs?”

“Maybe,” Buck murmured and huffed a little when Eddie moved away. “Come back here.”

“I’m not going to intentionally hurt you, Buck,” Eddie said quietly. “So, you come here, and you can be the big spoon.”

“That’ll probably work,” Buck said and curled up around his lover when Eddie laid back down. “Yeah, better.” He pressed his lips against the back of Eddie’s neck and sighed. “I think I’m more damaged emotionally than I ever realized.”

“Yeah, probably,” Eddie said. “But it’s…well, it’s not fine because your parents are awful, but I’m not going to hold it against you or resent you for it. So, don’t worry about the me part of that equation, and don’t waste time in therapy trying to figure out how to manage my expectations because I’m all in on you, and I’m not going anywhere.”

“There has to be a time limit on that, Eddie. I can’t drag you around with the rest of my emotional baggage. It wouldn’t be fair at all, and there’s Christopher to consider as well,” Buck said and took a deep breath. “And I do…I….” He pulled Eddie tighter. “I don’t remember how old I was, but I came home with a card I made for my mother—it was her birthday, and I’d asked the teacher to help me make it. Margaret asked me why I’d made her something, and I told her I loved her. She threw it away in front of me and told me not to bring garbage into the house again.” He exhaled slowly. “I have no memory of either of my parents telling me they love me. Not once. I never had a birthday party growing up—not once. And the one time Maddie tried to insist, my mother punched her in the face.”

“Fuck,” Eddie muttered.

“It wasn’t until I was an adult that I realized that they actually hate me. Maddie finally told me why last year after the thing with Doug. They’d emotionally and physically abused her every single time she said our brother Daniel’s name after he died until she was afraid to even think about him. But I think we learned different lessons in that house. Maddie clung to love. She said she looked for it in everything Doug said and did. She believed him when he told her he only hurt her because he loved her and he was teaching her to be a good wife.

“But I’ve avoided love as much as possible for as long as I can remember, and I didn’t say it back to my high school girlfriend when she said it to me. I always say she dumped me because of college, but I know that’s not really true. She dumped me because I was emotionally unavailable. Mara said she saw through the emotional pretense and that I didn’t know how to love. She said she felt sorry for me.”

“I don’t think you’re putting on a pretense,” Eddie said and turned in his arms. “You clearly care a lot about the people around you, and you’re, honestly, soft-hearted. Maybe too soft-hearted for the job we do. You have a great deal of empathy, Buck, and it’s overt. That girl lashed out at you because she needed the words, and she wanted to hurt you because she felt hurt by you. I’ve rarely had a civilized breakup, so that’s just…. Honestly, it’s awful but normal. Relationships, especially ones involving emotions and sex, often end badly when they end.”

Buck nodded as Eddie settled his head on the same pillow and rested a hand on his hip. He liked the pressure. It felt like reassurance. “The first time I saw the words imposter syndrome, it was on Instagram. This woman was talking about how fake she felt just by existing, and she kept waiting for someone to point out that she wasn’t real.”

“Is that how you feel?” Eddie questioned quietly.

“Sometimes,” Buck said. “I’ve talked about it a lot in therapy. I think that’s the root of the fact that I’m a rabid people-pleaser. Often, I’ve had problems saying no to anything and sought validation in ways that were deeply detrimental to my mental and emotional health.”

“Why did you refuse to let the nurse help you get dressed?” Eddie asked quietly. “If you’re comfortable telling me.”

Buck’s gut tightened a little, but he forced himself to push through the nervousness. “My first year with the LAFD, I had a victim refuse my help. He just…let go and fell. He died. It really fucked me up because I couldn’t figure out why he didn’t just trust me to help him. Later, I would find out he had a history of suicidal ideation, and the death of his friend in the same accident was just his final straw.

“Bobby suggested I go to therapy and gave me the card for a therapist who worked for the department. She recognized me from the Internet since a video of the failed rescue had ended up online. She’d tried to friend me on Facebook. At the time, I only had Facebook so my sister would have a way to contact me if she wanted.

“Regardless, I told her I thought I was a sex addict, and she dismissed it, sort of, and said that at my age, it’s perfectly okay to be as sexual as I’d like. I can’t even tell you how it all went down because one moment, she was across from me in a chair, and the next, she was sitting on the couch beside me. Then…well. We had sex in her office.”

“That’s….” Eddie took in a shaky breath and pressed an urgent kiss against Buck’s forehead. “I’m sure you know exactly what that is.”

“Yeah, it took me a very long time to come to terms with that part because I never protested. I was actually quite eager for it in the moment, and I just considered it another example of my so-called sex addiction. Eventually, I told Maddie what happened, and I used it as an example of my bad decision-making. She came unglued and made me understand that my therapist had abused me and my trust. She said it was a profound violation of the covenant between patient and doctor. Then asked if I’d gone to a different therapist afterward. I said no. I realized I really didn’t trust the therapeutic process because of Dr. Wells.”

“Wait.” Eddie leaned a little closer. “Wells was that woman that ended up in prison for extorting her patients for sex repeatedly.”

“Yeah, I wasn’t the only victim and one of the few she didn’t threaten with losing their jobs,” Buck said. “She was a predator, and I was probably only saved from extortion because I didn’t protest the attention. So, one of my first goals in real therapy was to establish and learn how to maintain personal boundaries. If that nurse hadn’t flirted with me, I might have let her help me put on my shirt, which was the only problem I was going to have.”

Eddie hummed under his breath. “You let me basically put all of your clothes on for you.”

“Yeah, well, you’re you,” Buck murmured and got a soft, sweet kiss in response. “And I like it when you touch me. I always have.”

“You’re injured. Stop trying to get laid,” Eddie said in amusement, and Buck laughed a little.

“I mean it, though.”

“I know you do,” Eddie murmured and kissed him again. “But we aren’t having sex. You’re too sore for it, and I know you have a headache.”

“Maybe getting off will make my head feel better,” Buck said and laughed when Eddie sighed loudly. “Just kidding. I’m worn out, and I know I slept most of the day, but it feels like I didn’t sleep at all.”

“Go to sleep,” Eddie murmured and kissed him again. “I mean it.”

“Bossy,” Buck muttered but then threw an arm over Eddie’s body and cuddled in close, pressing his face against his lover’s throat.

Eddie sighed and rubbed Buck’s shoulder gently, it was a soothing motion, Buck thought, and closed his eyes.

* * * *

Buck woke to little pokes on his arm. He opened his eyes and grinned at Christopher. “Does your dad know where you are?”

“He’s talking with his boss on the phone, so I snuck in here,” Christopher confided. “Are you okay? Dad said you fell a little.”

“A little,” Buck agreed. “And I’m fine. How are you?”

“I have to do five word problems for math homework,” Christopher said. “Which is the worst. I don’t even know why I need to learn word problems in math class. I get enough words in other classes.”

“It teaches you logic concepts, and they also help you understand that math is more than just words.”

“What do you mean?”

“Come on, I’ll show you,” Buck said and sat up. He left the bed and waited until Christopher was up with one crutch. “Do you need both crutches?”

“Only when I’m out in public because people don’t pay enough attention, and I need to claim space,” Christopher said easily as they walked through the house. “Thanks for asking instead of making assumptions. Not everyone is good about it.”

Buck pulled his work bag from the bench by the door and opened it up. He had a second duffle in the bag that contained a small climbing kit that he liked to keep handy. The rope was on the very bottom of his big duffle, but it wasn’t necessary to show Christopher what he wanted to show him. He opened it up and sat on the floor. Christopher followed suit.

“Math is used to determine how equipment like this is used. This is a carabiner, and with a rope, it makes up the climber’s primary tool set. With this and a rope, I can climb a mountain.” He offered the kid the carabiner.

Christopher took and turned the metal device over in his hand. “How did math make this, and why is it related to a word problem?”

“Well, word problems are about concepts, and an engineer took the needs of the climber and created this device. He wrote his own word problem in a way by asking himself how big a carabiner should be, how much it should weigh, and how many kilonewtons the device should be able to hold during use. Being able to create his own problem then solve it was fundamental in finishing his task.”

“What’s a kilonewton?”

“It’s a measure of force and weight. This carabiner is rated for twenty-four kilonewtons and that tells me that this carabiner could handle over 5000 pounds in motion easily. It means I can trust it with my life.” He paused. “And with your dad’s.”

“Cool,” Christopher said as he turned the carabiner over in his hand. “Do ropes have ratings, too?”

“Yes, of course. We use very strong ropes at work,” Buck said.

Christopher peered into the bag. “What else is in there? What’s it for?”

“This is my equipment bag for when I go to climbing walls,” Buck said. “This is a Grigri, which is used to belay, and that means to assist another climber either up or down a rope.” He pulled out another device. “This is a quickdraw which is more useful for rock and ice climbing. It helps protect  and guide a rope when you’re building a system of anchors on a surface.”

“So the rope goes through both carabiners—on each end?”

“No, one end would get attached to a cam, and the other would be on the rope for guidance.” He pulled out a little bag. “These are cams—they’re used for rock climbing. They help create anchor points in areas where finding a natural anchor is impossible. Climbing walls have permanent anchor points and quickdraws for safety. But out on a mountain, I’d have to create safety for myself as much as possible using these tools.”

“Which means that engineers have to understand how what they’re designing is going to be used for and get the math right to make a really good product,” Christopher said and nodded. “Okay, that makes sense. Now, what about the logic part?”

“A lot of people believe that logic is an innate skill, but it’s not. That kind of problem-solving comes from experience. Humans and animals both learn very valuable lessons about life through pain, for instance.”

“What about instincts?” Christopher questioned.

“There comes a point when you know not to touch a wild animal or a fire,” Buck said. “But little kids don’t know any better, right?”

“Right, okay. So, logic is like that? Why isn’t everyone logical then?”

“People’s brains work differently—some are very suited to learning and using logic, and others are not. A person is a synergy of knowledge, ability, talent, and experience.”

“Aren’t talents and abilities the same thing?”

“No, not at all. You can have the ability to do something but not the talent to do it well. Like, I can play the guitar, but I’m not talented enough at it to do it professionally. You learned to write sentences and paragraphs in school, right?”

“Yeah, sure,” Christopher said with a shrug.

“Are you a writer because you can do that?”

Christopher laughed. “No, telling a story was really hard. I told the teacher I didn’t like making up and writing down lies, and she laughed. She said I’d get a good grade as long as I tried, so I did, but it was a dumb story.”

“Maybe next time, tell a story that’s sort of true,” Buck suggested.

“Like…how?” Christopher questioned.

“Well, you could look up….” He frowned and started to pack up his equipment. “What does the average penguin do on an average day?”

“Well, it depends,” Christopher said. “If the penguin is part of a mated pair and they have an egg, they take turns protecting the egg and going to eat. Oh, I see. I could tell a story about a penguin protecting his egg.”

“Yeah, exactly, so it would be a fictionalized telling of a factual thing. Less like lying and more like speculation,” Buck said and zipped the bag shut.

“Why couldn’t the teacher tell me that?” Christopher asked with a little huff.

“Teachers create their lessons for everyone in the whole class, so they can’t always account for how everyone’s brains work. Which is why you’re told to read the same material the teacher goes over in class. Some people learn best when reading, and others learn by hearing information. I work best by reading and taking notes.”

“I like to take notes from reading, too, but not in class since I get my paper messy if I’m writing too fast,” Christopher said, and Buck nodded. “Can you take me to the climbing wall?”

“We’ll have to ask your dad,” Buck said. “There are lots of safety measures in place, but it’s a very physical activity, and he knows more about what your body can handle than I do.”

“I’m very flexible because of my exercises,” Christopher said. “And my hip hasn’t come apart in ages.”

“Come apart?” Buck asked and hoped he didn’t sound as horrified as he felt.

“One of the bigger physical issues he’s dealt with since he was born is hip dysplasia, so he had some minor dislocations when he was younger,” Eddie said from the doorway of the kitchen. He leaned on the door frame. “He had surgery at six to help relieve some tightness in his ligaments. There will be another surgery when he’s older due to growth to keep him mobile.”

“Okay, buddy, in the future, try to use the word dislocation. It sounds less like a nightmare,” Buck said with a sigh. “And I’m glad it doesn’t happen anymore.”

Christopher laughed.

“Breakfast is ready, so you can both come eat,” Eddie said and shook his head at them. “And we’ll see about the climbing wall, Christopher, but not today. Buck is recovering from his little fall and can’t be on the wall with us. He’d certainly try if I turned my back.”

Buck huffed. “I should’ve gone home with Carla! She was super nice to me last night.”

“I can call her over here and tell her you want to go to a climbing wall,” Eddie offered. “Or maybe I’ll just call Bobby.”

“Or Captain Ray,” Christopher said and laughed when Buck threw himself dramatically on the carpet and groaned loudly. “You big baby!”

“Ah, such insults,” Buck said dramatically. “I’m going to eat all of your bacon, Superman.”

“Ha! It’s Saturday—it’s sausage day,” Christopher said smugly.

Buck grinned as Eddie walked across the room and stood over him. He sat up and accepted the hand that was offered. Eddie easily pulled him up off the floor and inclined his head toward the kitchen.

“If you’re finished explaining why he has to do his math homework, we can eat,” Eddie said in amusement.

“Yeah, sure, math can wait.”

Eddie pulled him close, kissed him, then let him go. “I made French toast.”

“Great,” Buck said. “I should sleep in more often—people keep making me food.”

Chapter 20

“This looks…painful,” Buck murmured as he carefully cleaned Eddie’s arm. “And it’s going to scar.”

“The alternative would’ve been unthinkable,” Eddie said quietly and glanced over his shoulder where Christopher had set himself up at the coffee table in the living room to work on his homework. “And it might scar, but it won’t be a lot, and it’s all surface level. Scar tissue will be minimal since there was no muscle damage.”

“That’s the last time I remove myself from a winch without thinking about it,” Buck murmured. “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t owe anyone an apology, Buck.”

He exhaled slowly. “It would’ve scared the fuck out of me if our positions had been reversed.”

“It was stressful,” Eddie said lowly. “And I wasn’t sure…you were okay. Your sister was good to me, though, and included me in all the conversations she had with your doctor. I was worried she might send me home.”

“Maddie’s always been really good about respecting my partners and including them in situations that pertain to them,” Buck said. “And she likes you a lot.” He paused. “She likes Christopher more.”

“As everyone should,” Eddie said and flexed his fingers as Buck started to wrap gauze back around his arm. “You have a very gentle touch with this.”

“Thomas would not agree,” Buck said in amusement. “I had to field dress a wound for him after we were in a rockslide over the summer while hiking. Sae went to a spot to get a signal, and I was left to deal with him since I had a sprained ankle.” He paused. “Ray came to get us.”

“I can just imagine the look he gave you guys.”

“You’d have thought he was bailing us out of jail,” Buck muttered, and Eddie laughed.

“Is your arm okay, Dad?” Christopher appeared between them.

“It’s fine. Buck was just cleaning it up for me,” Eddie said easily. “You finish your homework?”

“Yeah.” Christopher frowned. “You said it was a little fall.”

“It was,” Eddie said and raised an eyebrow when Christopher huffed and put the iPad on the table.

“This is you and Buck, right?”

It was the picture of the two of them hanging off the side of the building. Not any better than the one that he’d seen earlier on Carla’s website, so neither one of them was identifiable.

Eddie made a face. “Where did you get that picture?”

“Grandma posted it on Facebook with a rant about your dangerous job making you a bad parent, and she tagged you on it, so it showed up in your notifications,” Christopher said frankly. “This isn’t a little fall.”

“Sure it is,” Buck said. “Because your dad was there to make sure I didn’t have a big fall. He saved my life, and that’s the part we should focus on. Your grandma is….” He frowned. “So, I don’t know if you’ve ever been told this, but your grandma is a toxic asshole.”

Eddie’s mouth dropped open, and Christopher laughed.

“Seriously, she is, and you shouldn’t take anything she says seriously at all, ever. One of the things that I learned in therapy is that no one has the right to be in my life. Who I let into my personal, intimate circle is my choice, and I don’t tolerate toxic assholes.”

“I’m not allowed to use that word,” Christopher said thoughtfully. “But I don’t want toxic a-holes in my life either.” He tapped his iPad. “Who is she to criticize anyways? She’s a terrible mom who verbally abuses her children on the Internet for all of her friends and family to see. She probably thinks it’s perfectly okay.” He stared at the iPad for a minute.  Then, with a frown, he picked it up. “Daddy, I think…you need a break from Grandma.”

Buck watched the kid work on the iPad for a few seconds, then put it down with a frown. Christopher left the kitchen with a huff, hand sliding along the wall then a chair as he returned to the kitchen. Eddie shifted the iPad around and sighed.

“What?”

“He blocked her on my account,” Eddie said, and he pushed the iPad away from him. “It will certainly send a message.”

“Will she respond badly?”

“God knows, and I don’t care,” Eddie said. “No, I wish I didn’t care. My mother doesn’t think anyone should have boundaries that prevent her from doing exactly what she wants.”

“So your boundaries are seen as a punishment to her or something?”

“She’s said something similar to that, yes,” Eddie admitted. “There was a time when I was trying to placate her and set boundaries at the same time because I didn’t want to fight a long and expensive legal battle.”

“And now?”

“She got a DUI,” Eddie said. “And lost her license. A history of alcoholism and drunk driving isn’t going to look good in court, and her lawyer told her that. She had to go to rehab as part of her plea deal for the DUI, so she can’t deny any of it. She was also charged with reckless driving. Dad sent her to a country club rehab facility for six weeks. They tried to make my sisters drive her around, but they both refused, so he ended up hiring someone to drive her whenever she wants to go somewhere.”

“See, she’s an asshole,” Buck muttered, and Eddie laughed. “Sorry if I shouldn’t have used that language with him.”

“I think we both needed a blunt assessment,” Eddie admitted.

“Are you going to unblock her?”

“No, I think I’m done trying to be the civilized one,” Eddie said. “Now, let’s go mend fences with my kid.”

“Mend fences?”

“Don’t think that he’s not in his room stewing because we downplayed what happened,” Eddie said wryly. “I want to curse my mother out for this.”

Buck made a face but followed Eddie through the house because he didn’t want to get it wrong on the kid front. He’d backed Eddie’s play when it came to the accident and hadn’t thought it was a bad plan. Christopher was on his bed, staring at a big book he had in his lap. Eddie sat down on the bed, and Buck leaned on the frame of the door to give them some room.

“I read the news article Grandma linked,” Christopher said. “The man you rescued tried to kill Buck. You said it was just a little fall.”

“I only fell about twenty feet,” Buck said. “Which in comparison to the entire building is….” He trailed off when Christopher glared. “Okay, fine, it was horrible, and I almost died.”

Eddie huffed. “Evan Buckley.”

“There’s no in-between around here,” Buck muttered.

“I’m not a baby.” Christopher laughed and crossed his arms. “I don’t need to be…treated like one.”

Eddie sighed. “You’re eight years old, and some situations are just too adult for you. I don’t think you’re ready for a conversation about murder attempts, frankly.”

Christopher scrunched up his nose. “Okay, so, like in the past month, two different dudes have tried to kill you both. At this point, I think we need to talk about it.”

Eddie opened his mouth then closed it. He exhaled slowly and looked at Buck.

“Don’t look at me; I got nothing.”

“Because I’m right,” Christopher said. “I guess your chances of surviving murderous people in LA are better together than separately.” He waved both hands. “But one more attempt, and I’m going to need to have a real serious conversation with your boss.”

“I don’t know how that would go, but Captain Gaines isn’t to blame for what happened to us,” Eddie said with an amused grin.

Christopher huffed. “I meant Abuelita, Daddy. I’m gonna tell her all about all of this, then you can explain yourself to her.”

“Wow, kid,” Eddie muttered and stood. “Now, I don’t even want to talk to you.”

Buck laughed.

“You, too,” Christopher said and pointed at Buck. “Don’t think you’re getting out of it, either.”

“You’re so mean, Superman.” Buck made a face. “We can’t leave him at home by himself, right?”

“Too young,” Eddie said with a shrug. “So, we’re kind of stuck with him.”

“Ha, I’m stuck with the two of you,” Christopher responded and shook his head. “I don’t know what I did to deserve this. Two grown adults who keep trying to fall out of the sky.”

Eddie snatched his son out of the bed and tossed him over one shoulder. “Enough of this. We’re going to play Mario Kart and bond over our utter victory over Buck.”

“Ha, I’m going own you both,” Buck responded and walked away.

“No way. We can’t let this stand, Daddy. Let slip the dogs of war!”

Buck laughed. “Where did you hear that?”

“I’m well-read,” Christopher retorted as Eddie put him on the couch. “And in need of a game controller!”

“I really hope you haven’t actually read Julius Caesar by Shakespeare,” Buck said as Eddie got the controllers out.

Christopher grinned. “My teacher has a poster, and the quote is written on it. I asked her about it, and she said I couldn’t read it until I was older, and by then, I wouldn’t want to read it.”

“She’s probably right,” Eddie said. “I hated reading Shakespeare in school.”

“Nothing is as bad as Steinbeck,” Buck muttered.

“Ha!” Eddie said. “What about Tolstoy?”

“I don’t know a single adult who has actually read War and Peace,” Buck admitted. “And I got told once that if anyone ever claims to have read the entirety of Democracy in America by de Tocqueville, then I can assume they lie about everything.”

“Agreed,” Eddie said. “But I guess you’re right about Steinbeck. We had to read a lot of it in high school and I loathe Of Mice and Men.”

“Grapes of Wrath for me. I still don’t know what my teacher expected me to get out of that book,” Buck admitted as he accepted a controller and sat down next to Christopher. “We can look forward to high school literature class torturing this one as it once tortured us.”

Eddie nodded. “He certainly deserves it.”

Christopher laughed. “Maybe I’ll like it all. I love reading. It would serve you both right.”

“Set up the game, and I’ll get us some drinks and chips,” Eddie said and headed toward the kitchen.

* * * *

Buck shifted in his seat as he signed his statement and pushed the paper back across the table toward the rep from HR, who’d been standoffish and borderline rude throughout the entire situation. He didn’t know what he’d done to the man, but he was starting to get very irritated by the whole thing.

It didn’t help that Ray was sitting beside him, clearly getting more insulted by the second, and the guy was completely oblivious to it.

“Where’s Corrin?” Ray questioned suddenly and the man in front of them stilled.

“Ms. Faulkner is in her office,” the man who’d never bothered to introduce himself said stiffly. “She wasn’t needed to sign a simple letter of complaint.”

“A simple letter of complaint?” Ray questioned. “My firefighter came in here just two days after he was nearly murdered on the scene of a rescue to give a witness statement regarding another firefighter disparaging me on the job. He’s not here complaining about anyone or anything as he’s not the victim in this situation.”

“As it turns out, Sal Deluca is going to be the victim in this situation,” the man muttered and stood. “And it’ll hardly be the first time that Firefighter Buckley’s inability to be a team player has resulted in a more experienced and valuable employee being treated unfairly.”

Buck pulled out his phone and started dialing.

“Who are you calling?” Ray questioned.

“Corrin,” Buck said shortly and tucked the phone against his cheek as both men stared at him. “Hey, HR Lady, how are you?”

“Good, Firefighter Guy, how do you feel? I heard you had a minor concussion. I can arrange for someone to pick you up for our meeting,” Corrin said warmly.

“I’m here, actually, having an unfortunate meeting with one of your subordinates who seems to think that I’ve decided to ruin careers as a hobby. I’d tell you his name, but he didn’t bother to introduce himself. I’m in that big meeting room with the awful mint green walls.” He blinked when she hung up with a short little scream. “She’s on her way.”

The door swung open with a bang, and she glared. “This meeting was on my schedule for 1pm, William.” Corrin pulled the door shut slowly and let it close with a little snick. She locked it. “Care to tell me why you didn’t tell me that Firefighter Buckley and Captain Gaines were here early?”

“We aren’t early, Corrin. We were told to come in at eleven,” Ray said.

“You appeared to be busy, Ms. Faulkner, and I saw no reason to disturb you with this little issue.”

She held out her hand, and he gave her the statement that Buck had signed. “This matter is above your pay grade, William, and I already told you that your personal bias meant you couldn’t be involved at all.”

“I said I don’t have a personal bias.”

“I said you do,” she said evenly, and the man flushed. “And I’m in charge of this department, not you.”

“Your employee stated that Firefighter Buckley is responsible for an employee losing their job unfairly,” Ray interjected. “Since I know, for a fact, that he’d never do anything of the sort, I’d like to know what William meant.”

Corrin took a deep breath. “I….” She braced herself on a chair. “You can leave this room, William, and go home for the day. You can expect to be formally reprimanded when you return to work tomorrow.”

“That’s bullshit!” William snapped, and Ray stood. He held up both hands. “I’m just saying that I don’t deserve to be reprimanded for taking a statement.”

“You’re going to be reprimanded for violating Firefighter Buckley’s privacy,” Corrin said through clenched teeth. “And discussing a situation in front of Captain Gaines that was none of his business!”

Buck focused on his phone and said nothing as the man left. “His full name?”

“William James Adams,” Corrin said. “It’s like his parents sat down and tried to figure out how to make his name as generic as possible.”

He smiled briefly as he made a note in his phone and put it aside. “So, Ray.”

“Wait,” Ray said quietly. “If this is none of my business, then I accept that without a single question. I trust you, Buck, and I know you’d never do anything dishonest or be the cause of someone being treated unfairly by the department.”

Buck took a deep breath and shook his head. “I’d like to get this settled right now in case it comes up again. I wouldn’t want you to be blindsided by it if it does.”

“Okay,” Ray said quietly. “Lay it on me.”

“During my probationary year, there was that failed rescue on the rollercoaster. I took it hard because I couldn’t figure out why he didn’t accept my help. It felt like a personal failure that he didn’t even let me try to save him. Bobby sent me to a department therapist.” He paused when Ray took a deep breath. “Right call. Wrong therapist.”

“Suzanne Wells,” Ray said tightly.

“Yeah,” Buck said. “While I wasn’t unwilling, because I was fucked up and damaged in a lot of ways that I hadn’t dealt with, I had to see another therapist about it, and they declared that I couldn’t have possibly consented to sex due to my mental state at the time, so it was legally considered rape. I was one of eleven victims, and she took a plea deal to avoid a trial process because she had a habit of contacting her targets via text to arrange for more…sexual contact, which led to a pile of evidence. I wasn’t an exception on that front, but I never went near her again.”

“I know another victim,” Ray said and took a deep breath. “He ended up losing his wife and kids over it. He’s on disability now as well due to PTSD. I didn’t know there were that many victims.” He rubbed his face briskly and focused on Corrin. “What’s Adams’ stake in that situation?”

“He knew Suzanne Wells,” Corrin said. “He wasn’t allowed to participate in the investigation because I found out they went to the same high school and college. As far as I know, they never had a relationship, but he clearly wanted one.”

“He’s not her type,” Buck said sourly and motioned to himself. “Every single one of her victims was twice her size and very fit. It’s like she got off on dominating men bigger than her.” He flushed. “Sorry…that was pure speculation.”

“You aren’t the only one to think it,” Corrin said neutrally and unbuttoned her suit jacket as she sat down at the table. “Did you drive here yourself?”

“No, ma’am. Ray drove me,” Buck said and focused on his phone. “Can you put in my records that I don’t want to interact with that Adams guy again for any reason? I don’t think any of her other victims should have to either if he’s going to carry around that kind of bitterness over a situation that had nothing to do with him.”

“I’ll take care of it.”

Buck nodded. “Did you want to talk about the complaint that Howard Han filed about me and Eddie Diaz?”

Corrin frowned. “Are you living together?”

“No.”

“Engaged to be married?”

“No.”

“Currently seeking a baby mama for your future love child?” Corrin continued, and Buck laughed.

“No.” He paused. “Not yet.”

“If one or all three of those things happen, then feel free to file the appropriate paperwork. In the meantime, your captain is responsible for making sure that the on-the-job pining is kept to a manly minimum,” Corrin said dryly.

“I keep everything to a manly minimum,” Buck said, and she laughed, which he took for a win.

* * * *

“I thought I was going to die,” Buck murmured, and Eddie turned to look at him.

He moved close so they were sharing the same pillow. “It must have been scary.”

“Well, you’re familiar with that thought process, right?” Buck questioned, and Eddie nodded. “I wasn’t paying attention to that asshole because I’d already dismissed him from my mind. I was just standing there watching you and thinking….”

“What?” Eddie questioned.

“That I was incredibly lucky to have you with me,” Buck whispered. “On and off the job. Then he hit me, and I knew the moment I touched that parapet that I was going over, and I had nothing to hold on to. But I didn’t die. I woke up in the helicopter, and you were there. Right there in front of me and I thought, okay, I’m fine.”

“I was so worried that I might have cursed you out in Spanish,” Eddie admitted and flushed when Buck laughed.

“I didn’t get that whole life flashes before my eyes thing,” Buck said. “All I had was regret, Eddie.”

“Regret for what?” Eddie asked and touched his face with a steady hand.

“For what I haven’t done, haven’t said,” Buck said hoarsely. “For the lies I’ve been telling myself.”

“Everyone lies to themselves.” Eddie brushed his thumb over Buck’s mouth. “It’s part of self-soothing.”

“The unhealthy part,” Buck retorted.

“Granted.”

Buck shifted closer on the bed and pressed their mouths together in a soft kiss. “I love you, and I don’t think it’s too soon to say it because I was half in love with you when I left the 118, and I ran from it as much as I did everything else. I didn’t trust myself with it or with you. Part of me thinks, even now, that I can’t be trusted with someone else’s heart, but that’s just…the crap my parents piled on me as a kid. They saw me and everything I did as a failure.”

Eddie stared for a moment. “Make me one promise.”

“Okay.”

“If you can’t trust yourself, then trust me,” Eddie said. “And I’ll keep our love safe for both of us.”

Buck cleared his throat and met Eddie’s gaze in the early morning light. “I promise.”

“That’s great,” Christopher said and crawled up the bed suddenly.

“Sneaky, Mijo,” Eddie said in amusement as his son wiggled in between them. “You’re supposed to be asleep.”

“Who could sleep over the sound of the angst pouring out of this room?” Christopher questioned and giggled when Buck grabbed him to pull him the rest of the way up the bed. “You can trust me, too.” He slouched against Buck’s chest.

“Can I?” Buck questioned.

“Yeah, of course,” Christopher said and tapped Buck’s heart. “Daddy says that love is the easy part, you know.”

“What’s the hard part?” Buck questioned.

“Letting go,” Christopher said solemnly. “And that’s okay, Buck, because we’re not going to let you go again. You’re stuck with us.”

“Lucky me,” Buck said warmly, and Christopher offered his dad his fist, which Eddie bumped gently with his own.

The End