Reading Time: 169 Minutes

Title: Daylight
Author: Keira Marcos
Fandom: 9-1-1
Relationship: Bobby Nash/Athena Grant, Past-Marcy Nash/Bobby Nash, Past-Athena Grant/Michael Grant
Genre: Alternate Universe, Magical Realism, Time Travel
Warnings: Canon-Typical Violence, Canon-Typical Angst, Explicit Language, Discussion-Child Abuse, Discussion-Domestic Violence, Discussion-Violence, Discussion-Rape, Discussion-Murder, Discussion-Kidnapping, Discussion-Sexual Assault, Discussion-Suicidal Ideation, Attempted Murder, Hate Crimes, Temporary Major Character Death, Canon Character Death, Grammarly Beta
Word Count: 80,200
Author’s Note: Happy Holidays!! 😊 This is an alternate universe of my series Requiem. It’s not connected to it in any way, but you will see that they share common themes and foundational elements in the world-building. The discussion warnings are related to job-related events for both Bobby Nash and Athena Grant. None of it is explicit. Also, canon means nothing to me, and I’m gonna please myself before anyone else when it comes to my writing. Casting available on the main page.
Summary: Bobby Nash is a man drowning in grief and guilt. When he met Margaret Buckley, he came to the startling conclusion that Evan Buckley was his son. A realization that comes on the day of Buck’s funeral. When he’s offered a chance to return to the past to save his children, he says yes with no thought to the cost.

* * * *

Prologue

“You recognized Margaret Buckley,” Athena said quietly as she pressed a coffee cup into her husband’s hand.

“Yes,” Bobby murmured, his voice hoarse from crying. Losing Buck had destroyed the last of him. He had nothing left to give, and he didn’t know how to even say what he was thinking.

“From where?” Athena prodded gently.

“I…she introduced herself as Maggie.” Bobby cleared his throat. “I was young and had just finished my work to be made an engineer with the St. Paul Fire Department. My friends took me out to celebrate, and I was really proud of myself because I was just twenty-four and was one of the youngest engineers in the department. There hadn’t been a woman in my life for a while since I was focused on my career. I wanted…to be a good provider. I wanted to be a better husband and father than my old man had been, so I was taking my time to get myself right.”

Her hand curled over his forearm, and he put down the coffee so he could hold her hand. “So, you celebrated.”

“In the arms of a much older woman,” Bobby murmured. “I didn’t know she was married, Athena. I’d have never done such a thing. I can’t even tell you how we got to her room in that hotel. I wasn’t that drunk, so it wasn’t about that. I just remember dancing with her, and she had this silky blue dress on, and she smelled like a sweet summer day. Her hair was longer, and she was looking at me like I was important and maybe even special. So, she invited me to her room, and my friends encouraged it. The years have certainly been kind to her, but she was an absolutely stunning woman the first time I met her.”

“I can see that,” Athena said. “Beauty like that doesn’t really fade with age.” She cleared her throat. “Is Buck your son, Bobby?”

“Well, we know before the fire he found out that Phillip Buckley isn’t his biological father, and the timing…the timing is right. She looked horrified to see me. Did you notice?”

“Yes, but she did well after the initial shock,” Athena said. “I know why you didn’t ask her today. Do you plan to ask her at all?”

“Part of me doesn’t want to know,” Bobby admitted. “Because no matter the paternity, I buried a child today. I buried my son.” He rubbed his face with a shaking hand. “Another son.” He cleared his throat and wiped away tears from his face. “I used to look at Buck and wonder if Robbie would’ve been like him—heroic, sweet, and brash. How did we get here, Athena? How many mistakes did I make in this life to have so much taken from me?”

“I….” Athena pressed her free hand to her mouth and took a deep breath. “It’s not your fault.”

“I never should’ve let him work that fire,” Bobby said. “He was off-stride and clearly upset. But we’ve been struggling since he threatened to sue me after the ladder truck bombing. I needed that wake-up call because I was treating him like a child instead of a grown man, and he didn’t deserve it.” He looked at her and saw nothing but grief all over her face. “How do we live with this?”

“I don’t know,” she said frankly. “Part of me wonders if he gave up in that fire and if there was anything I could’ve said to make him realize how much I love him. I hate his parents for their mistreatment of him and their outright rejection. Did you notice that neither his brother nor sister even spoke to their parents during the funeral?”

“I noticed,” Bobby said. “They just comforted each other and ignored them completely. I know that Buck had a strained relationship with his sister, but he and Daniel were close despite living in different parts of the country. I think they’ve already left LA.”

“Maddie Buckley mentioned a flight out,” Athena murmured. “They clearly didn’t want to give their parents a chance to speak with them. I just…why the hell did those two assholes come to LA just to tell Buck he was an affair baby?”

“It was about his trust fund,” Bobby murmured. “It would’ve matured in just six months, and he’d have gotten complete access. His brother was managing it before that. It seems like Phillip decided that his wife’s bastard child didn’t deserve money from his mother’s estate. He intended on fighting the full distribution of the fund.”

Athena took a deep breath.

“But Daniel told Buck that Phillip Buckley had no say in the trust fund situation. Daniel is the sole trustee, and it would pass to a law firm if he were unable to do it. Neither Phillip nor Margaret Buckley have any sort of legal standing regarding the fund, and the will of Elizabeth Buckley was apparently ironclad.” Bobby took a deep breath. “Buck wasn’t really all that concerned about the money since there was an emergency clause that would’ve allowed for the immediate release of all the funds at any point, and Daniel would’ve done it just to prevent their parents from getting access.”

“That says a lot about what the grandmother thought about Phillip and Margaret Buckley,” Athena said and took a deep breath. “I don’t know how to help either one of us get past this.”

“Me either,” Bobby admitted and shook his head. “How is Harry?”

“Inconsolable,” Athena said. “May’s with him. They’re curled up together in her old bedroom. Hen told me that Denny has barely spoken a word since the memorial service and cried throughout the burial today.” Her breath hitched.

Bobby pulled her gently from her own chair and into his lap. She buried her face against his neck.

“I would do anything to make this right,” Bobby confessed.

“Anything?”

Bobby looked up and found the spectral form of Evan Buckley standing in the middle of their kitchen. “Buck?”

The specter just shook his head.

“Do not…wear his face,” Bobby said flatly.

The specter shifted in appearance and took on the form of an elderly man, and Athena slipped off Bobby’s lap.

“My apologies, I thought it might help.”

“It didn’t,” Athena snapped. “What are you?” she demanded.

“A ghost,” Bobby speculated.

“No, I can’t see ghosts,” Athena said impatiently. “I’m practically psy-null, Bobby.”

The specter inclined his head and shook his head. “You are far from psy-null, Athena Grant. You let your mother’s prejudice influence you far too much as a child. You’re gifts are buried deep as a result. But I’m not here for that.”

“Then why are you here?” Bobby questioned quietly.

“You were both special to Evander. He adored you. In the last moments of his life, his biggest regret was not telling you both how much he loved you.”

“What are you?” Bobby asked. “How do you know that?”

“I’m….” The specter hesitated, and it was horrifying. “I’m a primordial spirit.”

Bobby barely kept his mouth from dropping open. “What?”

“I’ve existed as long as man has walked this world,” the spirit said. “Your species, as a whole, is very magical and that power infuses the psionic fabric that envelopes you all.” He focused on Athena. “Some people are more important, however.”

“Like Buck?” Bobby questioned.

“I’ve guided and protected him as much as I could since he was a child,” the spirit said. “But the abuse he suffered at his mother’s hands diminished my influence. He didn’t trust me enough. Had I to do it over again, I would’ve killed Margaret Buckley decades ago.”

“You can kill?”

“Yes, but it would’ve been a costly action on my part,” the spirit admitted. “He didn’t give up in the fire. He just wouldn’t abandon his victim, and the fire spread too fast. I tried to make him leave, but he wouldn’t stop trying to get that man out as well. So, they both died, and I…. I’m alone again for the first time in nearly twenty-eight years.”

“Why are you here?” Bobby asked.

“I need Evander to live,” the spirit said simply. “This world needs him to live. We are on the cusp of a magical renewal, and he was to anchor North America. There are others, all over the world, who have been magically prepared for their part. It was decided that I do not have the time to prepare another before the renewal begins.”

“How do we get Buck back?” Athena questioned. “What do you want us to do?”

Bobby caught his wife’s hand in his own and finally stood. His legs felt weak, and he locked his knees to remain standing. “Do you know if Buck is my son?”

“Of course he is,” the spirit said. “I pushed and prodded him all the way to the 118 so he could meet you. I knew Phillip Buckley’s resentment would get the best of him sooner rather than later, and Evander would come to know that he was the product of a vengeful one-night stand.”

“Vengeful?”

“Margaret went to St. Paul for some sort of work event, and while there, she found out that Phillip was cheating on her. So, she went out and found herself a young, fit man to fuck her so she could let her husband know exactly how it felt to be cheated on. She was in her mid-forties and didn’t expect a pregnancy to be the result,” the spirit explained. “I’ve witnessed many arguments over the years. She blamed Evander for the fact that her marriage was never the same after they both had sexual affairs.”

“I hate them,” Athena said softly and took a deep breath when Bobby shifted closer to her. “What do you want from us? Just say it.”

“I’ve been given permission by Fate to do whatever is necessary to make sure Evander lives,” the spirit said. “So, I’m going to time travel. I need an agent to act on my behalf in the past.” He focused on Bobby. “I need someone who will do whatever they can to make sure he lives to do what he’s meant to do. His work as a first responder is a genuine calling. Evander touched so many people with magic just when they needed it the most. It’s all part of the renewal.”

“Me,” Bobby said. “You want to do what exactly? Can I time travel with you?”

“Not exactly,” the spirit said. “I can carry memories back in time. I can give the past version of you everything you know and have experienced right up to this moment,” the spirit said. “I’ve done it once before, but Evander merely believed he’d had a nightmare, but he did make a different decision, which was all that I needed from him.”

“And you can’t do that now for him?” Bobby questioned.

“I can and I will,” the spirit said. “But he’s alone in the world, and not even his relationship with his brother is enough. He needs a father. He needs you, the man you are today.”

“We’ll do it,” Athena said.

Bobby turned to look at her in shock and wasn’t surprised to find the spirit also looking a little startled. “What?”

Athena huffed. “You’re my partner, Bobby. We’re doing this together, just like we do everything else. Buck might be your son biologically, but that silly White boy is…my baby. May and Harry are heartbroken. How can I do anything else?”

“Okay,” Bobby said quietly and focused on the spirit. “Can you do that?”

The spirit stared for a moment and nodded. “You’re doing Hekate an immense favor, Bobby Nash and she is grateful. But please understand that you cannot circumvent Fate. There are parts of your past that you cannot overcome, but some losses may very well be lessened. I cannot speak for her. Do you understand?”

“I do,” Bobby said quietly. “I just need…I understand. Can I try?”

“Of course,” the spirit said gently. “But know that if you fail, it will be through no fault of your own. Fate is a force in this universe that answers to no one.” He paused. “Also, to further my own cause, I’ll correct some of your personal issues in the past.”

“You mean my addiction,” Bobby said.

“You can’t serve Hekate if you’re more interested in a bottle of pills,” the spirit said frankly. “And you’ve both agreed to enter into the service of the goddess of magic. Such a thing is an immense responsibility.” He focused on Athena. “When you wake in the past, Athena, your world will be new, and your long-buried gifts will start to emerge. Can you live with that and accept the consequences?”

“Yes.”

Bobby took a deep breath. “I can live with whatever sacrifice I have to make to save my kids.”

“So be it.”

 

 

Chapter 1

Bobby shifted in his bunk, grief pressing down on him like a nightmare. He opened his eyes and stared at a ceiling he hadn’t seen in years. Reaching out blindly for his phone, which was on the shelf above his head, he checked the date and stared in shock.

August 3, 2014

It was over four months before the fire that had destroyed his life. It would’ve felt like a nightmare if it weren’t for the aching love he felt for Athena. He’d been so focused on saving his children that he hadn’t even considered the fact that he’d be returning to a marriage he’d let go of. Nausea was crawling up his throat, so he sat up slowly because he didn’t want to throw up at work.

Bobby felt weird and off-stride in a way he hadn’t in years. He realized, then, that he was basically high as a kite. Drinking on the job wasn’t something he could’ve ever gotten away with, but he’d eaten oxycodone like it was candy on the regular, even on duty, in 2014. He rubbed his face with a shaking hand and threw his legs over the side of the bed. Most of the shift was asleep in bunks all around him, so he eased out of the bed, slid on his boots, and left the sleeping area as quietly as he could.

The station house in St. Paul was nothing like the 118, and he hated it. Not for any reason beyond the fact that it reminded him of his gravest sins. He stared at his phone for a moment before he started a text message. He had to put Athena’s number in manually and was grateful to remember it. For a moment, he stared at the blank message because he was uncertain of what he should send. What if she hadn’t made it back? What if he’d just had the longest, most miserable nightmare of his life?

Something hot and uncomfortable stirred in his chest. He touched his sternum in concern, and there was a rapid fluttering under his fingertips. It was appalling. No, he thought, the magic should be with Buck, not him. Never him. He didn’t deserve that kind of protection, but he didn’t know how to make that clear.

He focused on the message to Athena and sent the only thing he could think of.

Bobby: 727-L-30

Her unit number. Something a man from Minnesota certainly wouldn’t know off-hand.

Athena: 118

He dropped back against the counter and took in a ragged breath as the burning sensation in his chest increased. It was a connection, but more importantly, it made it impossible to consider anything he remembered from the future to be just a nightmare. He stared at her response but couldn’t make himself send another text. She was another man’s wife, and that was galling despite the fact that he had a wife tucked into bed at home himself.

Bobby would admit he hadn’t considered Marcy and his first marriage at all when he agreed to time travel. His only focus had been his kids, two of whom were also snug, safe, and sound asleep. He browsed his photos and found a recent picture of his two younger children. Brook had snagged his phone and had taken a selfie with her brother. Marcy had been frustrated because they were supposed to be getting ready for school. The morning stuck out in his brain because it was one of the last pictures he had of Brook and Robbie before they’d died, and he’d kept it from one phone to another until the very moment he’d agreed to time travel.

He emailed the picture to himself for safekeeping and took a deep breath as the burning sensation in his chest returned. Bobby really didn’t know what the magic was trying to tell him or if he was getting some kind of warning. He moved away from the counter and dropped down on the sofa near the back of the rec area. The moment he was seated, the burning turned into a fire. He dropped his phone and barely kept from screaming as whatever magic was in him clawed its way out.

Bobby was no stranger to pain; it had been the road to his addiction, but he’d never known anything like what he was experiencing. He buried his face against a cushion and shuddered as he fought to keep silent. Knowing that he couldn’t let his crew know he was suffering through something magical and actually managing to do it were two different things. He reached out blindly, grabbed a throw pillow, and pressed it to the side of his head as he buried his face against the back cushion.

After nearly twenty minutes, the pain eased, and he stumbled from the couch then into the bathroom. He washed his face and stared at his reflection for several long moments. He knew more than felt that the magic was gone from his body. He hoped it was with Buck where it belonged. Rubbing his chest with one hand, he leaned on the sink and took several deep breaths.

His whole body felt sore and misused. It was a familiar and relieving sensation. Bobby had been through rehab several times already and knew what detox felt like. The magical spirit had burned the drugs out of him. He hoped it had burned everything to do with the addiction out of him, too. But he would be vigilant because he had too much to lose, and he understood that better than he ever had before.

Bobby needed a bit of normalcy, so after picking up his phone, he went to his desk and grabbed his laptop. It had been so long that he didn’t even remember who exactly was working the shift. He missed his team from LA all the more for it. But even as he thought that he recognized that there were changes to be made on that front. He went into the kitchen, sat down at the table, and started to review the shift roster for names and qualifications, so he didn’t make a mistake in the field that could get someone hurt or killed.

He sat there with that information for several minutes before he realized he had no idea where his incident tablet was. Ashamed of himself, he stood and went to retrieve the device from the bunk room where he’d surely left it. Thankfully, the rest of the shift seemed to be enjoying the sleep of the just and didn’t wake as he entered and quickly exited the large room.

Bobby was staring at the tablet as he sat back down at the table. His station was listed offline, and he had no idea why. There was nothing listed for a reason, and it hadn’t been at his request. It had gone offline roughly forty minutes before, and he wondered at the time as it was shortly before he woke up. He activated his radio.

“Captain Nash to dispatch.”

“Go for Captain Nash.”

“The 26 is offline with no reason listed.”

“Deputy Chief Evans is en route to your location, Captain Nash,” the dispatcher said. “ETA four minutes.”

Bobby’s stomach tightened with anxiety. “Understood. Nash out.” He released his radio and went to wake his second-in-command.

Lt. Margot Harris had been his whole right arm since he’d become a captain for the only task force station in St. Paul shortly after it was built and put into service. He’d been proud to get the nod for the assignment and had built his crew with care. Of course, he’d destroyed it just as much as he’d destroyed everything else in his quest to keep a pill bottle in his hand.

Margot woke the second he touched her shoulder and slid out of her bunk quietly. She followed him out of the sleeping area and into the kitchen.

“What’s up?” she asked with a yawn and frowned at the empty coffee machine.

“The station is offline, and Evans is on his way,” Bobby said. “I have no idea why.”

Margot took a deep breath. “Cap.” She exhaled slowly. “Someone in this station house is about to have the worst day of their lives.”

She was right, Bobby thought, and he knew it was going to be him. He rubbed his chest as he sat down at the table and closed the laptop with trembling fingers. Bobby pulled out his cell phone and stared at it. He noted that Margot was doing the same. He figured she was torn between waking up her family and hoping like hell there was no need to make a call at all.

A throat clearing caught their attention, and Bobby stood.

Phil Evans tucked his hat under his arm and stared for a moment. “Captain Nash, I need to speak with you privately.”

Bobby nodded and cleared his throat. “Yes, sir.” He let the man guide him right into his own office and sat down when he was pointed toward the chair. “I….”

“First, I need you to know that your children are going to be okay,” the man said quietly as he pulled the visitor chair around the desk and sat down. He took Bobby’s hand in his own. “And it is with the deepest sorrow that I tell you that Marcy did not make it to the hospital despite all efforts being made to save her life.”

“What…I don’t….” Bobby took in a ragged breath. “They should be asleep.”

“There’s a fire in your apartment building; it’s a four-alarm at this point,” Evans said. “Marcy was one of many who called it in. And she identified herself as your wife. Your station was immediately sidelined from getting a rollout.” Bobby nodded slowly, tears burning his eyes. “To a great detriment to herself, your wife carried both of your children as far as she could before the smoke overcame her.

“She told dispatch that they could not stay and wait for evac. The entire upper half of the building was engulfed in flames within minutes of the fire starting. She carried them down ten flights of stairs. Robbie told first responders on the scene where to find his mother. He carried Brook the rest of the way with wet towels over her head. They’re both suffering minor smoke inhalation, but they’re doing very well. I’m here to bring you to them.”

“Do….” Bobby wiped his face and cleared his throat. “Do they know their mother is gone?”

“Yes, Robbie…he knew before he left her that she wasn’t going to make it. She told them goodbye. He said he has a message for you as well, but I don’t know what it is.” Evans cleared his throat. “Your wife was a strong and deeply heroic person, Bobby. I’m so sorry for your loss.”

A sob caught in his throat, and Bobby pressed his free hand to his mouth.

Evans put a firm hand on his shoulder then and let the silence settle around them.

* * * *

Athena poured herself a cup of coffee and kept her phone clutched against her chest as she sat down at the table. Her house was quiet, and she was glad to have woken up at home rather than to have come into her past self while on duty. She had to give the magical spirit credit; it was a very smooth transition. The single text from an unknown number had righted her world. She knew she should delete it, but it was evidence, and it proved to her that what she’d experienced was real.

“You usually sleep decently when you’re off duty.”

She looked up as she put her phone face down on the table and focused on Michael, who was standing a few feet away, rubbing the back of his neck. “Did I wake you?”

“Well, you made coffee,” he said wryly. “That smell would drag me right out of a coma.”

She laughed. “Come sit with me.”

He nodded and poured himself some coffee before easing down in the chair across from her. Michael rarely ever chose to sit with her, and she’d ignored it for years.

“We don’t get a lot of time like this,” he said quietly. “Things are hectic and loud.”

Athena nodded. “You’re my best friend, Michael.”

He offered her a quick, sweet smile. “And you’re mine.”

She cleared her throat. “I want a divorce.” He blinked in surprise and sat back in his seat. “Please, just listen.”

“Okay,” he said and took in a ragged breath.

“We haven’t made love in four years,” she said frankly, and he averted his gaze. “And I know why, okay? I’m not sure if you’re ready to say it, and I don’t want to pressure you into living your truth. That being said, I’m bone-deep lonely, and I deserve better. You do, too. You deserve to be with someone who makes you ache for them, and I know that’s not me.”

“I wish it was,” Michael said quietly. “You’re the strong, beautiful, and competent woman I’ve spent decades telling myself I want. I stand in awe of you, Athena, on a regular fucking basis. I can’t…I can’t make sense of myself.”

“Well, you need therapy as much as I need a divorce,” she said roughly, and he laughed weakly. “I don’t know how the kids will take this, but if we work together as a team, I think we can get through this without damaging our family. You’re always going to be one of my best friends, but I can’t let you be my husband anymore.”

“You can have the house,” he said. “It’s paid for, and…the kids should stay exactly where they are. I’d like liberal visitation, of course, with all three of you.” She laughed. “And I think…yeah, I definitely need therapy.”

She reached out and took his shaking hand. “You can say it, Michael. I’m not going to judge you or get angry or make you explain yourself or the lies you’ve been telling yourself since you were a teenager.”

“I’m gay,” he whispered hoarsely, and tears welled in his eyes. “I’m so sorry, Athena.”

“Don’t fucking apologize to me,” she ordered, and he laughed. She released his hand and sat back with her coffee. “But you can fix us French toast for breakfast.”

He made a face but nodded.

“I’d like to talk to May about her options for school,” Athena said.

“We agreed to no public school.” Michael spread his hands out on the table. “And I’ll certainly keep paying for private school for them both.”

“I’m not advocating public school, but I do think we need to consider her interests and allow her some choice when it comes to the next school year. She’s on the road to adulthood, and I want her to explore autonomy in some safe ways before she’s a grown-ass woman in the world.”

He huffed. “Don’t talk about my baby girl turning into a woman, Athena.”

She laughed. “She’s going to be a beautiful woman, and we need to prepare her for the world. We need to know that she can problem solve, make choices, own her truth, and know what her boundaries are.”

“That sounds like a full-time job.”

“The world is cruel, and it is especially cruel to women,” Athena said quietly. “She’s surrounded by media telling her she’s too thin, too fat, too smart, too dumb, too Black, or not Black enough. In one moment, her beauty will be a bonus, and in another, it will be a hindrance. She’ll be pursued for a variety of reasons, but many people will seek to fuck her or fuck her over.”

Michael frowned.

“A woman is five times more likely to be the victim of rape or aggravated battery than a man,” Athena continued. “About thirty-five percent of female murder victims are killed by an intimate partner. Well over seventy-five percent of female murder victims are killed by someone they know.”

“I don’t know how you sleep with this shit in your head,” Michael said roughly. “What’s this got to do with school?”

“It’s not about school. It’s about autonomy, boundary creation, and self-advocacy,” Athena said. “Allowing May to make choices in a safe environment will help her build the skills she needs to protect and advocate for herself later in life. I want her to trust us, Michael. I want her to know she can come to us with what hurts her, no matter what it might be, and know that we’ll help her fix it.”

“And you don’t think she does?”

“I think she’s a girl on the brink of womanhood in a big, ugly world full of predators of all sorts,” Athena murmured. “And I sleep as well as I can because I need to be prepared for that ugly world just as much as our children do. We both know what kind of shit Harry will face as a young Black man. The prejudice, the assumptions, and the expectations people will expect him to live up to or live down. Like he has to be extra fucking everything to get the same respect as a White man.”

“Okay,” Michael said quietly. “Let’s gather some information for May and let her pick out her school. She can do tours. We can ask her to make a list of must-haves for the school, and if she wants to focus on something like the arts or STEM, we need to know now. We can tell Harry that he’ll get the same choice after elementary school.”

“Good,” Athena murmured and took a sip of coffee. “Let’s handle the divorce part first, then we’ll use the school search to give her a bit of a distraction. Also, I’d like to make sure they’re both processing all of that as well as they can, so I want to do regular family meetings and set up some sort of system for discussions that will allow them both to express their concerns and emotions safely with no fear of judgment.”

Michael smiled. “What’s going on with you?”

“I just…. I want to live my life, Michael. I want the same for you and our babies. Let’s just get out there and fucking live, okay? Life is short, and we should make the most of it.”

* * * *

Both of the kids were receiving oxygen, and the staff at the hospital had done all they could to keep them together through processing and treatment. Bobby had been told that Brook had become distressed at any discussion of being separated from her brother, as her mother had told her to stay with Robbie until their dad was with them. There was a chair between the beds, so he didn’t have to choose which one to sit by. A nurse all but guided him to it. He was being treated with kid gloves, and at any other time he might have been put off by it.

Seeing his younger children for the first time in years, alive and basically okay, was so overwhelming that his heart hurt. He rubbed his chest and blinked back tears as he tried to push through the emotions so he could be what they needed him to be. The fact that he’d basically cried like a baby in the arms of a deputy chief really hadn’t fully registered with him, but there was some background horror being processed. He knew that Evans didn’t begrudge or judge him for it, but he was still sort of ashamed of the emotional display.

“Daddy.”

Bobby reached out and took the hand that Robbie held out. “Hey, kiddo.”

“Brook’s okay. I made sure.”

“You did so well, Son,” Bobby murmured and took a deep breath as Robbie scooted closer until he was pressed against the bed railing. “I’m proud of you, and your mom would be, too.”

“Mom said I had to leave her,” Robbie said, and tears welled in his eyes. “I didn’t want to. But she said I had to take care of Brook.”

“What else did she say?” Bobby asked quietly, and his son took a deep breath. “You don’t have to tell me right now.”

“No, it’s okay,” Robbie said, even as tears started to fall. “She told us that she loved us and asked us to be good for you. Mom said to tell you that…she didn’t have any regrets and that she loves you. She said to tell you that we can’t be afraid to love again, even if it hurts.” His breath hitched. “But I don’t know what that means.”

“It was just your mom taking care of us like she always does,” Bobby said quietly. “Love is risky, Robbie. It’s hard, and sometimes when we lose someone, it seems like we shouldn’t risk loving another person as long as we live.”

Robbie nodded. “Mom always said that we should be open to the world and new experiences so we can’t close our hearts, Dad. It wouldn’t…she died for us. So, we have to live for her and be open.” He coughed roughly, and Bobby reached out to cup his head with his free hand. “Hurts.”

“It’ll get better,” Bobby said. “The doctor told me that neither of you has any permanent lung damage.”

“Mom woke us up and put wet towels over us, then she led us out of the apartment. She’d tied a wet T-shirt around her face, too. I don’t think she had a lot of time to make a choice. The smoke got so thick that she was afraid she’d lose us, so she picked us both up. If I could’ve kept walking maybe we’d have got further, maybe she would’ve lived.” He paused. “The fire alarms didn’t go off, Dad. Mom kept pulling them on each floor as we went down the stairs so they’d go off. I told the firefighters that found me and Brook about the alarms.”

“You did a very good job, Robbie,” Bobby said gently. “Your mom made all of the decisions, and I would’ve done the exact same thing. None of this is your fault, okay?”

Robbie frowned but nodded. “I’m too heavy to carry, though.”

“Your mom was deadlifting 200 pounds on the regular before she moved to dispatch,” Bobby said. “She was strong despite her slight frame and was a great firefighter in her own right. If the smoke hadn’t been so thick, she could’ve carried you both down all the way to the bottom floor with no problems at all.”

“Why did mom stop being a firefighter?”

“Well, after she had Brook, she realized that she wanted a different schedule—one that would give her more time at home. So, we did some rearrangement, and she started working for dispatch. She enjoyed both jobs,” Bobby said and took a deep breath. “You should rest.”

“I don’t want to sleep. All I see is fire when I do,” Robbie said and glanced toward his sister. “I told Brook that she didn’t need to be afraid of fire, Daddy. I told her that we come from a long line of firefighters, and that meant we were the boss of fire.”

Bobby laughed a little. “Fire might disagree on principal.” He leaned forward and kissed Robbie’s forehead. “I’m right here, okay? And I can walk right through fire, if I need to, to keep it at bay. You’re both safe from it.”

“I wish mom was here,” Robbie said and rubbed his eyes. He pulled slightly at the nasal cannula he was wearing. “I hate this.”

“Leave it in,” Bobby said sternly and pulled his son’s hand away from it gently. “You really need the oxygen.”

“Yeah, I told Brook she couldn’t take it out. She doesn’t like it either and kept trying to remove it when the nurse would leave.” He glanced toward her. “She cried herself to sleep. I didn’t know what to say.”

“We’re going to get through this together, okay?” Bobby said quietly and prayed for a little bit of grace because he needed it desperately, whether he deserved it or not.

* * * *

Buck rubbed his sternum as he settled into the first-class seat on an airplane that was the first leg of his trip that would take him to St. Paul, Minnesota. He’d woken up from a terrible dream that had ended with his death. Buck knew enough about the magic that he carried but rarely interacted with to know that the dream was true or, at the very least, prophetic. So, he’d called his brother, Daniel, and asked him if he knew that he wasn’t Phillip Buckley’s son. Daniel had known but hadn’t ever wanted to hurt Buck with that knowledge.

Buck had requested the immediate release of his trust fund into a private account for future management, and his brother agreed. Then Daniel had arranged his entire trip back to the US from Peru, where Buck had been hanging out at various resorts working as a bartender.

The dream had taught him a very valuable lesson about ignoring the influence of the magic he carried, and he’d promised the universe to do better. His parents had always found his magical ability off-putting and disgusting, so he’d done everything he could to get their approval, and that included ignoring magic as much as possible. He knew, now, he’d pay a horrible price if he continued to live that way.

His first order of business in St. Paul would be to make sure the apartment building Bobby Nash and his family lived in got a fire inspection. If he had to move into it himself and file complaints to accomplish it, then he would. He knew where the building was because one night, full-on tired of his own angst, he’d spent half the night on a research spiral reading articles about the fire and the people who died in it.

“Can I get you something to drink, sir?”

“Just a bottle of water,” Buck said. “Can I have a blanket? I’m going to do my best to sleep the whole trip.”

“Of course,” the flight attendant said with a smile.

She brought him a blanket, a pillow, a stupidly expensive-looking bottle of spring water, and a little kit with lotion, cleansing wipes, snacks, and a sleeping mask. The mask was really appealing, so he kept that out and settled in to get comfortable. Normally, he would’ve protested a first-class flight, so he figured his brother was surprised by the lack of an argument. Buck was just tired and sad. He really needed as much comfort as possible while he processed what he knew to be true.

The plane hadn’t taken off, so he pulled out his phone and did the last thing he should’ve done. He browsed to Athena Grant’s Instagram. He just sort of wanted to see her and the kids. Unfortunately, her account was private. Buck stared for a moment at the profile picture for a moment and because he was a little reckless at heart, he followed her.

With a sigh, he turned off his phone and tucked it into his pocket. The flight from Lima to St. Paul, Minnesota was twelve and a half hours, with one layover in Atlanta, and he really did intend on sleeping as much of it as he possibly could.

 

 

Chapter 2

His mother-in-law, Beverly Howser, hated him and always had. He’d been the reason that Marcy hadn’t returned to California as she’d expected them to do with the birth of their first child. The woman had actually demanded they uproot their lives and their careers so she could bond with her grandchild. Marcy had never let her mother get away with a thing when it came to their parental authority, so at least Bobby had a good foundation to work with.

Of course, the whole thing had been about control as Beverly really didn’t care about her grandchildren and had spent less than a handful of hours with them since they were born. Brook had needed to be reminded who she was when Beverly visited over the summer. The visit hadn’t gone well as far as Bobby was concerned, and Marcy had been relieved to see the back of her own mother.

The woman was grieving her only child, and he was trying to respect that, but things had been decidedly sour and hostile when he’d made it clear she wasn’t staying with him in the small apartment he’d found for them. It wasn’t exactly a good fit, but it had come furnished with a short lease, and it was what he could afford until various insurance settlements came in.

It felt mercenary, but he needed the money for his kids, so he’d filed all the claims he could both with the department and with their private insurance company shortly after he’d identified Marcy’s body. They’d had private life insurance on each other since Robbie had been born and there was the renter’s insurance as well.

He’d be comfortable financially just like he had been the first time around, though he’d resented the money immensely and had rarely touched it. Eventually, he’d put most of it into college funds for Harry and May with Athena’s reluctant permission. Now, Bobby could use it in a different way, but it didn’t feel ugly and awful anymore.

Bobby checked his watch and wondered how his kids were doing with their grandmother. He’d been in a bind and had been forced between taking his kids to the funeral home and leaving them with his mother-in-law. He honestly wasn’t entirely sure which experience would’ve been more traumatic.

“The funeral policies you and your wife purchased will cover cremation, the urn, and a memorial service,” the funeral director said and cleared his throat. “And the placement of an obituary—print and online.”

Bobby nodded as he focused on the funeral director. “That’s…my daughter said that the urn should be silver since her mom never wore gold. Is there an option for that?”

“Most of the metal urn options have a silver tone or finish option,” the man assured. “Would you like to look at a brochure?”

Bobby took a deep breath and nodded. “We’ll need to hold the memorial service in the largest room you have. She served with the St. Paul Fire Department since she was nineteen, so she has a lot of friends who will want to come and say their goodbyes.”

“Of course, Captain Nash,” the man said. “I’ve had several calls from the Chief of the Fire Department’s office about financial compensation. They’ve offered to cover any costs that your policy doesn’t cover. And we’re already getting flower and plant delivery.”

“I’d like to arrange for the flowers and plants to be donated to various hospitals and retirement communities in the area after the service. Can you do that, or should I call someone?”

“I’m honored to do that for your family,” the director said. “Your wife’s mother has called several times since her daughter’s body was released to us this morning. She’s demanded arrangements be made for the body to be sent to Sacramento for burial.”

“I know,” Bobby said tiredly. “I’ve told her that I won’t allow her to circumvent Marcy’s wishes on this matter. The idea of being buried horrified her for a variety of reasons we don’t need to discuss. Regardless, feel free to ignore my mother-in-law completely.

“I’ve made it clear she isn’t going to get her way, and I have all the documentation to back up my wife’s wishes.” He pulled a folder out of the messenger bag he’d resorted to using. “In fact, I can provide you a copy of a signed and notarized document outlining her desire to be cremated in the event of her death. She always knew her mother would try to interfere.”

“I’ll take it,” the man said. “Just for record-keeping, but I’d never allow anyone but you to make decisions for your wife, Captain Nash.”

“Thank you, Mr….” He flushed. “My apologies, I’ve already forgotten your name.”

“Devin Jarrod,” the man said. “And it’s fine. You’re under a great deal of stress. Grief like yours will press down on you ways for years to come since you have such young children.”

Bobby nodded because he knew that grief intimately already. It was a special kind of mixture of agony and relief that he’d woken up in the past and hadn’t gotten to see Marcy alive. He’d verified her identity in the morgue before she’d been moved to the funeral home, and that had been like getting stabbed in the chest. At least, this time around, she hadn’t been burned. It was an extremely small comfort since any suffering she’d experienced would’ve been emotional rather than physical.

“I keep spiraling around from one thing to the other,” Bobby confessed, and Mr. Jarrod nodded. “Thank you for being so efficient. It’s a relief.”

“I find that anything that lowers the stress of those grieving serves this process,” the man said gently and put a brochure down in front of him. “Did you want to let your daughter pick out the urn? You can call me with the choice this afternoon.”

“I….” Bobby took a deep breath and picked up the brochure. “I don’t know if that would be a comfort or not. I’ll call you either way with a choice. I do need to get back to my kids. Their grandmother isn’t…as comforting as she thinks she is.”

It had been three days since the fire, and he felt strung out in an entirely different way than what he’d been the first time around. Thankfully, the desire to get high or drunk hadn’t surfaced since he’d woken up in the past. In fact, the thought of drinking made his stomach hurt. He figured it was a warning that he’d pay for taking a drink, physically. Bobby couldn’t fault the magical spirit for the little extra incentive to not crawl into a bottle.

He pulled out another piece of paper from the folder. “I’ve written her obituary. Don’t allow her mother to change it.”

“No, of course not. What sort of complaint did she express?” Mr. Jared asked.

“She blames the SPFD for Marcy’s death and didn’t want her employment with the organization listed,” Bobby said wearily. “And in doing so, is prepared to overlook and diminish my wife’s career and her personal sacrifice for our kids the night she died. Not only did she carry them as far as she could before she was overcome by the smoke, but she also pulled fire alarms that hadn’t gone off on every single floor as she went down those stairs, warning our neighbors. Only twenty-two people died in the fire because Marcy pulled those alarms, and people started evacuating.” He took a deep breath. “And 237 people lived in our apartment building. I think some of them might show up for her memorial service as well.”

“We’re honored that you’ve given us the privilege of handling your wife’s arrangements,” Mr. Jared said. “And no one will interfere with her wishes or yours, Captain Nash. You have my word.”

* * * *

Fate was a bitch. Buck didn’t make a habit of disparaging others, but Fate was the worst. It was all he could think, and it was all he had been thinking since he’d stepped out of his rental car to stare at the burnt-out remains of the apartment building that he’d flown all the way from Peru to save. He’d found out online that most of the residents had gotten out, thanks to the efforts of an unnamed occupant who’d set off alarms that didn’t go off automatically.

Twenty-two people had died in a fire that hadn’t shouldn’t have happened for months. Buck didn’t know what that meant for Bobby and his family. He had no idea how he was going to find the man now. Buck had tried to casually surveil the fire station that he knew Bobby had been the captain of in St. Paul. He’d seen the crew of two different shifts and hadn’t seen Bobby, which was fair because the fire would’ve probably taken him off duty one way or another.

He sat down with his coffee in a café not far from the hotel where he was staying and took a deep breath before finally browsing to Instagram. He hadn’t gone near the app since he’d followed Athena Grant because he was kind of afraid of what sort of response he’d gotten. She had a very small, family-only following, so he wasn’t going to get lost in a crowd. Buck had realized much later that it would probably be a little weird for her to have some random White guy friending her out of the blue.

Buck stared for a moment because she’d followed him back, and he had a DM. He clicked on it, a little twist of nerves in his gut.

Evan Buckley. You’d better call me right now, young man.

He stared for a moment, startled, then immediately started dialing the only number he remembered for Athena.

“Hello.”

“Athena.” Buck took a deep breath as she exhaled sharply.

“Where are you, baby? You’d better be on your way to LA, or I’m going to ruin your life.”

“I…I’m in St. Paul. I came to stop the you know what, but it happened months early. I don’t know what to do.” Tears wet his eyes. “I had a bad dream, and you were one of the best parts.”

“I think you know, deep down, that it wasn’t a dream,” Athena said gently. “If it was, you shared it with me and Bobby. I don’t know much about the fire, but it started shortly after…we became aware of our future memories. We were told when we agreed to this that we wouldn’t be able to circumvent Fate because she answers to no one.”

“What? I didn’t agree to this.”

“No, you couldn’t because you were already dead,” Athena said flatly. “And if you think for a moment that I’m not going to tear a strip off your pale, narrow ass for that bullshit, you’ve got another think coming.”

“My ass isn’t narrow,” Buck protested, and she huffed. “I’m smaller, though. It’s weird.”

She took a deep breath. “Marcy died, but Robbie and Brook were able to escape the fire. Bobby could really use you right now, Buck. I can’t be there, and I wish I could. It’s driving me crazy. I’ve gotten two texts from him since I woke up in the past. We’re both in delicate situations.”

“Yeah,” Buck said and closed his eyes. “I wanted…I hoped to fix it.”

“We were all hoping to fix it, baby,” Athena said. “I’m going to text Bobby your phone number so he can call you when he can talk privately. I don’t know what kind of stress he is operating under. And….” She cleared her throat. “We both know he was struggling with addiction heavily during this time period. I don’t know how he’s doing on that front. But any support you can provide to help him stay clean is to the benefit of everyone, but most especially him.”

“I’ll dig in,” Buck said. “If he’ll let me.”

“That man is going to latch onto you like a leech,” Athena warned, and Buck laughed a little. “I don’t want to make you feel guilty, but losing you destroyed him. He had nothing left to give anyone—not even himself. It was the final blow, and I’ll let him explain why.”

“Okay.” Buck frowned and shifted his coffee around in front of him. “Is he angry with me?”

“God, no.”

The denial was quick and sharp, so Buck let himself relax. “Okay. Send him my number. I’ll get back to my hotel room so I can speak freely.”

* * * *

“You’re being so selfish.”

Bobby took a deep breath and was grateful, at least, that his mother-in-law had waited until the kids had gone to sleep to pile onto him. “Beverly.”

“I have the right to bury my only child,” she hissed and glanced toward the hallway where the kids were sleeping in the only bedroom the apartment had.

“Marcy did not want to be buried. You read the letter she left, and I shared her living will with you. I’m not going to dishonor my wife, even in death, to make you happy. It’s disgusting that you think I would.”

“It doesn’t matter what she wanted because she’s dead,” she snapped. “She’s dead because you weren’t there to do your job as a father, and she had to…sacrifice herself for your children.”

“Our children,” Bobby corrected.

“My daughter was beautiful and brilliant. She had plans and a career. She wanted to be a lawyer. Marcy didn’t even want children until she met you.”

“I can’t stand you,” Bobby blurted out, and she gaped at him. “And I wondered every single day since the moment we met how on Earth someone so smart, generous, and beautiful came out of you. Marcy did not want to be a lawyer. She left your house the day she turned eighteen because the last thing she wanted was to live your dream. You can fuck off back to Sacramento after the memorial service and never contact us again for any reason.”

His mother-in-law stared at him in shock, but he was so beyond done with her behavior that he didn’t have the resources to be remotely civil or kind.

“You can leave now, Beverly. I’ll have to see you at the service, but I’d rather you didn’t speak to me.” His phone buzzed gently in his pocket, and he pulled it out even as he walked toward the door. “Get your purse because I’m serious.”

“What about Brook?”

“What do you mean?”

“You can’t possibly think I’m letting you keep her,” she snapped. “You’re not fit to raise a little girl. She’s coming to live with me.”

“There is no chance in hell that Brook is living with you, Beverly. You have no say and no rights. You’ve barely spent time with either of my kids since they were born and didn’t bother to meet Brook until she was three years old.” He opened the door and motioned her out. “Go.”

“Then you’ll hear from my lawyer.”

“Sounds great,” Bobby said. “Good luck with that, especially since Marcy isn’t around to pay your bills anymore.”

She frowned at him. “About that, she said she had a life insurance policy. I expect to receive my half as soon as possible, so make sure the company has my details.”

“You aren’t a benefactor, Beverly. Our life insurance policies were purchased so that we could take care of our children.”

The first time around, she hadn’t come to St. Paul for the funerals but had spent weeks calling him to scream at him about the fire and Marcy’s death. She’d rarely mentioned the children and only seemed to use them to hurt him. Beverly hadn’t wanted to see Marcy at all, before or after she died, because she’d been burned. She’s said, cruelly, that she’d prefer to remember her daughter’s beauty.

“How am I supposed to live?”

“That’s not my problem anymore,” Bobby said evenly. “Because if you think Marcy paid your bills on her own, then you’re delusional.” He motioned her out. “Leave.”

“If you loved my daughter—”

“Loving your daughter is the only reason I ever put with you,” Bobby interjected through clenched teeth.

“You ruined her life,” Beverly said. “She could’ve done so much better than you.”

He shut the door as she swept out and locked it. On a fundamental level, he agreed with her. Marcy could’ve done so much better than him, and he’d always known that.

Bobby turned and collided with Brook, who latched onto him and clung, so he picked her up. “Hey.”

“Daddy.” Her breath hitched. “I don’t want to live with that horrible old woman. She stinks like smoke. I hate it.” Brook shuddered. “I hate smoke!”

“You’re not going to live with her,” Bobby murmured. “I promise.” He took her back to the bedroom where he’d set up two half beds. Robbie was sitting up, rubbing his face.

“Sorry, Dad, I didn’t realize she’d gotten up.”

“It’s fine,” Bobby said as he put Brook back in her bed and made a show of piling blankets on her until she giggled. “Now, good little girls are supposed to be asleep.”

“I guess I’m a little bit not good,” Brook said solemnly and smiled briefly when Bobby laughed. “I’m sorry that Mommy’s not here. I miss her. Why is Grandma so selfish? Mommy said we shouldn’t be selfish.”

Bobby exhaled slowly.

“Some people are just like that, Cookie,” Robbie said and yawned. “It’s not our fault she’s terrible on the inside. Get some sleep. Tomorrow, we can blackmail Dad into making us pancakes.”

“No blackmail necessary,” Bobby said gently and adjusted his son’s covers despite the fact they didn’t need it. “But go to sleep.”

Robbie hadn’t called his sister Cookie in years, but it clearly amused Brook because she smiled widely at her brother and snuggled down in the bed with the stuffed panda bear that she’d gotten from somewhere. She’d had it in the hospital. Bobby figured it’d come out of an engine supply compartment. The department kept stuffed animals stashed away to help comfort kids on scenes.

Bobby pulled the door shut and pulled his phone out of his pocket to check his texts. He’d added Athena to his contacts because he couldn’t help himself, and there was no one around to look through his phone. He felt both guilty and relieved for the fact that he wouldn’t have to keep secrets from Marcy. He’d have never wanted to betray her, and it would’ve certainly been a betrayal from start to finish.

The text was from Athena. It marked only the third time she’d sent him anything. She’d responded to his text about Marcy with an apology for not being there for him and a condemnation of Fate herself. Bobby had appreciated both sentiments.

Athena: I hope things are going as well as they can. Since I can’t be there, the next best thing is waiting for your call. 717-555-0146

Bobby stared at the screen for long moments, his heart thundering in his chest.

Bobby: Thank you so much.

He took a deep breath and dialed the number.

“Hello.”

Hearing Buck’s voice again took the wind right out of Bobby. He sank down onto the sofa, uncaring for how uncomfortable it was for the first time since moving into the small apartment. Tears welled in his eyes.

“Buck.”

“Bobby, are you okay? I’m sorry. I got here as fast as I could. I thought I had time to stop the fire.”

“It’s not your fault, Son,” Bobby said and took a deep breath at the slip-up. He didn’t even know how to have that conversation with Buck. “I thought I had months, too. We should’ve had months. I guess Fate didn’t want to give me room to maneuver.”

“How can I help?” Buck questioned. “I’m at the Double Tree in downtown St. Paul. I don’t know how far that is from where you’re staying.”

“You’re here?” Bobby asked, and his voice cracked.

“Yeah, of course. I was…gonna save them even if I had to move into your building and complain to the city a thousand times.”

“I adore you, kid,” Bobby said and took a deep breath. “The funeral is in four days. I need to do some shopping for the kids. They have nothing. The entire floor we lived on was destroyed, so we’re all three down to basically the few outfits that my second-in-command picked up the day after the fire. I want to introduce you to the kids, but before I do, we need to talk about what happened.”

“I’m sorry I died. I really didn’t do it on purpose, I promise. I know people probably thought I just gave up and died in that building, but I fought to the fucking end. I swear it. I just couldn’t leave that man pinned under all of that debris, Bobby. When the fire pushed in…he begged me to kill him, so he didn’t have to burn alive.”

“Jesus Christ.”

“But I couldn’t do that. I did…well. I put my hand over his mouth and nose until he passed out. I think he thought I was going to smother him, but I knew the smoke would get us both before the fire did. I just didn’t want him to suffer more emotionally than he already had.”

“Neither one of you burned,” Bobby said quietly. “We got to you in time to prevent that. The smoke did get to you both. But that isn’t what I want to talk about.”

“Okay?”

“I met your mother for the second time at your funeral.”

“The second time?”

“Yes, I imagine the first time was about ten months before your birth.” Bobby listened to his son breathe. “The magic you carry came to Athena and me after the funeral. He confirmed it, but we can get paternity tests done.”

“Paternity….” Buck exhaled noisily. “You had an affair with my mom? Seriously? Out of all the amazing women on this planet, you picked her?”

Bobby laughed. “That’s not exactly the reaction I expected.”

“It’s just…gah, Bobby, I thought you had better taste. She’s a hellbeast.”

“I was twenty-four, she was utterly stunning in her day, and it was only a one-night stand, not an affair. Also, I didn’t know she was married.”

“You’re my dad.”

“Yeah.”

“That’s…I guess I hadn’t really thought about who it was after I found it wasn’t Phillip Buckley. I figured I’d never know. I’d even considered doing one of those genetic tests to find family.” He cleared his throat. “I’m relieved, but I don’t know how we’re going to explain finding each other.”

“Call your mother and ask her. She knows my name, Buck. I was an excessively honest and open young man. She knew where I worked, where my family comes from, and my name within a half hour of meeting me. Nobody needs to know the timeline on this because it’s between you and me. And I’d like you to think about your name.”

“What do you mean?”

“You’ve spent twenty-four years bearing that son of a bitch’s name, and I’d much prefer that you have my name going forward. We need genetic tests and a court order to change your birth certificate,” Bobby said. “But your preferences matter, too.”

“Okay, I’ll think about it,” Buck said quietly. “My brother gave me my first name. It would hurt him a lot if I changed that.”

“Well, I’d never want to hurt him. He was honestly the only member of your family I was pleased to meet. He came to town, planned the funeral, and included me in every single decision like he knew something I didn’t. Maybe he did.”

Buck sighed. “Yeah, Daniel doesn’t like to leave things to chance, so he probably does know or will know. He might have done a background check when I went to work for the 118. He’s prone to do shit like that. He did know, already, that I’m his half-brother. He distributed my trust fund to prevent them from trying to take it later, and that whole thing has been closed since only my money was left in it.”

“Good.”

“I’ll call her now, and I can come over tomorrow and help with everything if that’s okay?”

“It would be more than okay. I’ll text you the address,” Bobby said quietly. “I’m so relieved that you’re here, Buck.”

“Me, too. It was a long-ass flight from Lima, though.”

“What were you doing in Lima?” Bobby questioned.

“Well, if you wanted an honest answer to that question, you should’ve asked before you told me you were my dad,” Buck said in amusement, and Bobby couldn’t help but huff. “Anyways. I’m gonna go poke the hellbeast and get myself disowned.”

“Text me if she refuses to answer, and we’ll figure something else out. Your magic brought us together on purpose the first time, so we can lean on that if necessary.”

“Yeah, of course,” Buck said. “Good night.”

“Good night, Son.”

* * * *

“Evander. It’s late.”

Buck hated the sound of his mother’s voice, and he tried to ignore how ugly his name sounded coming out of her mouth. She was part of the reason he’d embraced a nickname so readily. He promised himself that he’d work on that because it had been Daniel’s choice, and that was important to them both.

“You never go to bed before eleven,” Buck said. “Listen, I need to ask you a question. If you give me an explicit and honest answer, you’ll never hear from me again.”

His mother was silent for a moment, her breathing shallow but even. “What do you want to know?”

“What is my biological father’s name, and where did you meet him?”

“Robert Wade Nash. I met him in St. Paul, Minnesota, where he worked as a firefighter. Goodbye, Evander.”

She hung up.

Buck put down his phone with a shaking hand because he’d believed Bobby with his whole heart, but now it had been confirmed. He picked up the soda he’d bought with his dinner and took a long drink. Then he picked up his phone again.

Buck: You give one-night stands your whole name? LOL. What’s wrong with you? Wade? Really?

Bobby: It’s the only one-night stand I ever had, smartass. Wade was your grandfather’s name. He died ten years ago. I’m sorry you won’t get to meet him.

Buck: I’m sorry too. I’ll see you in the morning.

Bobby: Breakfast is at 8.

Buck put the phone down and rubbed his face. Privately, he could admit that more than once, he’d wished that Bobby Nash was his father. He’d basically wallowed in the paternal affection the man had offered him even when it had become detrimental on the job. Tears welled in his eyes, and he took a deep breath as his magic warmed gently in his chest.

Rubbing his sternum with his fingers, he slouched down on the sofa briefly before going into the bathroom to wash his face. He stood in front of the mirror and stared at his reflection, taking in all the features that he shared with Bobby. He’d never seen Phillip Buckley in the mirror, and it was a relief to see precious little of his mother as well.

His phone buzzed in his pocket, and Buck pulled it out with a shaking hand.

Bobby: Don’t get in your head and start worrying about everything

Buck laughed.

Buck: I’ll try

His phone started ringing, and he answered it. “I’m okay.”

Bobby sighed in his ear. “You’re really not okay, and you haven’t been for a while. I basically ignored it because I didn’t want to push you away, Buck. It was a mistake, and I’m not going to do that going forward. I believe you when you say you didn’t give up in that fire. But.…”

“But what?” Buck questioned quietly as he went back to the sofa to sit. “It’s okay to say it.”

“The fire wasn’t advancing,” Bobby said. “It didn’t have enough fuel to spread as fast it could’ve. If you’d been in the right state of mind, you’d have put your SCBA on the man who was trapped and evacuated yourself. Then you could’ve told us where he was and we could’ve gone back in as a team. You’d have both survived, Buck.”

Buck swallowed hard, and tears slid down his cheeks despite the fact that crying was the last thing he wanted to do. “Bobby.”

“I’m not trying to be cruel to you, Son. But you were twenty fucking feet from a side door,” Bobby said flatly, and Buck shuddered. “You were in your head, hyper focused on your victim, and you didn’t work the problem. It still isn’t your fault.”

“Of course, it was,” Buck protested.

“No, it was my fault because, as your captain, I knew you were off stride and let you go into that building anyway. Moreover, I never cultivated a proper partnership for you on the job. You were so good at training probies that I threw one after another at you, and it wasn’t fair. I need to see the mistakes we both made so we can do better this time.”

“I don’t blame you,” Buck said. “And things were better with us at that point. I mean, you were really weird about my recovery from the ladder truck bombing. I’m glad you saw reason on that issue because I don’t know if we could’ve come back from a lawsuit. In retrospect, I probably should’ve just taken the job from LA County when they offered.”

“I’m sorry that it got to that point. I obviously didn’t handle your injury or the aftermath well at all. Your brother, by all rights, took over your care, and I had little to no information that didn’t come through official channels for weeks. I handled that whole thing badly. I do agree that we’d come back from that, but we need to do better at communicating going forward. Even when it hurts.” Bobby paused. “Especially when it hurts, Son.”

“Yeah,” Buck said in agreement and took a deep breath. “You’re right. I’m willing to do the work, I promise.”

“Me, too,” Bobby murmured. “I can’t lose you again.”

 

 

Chapter 3

“Daddy.”

Bobby looked at Brook briefly before focusing on the pancakes in the pan in front of him. “Yeah?”

Her fingers curled into his T-shirt. “I don’t want to hurt your feelings. But you set a place for Mommy.”

“I….” Bobby glanced toward the table. “We’re having a guest for breakfast. They’ll be here soon.”

“Oh. Okay.” She released his shirt. “I was worried. I forget she’s gone, so I thought you might have to.”

“I have forgotten a couple of times,” Bobby admitted. “And that’s normal.”

“I just keep reminding myself that she was strong for us,” Brook said. “So, I’m going to be strong for you and Robbie. I want to grow up to be just like Mommy.”

Bobby cleared his throat. “It’s okay to…not be strong, okay? Your mom was very proud of you.”

“Will Uncle Greg be at the funeral?”

Bobby made it a point not to think about his older brother often. They’d fought viciously more than once since the death of their father, and the last time had been just about the limit. Greg had lost his leg in an accident on the job and had been disabled out of the SPFD. That had come after he’d been passed over for captain for the fourth time.

Bobby had been promoted to captain after ten years on the job. He’d worked his ass for it. Greg had expected it to be handed to him because of their family connections and tradition. They were fourth-generation firefighters, and it certainly helped, but it hadn’t been the deciding factor in Bobby’s career.

“No, I don’t intend on inviting him,” Bobby said quietly.

Marcy had felt sorry for his brother and often taken the kids to see him. Bobby had allowed it, but he certainly wasn’t going to do it going forward as he wasn’t the only member of the Nash family to have a problem with addiction. He couldn’t afford to be around his brother, who was an alcoholic. Moreover, he planned to be in LA as soon as it was possible.

Which meant he should talk to the chief’s office about a transfer. They’d helped it happen the first time around, though certainly for a different reason, and he figured they could do it again. He knew that six different captains had come and gone from the 118 between him and the racist bag of dicks that had been forced to retire. He figured he could slip into the mix sooner rather than later. If it didn’t work out that he went to the 118, then that would be just Fate’s choice.

“He liked Mommy a lot,” Brook said.

“Yeah, but he’s a real butthole to Dad,” Robbie interjected.

Bobby briefly considered correcting his son’s language, but the kid wasn’t wrong, and he was tired from sleeping on the crappy sofa. An air mattress was definitely in his future. He started a new batch of pancakes.

“I do need to talk to the two of you about something.”

“Okay,” Brook said. “What? Are we still going shopping today? Can I get some training bras? Mommy promised to get me some the next time she went to Target.”

Jesus Christ, Bobby thought, but he cleared his throat then nodded. “Yeah, of course. We’ve got to make a shopping list, so don’t forget to include that on your list.” He took a deep breath. “Recently, I found out that when I was younger, I had….” He trailed off.

He really didn’t know how to explain a reckless one-night stand in a child-friendly sort of way.

“Mom always said you get weird when you have something difficult to say,” Robbie said in amusement, and Bobby laughed. “Just say it, Dad.”

“I found out I have another kid,” Bobby blurted out.

“Whoa!” Brook exclaimed. “A sister? I’d love a sister.”

“Brother,” Robbie argued. “I need a big brother.”

“I’ve already got a big brother,” Brook said sourly. “So, a sister would be great!”

Bobby figured he’d be getting her one of those once they got to LA, but he couldn’t very well say that. He didn’t even know what Athena was doing, but he had to think a divorce was in her future because she’d admitted to him that her marriage had been bereft of sex for a very long time before Michael had asked for a divorce.

“I fathered a child in my twenties and didn’t find out about him until recently when his mother told him my name. He’s twenty-four,” Bobby said, and Robbie cheered while Brook huffed dramatically. “I hadn’t figured out how to tell your mom.”

“Mommy said she wanted more kids,” Robbie said. “An adult one would’ve been less work, at least.”

“Built-in babysitter,” Brook said with a nod, and Bobby laughed a little. “Is he coming soon? Is he having breakfast with us? Daddy! I can’t meet my new brother with my hair like this! I look like I stuck my finger in a light socket!”

“I’ll help you comb it,” Robbie said to calm her down. “If you cry, you’ll get all red in the face. You’ll be like that for hours. It’s not a good look for us since we inherited Dad’s vampire paleness.”

Buck had inherited it, too, Bobby thought. They both left the small kitchen. He knew they were struggling with the fire and the loss of their mother. Unfortunately, they’d managed to cultivate his habit of avoidance. At least, Marcy had blamed him for it, and he hadn’t been able to disagree with her. He could’ve medaled in avoidance most of his life. It was a skill he’d honed as a child as it had kept the peace at home.

His phone rang, so he picked it up from the counter and answered it without thinking about it. “Hello.”

“I can’t fucking believe you didn’t call me and tell me about the fire.”

“I can’t believe you’ve called to curse me out three days after my wife died,” Bobby retorted and closed his eyes briefly as his brother always brought out the worst in him. “I’ve been focused on the kids, Greg. I don’t have time to sober you up for an unproductive and abusive conversation, so I’ve just decided to leave you where you are—drowning in a bottle.” He paused. “Like Dad.”

“Like you’re any better. Marcy told me she thought you’d fallen off the wagon.”

“I’ve never been more sober in my entire adult life,” Bobby said evenly. “And I can’t afford to make any mistakes going forward since I’m all that Robbie and Brook have.”

“They have me,” Greg argued.

“No, they don’t because you have a bottle,” Bobby said. “I really don’t have time for this. I’ve got to get breakfast on the table for the kids, and I’m still making arrangements for Marcy’s funeral. If you want to attend, you’ll have to get someone else to bring you because I don’t have the bandwidth to deal with you and help my kids through what is going to be a very difficult day.”

“It should’ve been you that died in that fire, not Marcy,” Greg said. “You’re a shit father, just like the man who raised us.”

Bobby hung up and blocked his brother’s number without an ounce of remorse. Marcy had pitied Greg, but he didn’t have room for it. He also didn’t have room for toxic people in his life, and making better choices on that front was the kind of behavior he wanted to model for all of his kids.

He missed Harry and May already and felt immensely guilty for the fact that they hadn’t been a consideration for him when he’d agreed to time travel. It felt selfish, and he was prepared to accept that personal criticism for what it was.

“Daddy.”

Bobby glanced toward Brook before focusing on the pancakes he was removing from the pan. “Yeah?”

“Would Mommy have been upset about our new brother?”

“I don’t know,” Bobby admitted. “I was trying to figure out how to talk to her about him. I think, in the end, she’d have loved him because he’s a good person.” He took a deep breath as he turned off the stove. “It’s okay if you’re upset.”

“I’m not,” she denied. “I’m sure he’s great.”

“But?”

“I wish she was here,” Brook said softly, and her chin trembled. “Robbie says we have to be strong and remember what she did for us because she was so brave. But I don’t feel brave. I just feel sad and broken.”

Bobby picked her up even as the doorbell chimed, and she buried her face against his shoulder. “It’s okay, baby. You can feel sad, okay?”

“Is he here?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

Her fingers curled into his shirt as he walked toward the door. “I don’t wanna cry, Daddy. Maybe he won’t like me if I cry.”

“He’s going to love you,” Bobby promised, and meant it. “He came all the way from Peru to meet you and Robbie. He wants to help us through all of this.”

“That’s far!” Robbie exclaimed as he appeared by Bobby’s side.

“Very far,” Bobby agreed and opened the door.

“Yes!” Robbie shouted. “See, Brook, I told you I’m gonna be as tall as Dad!”

Buck laughed and adjusted the strap of the backpack he was carrying. “I was over six foot by sixteen.”

“You’re gonna be short like mom,” Brook retorted and focused on Buck. “Hi.”

“Hi.” Buck smiled and quirked an eyebrow at Bobby.

“Come in,” Bobby said and guided Robbie away with his free hand. “Breakfast is ready. Robbie, Brook, this is Evan Buckley. He likes to be called Buck.”

Hours later, they were at a Target, and somehow, they’d split into two groups. Bobby was pretty sure it wasn’t a good idea. He trusted Buck, of course, with absolutely everything. But he didn’t know how shopping with a nine-year-old girl was going to go with him.

“We should probably find them,” Bobby said as he put socks in the basket for the two of them. He hoped Buck was at least getting everything on Brook’s list of needs and not just what she wanted.

“Nah,” Robbie said in amusement. “Having a little sister is a lot of work, Dad. Buck needs to know that upfront. It’s important.”

Bobby laughed. “How do you feel? Are you tired?”

“I’m fine,” Robbie said. “My chest hurts a little when I cough, but I haven’t coughed much today. Did you want to talk about the mistake I made with Brook?”

“You made a mistake?”

“Gah, Dad, don’t beat around the bush,” Robbie muttered and picked up a package of boxers in his size. “Can I have these?”

“Yeah, did you want to switch to boxers? We can put the briefs back.”

“I’d like to try them,” Robbie said. “So maybe a package of each?”

“That works,” Bobby agreed. “As to your mistake, it was good in the moment to tell Brook to be strong, but what we say and do during an emergency doesn’t always translate well into regular circumstances. It’s okay to grieve, son, and it’s okay to cry. I lost my mom when I was just a little bit older than you, and I still miss her. It doesn’t hurt like it used to, but I’m always going to miss her. When you were born, one of my biggest regrets was that she wasn’t around to see you. She’d have been so pleased to meet you.”

“I wish she were here. It’d be great to have a good grandma,” Robbie said. “I’ll try to be more careful with Brook. I just wanted to make her feel better about what happened. She cried the whole way down the stairs.”

“What you did for your sister that night was hard, and I know it,” Bobby said quietly. “You were incredibly brave, Robbie, and you saved your sister’s life.”

“I’m really glad I always give in and give her piggyback rides,” Robbie said. “I don’t know how I could’ve carried her if I hadn’t had a lot of practice. Of course, she clung like a monkey.”

“She always does,” Bobby said fondly and touched his son’s shoulder. “I’m very proud of you, Robbie. But you don’t have to be strong all the time with me, okay? Grief isn’t something you have to overcome immediately. It’s a long and painful process.”

“Everything hurts,” Robbie admitted. “I hate being here shopping for clothes without Mom. She always picked out my shirts because she said I inherited your terrible fashion sense. We’re screwed, Dad.”

Bobby sighed. “Well, maybe Buck will be good at it.”

“Here’s hoping,” Robbie said wryly and wiped his eyes hastily. “I do miss her like crazy, and I don’t know how I’ll ever stop. But she was so brave, Daddy. I want to be strong like her. I want to…make her proud of me.”

“She would be bursting with pride if she were here,” Bobby said quietly and pulled Robbie close for a side hug. “I’m serious. You did exactly what she asked of you that night, Robbie, and she trusted you to do it. Do you understand? She knew you were going to save your sister’s life.”

Robbie took a deep breath and leaned into him briefly but then pulled away. “No hugging in public, Dad. Let’s go rescue Buck from whatever Brook is doing.”

The store wasn’t huge, and the girls’ section wasn’t much bigger than the boys’, so they found Buck easily enough. He was waiting outside of the dressing room with a basket full of stuff.

“Hey.”

“Hey,” Buck said and tucked away his phone. “She’s trying on a dress.” He wet his lips. “She found one she thought her mom would’ve liked.” He paused. “For the funeral.”

Bobby nodded. He’d gotten Robbie some dress pants and a white shirt since his son didn’t like anything complicated. The door opened, and Brook came out in a dark blue dress with pale pink flowers trailing along the collar and hem.

Buck picked up two pairs of shoes he had in the cart and took them to Brook. “I think the navy blue ones look best. We can get you some tights to go with them. Funeral homes are cold. And the little pink sweater will match, too.”

“Okay,” Brook said and turned to look in the mirror. “I think Mom would love it.” She nodded and went back into the dressing room.

Buck put the navy shoes in the cart and gave the others to an employee who seemed to be waiting on them. “Thank you, ma’am. We appreciate your time.”

“It’s no problem,” the older woman said warmly.

Bobby waited until she walked away before focusing on Buck. “Did you get her whole list?”

“Yes,” Buck said. “I made sure to get enough for fourteen days, and all of it can mix and match, so she’ll have variety. We need to go to a shoe store to get sneakers. Proper foot support has no age minimum.”

“There’s a Nike store down the street,” Bobby said and checked his watch. “How did the training bra situation go?”

“Oh, well.” Buck made a face. “A lot of them were kind of inappropriate, honestly. She’s too little for lacy stuff. I talked her into some support tanks. She liked how they looked, and they gave her the security she was seeking. Also, we’ll need a different store for summer clothes. The shorts they had for her size were extremely short and certainly wouldn’t pass any school dress code.

“I did look up the dress code online for their school, so we made sure that everything would pass. Also, one of us should join the PTA so we can complain bitterly about how sexist the policy is. They have no business sexualizing little girls and acting like their bodies are a problem.”

Bobby stared for a moment, then nodded. “Yeah, okay.”

Robbie laughed a little. “See, Dad, I told you a little sister is a lot of work.”

“But we do need some stuff that’s not on her list. She doesn’t have any hair accessories. So, that’s our next stop.”

“Hair accessories?”

“Yeah, like bows, barrettes, scrunches, and stuff,” Buck said patiently. “And a hairbrush because she said all you guys have is a comb. And she doesn’t have a leave-in conditioner, either. Then we need to go to the body wash section because they need their own products. She said you got a bar of Ivory soap. It’s gonna dry her skin out like crazy, and it would be much too harsh on her sensitive parts.”

“Marcy handled all of that,” Bobby admitted, and Athena had certainly handled it in the future. “So, let’s figure it out together.”

Buck smiled. “Sounds good.”

* * * *

Buck sat the large storage tub they’d bought to take the clothes to the laundry mat down and stretched. They’d all ended up going to do the laundry despite the fact that he’d volunteered to go alone. Neither of the kids were keen to let him out of their sight. Buck wasn’t opposed to being a distraction because they certainly needed it.

He sat down on the terrible sofa and opened the tub so he could start separating the folded clothes. Bobby was getting the kids ready for bed. They’d cooperated when Buck had promised to check out of his hotel in the morning and stay with them. Two air mattresses had been bought as a result. He made three distinct piles as he worked through the tub’s contents, then put Bobby’s clothes back in the tub since he was basically using the living room as a bedroom, and there was no dresser for him.

“Thanks,” Bobby said as he sat down on the couch. “I hate shopping.”

“I don’t particularly enjoy clothes shopping,” Buck said. “I usually have to go to a specialty store to get pants that fit me. But I like thrifting stuff and going to farmer’s markets.”

Bobby nodded his agreement and stretched his legs out in front of him. “You did well with them.”

“They break my heart,” Buck said quietly. “I hate to think about what happened before.”

Bobby shuddered beside him. “It was…just as awful as you’ve already imagined. I can’t even think about it at this point. I only survived it because I felt the need to atone before I killed myself.”

Buck turned to stare at him in horror. “What?”

“I felt like I needed to make up for all the lives lost in the fire,” Bobby murmured. “So, I was keeping track of how many lives I saved. I fully intended to end it once I felt like I’d balanced the scales.”

Buck swallowed hard. “What changed?”

“You changed me,” Bobby said, and Buck focused on him. “I’d have never wanted to hurt you, Buck. There came a point when I became someone you depended on at a personal level, and that meant everything to me. Then Athena happened, and after that, life started to feel truly livable again.”

“I understand.”

“I hate the fact that I believe you,” Bobby said. “Tell me about it?”

Buck shrugged. “The Buckleys hate me, Bobby. I didn’t know why but I knew it from a pretty young age. They argued about me a lot, and Phillip often talked about getting rid of me. I couldn’t figure out why my own father didn’t want me when he clearly wanted Daniel and Maddie. He loves them. I can’t say it’s a good kind of love, but it’s overt.

“So, I did get to a point when I was around fourteen when I started to think the world would be better off without me. I didn’t get so far as to plan it, but it was there for a while. Eventually, I transitioned into a headspace of getting out of that house as soon as possible. I worked—after school and in the summers—as much as possible. They never tried to make me pay for anything. They’re both very invested in appearances, so I was able to save a lot of money. I moved out the day after I graduated high school without a word to them and never looked back.”

“I hate her for not telling me about you,” Bobby said. “She could’ve found me easily. It was so selfish and evil to keep you when she didn’t want you. I’d have been…so pleased to have you with me, Buck.”

Buck reached out and settled a hand on Bobby’s shoulder. “I know. But I’m okay, and I wouldn’t have wanted to do anything that would’ve prevented Brook and Robbie from being exactly who they are. Any little change in your relationship with Marcy could’ve resulted in…well, let’s just not think about it.”

“Yeah,” Bobby agreed. “I’m still going to wish she’d have just dropped you into my lap as a baby and told me to fuck off.”

Buck stared for a moment and laughed. “I should go and get some sleep.”

“We’ll see you in the morning,” Bobby said as they both stood. “And Buck?”

“Yeah?” Buck focused on him.

“Thank you so much for being here. I’ve never needed anyone more than I need you to be exactly where you are right now.”

Buck took a deep breath. “Well, I love you, and I want to help you in any way I can.”

Bobby glomped onto him much like Brook made a habit of and Buck laughed as he hugged his father back. It was weird but also relieving to even privately acknowledge the fact that Bobby Nash was his father.

“I love you, too,” Bobby said hoarsely.

* * * *

They’d told the kids about the pending divorce only because May had asked why Michael was sleeping in the guest room. It had only gone slightly better than the first time in that no one had run crying from the situation, but Harry was inconsolable and kept asking if it was his fault. Athena didn’t know why he was stuck in that mindset, but they were considering a child psychologist to help them smooth things out.

Harry had crawled into bed with her a few hours after his bedtime, and she’d allowed it because he’d gone to bed very upset. But honestly, the kid was clingy and making her sweat, so she nudged him off, and he huffed a little in his sleep before hugging a pillow.

“Hey.”

She looked up and found Michael hovering in the doorway. Athena slid out of the bed and adjusted the covers over her son before following Michael out. “Something wrong?”

“Just looking for a missing kid,” Michael muttered as he rubbed his head. “He wouldn’t talk to me earlier. I think he’s blaming me for the divorce. He did ask me if I’d cheated on you. Apparently, some kid from preschool told him parents get divorced because daddies cheat. I had to learn that from May.” He paused. “She asked, too.”

“Wow.” Athena groaned and rubbed her face. “I’ll talk to them, okay? Playing the blame game isn’t healthy, and it’s actually no one’s fault.”

“Well, that’s not true.” Michael pulled her into a hug, and she sighed against his chest. “You know it’s mine.”

“No, it isn’t.”

“Come on, Athena.”

“Tell me how it’s your fault that you were born gay and were raised by a pair of toxic, homophobic assholes who spent decades telling you that gay people are evil that go to hell?”

“Dad’s gay?”

They both turned and found May staring at them.

“I…shit,” Athena muttered. “May….”

May rushed forward and joined them in the hug. “Daddy, I’m sorry you were raised by toxic a-holes!”

Michael laughed and pulled her closer. “It’s okay, baby.”

“It is not! We can’t ever talk to them again!”

A little body nudged into them, and Harry grumbled a little as he yanked on Michael’s T-shirt. “You can’t leave me out of group hugs! It’s a rule!”

Michael picked him up. “Sorry.”

Harry looped both arms around his neck. “Are you really gay, Daddy? Jimmy at school had two dads. I understand what it means. Why didn’t you just say?”

“It’s hard to say,” Michael admitted. “But I’m trying to live my truth now with your mom’s help.”

“We’ll help, too,” Harry said. “I’m sorry I was mad.” He paused. “Honesty helps, though.”

“You get this whole judgment thing from your mother, who gets it from her mother,” Michael said and shrugged when Athena groaned. “You know you do.”

“Since we’re up and it’s Friday night,” May said. “We should have midnight popcorn.”

“And a dumb movie,” Harry continued. “Something super dumb.”

“A giant shark movie,” May decided, extracted herself, and trotted off.

“Wait for me!” Harry shouted. “I want to pick which big, dumb shark!”

Michael let him down, and he took off. “What just happened?”

“Kids,” Athena muttered. “You get midnight popcorn and big, dumb shark movie duty. I have to be at work in seven hours.”

“Yeah, get some sleep,” Michael murmured and prodded her gently back into the bedroom.

She shut the door and went to her phone. Once on the bed, she checked her text messages and sighed when there was nothing new. Feeling sad, she browsed to Buck’s Instagram and hit pay dirt. He’d posted a few pictures of Bobby and the kids. Then there was a selfie he’d taken with Robbie on one side and Brook on the other. As she stared at them, she silently wondered how she never realized Buck was Bobby’s son. The resemblance between the three of them was startling.

Athena resisted the urge to like the posts, but she did download several pictures to an album on her phone. She’d changed her password to something Michael didn’t know. He wasn’t going to check her phone, but still, she needed some privacy on the issue of Bobby and his kids. Buck clearly did, too, since his Instagram was private and he had a small following. She wondered how he’d explain her.

The urge to call was strong, but she didn’t want to take time away from the kids, who certainly needed Buck and Bobby more than she did. She locked her phone, plugged it into charge, and forced herself to lie down so she could get some sleep.

Everything was going as well as it could with the circumstances they were being forced to work through. Asking for more seemed almost seemed dangerous.

 

 

 

 

Chapter 4

“How did you find out?”

Buck exhaled slowly and paused in his packing. Bobby had all but insisted he give up the hotel room and stay at the small apartment. He’d also purchased two air mattresses because Buck had given in when the kids had asked. It was kind of hard to tell any of them no.

“Evan?”

His sister’s tone was weird, and he didn’t like it. She’d been different and a little colder after her marriage to Doug Kendall fell apart due to Doug’s behavior. Buck didn’t have the specifics, as his sister hadn’t confided in him, and he’d put aside all of his questions long ago.

“I heard arguments about it as a kid,” Buck said and felt no guilt at all for the lie. “I ignored it for a long time, but recently, I realized that I didn’t want to do that anymore. So, I asked Mom for the name. He’s a good man, Maddie. I have two more siblings, and they’re adorable.”

“I saw the pictures,” Maddie said quietly. “You look like you belong with them, and…that hurt.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know,” Maddie admitted. “I guess I’m jealous, and that’s a me problem.”

“It is, yeah,” Buck agreed. “You might as well know that I had Daniel close out my trust fund before I called Margaret. They’ll probably find out and lose their shit, but I’ve blocked them on my phone.”

“So, you’re cutting them both off? Dad raised you, Evan. He loves you,” Maddie said.

“No, he doesn’t,” Buck responded. “And she doesn’t, either. They both think I ruined their lives and marriage. When the truth is they both cheated, and I was the result of her banging a twenty-four-year-old stranger she picked up in a bar.”

“Mom and Dad have terrible interpersonal skills, but they’re good people.”

Buck laughed. “No, they aren’t. But that doesn’t matter. I’m done with that situation. I told Margaret that I’d never contact her again if she was honest with me about my biological father’s name. She gave it up immediately then hung up on me. I wouldn’t be surprised to find out that she’d blocked me, Maddie.”

“I don’t know what to say,” Maddie admitted. “Daniel said they refused to discuss you at all with him when he called.”

“That’s fine, and I’m okay.”

“I don’t know how you’re okay with this!” Maddie snapped and took a deep breath. “It’s like you’re disowning us all.”

“I’m still talking to you right now, Maddie,” Buck said patiently. “But if my having a relationship with your parents is somehow required in order for us to have any sort of contact, then I guess this is the last time we’ll speak.”

“That’s not what I want!” Maddie exclaimed. “I guess I just wish you didn’t know at all.”

“That’s incredibly selfish,” Buck snapped, and she huffed. “I mean it, Maddie. Also, stop making my situation about you. You’ve known for decades, right?” She said nothing. “Whatever. Listen, you can sit over there and stew in your jealousy, or you can figure out why me having a parent who might actually care about me is a problem for you.”

“That man doesn’t even know you,” Maddie said.

“He’s willing to get to know me, and he’s great with his other kids,” Buck returned. “I have to go. I promised the kids I’d have dinner with them.”

“What are their names?”

“Brook and Robbie,” Buck said. “He’s eleven, and she’s nine. They’re both sweet kids, but they lost their mom. It’s why I’m here. The funeral is tomorrow.”

Maddie took a deep breath. “That’s gotta be hard on them. Will you text me the details? I’ll send flowers.”

Buck couldn’t help but be surprised. “Yeah, sure.”

“Daniel will want to as well,” Maddie said. “If they’re your family, then they’re our family, too, Evan. I just need to adjust, and I know it. I’m going to make an appointment with my therapist. I know I don’t do well with surprises. I probably shouldn’t have called you until my head was on straight. I just didn’t want you to think I was ignoring what you were up to.”

“Well, fortunately for you, I know you’re fucked up,” Buck said wryly, and his sister laughed. “I have to go. I’m checking out of the hotel because the kids want me to stay with them.”

“Well, of course they do,” Maddie said. “You’re the most comforting person I know.”

Buck glanced toward his phone in surprise. “Really?”

“Yeah, really,” she said. “You don’t judge people for what upsets them, you go out of your way not to hurt people in any single way, and you have a great deal of empathy, Evan. You also respect people’s boundaries without argument, which is rare. Even Daniel will push at a boundary until you tell him explicitly to stop. I don’t know how our parents managed to raise a person like you. You have all the empathy and social grace they seem to lack.”

Buck laughed.

“Anyways, you have a full plate, and I shouldn’t try to toss my psychological shenanigans on it. Let me know if I can help with anything.”

“Thanks,” Buck said. “Have a good evening.”

“You, too,” Maddie responded before ending the call.

He tucked his phone into his pocket and went through the room one more time to make sure he’d gathered up all of his stuff. It wasn’t much. He had two duffels of stuff, and most of it was clothes. There was a knock on his door.

Buck zipped his second duffel and went to answer the door. Precious few people knew where he was exactly, so he wasn’t surprised to find Bobby and the kids on the other side of the door.

“Hey.”

Brook darted in, and Robbie followed.

“They wanted to make sure you didn’t run away,” Bobby said, and Buck laughed.

“Well, they’re a lot,” Buck said.

Brook huffed dramatically. He turned to watch her sprawl on the queen-size bed he’d haphazardly made despite the fact that housekeeping would strip the bed after he left. “I’m actually all packed and ready to go. I figured I’d keep the rental car for now, but my brother Daniel offered to drive my Jeep to me. He has it in storage in Boston.”

“You have other siblings?” Brook questioned. “You didn’t say.”

“I have a brother and sister who are older than me. Daniel is a lawyer, and Maddie is a registered nurse. They both live and work in Boston,” Buck explained and made a face. “Am I the middle child?”

“And the youngest and oldest,” Bobby said with a laugh. “Depending on the perspective.”

“That’s got to be weird,” Robbie declared.

“Very,” Buck agreed. “We can go.” He checked his watch. “They gave me a late check-out because of low occupancy, but I’m skirting the line on getting charged for another night.”

“Then let’s go,” Bobby said. “No need to waste money like that.”

Especially since it wasn’t his money, Buck thought. Daniel had arranged and paid for everything to do with his return to the US, despite his protests. He’d learned over the years that protesting was necessary as it did make his brother pause and consider the wishes of others. Still, the man often did exactly what he wanted anyway.

In the parking garage, Robbie announced he was going to ride with Buck and Bobby accepted it with no discussion. Brook had just frowned and muttered something about taking turns. Buck didn’t know what that was about, but he figured the two of them had worked something out between them that he wasn’t really supposed to know about.

Daniel had rented him an SUV mostly for the leg room, and Buck appreciated it since trying to squeeze into a compact car was always a trial.

“Dad said you were thinking about going to the fire academy,” Robbie blurted out as soon as they were buckled in.

“Yeah, off and on for a couple of years now,” Buck said. “I did search and rescue work in Colorado for a few years before I went to Peru as part of a FEMA disaster relief effort after an earthquake. It was so beautiful that I just stayed. I liked it, and I have some certifications that would help me get into an academy. I’ve been considering moving to Los Angeles for a bit now, and they have the best fire department in the country.”

“So, it’s your choice?” Robbie questioned. “Dad’s not talking to you about our generational legacy and all that jazz?”

“No,” Buck said and glanced the kid’s way. “Has he spoken to you about that kind of thing?”

“No, but Uncle Greg does,” Robbie said and shrugged. “It gets weird, though, since he’s always telling me that I can be a better man than Dad. The last time it happened, Mom overheard it, and we left. Dad said we won’t see Uncle Greg anymore, and I’m fine with that. Brook isn’t. She feels bad for Uncle Greg because he’s alone and never had kids.”

Buck knew that Bobby and Greg Nash had basically been in conflict since childhood and adulthood had done nothing to resolve the issues implanted in them by their parents. He also knew that Greg was an alcoholic, which meant it just wasn’t a good idea for Bobby to be around his own brother. Keeping him sober was paramount to them all having a good life together.

“Your Uncle Greg has problems,” Buck said.

“Our uncle,” Robbie corrected.

“Right,” Buck said with a laugh. “It’s still weird. Okay, so our uncle has problems, and sometimes it’s just not possible to help someone because they don’t want help. You can try to force them to get help through the courts, but it rarely works out the way anyone would want. To be frank, Bobby has a full plate and doesn’t have room to manage his brother’s problems on top of everything else.”

“Are you going to call him dad?” Robbie questioned. “I think he wants it.”

“I’m working my way there,” Buck said. “It feels like a natural choice, but we’re still trying to figure each other out.”

“That’s fair,” Robbie said. “You wouldn’t want to stay here in St. Paul with us? I’m not trying to guilt trip you, but Brook is going to be disappointed.”

“I….” Buck exhaled slowly. He really didn’t know what Bobby had planned, but he didn’t think staying in St. Paul was on the man’s agenda, considering how deeply in love he was with Athena Grant. “I was actually thinking about inviting you guys to California. The warmer weather would be easier on Bobby’s back injury.”

‘That’s true,” Robbie said thoughtfully. “We wouldn’t be close to grandma, right?”

“About seven hours away if she drove, I think? She lives in Sacramento, right?”

“Yeah,” Robbie said. “She’s mean to Dad, and that really upsets Brook.”

“How does it make you feel?” Buck questioned. “It’s good that you consider Brook’s feelings, Robbie, but yours are important, too.”

“I’m her big brother. I have to take care of her,” Robbie said. “It’s nice to have backup, though.” He grinned when Buck laughed. “I can’t stand Grandma. All she does is complain and say ugly things about Dad. She also always asked Mom for money and didn’t care if it made things difficult for us or not.

“The only time I ever heard Mom and Dad argue was over giving Grandma money. Dad said he wanted to save up so we could take a family vacation, but it was impossible to do that because Grandma took all the extra money.” He paused. “Well, what he actually said was—because your mother is an effing leech. But he said the real f-word. It’s the first time I ever heard Dad curse.” He took a deep breath. “I love Mom, Buck.”

“Of course you do.”

“It’s hard to say this, but she didn’t take Dad’s side when he needed her to. Not with Grandma and not with Uncle Greg. She tried to make everyone happy, and it just never worked out.”

“I know how that feels,” Buck said. “There was a time when I was really invested in keeping everyone around me happy even if I was miserable. But I realized that was never going to be sustainable and that life was too short to treat myself that way.”

“I wish Mom had realized that,” Robbie said quietly. “I can’t really say that to anyone else. Dad has problems, you know? He used to take pills. Mom would get so angry with him, and she blamed him for the accident he had at work. She said he was reckless. I don’t know if that’s true or not. Accidents just happen, right?”

“Sometimes, when people have issues with substance abuse, it can be frustrating and hurtful for the people around them,” Buck said. “But he’s working really hard to stay sober for us. I’m going to have his back, Robbie, and help him in any way I can, okay?”

“Okay.” Robbie took a deep breath. “He’s been really present since the fire. I was worried before that maybe he was having problems again. I hadn’t asked Mom about it because she would just get so angry and upset at the thought of it. I get that it was stressful for everyone, but I don’t see how being angry solved anything.”

“Ah, well, sometimes we can’t control what makes us angry,” Buck said. “We can control what we say and how we respond to that anger, though.”

“It seems like some people can’t,” Robbie said as Buck parked the SUV in the spot that Bobby motioned him to. “Mom’s car was destroyed in the fire. The building collapsed on the underground parking garage.” He unbuckled his seatbelt. “Brook thinks she left her backpack in the car. I told her it didn’t matter where it was in the building since everything was gone. It didn’t help.”

“We did get her a new one,” Buck said. “She seems happy with it.”

“Yeah, you let her get one with space stuff on it. Grandma came here over the summer and Mom let her go school shopping with us. She got really upset when Brook didn’t want a pink backpack with flowers all over it. So, Mom gave in and didn’t let Brook get the one with Saturn on it like she wanted.” Robbie made a face. “I feel like a butthole for complaining about stuff Mom did.”

“No one is perfect,” Buck pointed out reasonably. “You know your Mom loved you a lot, right?”

“Yeah.”

“And it’s fine if you remember her just as she was and not some idealized version of her that people will encourage you to remember,” Buck said firmly. “Let me know if I need to tell anyone that on your behalf.”

Robbie laughed, but it was a little sad. “Dad said that Mom trusted me to save Brook.”

“She did,” Buck said. “And frankly, kid, you did something that some adults couldn’t have done.”

“She doesn’t weigh that much,” Robbie said. “And clings like a monkey, as you’ve already learned.”

“No, I mean,” Buck paused and took a deep breath. “Listen, Robbie, the world is full of people who think they’re brave. They believe with everything they are that, they would step up and do whatever is necessary to help others. But most of them never have their belief tested, which is for the best. Because, if I’ve learned anything, working volunteer SAR, it’s that precious few people run toward danger.”

“I was scared,” Robbie blurted out. “Everyone says I was brave, but I wasn’t, Buck.”

“Bravery is doing what you must do in spite of your fear. If you ever encounter someone who says they aren’t afraid of anything—trust them with nothing,” Buck said, and Robbie nodded slowly. “Now, we’re getting stared at like we’re personally responsible for the fact that the two of them are just standing there when they could’ve just gone up to the apartment without us.”

Robbie started to giggle. “I know, right?”

Bobby quirked an eyebrow as they got out of the SUV. “What’s up?”

“Important big brother stuff,” Buck announced and grabbed his bags. “So, we clearly can’t discuss it with you guys since neither one of you is a big brother to anyone.”

“Clearly,” Bobby said fondly and shook his head. He picked Brook up when she pouted a little. “That’s okay, keep your secrets. We won’t share the cookies we decided to make.”

“That’s fair,” Brook said and wiggled her eyebrows at them over Bobby’s shoulder as he walked away. “Big brothers don’t need cookies!”

“What kind of cookies?” Robbie questioned. “Sharing is an important life skill, Brook!”

“I prefer brownies anyway,” Buck retorted, and Bobby laughed as they entered the elevator.

* * * *

Athena sat down at her desk and took a deep breath as she considered where to start. There were situations she could see coming that she could prevent and others that had so many overwhelming ramifications that she didn’t know how to begin.

“Something wrong?”

She looked up and found Captain Elaine Maynard standing beside her desk. Athena stood and exhaled slowly. “Just a wealth of choices.”

Elaine raised an eyebrow. “Anything I can help with?”

Athena shook her head. “Michael and I are getting a divorce.”

It wasn’t what she intended to say, and she watched her captain’s eyes go wide. Elaine stared for a moment. “My office.”

Athena followed the older woman to the office and slouched down in the visitor’s chair even as Elaine closed the blinds. “I didn’t mean to say that.”

Elaine laughed. “Yeah, that was clear. What’s going on?” She leaned on the desk. “Right now, I’m your friend.”

“We don’t get moments like that often these days,” Athena said and rubbed her hands on her uniform pants. “He’s…we.” She huffed. “He’s gay.”

“Wow.” Elaine stared for a moment, then scooted up on her desk. “Seriously?”

“Yeah.” Athena crossed her arms. “And I’ve been ignoring it for a while, but I realized that I can’t live like this forever, and I can be…I deserve to be happy.”

“Of course you do,” Elaine said immediately. “Are things angry at home?”

“No, we’re both relieved,” she said. “The kids are a little off-kilter, but they’re getting used to the idea. He won’t be contesting the divorce and already signed the deed of the house over to me. The kids will live with me because he agrees they shouldn’t have their circumstances disrupted more than necessary.”

“That’s…good,” she said. “My divorce was ugly. I’m glad he’s not going to lose his mind.”

“We’re friends,” Athena said. “Maybe we were always just friends, and I ignored the obvious because he was too busy trying to be the man his parents demanded that he be. I can’t regret the marriage because he gave me my babies…but things are a little difficult right now.”

“Since he’s gay,” Elaine said.

“Yeah, totally gay,” Athena murmured. “And I’m trying not to blame myself for anything that goes with that. I lived a lie with him—lived his lie, and I’m hoping going forward that he can find his complete truth.”

“And yours?”

“I don’t even know what my truth is,” Athena admitted. “I know I need more from my life than what I have. I love my work and my kids, but I want….” She shook her head because she couldn’t really say what she wanted, and it was frustrating. “I want a man who wants me, and I don’t think that’s too much to ask.”

“It isn’t,” Elaine said. “And I get it. Near the end of my marriage, we couldn’t even stand to be in the same room together. It’s demoralizing as hell when you realize the man you married doesn’t want you.”

Athena knew she had to keep their time travel a secret. It would serve nothing to reveal it and probably hurt them in ways she couldn’t fathom. Protecting all of their children was the most important part of everything—they’d accepted a magical duty to protect their babies.

“Do you need some time off?”

“Not at that moment,” Athena said. “Michael is handling the divorce filing. I have my own lawyer to review everything, and he cut me a check for her fees.”

“I’m glad he’s a good man,” Elaine said. “My kids are still waffling between resenting me or Martin. It depends on the day, and my youngest is getting ready for college.”

“Harry learned at school that divorces happen because daddies cheat, so we had to navigate that.” Athena made a face. “But they’re both comfortable with the truth and that Michael and I just want to be happy.”

“Has he cheated?” Elaine questioned.

“I don’t think so,” Athena said. “And I’m not going to ask because it might change how I feel about him and make it hard to co-parent.” Her friend nodded. “We’re just going to move forward. That’s the best choice, right?”

“Certainly,” Elaine said and nodded. “So, wanna go to Vegas and pick up some random men half our age?”

Athena burst out laughing. “Shut up.”

* * * *

She ended up in an upscale bar and grill after work with Elaine and Hen Wilson. Both women were staring at her like she might fall apart at any moment. Athena didn’t know how to get it across that she wasn’t actually mourning her marriage without sounding like a cold bitch.

“It’s okay to feel betrayed by his duplicity,” Hen said as the server brought them drinks. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” the server said with a warm smile. “Estimate on food is twenty minutes, but I’ll try to keep you informed if something gets delayed.”

Athena waited until the young man left them before she shrugged and took a sip of her wine. “I’m not…angry with him at all. He grew up in a toxic situation, and his parents are Seventh Day Adventists, and he was raised in that church. He hasn’t set foot in a church since he was eighteen. His parents were furious when we refused to get married in their church. They blamed me, and I accepted the blame to keep the peace. My own mother didn’t want me to get married at all, so there was that as well.”

“Well, nothing makes your mother happy,” Elaine muttered. “Mine, either. It’s like she woke up one day and chose to be unhappy for the rest of her life.”

“Mine keeps calling Karen my friend,” Hen blurted out, and Athena laughed. “She’s not being ugly about it, but that woman is going to need a full-on intervention to accept the fact that I married a woman. She didn’t think letting Karen adopt Denny was a good idea, so I had to put my foot down on that subject as well.”

“How does she treat Karen?” Athena questioned, though she knew the answer.

“Oh, she loves Karen,” Hen said. “Thinks the world of her, in fact, but she thinks we should’ve stayed roommates for the rest of our lives because that’s how it was done in her day. And she thinks that Denny needs a male influence.”

“Bah,” Elaine muttered and threw back the shot of whiskey she’d ordered. “What any kid needs is a good parent who loves them. Period. The rest is just…societal expectations that serve nothing and no one.”

“Is Michael going to tell his parents?” Hen questioned.

“I don’t know. He hasn’t spoken to them much since Harry was born because they were pissed that we didn’t use the name they basically ordered us to use. They wanted him named after Michael’s stepfather, and I absolutely refused to name my baby Zebadiah. They threw a tantrum when they found we named him after Michael’s biological father, who died a year after Michael was born.”

“So, he was raised by the second husband?”

“Yeah, she waited a whole six months before she married the minister who officiated her first wedding.” Athena frowned. “I shouldn’t judge her for that, I guess. She had to take care of herself and her baby—back then, a new marriage was the best way to accomplish that.”

“Yeah,” Hen said but grimaced. “Too bad she picked an asshole.”

“How’s work?” Athena asked curiously.

Hen made a face. “Captain number four starts tomorrow.”

Elaine laughed.

“Go ahead, mock my pain,” Hen muttered and rolled her eyes when they both laughed. “Seriously, it’s like a revolving door of not-great. Plus, Deluca thinks he should be captain and keeps pushing it with the brass. He’s my friend, but I don’t think he’s captain material. I haven’t said that, of course, because Chimney is enabling the hell out of that situation. He trusts Sal, and that’s important, considering our history with the 118. Tommy thinks it’s a good idea, too.”

“So, a boy’s club?” Elaine questioned.

“Not exactly like that, but they’re certainly supporting him,” Hen said and shrugged. “At least he isn’t a bigot.”

“That’s a low bar,” Athena responded, and Hen laughed.

“I know, right?” She waved both hands. “At any rate, maybe Deluca will surprise me, but if things aren’t what I want them to be—I’m going to transfer. I’ve dealt with enough shit at the 118 to know that it might be time to move on.”

Deluca hadn’t been promoted the first time around, and he’d ended up being transferred to the 122 because he’d disobeyed Bobby in the field. He’d also saved Freddie Costas’ life while disobeying orders, and maybe that was a mistake that she could make sure didn’t happen again. That little bastard had destroyed lives and killed several people because of his father’s bullshit.

Their food came, and Athena tried to relax so she could enjoy a meal with her friends.

 

 

Chapter 5

“Here, read this,” Buck said quietly and handed Bobby his iPad.

Bobby propped his feet up on the coffee table that they’d managed to fit into the living room with the air mattresses after some rearrangement. “What is this?”

“I reached out to my old field commander from when I volunteered with FEMA,” Buck said. “I didn’t do it the first time, so I had to apply several times to get into the LAFD. I thought I needed to, you know, earn it without relying on previous experience. Which was silly, of course. When I finally did get into the academy and submitted my certifications, they were stupefied by my dumbass choices.”

Bobby laughed and focused on the iPad. “He’s written you a letter of reference?”

“Yes, he sent me a copy in an email to check it over and request changes if I had any. He’ll be sending me a physical copy, eventually.”

He watched Bobby read the email and wondered what he was thinking. “It’s very good.”

“Yeah?” Buck questioned.

“He clearly wishes you’d taken the job he offered you,” Bobby said. “Why didn’t you?”

“Well, in truth, I got distracted by a girl in Peru,” Buck admitted, and Bobby laughed. “I figured I’d meander my way back eventually and apply to work for FEMA. But then I did some local volunteer work as well, and I ended up working with a bunch of firefighters outside of Lima in a rural area.”

“It’s a very good letter,” Bobby said as he read. “You’ll get hired before the academy with this kind of recommendation on your application. I’m going to approach the deputy chief after the funeral and tell him that I’d like to move somewhere for a fresh start. I’ll pick LA, of course.”

Buck nodded.

“Is the 118 the best choice?”

“For us or them?” Buck questioned. “Because they’re currently going through a captain parade now, right?” Bobby nodded. “They certainly need the stabilizing influence that you’d provide. But…well.” He shrugged. “We can make changes, come at it from a different perspective across the board. It’ll be easy to do as we can predict circumstances that will come our way.

“Some of it can’t be avoided. But let’s make a pact between us to figure out a way to make sure that baby never ends up in that pipe, okay? I had nightmares for weeks afterward.”

“I’m sure Athena will work on it, but I’ll remind her,” Bobby said. “I’m really conflicted.”

“Yeah, I can see how that would be the case,” Buck murmured. “It’s a complicated situation. I’m really sorry about Marcy. Fate’s a real bitch.”

“God,” Bobby said and took in a deep breath as he settled further down on the couch and leaned on Buck. “I’m worried that I don’t know how to do this anymore.”

“You mean being a dad?” Buck questioned.

Bobby nodded and took a deep breath.

“Well, you never stopped doing that, and I think…that was the problem with the 118,” Buck said, and Bobby grunted a little. “Hear me out.”

“Of course,” Bobby said.

“You have a paternal vibe, and I practically wallowed in it from the very start. I wasn’t the only one, but you clearly favored me to a detrimental degree. Maybe some part of you even recognized…the resemblance.”

“Resemblance?” Bobby questioned.

“Bobby.” Buck took a deep breath and pulled out his phone then browsed to his photo album. “I think you can’t see the forest for the trees.” He browsed to the selfie he’d taken with Brook and Robbie, then passed the phone to his father. He and Robbie resembled the most closely, but he and Brook had the same nose.

“Oh.” Bobby sat up abruptly as he stared at the phone. “Jesus fucking Christ.”

Buck hesitantly put a hand on the man’s shoulder. “Hey.”

“I can’t….” Bobby’s breath hitched. “I’m sorry. I never once considered you a replacement for him. You know that, right?”

“Yeah, I do know that. You were fucked up, but you weren’t so fucked up that you’d think any kid is replaceable,” Buck said quietly.

Bobby hastily brushed tears from his face. “I….” He shook his head and offered Buck his phone. “Send me a copy of that picture. And you were my favorite from the start. I can see how it caused problems for you. Also, Son, I was so disappointed with you for taking the engine out to fuck around on the job.”

Buck blew air out between his lips. “I’m sorry I got laid repeatedly on the job until you caught me and sort of fired me.”

Bobby laughed.

“I mean it.”

“You little asshole,” Bobby said fondly. “How many times?”

“I couldn’t even honestly give you a number,” Buck admitted. “I totally work that whole firefighter thing like a boss. The only thing I never managed to do was get laid in the actual firehouse, though it was certainly a goal.”

Bobby grinned then and just shrugged.

“Dude,” Buck said in shock. “I can’t even with you.”

“Honestly, Buck, you’re probably the only member of our shift who didn’t get laid in the station while you worked there. I wouldn’t have fired you if you hadn’t taken the engine for a sex tour instead of returning it promptly from maintenance.”

Buck groaned and let his head drop back onto the couch as he slouched down. “Gah, this is the worst. Even Chim?”

“More than once.”

“Oh my god,” Buck muttered. “I’m genuinely disgruntled right now.”

“Are you really intent on going to the LAFD academy?” Bobby questioned. “It’s going to be a while before I can get to LA, and I…. Frankly, Buck, I’d rather keep you close.”

Buck turned slightly on the couch and focused on him. “What’s up?”

“You died,” Bobby said hoarsely. “And I buried…I buried all three of you, and I can’t….” He cleared his throat. “And now, I’m going to bury Marcy for the second time. I’m not sure I know how to handle this.”

“Okay, so I can stay for a while. I haven’t applied to the LAFD yet. We can work on…updating my birth certificate. I can find a place to get a paternity test done then figure out what the legal process is for changing the name of my biological father on the birth certificate. We’ll need a court order to change it. Then, there will be a couple of different forms. I’ll take your name.”

“Yeah?” Bobby asked, clearly pleased. “And you’ll keep Evander.”

“I can’t hurt Daniel by removing it,” Buck said, and Bobby nodded. “I’ve been thinking—remember that kid from the accident? The one with the drunk grandmother? We had to use the jaws to get him out of that SUV, and she was ranting and raving on the side of the road until they got her contained and arrested.”

“Christopher,” Bobby said. “Yeah, I remember him for more than one reason. He was a charming kid, and I met…well, his father was a firefighter. He died while working at the 56—he was the one who was killed because his captain put him at risk on purpose. I really regretted not hiring Eddie Diaz when I had the chance. That regret doubled when I met his son.”

Buck grimaced. “That son of a bitch. Are we going to get rid of his racist ass?”

“Athena will probably already be working on it, but that sweet kid shouldn’t have lost his Dad like that and ended up with his awful grandmother,” Bobby said. “But what about the kid?”

“Oh, when I told him my name was Buck…he said I was like the Winter Soldier. It made me laugh, and he got tickled. He was such a great kid. Anyways, the Winter Soldier’s name is James Buchanan Barnes. So, I was thinking I could be Evander Buchanan Nash, and let’s definitely make sure Christopher gets to keep his dad. He deserved better than his grandmother.”

Buck took a deep breath. “It seems awful to go through St. Paul’s academy and take a job with the department when I know I intend to go to LA within the year. It probably wouldn’t look great not to finish my probationary year here.”

“I know,” Bobby said. “I didn’t say my wishes were rational or even good.” Buck laughed. “And I certainly don’t want to hold you back. So, let’s get your application in and see what kind of schedule you have ahead of you.”

“What if they reject me?”

“The recommendation letter, plus your volunteer experience and current certifications, should guarantee you a spot—even if it takes a while,” Bobby said. “We should check the schedule to see when the next session starts.” He cleared his throat. “You’ve never talked about it much at all, but since I’ve had a pretty profound experience with it—I’d like to talk to you about your magic.”

“Ah,” Buck said and took a deep breath. “When I woke up from what I assumed to be a very long prophetic dream, the magic felt diminished and tired.”

“And now?”

“I didn’t stay awake long that first day, so when I woke up again, everything felt normal. How did that go for you?”

“When I woke up…the magic was with me, and I was worried. It should’ve been with you. Then it did something to me.”

“What?” Buck reached out and cupped Bobby’s shoulder. “What did it do to you?”

“I was tired and emotionally compromised,” Bobby admitted. “I couldn’t quite make sense of everything despite agreeing to all of it. Before everything was settled, the magical spirit said it would help me manage my addiction.” Buck nodded. “I really should’ve asked how that would go because shortly after I woke up in the past, something burned through me like a fire. It was agonizing, and I thought, briefly, that I might have a heart attack.”

“Jesus, Dad,” Buck whispered, and his fingers clenched on Bobby’s arm. The moment passed between them, and Bobby just smiled a little as Buck swallowed hard.

“Then the magic was gone,” Bobby said. “And I haven’t had any desire to drink or seek out a bottle of pills since. I don’t know if it’s permanent, and I’m not sure what would happen if my stress increased. But, right now, getting high or drunk doesn’t appeal to me at all.”

“That’s good.”

“Everything is okay with it now?” Bobby questioned.

“Yeah, it feels fine. I mean, it’s certainly more active than it ever has been, and I feel the influence more keenly,” Buck admitted. “I’ve been paying attention to it, obviously, as I made mistakes before that I don’t want to make again. I really must do better going forward. For all of us.”

Bobby started to speak when there was a high-pitched scream. They both moved in an instant and headed for the bedroom. Buck stopped in the doorway as Bobby gathered Brook up in a quick hug.

“It was all on fire!” Brook sobbed against his shoulder.

Robbie was sitting up, rubbing his face, and looking utterly dejected. When he looked his way, Buck motioned him out of the bed. The kid scrambled out of his covers and let Buck guide him from the room.

“I don’t know how to help her,” Robbie blurted out as Buck led him to the table. He slid up into the chair and wiped tears from his face. “How do we…get better?”

“Grief doesn’t get better,” Buck said frankly, and the boy huffed. “It just…changes.”

“What do you mean?”

“At first, it’s hard, you know. And you don’t know how to feel. Then maybe you get to this point where you’re angry with the situation. You can feel a whole bunch of stuff all at once,” Buck said as Brook appeared beside him. He plucked her up and put her on his lap since she clearly wanted it. “When you lose a person you love, there’s a lot to get through—not just the part where you miss them and want them to be with you.”

“What else is there?” Brook questioned quietly and wiped her nose with a fistful of tissues she was clutching like a lifeline.

“Well, you’ll remember good things about your mom, and those memories will make you happy,” Buck said. “Her pictures will be a comfort, and her favorite song will make you want to sing along.”

“I can’t sing,” Robbie said seriously, and Brook giggled. “I sound like an old, cranky duck. Mom said so.”

“You get that from me,” Bobby said and put a plate of cookies on the table. “Milk or juice?”

“Milk,” Buck and Brook said at the same time.

Robbie rolled his eyes. “Apple juice.”

“Gross,” Brook muttered. “They’re chocolate chip cookies.”

“Don’t judge me, Cookie,” Robbie told her sternly, and Brook laughed before relaxing against Buck’s chest with a cookie in her free hand.

“Whatever,” she said flippantly.

* * * *

“How are things going?”

“As good as they can,” Buck murmured. “The kids are devastated and having nightmares. I’m a stranger around here, and it’s hard to help them sometimes. I don’t want to intrude, but I also don’t want to back off too much that they worry that I won’t be there for them. It’s a delicate sort of balance.”

“You’ve never been short on emotional intelligence,” Daniel said. “So, I’m sure you’re doing the best you can for all three of them. I’m going to forward you everything I have for the name change, including the petition to file with the court. You’ll need to submit a paternity test with it.”

“Yeah, I was reading about that,” Buck said. “We found a place to get it done, and it won’t take long. Does this bother you?”

“No.”

“Just no?” Buck questioned.

Daniel sighed. “You deserved better than what you got from my parents, Evan. Dad ignored you, and Mom was sometimes outright cruel to you. When I turned eighteen, I threatened to sue her for custody of you. I didn’t have any proof of mistreatment, and the case would’ve been difficult to win. So, I used the threat to blackmail them to at least treat you better.”

“They did,” Buck said. “I mean, she never hit me again after that. He just ignored me harder, like if he did it well enough that I would just disappear. Then I did as soon as I could. I know you wished I’d done that differently, but I didn’t want to give them the opportunity to reacquire me if they had plans to force me to give them my trust fund when I turned eighteen.”

“I’m sure it crossed his mind at the least,” Daniel said. “Maddie is being weird about this whole thing, as you know. I think she’s just jealous, honestly, that you have a chance to make a normal family. Neither of us will get that opportunity on the parent front. I accepted that long ago, but she never has. She keeps hoping that one day Phillip and Margaret will wake up and be the decent people she pretends they are.”

“Yeah, I see that,” Buck admitted and checked his watch. “I need to get ready for the funeral. Bobby took the kids to the funeral home for a private viewing of their mother before the crowd starts to show up. We decided not to mention to anyone that I’m his son today. There’s no need to add that kind of confusion to the circumstances. Public visitation starts in an hour, then the funeral will begin two hours after that. She’ll be cremated, so at least there won’t be a graveyard visit. Though the ground is frozen solid right now, so I don’t even know what they’d do for that. I’m sure it’s complicated.”

“Yeah, it involves a lot of equipment and ground heaters,” Daniel said. “I’ve got something complicated going on with a client, so I can’t drive the Jeep to you, but I’ve arranged to have it shipped when you decide where you want it delivered. I’ll text you the details regarding pick up tomorrow, but it shouldn’t take long at all.”

“Okay, thanks.” Buck stood and rubbed his head a little. “I’m going to run. Thanks for talking me down off my emotional cliff.”

“That’s what big brothers are for,” Daniel said fondly. “Tell your father that I’m sorry that I could not attend today as I’d planned on flying in.”

“He didn’t expect it,” Buck said. “But thank you for considering it.”

“Your family is my family, Evan,” Daniel said. “Be safe. Love you.”

“Stay sharp. Love you back,” Buck said in return, and his brother laughed as he ended the call.

An hour later, he was sitting with Brook because she was crying and had apparently been crying since the viewing. Their plan for Buck to stay separate from them during the funeral fell apart practically the moment he arrived. He was getting looks from Bobby’s coworkers, and the woman he knew to be Marcy’s mother was looking at him like he was a criminal. Brook had told him point blank that he couldn’t let her grandmother touch her.

The service was nice, and several people had gotten up to speak. When it came time for Bobby to speak, he slid off the bench, and Robbie scooted over to sit with Buck. The boy leaned into him, so he wrapped an arm around him, and both kids slouched against him.

“Thank you all for coming today,” Bobby said and cleared his throat. “The day I met Marcy has been on my mind over the last few days. She was far more gracious than I deserved from the very start. She was working as a firefighter, and from the start, I knew she was out of my league.” He smiled briefly at the laughter that followed. “Marcy was one of the bravest people I’ve ever known. She was strong, resolute, and the best friend anyone could make.

“She tackled motherhood with the same fierceness that she brought to the job, as I knew she would. As much as I will always grieve the loss of her, I am humbled and grateful for the sacrifice she made for our children the night she died. I can’t and won’t pretend that going forward will be easy as she’s left a soft, sweet, forgiving, and loving space empty in our lives that nothing will ever fill up.” He cleared his throat and brushed tears from his face. “Life is hard, and going forward, it will be harder—but I will do everything I possibly can to honor Marcy and the family she gave me.”

* * * *

“Who is this man?”

Buck winced when Brook’s nails scrapped against the back of his neck, and she tried to burrow into him. She’d been insisted on being carried out of the funeral home, and Buck hadn’t seen any reason to deny her. She was hurting a lot and was exhausted from crying.

“This is my oldest son,” Bobby said shortly. “Buck, this is my former mother-in-law, Beverly Howser.”

The older woman’s cheeks flushed dark red. “Your son? Did Marcy know about him? She never told me you had a bastard child.”

“Wow,” Robbie muttered and shook his head. “What an ugly thing to say, Mrs. Howser.”

Beverly blinked in shock. “I’m your grandmother, Robert. You should address me properly.”

“I barely know you, ma’am,” Robbie said. “It would be inappropriate to be that familiar with you.” He tugged a little at Buck’s hand. “Let’s go to the truck.”

Buck glanced toward Bobby, who gave him a sharp nod, so he headed for the truck. He didn’t know much about Bobby’s mother-in-law except for the fact that she apparently hated him and disapproved of the marriage. She’d also rarely visited her grandchildren and only contacted her daughter when she needed money.

“What’s a bastard?” Brook asked softly as he put her in the back seat of the truck.

“That’s a bad word,” Buck said. “It’s an insult for children born outside of marriage. It means that our dad wasn’t married to my mother when I was born.”

“Oh,” Brook said with a huff. “She’s always so mean, Buck. I hope we don’t have to see her again, ever. She tried to tell Daddy I was going to live with her. I won’t have to, will I?”

“Not going to happen,” Buck said firmly. He fastened her seatbelt and glanced across the truck to watch Robbie fasten his own. “I’ll get my brother, Daniel, to check into the legal issues, but I doubt she has any right to demand custody.”

“Plus, she couldn’t even pay for it without Dad’s money,” Robbie said sourly. “She needs to go back to Sacramento and leave us alone. Things are hard enough without her being here acting like a selfish butthole.”

Buck was pretty sure, as the adult in the situation, that he should probably tell the kid to tone it down. But the mean old lady had called him a bastard, and she didn’t even have all of the tawdry details. He shut the door and leaned on the truck to sort of stand guard. Bobby was having an intense conversation with Beverly Howser that looked hostile enough to be inappropriate. It was like the woman didn’t care that she was causing stress on the day of her own daughter’s funeral.

Bobby walked away from her, and the woman followed with an angry scowl. “I’m not having this conversation, Beverly. There is no chance in hell that I’m giving you Brook, and you won’t stand a chance in court even if you did scrape together enough money to afford a lawyer. You’ve barely spent a full day with either of your grandchildren since they were born. You berated Marcy both times she got pregnant and told her that she was ruining her life by having children. Hell, you told your own daughter you wished you’d never had children and refused to celebrate her birthday even once her entire childhood!”

Beverly crossed her arms. “You’re going to give me custody of Brook and pay child support for her, and I want half the life insurance.”

“Find a judge to tell me that,” Bobby said evenly. “You and I both know you don’t stand a chance in hell of getting a court to agree with any of that. Your flight leaves in a few hours, right? You should go ahead and leave. None of us need the stress of you sticking around to cause problems.”

“What about Marcy’s ashes? I want them sent to me,” Beverly demanded.

“Absolutely not,” Bobby said through clenched teeth.

Buck opened the driver’s side door. “Dad, it’s time to go.” He grabbed Bobby’s elbow gently and pulled him toward the truck. “We need to focus on the kids and not this woman.”

“Yeah,” Bobby said and took the keys when Buck offered them.

“You’re being so selfish, Bobby,” Beverly burst out. “It’s like you don’t care at all about how much I’m suffering!”

Buck prodded him gently into the driver’s seat and shut the door. “Ma’am, you’re making a very hurtful situation worse with your behavior.”

She glared at him. “I’m not going away until I get half the insurance money.”

Buck stared for a moment and did something he’d never, ever considered doing before. He prodded his magic, and it swept over his skin in a bright display. “Leave immediately, and don’t contact my family again.”

She stumbled backward with a little squeak. “You’re…magical.”

“Very,” Buck said evenly. “And you’re working on getting my undivided attention. Is that what you want?”

“No, I….” She took a deep breath. “I’ll just go. If I go, I won’t ever see you again, right?”

“Right,” Buck said gently. “And that’s for the best.”

“Yes, I’m sorry.” She turned and walked away quickly.

He hated the feeling that settled in his gut because he felt like a bully. Buck took a deep breath and tapped the window gently before trotting off to his rental. The magic was warm and sated in his chest so at least it wasn’t offended to be used like a weapon. In fact, it seemed to be pleased to have been helpful. It was a little weird, so Buck resolved to spend a little more time exploring the magic he carried because it had saved Brook and Robbie from a horrible fate.

He already knew the magic had an agenda, and it was more than willing to do anything to accomplish it. Buck knew he should’ve been put off by that, but it was hard not to trust the magic when it had already given him so much.

Buck parked in the spot beside Bobby and took a deep breath as he turned off the SUV. He was looking forward to getting his Jeep back. A little knock on the window caught his attention, and he turned to find both kids staring at him. He just offered them a little smile and shooed them away so he could open the door.

“You’ve got magic?” Robbie asked as soon as Buck left the SUV. “You didn’t say.”

“Yeah, but I can’t do anything really special with it,” Buck said. “I’ve never really worked with it and didn’t get a magical education. The people who raised me were anti-magic, and I hid it from them to avoid being…mistreated.”

Brook scowled. “I knew you had a bad mommy, Buck.” She crossed her arms. “We’re sorry we can’t share ours with you.”

“How did you know my mother isn’t a good person?”

“Well, she didn’t tell Daddy about you,” Brook said. “She kept you to herself, which means she’s selfish and mean. And a good mom is never selfish or mean.”

“Let’s go up to the apartment,” Bobby said. “You guys can interrogate him about his magic over some food.”

“I’m not hungry,” Robbie said, but snagged Brook’s hand and tugged her toward the elevator.

“You need to eat regardless,” Bobby said. “I’m not hungry, either.”

Buck was pretty sure he could eat the better part of a cow, but he decided to keep that to himself since Bobby was already determined to feed them.

“Going hungry can make it hard to process your thoughts,” Buck said as they moved into the elevator. “And if you go to sleep hungry, then you’ll just be miserable when you wake up.”

“I guess I could eat a sandwich,” Robbie said reluctantly.

“I could a whole roast chicken by myself,” Brook declared. “But I guess a sandwich would be okay.” She paused. “A big sandwich.”

“I’d take a big sandwich, too,” Buck said wryly, and she wrapped her hand around two of his fingers. “And some chips.”

“A whole bag of chips,” Brook agreed.

Buck noted that Bobby and Robbie were both staring at them. “What? We can eat our feelings if we want to.”

“Yeah,” Brook said. “This is a judgment-free zone.” She motioned around herself. “Buck says I can’t let society give me a toxic relationship with food and body image.”

“Right,” Bobby said with a nod. “Ham or turkey?”

“Both,” Buck and Brook said at the same time, then shared a grin.

 

 

Chapter 6

“How are you doing, Cap?”

Bobby held the coffee that Margot had gotten in both hands. “The kids aren’t sleeping well. I keep myself so occupied with them that I don’t have to think about Marcy and what I’ve lost.”

“I get it,” Margot said quietly. “The chief’s office told me that you’ve requested a month of leave.”

“I realize it’s not a great time,” Bobby said quietly, and she put a hand on his arm. “You had vacation time coming up, and Adams is due for paternity leave any day now.”

“Hush with that. We’ll make do. Everyone is worried sick about you, Bobby.” She cleared her throat and lifted her hand away. “Listen, what can we do? Do you need help with apartment hunting? Babysitting? Are you attending your meetings?” She cleared her throat. “I know you never want to discuss it at work, but the stress you’re under must be overwhelming. Just thinking about it makes me want to crawl into a bottle.”

“I’m clean,” Bobby said quietly. “I can’t say I haven’t stumbled a few times over the last few years, but I swear to God I’m sober, Margot.”

She nodded. “Okay.” Margot cleared her throat. “There is…it was hard not to notice him. There’s been a lot of talk about the young man at the funeral who sat with you and the kids.” She raised an eyebrow. “Did Marcy know about him?”

Bobby hesitated briefly but then took a deep breath. “What exactly are you asking me, Margot?”

She raised an eyebrow. “Did Marcy know you have a son from a previous relationship?”

“Why do you assume he’s my son?”

“Are you serious? The family resemblance between him and Robbie is startling since they must have different mothers. Did Marcy know about him?”

He relaxed. “No, I only found out about him recently when his mother told him who his biological father is. He contacted me, and we’d been working on meeting in person. I intended on telling Marcy, but…it was going to be difficult. His name is Evander, but we’re…he’s agreed to change his surname since the man that raised him was no kind of father at all.”

Margot huffed a little. “So, some of the older guys on the job made an educated guess about the woman—said that they took you out after you got your certification for engineer and talked you into a one-night stand with an older woman.”

Bobby nodded. “My first and last one-night stand. I can’t say I fault the results, Margot. He’s a good man. I wish I had some hand in raising him, but he was basically raised by his two older siblings. Evan was in Peru when he found out about Marcy. He got on a plane immediately and came here to help me—no questions asked.”

“It’s clear that Brook and Robbie are comfortable with him,” Margot said quietly. “Are you sure you can trust him, Bobby?”

“Yeah, I’m very sure,” he assured, and her shoulders relaxed. “He’s also been a great distraction for the kids. Evan’s open, emotionally intelligent, and he’s just made everything easier.”

“Good. I’m glad,” Margot murmured. “I know that Marcy’s mother hasn’t been supportive and has actually made things more challenging.”

“She tried to get the funeral home to ship Marcy’s body to California for burial behind my back,” Bobby said and closed his eyes briefly. “She also tried to demand custody of Brook. Hell, Margot, she’s probably spent less than twenty-four hours with my kids their entire lives, and most of that was when they were toddlers. She’d breeze into town, pretend to care about the kids, and demand Marcy spend time with her alone so they could bond as mother and daughter.”

“Wow,” Margot muttered. “I suppose that was about money.”

“Of course,” Bobby said dryly. “She tried to demand half the insurance money as well. Like I won’t need that money to provide for the kids. Marcy and I have been paying half of her bills for the last five years.”

“That was a lot of Marcy to ask of you,” Margot said. “Considering the way her mother treated you.”

“It was never for her mother,” Bobby said. “It was to lower Marcy’s stress, and I didn’t begrudge her that. But now I have no reason to ever speak to that woman again, and I’m going to do my best to forget that Beverly exists.” He cleared his throat. “I wanted you to know first that I’m considering leaving St. Paul.”

Her eyes widened with shock. “What?”

“The cold is hell on my back,” Bobby murmured, and she took in a deep breath. “And a fresh start might make things easier for the kids. I’m going to speak with the chief’s office about negotiating a transfer to another department. I was considering Los Angeles. The LAFD has the best program in the country, and I’ve not been giving my career the attention it needs. I’m down to one income now, and I need to make better career decisions. I could double my salary in LA, and if I use the insurance money to buy a house…. Well, things would be easier with no rent, a warmer climate, and all of that.”

“Yeah,” she said in agreement. “Plus, it would get you out of your brother’s sphere of influence. The last thing you need to do is spend time with him, Bobby.”

“I know, and I won’t. He’s always enabled the worst of my decisions and bad habits. Often, I think, so he could feel superior to me in some fashion or another. He’ll resent me until the day he dies, and I can’t do anything about that. I won’t try again. The only reason I tried in the past was because Marcy thought she could save him. Frankly, I don’t want any of my kids carrying that kind of hope forward when it comes to Greg. Brook feels sorry for him, and the closer she is to him—the easier it would be for him to manipulate her.”

“She’s got a soft heart,” Margot said. “Like her mother.”

“I’ve found a trauma center that deals specifically with children in LA,” Bobby said. “Well, no. Evan found it. It’s horrifying that such a thing even exists, but also relieving. I’m going to put both of them in therapy sooner rather than later. They need the tools to deal with what hurts them. I think if I’d had those early on, I would’ve never gone down the road I went down. But my father only taught me one way to cope with what hurts me, and it wasn’t good.”

She nodded. “Yeah, well, we’re going to miss you like crazy.”

“I’ll miss you all as well,” Bobby said. “I’m going to recommend you for promotion. You’re more than ready, and I appreciate the fact that you haven’t already moved on.”

“Ah, well, I love our crew.” She took a deep breath. “I’ll take it if they offer it again. Deputy Chief Evans was disappointed in my last refusal. I think he took it personally.”

“He was just looking to plug a hole, and you would’ve fit,” Bobby said. “You made his job harder because he had to recruit from outside the organization. No one else was ready for promotion, and that station needed a strong hand. As it stands, you have the most experience at your rank at this station. They aren’t going to waste that.”

“Okay, I’ll take care of everyone.”

“I know you will,” Bobby said and cleared his throat. “I feel like hell for wanting this as much as I do. I did a lot of work to build up this station, but it feels like…it doesn’t feel like it belongs to me now. That probably doesn’t make sense.”

“You’ve suffered an immense personal loss that I can’t readily comprehend,” Margot said quietly. “And figuring out how to move on from it is the only thing you can do. I do think a change of scenery would be good for you and the kids. About your oldest, what kind of work is he looking to do?”

“He did SAR in Colorado and worked for FEMA down in Peru. He’s been working on certifications and is considering the LAFD fire academy.”

“Your influence?” she questioned.

“No, he was on that path before he even knew I existed,” Bobby said. “My grandfather used to say it was in our blood. Maybe there’s more to that than I considered.”

“So, he’ll be the fifth generation,” Margot said with a smile. “Well, he’s got the physicality for a specialty career in any fire department. Urban search and rescue require a lot of physical strength and great decision-making. I hope he does well at the academy.”

“I expect him to do very well,” Bobby said dryly, and she laughed. “And he knows it.”

“Well, don’t put too much pressure on him,” Margot advised. “You’ve got a lot of work to do on a relationship front with him. Suddenly getting a grown-ass man for a son must have been a startling experience with you.”

“Yeah, you could say that,” Bobby murmured. “But he’s a good kid. I’m looking forward to getting to know him. I hope we can build a good, solid relationship. I want him to trust me and know that he can depend on me as a father. I can’t say that’s going to be easy. The man he thought was his father knew from the start that Evan wasn’t his and basically ignored him his whole childhood.”

“So, she was married.”

“Yes, but I swear she never said. She wasn’t wearing a wedding ring that night.” Bobby pushed aside his cup as he sat back. “I can’t say I regret it considering the results, but I’d have never slept with a married woman on purpose.”

“No, you aren’t that sort,” Margot said. “One of the first things I heard about you was that you were Catholic and you took your vows very seriously. You’d have never cheated on your wife and wouldn’t have knowingly slept with another person’s spouse.”

“I’ve not always been a good Catholic,” Bobby admitted. “But I try to give more good to the world than bad.” He cleared his throat and stood. “Well, let’s gather the rest of the shift and tell them what’s on my mind. It might be months in the making, but I don’t want to spring it on them.”

* * * *

“Buck?”

Buck looked up from his iPad and found Brook standing in front of him. “Hey, kiddo, you’re supposed to be sleeping.”

“Daddy’s been gone for a long time.”

“He’s at the station,” Buck said. “He wanted to spend some time with his crew and share some stuff with them about what he’d like to do in the future.”

Brook nodded. “He asked Robbie and me if we’d like to go to LA. Is that where you live? I told him that we should go where you live, especially if it’s warm and there’s a beach.”

“It’s a place I think I’d like to live. I was living in Peru before I came here,” Buck explained and patted the sofa. “Take a seat and tell me why you can’t sleep.”

“It’s hard to stay asleep sometimes,” Brook said and pulled her legs up to her chest as she sat.

“Since the fire or always?”

“Always,” Brook admitted and took a deep breath. “Mommy would get up with me and talk to me until my brain stops bothering me.”

“Ah.” Buck set aside the iPad. “What’s your brain bothering you about?”

“Stupid stuff,” Brook said huffily and sighed. “Like that time in the first grade when I left my homework in the car or when I cried at the movies, and Robbie made fun of me for it.”

“Did your mom ever talk to you about anxiety?”

Brook made a face. “She told me I was too young to have anxiety and I should just forget about the stuff I can’t change.”

“What you’re doing is called rumination,” Buck said. “And it’s a form of anxiety. Sometimes, we just worry about the things that happened in the past. We wish we’d done things differently. I think, especially when we make a mistake, we think about the things we could’ve done to make a situation better. Some people do the exact opposite, you know. They think about how it could be worse.”

“How do I stop ruminationing.”

Buck grinned. “Ruminating.”

“Ruminating,” Brook repeated. “How do I stop doing that?”

“Well, there are various things you can do. You can try focusing on positive events, and you can start separating things you worry about into different categories.”

“Like what?”

“When something makes me anxious, and I start avoiding my current circumstances by ruminating.” He paused when she huffed. “I try to focus on positive experiences and good decisions I’ve made in the past.”

“That helps?”

“Sometimes,” Buck said. “If it doesn’t, I try to distract myself with an activity or some kind of entertainment. I read or watch movies. Do you have any hobbies?”

“I like to read, but I’m not supposed to stay up and read past my bedtime.”

“I’m not suggesting you make it a habit,” Buck warned. “But if anxiety is keeping you up, then you have to figure out some kind of activity to quiet your brain so you can sleep. It’s great to talk to someone, but it’s important to develop skills so you can cope with these kinds of situations alone if you must.”

“Like when I’m an adult and I’m living on my own,” she said.

“Well, you can always call me if you need to talk, no matter where you live,” Buck said. “But being able to self-soothe is an important life skill and it took me a long time to actually figure out how to do it. So, what sort of books do you like to read?”

“I was reading Anne of Green Gables,” Brook said and frowned. “But I lost my iPad in the fire.”

“We’ll get you a replacement when the insurance is processed,” Buck said. “In the meantime, you can read on mine if you want.” He picked the device up. “Anne of Green Gables was written by Lucy Montgomery, right?”

“Yeah.” Brook smiled brightly. “You’ve read it?”

“It was my sister’s favorite book growing up, so she used to read it to me,” Buck said. He quickly purchased the book and passed her the device. “You can read your book, but don’t browse around to anything else.” He paused as he said it because he hadn’t put any sort of parental controls on it at all.

“I won’t look at anything but my book,” Brook promised. “Thanks, Buck.”

She shifted around on the couch until she was tucked into the corner and frowned a little as she stared at the iPad.

“What?”

“I’m just trying to remember what chapter I was on,” Brook admitted. “I think it was chapter five.” He watched her for a few moments as she flicked through screens the nodded to herself. “Right, chapter five.”

Buck stood, tossed her the thin blanket from the back of the couch, which she accepted with a pleased hum, and went to check on Robbie. The boy was sprawled out on his bed, asleep. He pulled out his phone so he could text Bobby.

Buck: Brook woke up and asked about you. Just a little bout of anxiety. I’ve got her reading a book to calm her mind down.

Bobby: I’ll be back in about 30 minutes. Is she upset that I’m gone?

Buck: Nah she’s mostly just concerned about her homework from the first grade. So she’s ruminating. Something certainly to bring up in therapy in the future.

Bobby: Ah that. Don’t let her read long. She needs to get on a good sleep schedule before school starts.

Buck: I’m trying to figure out the line between support and enablement.

Bobby: You’re doing great Buck. I’m not asking you to play the heavy with the kids. They need a little enablement and they also need your attention. It’s helping them.

Buck: Is it helping you?

Bobby: Yes.

* * * *

Athena sat back from the table as she put down the pen. Signing divorce papers for the second time was strangely hurtful, and it made her realize she had a lot of unresolved feelings regarding her marriage to Michael. A hand settled on her forearm as she wiped tears from her face.

“Athena?” Michael questioned gently. “I thought…this is what you wanted.”

“It is,” she said hoarsely and stood from the table. She walked into the kitchen and braced briefly on the counter before deciding to make herself some coffee.

“Let me, please,” Michael said and pulled the bag of coffee from the cabinet.

She noted he’d gone for the expensive whole beans, so she just nodded and let him handle the whole thing. It was good, but she rarely took the time to grind the beans herself.

“Divorce feels like failure,” Michael said quietly.

“Yes,” Athena said and rubbed her arms. She leaned on the counter. “And it hurts—to know I’ve lived a lie all of these years. It hurts to know that while I thought we were making love, you were forcing yourself to do it at all.”

“Stop.” Michael put a hand on her then and made her face him. “Please don’t ever think that I forced myself to go to bed with you. Frankly, Athena, I often approached our sex life eagerly to avoid my personal truth. There came a point when I realized I was using you, and it made me sick. That’s why I stopped touching you, and I’m sorry I couldn’t be honest with you about it.”

She took a deep breath. “I’m not sure if that’s better.”

“It’s not any better,” Michael assured her. “It’s just a different kind of pain we’re going to have to work through so we can be good parents to our kids. I don’t regret marrying you, I don’t regret our babies, and I really fucking love you. I’ll love you for the rest of my life. I desperately wanted to be the man you deserved, and I’m sorry that I’m not.”

“You’re a good man.”

“No, I’m not,” Michael said gently. “A good man wouldn’t have done what I’ve done to you. I’ve known I was gay since I was a teenager, Athena. I’ve been with two women my whole life and after the first…I went home, curled up in the backseat of my car, and cried. My parents never even noticed I fell asleep in the driveway and slept there all night.”

Athena huffed a little, and he returned his attention to the coffee. “You’re wrong.”

“About what?”

“You are a good man. I wouldn’t have married a worthless piece of shit,” she said, and he laughed a little. “You provide for our family, you’re a great father, and you are present in our lives in a way my own father never was. My mother is a shrew, and she ran roughshod over our family in a very damaging way. I’ve been thinking about how to deal with her going forward.”

“What do you mean?”

“She’ll be cruel about the divorce,” Athena said. “And demanding. I don’t want her constant nagging and negativity in my life. Moreover, May and Harry don’t need to be exposed to it. I’m considering a very low contact approach and no visits to the house.”

“You’re going to tell your mother she can’t come to the house anymore?” Michael questioned and laughed a little as he ground the beans quickly. “I don’t want to witness any part of that conversation.”

“I’m just going to start telling her no. She likes to make plans without anyone’s input, and that has to stop when it comes to me and our kids. You don’t have to interact with her ever again, and no matter what she might say—you don’t owe her an apology for any part of our marriage.”

Michael made a face. “God, she’s totally going to expect one.”

Athena laughed. “Certainly, and I can’t say how she’s going to react to the fact that you’re gay. I’m sure I’ll get some blame for that—not being woman enough to cure you. I expect that bullshit from your parents, too.”

“You can go ahead and block both of those assholes right now,” Michael muttered. “I told them about the divorce and that I was gay. My step-father told me I was going to hell, and my mother now wishes I’d never been born.”

“Oh, they can go fuck themselves,” Athena muttered and poked him in the side. “Hurry up with my coffee.”

“There are some cookies in the snack box. Cranberry and chocolate chip.”

Athena went to the old bread box turned snack epicenter they kept on the counter and rolled up the door. She snagged the bowl full of cookies and took it to the table while Michael finally brewed their coffee. He brought two cups to the table as she sat back down.

“We’re in a difficult place, and emotions are going to run the gamut,” Michael said. “I’ve already had a session with a therapist, and she recommended couple’s counseling.”

Athena made a face. “I just signed divorce papers. Why do I have to go to therapy with you now?”

Michael laughed. “So, we can have a healthy co-parenting journey.”

She rolled her eyes. “Yeah, okay, whatever. Maybe once a month or something.”

“Sounds good,” Michel said and opened the bowl of cookies.

“Have you ever slept with a man?” Athena questioned, and Michael stilled. “You don’t have to answer that question.”

“A few times, long before I met you,” Michael said quietly. “I’ve got a lot of shame attached to those experiences, though. It’s hard to get my mother’s voice out of my head. My first time with a woman made me cry. My first time with a man made me throw up for hours like I’d been on a bender.”

“I want to curse your mother out,” Athena muttered and ate half a cookie as Michael laughed sadly. “I’ve cried after sex—not the first time because I was too worried that my mother would take one look at me and know. When she did find out about the relationship, she asked me if risking my future was worth letting some loser stick his dick in me.”

“Wow.” He paused. “Was it?”

She shrugged. “We were both inexperienced, so the first time was a bit of a mess and a little painful. But we figured it out pretty quickly, and it was a nice relationship while it lasted. He went to a different law school from me, and the relationship ended due to distance. He’s a judge in San Diego these days. He friended me on Facebook a couple of years back. I made sure my mother knew about him getting on the bench and implied that the relationship ended because of her.”

Michael laughed. “She never thought I was good enough. Not even when I started my own firm.”

“I can’t let her…be in my life the way she is, and that hurts. Being the only child with toxic elderly parents is an immense burden.”

“Well, they aren’t your responsibility, and I already told mine not to expect a damn thing from me beyond picking out a decent nursing home if required. I’m going to go out there and find…a partner. They approved of you. They won’t ever approve of a man.”

“No, they’d be terrible and cruel,” Athena said. “Do yourself a favor and get your head on straight before you jump into an actual relationship. Fuck around safely, and figure yourself out first. You aren’t going to find a partner in a bar.”

“Well, finding a man who isn’t going to stumble over the fact that I have an ex-wife and two kids will be an undertaking. Not everyone is interested in step-kids, and I wouldn’t want to get involved with an asshole who resents my kids or you.” He cleared his throat. “What about you? Do you have your eye on someone? Is that why you….” He threw up a hand when she glared at him. “I’m not accusing you of cheating, baby. I’m asking you if there is a man out there in your world that you want to be free for.”

“I’ve never looked for one,” she said quietly and focused on her coffee. “Love hasn’t ever come easy to me, and everything hurt after Emmett was killed. My mother hated him for the fact that I left law school at his urging. He was right, though. I’m genuinely happy with my career. I loved him stupidly and with my whole heart. Losing him was very difficult.

“I don’t regret our marriage either,” she said. “I’ve got the best of us both sleeping soundly upstairs because of it.”

“How are they doing with me moving out?”

“May expected it, but Harry is just confused since he figured you’d just live in the guest room from now on. I told him that you needed some space to figure out who you truly are and that you deserved it. He knows that he can call you whenever he wants, and that’s helped. May figures you might need help finding a boyfriend and suggested we take you to the beach to check out guys.”

“I am horrified,” Michael muttered, and Athena laughed.

“Harry suggested the Santa Monica pier,” Athena continued, and her gut clenched a little at the mention of the place. She wondered if she had any ability whatsoever to prepare the area for that shit and doubted it. “I told them I’d find you a gay bar.”

“Please don’t enable them,” Michael pleaded, and she grinned before drinking coffee. “But I’m also relieved they aren’t moving toward a resentment phase.”

“They’re probably saving that for when one of us actually starts dating,” Athena said dryly, and he sighed. “But they’re good kids. We just have to make room for them to adjust to what our family looks like in the future.” She glanced toward the divorce papers. “So, until you’re ready to make a commitment—I’d like to continue to be your next of kin, and we’ll need to set up medical POA papers for us both. We’ll also both need new wills to make sure there are no issues with child custody.”

“I’ve already asked my lawyer about POA papers. I don’t want my parents making decisions for me, ever,” Michael said roughly and tapped the papers. “Consider us officially divorced no matter what the law says, baby. Go out and get laid.”

Athena laughed. “You, too.”

* * * *

Hen dropped down into the booth in front of Athena and shrugged off the light jacket she was wearing. “Thanks for meeting me.”

“No problem, girl,” Athena said. “Michael and I signed the papers last night, then visited the lawyer’s office this morning. I went ahead and ordered your usual since you seemed a bit stressed when you called.”

“Great,” Hen said and slouched a little as the waiter slid a coffee in place in front of her, then a glass of orange juice. “Captain Four is a hardass.”

“A reportable hardass?” Athena questioned as she swirled her straw around in her apple juice.

Hen shook his head. “Not on that level. But he’s short-tempered, rude to his subordinates, and clearly thinks he’s above a light brigade posting. Chim hates him, and Sal resents him because of the promotion issue. Tommy just wants to work, and the others are so damned jaded that they’re just going through the motions unless we’re on a call. I love my job, don’t get me wrong, but this isn’t how I want to work.”

“I get it,” Athena said. “There have been times on the force when I wondered how I’d make it through. I’m lucky now to have such a good and understanding captain who has my back, even when there have been times when I didn’t necessarily deserve her support.”

“Elaine’s good people,” Hen said easily. “I don’t know what I want from a captain, but I’ve not gotten it. Ever.”

“The qualities of a good leader aren’t exactly a state secret,” Athena said, and Hen laughed. “But there’s something to be said about being led by someone you know to be fundamentally good. It’s like asking yourself if you can trust your boss with your children. Because, in some way, that’s exactly what you’re doing every single time you go to work as a first responder. You’re trusting their judgment to bring you home safe to your wife and son.” She paused when Hen took in a deep, ragged breath. “What?”

“I don’t….” She shook her head. “I don’t think I’ve ever worked for anyone I trust like that, Athena. I’m not even sure I’d let Chimney watch Denny without supervision. He’d probably just teach him bad habits.”

Athena laughed briefly. “He still lying to women?”

“All the damn time,” Hen muttered. “It’s like he can’t help himself. His self-esteem issues make him difficult to trust, honestly. I never know when he’s being honest with me about his abilities or his relationships. Sometimes, I wonder if that kind of dishonesty is contagious. It’s like, if I’m around that kind of bullshit long enough, what will become acceptable to me?”

“Toxic ideas do spread, and he has no respect for women or relationships. Maybe his enablement on that issue might lead you down a road to disrespecting your marriage,” Athena suggested, though she knew it was unfair. Chimney Han had little to do with the fact that Hen had cheated on her wife in the other timeline. “He doesn’t really see any sort of consequences in his personal life. Or, at least, he never seems to acknowledge them.”

“He’s been like that since Kevin Lee died,” Hen said and groaned when their plates loaded down with eggs, fried potatoes, and sausage arrived. The waitress slid a little basket of biscuits between them last. “You just made my whole week.”

The young woman laughed a little. “Let me know if you need anything else, ladies.”

Athena unwrapped her silverware. “How do you think you can insulate yourself from picking up his bad habits?”

“You act like we’re in high school, and I’ll succumb to peer pressure,” Hen said wryly.

“Not exactly that, but I do think we can all get inured to toxic behavior and opinions by exposure,” Athena said. “No one is immune. I watch myself carefully on the job to make sure I don’t wreck myself trying to protect the thin blue line.”

Hen nodded. “I get it. I’ll…think about it. Thanks for caring, Athena. I’m worried about trying to transfer out—I know I’ll get grief from Chimney and the others.”

“You need to think about your career,” Athena said and shrugged. “You aren’t getting opportunities for leadership, continued education can’t be easy with the captain parade, and a light brigade isn’t where the money is in the LAFD. You need to start working on certifications—get whatever you need to match your paramedic work that will catch the attention of a task force captain.”

“Disaster management,” Hen said and nodded. “Maybe some stuff from FEMA.”

“SARTECH I and II,” Athena suggested, and Hen blinked in surprise. “Take it seriously, Hen. The easiest and cleanest way to get out of the captain parade is to educate yourself until you’re overqualified for the work you’re doing. It’ll get attention, and you’ll get offers. The LAFD is a dick-fest, so a woman hammering out the certs will get notice from the right kind of person.”

Hen nodded and focused on her food for a few moments. “The new captain suggested I cook the meals. He was really astonished to find out I can’t cook for love or money. The whole crew backed me up on it.”

Athena laughed.

“I mean they were like seriously telling him I wasn’t allowed to cook their food.” She huffed. “Which is fair because I hate to cook and never invested any time in learning how. I’d live on takeout and frozen meals if it weren’t for Karen. She used to joke that I married her for her cooking. I love her, but I gotta admit the way to my heart was definitely through my stomach.”

“Michael suggested I go out and get laid,” Athena said.

Hen grinned. “You deserve to get thoroughly banged.” And just nodded as Athena laughed. “Seriously.”

“I’m going to take my time. I don’t want to do some sort of cliché rebound phase. I want a good man who’ll have my back, who’ll love my kids, accept Michael and the life we’re trying to build for our family. I can’t let some asshole that just turns me on move through my life like a wrecking ball.”

“I get it, but you’re also entitled to a cougar moment or two, you know,” Hen said and stabbed a piece of sausage decisively. “If it would help lower your stress, that is. I get how adding another person to your current situation might just make things more difficult.”

“A one-night stand wouldn’t do anything but get me off,” Athena said, and Hen laughed. “I can’t say I’m opposed since it’s been years since I’ve had anything but myself to take care of that kind of thing. But part of me feels too tired and heartsore for something like that. I don’t want to end up hurting myself and divorce…. God, Hen, divorce feels like the worst kind of failure.”

“What do you mean?” Hen questioned me with a frown.

“I feel like I’ve failed my kids, specifically. They’re both afraid of what all of this means for them. The marriage of their parents provided them with security and safety. Now that’s gone forever. They’ll adapt, of course, but their lives will never be the same. Their father lives in another house now. They’ll get passed around between us on a regular basis. They will resent us for it in some way or another, and none of us can control that. They had this picture of us as a family that has been destroyed.”

Hen took a deep breath. “Jesus, Athena, that’s a lot.”

“It is so we’re doing the best we can to make sure they have the support they need to process the loss. It’s our job, right? To protect our kids. At least we can both say that we didn’t cheat on our family and destroy it out of selfishness. If either one of us had a history of adultery….” She huffed and shook her head. “Harry did ask if Michael had cheated. He said he’d heard in school that divorces happened because daddies cheat. I’m just grateful we could both deny it without it being a lie.”

“I’ve never heard an affair spoken of that way,” Hen admitted.

“You make promises to your spouse, right?” Athena questioned, and Hen nodded. “Then you add a child to that situation, and those promises get repeated. In building a family, you tell your babies that you will do everything you can to protect and shelter them. Where’s the protection in having an affair? After doing such a thing, how can you ever claim to have your child’s best interest at heart again?”

Hen blew air out between her lips. “Are you sure Michael didn’t cheat? Because you sound deeply affected by this, Athena.”

“No, Michael didn’t cheat,” Athena said. “I’ve never had a man cheat on me, as far as I know. But I see the results of broken homes and adultery all the damn time, Hen. Seventy percent of felons come from broken and dysfunctional homes—adultery, domestic violence, and other kinds of abuses. As of this morning, I have to hope and fucking pray that Michael makes good, safe choices for our children when it comes to his partners. What if he unknowingly gets involved with a man with a terrible temper who resents me and hates kids?”

“Right,” Hen said quietly.

“Your son takes great comfort in the security you and Karen provide. If that security was threatened by a divorce…or the return of his biological mother, then what would become of him? Do you want your baby exposed to that drug addict?”

Hen flinched. “No. God, Athena, of course not.”

“Yeah, well, letting her back in your life in any single way would be dangerous for him,” Athena muttered and stabbed her potatoes. “But you know that. Ignore me. I’m just a little stressed out thinking about everything.”

“No.” Hen took a deep breath. “No, I won’t ignore what you’ve said because it’s important, and I don’t want to ever give Eva a way back into Denny’s life. She’ll get out of prison eventually, and she’ll come back around. She calls me sometimes, and I accept the calls even though I shouldn’t.”

“Then change your number,” Athena ordered tersely. “She doesn’t have any parental rights, and you’ve got no business speaking with that woman behind Karen’s back.”

“Karen knows about the calls,” Hen defended but then grimaced. “But I haven’t told her that Eva begs me to visit her and claims to still love me. I didn’t want to upset Karen by telling her that. Sometimes, Eva even talks about how we’ll get back together once she’s out of jail.”

“So, after this meal, you’re going to go change your phone number, right?” Athena prodded.

“Yeah, I will,” Hen said. “I’ll send you a text with the new number. I should tell Karen the truth, right? That I’m changing it so Eva can’t contact me anymore. Because frankly, taking her calls is probably some kind of enablement, or worse, it’s giving her false hope.”

“Yes,” Athena said firmly. “Karen will appreciate the boundary, I’m certain.” She paused. “But maybe don’t elaborate concerning previous conversations with Eva unless you have no choice.”

“You mean I have the right to remain silent?” Hen questioned.

“And anything you say can and will be used against you,” Athena said wryly, and Hen grinned.

“Are you going to put the kids in therapy?”

“We’ve set up an appointment to speak with a therapist who deals with families, and they’ll get individual attention based on need,” Athena said. “I want them to have a safe place to discuss what hurts them.”

“You don’t want that safe place to be you?” Hen questioned in confusion.

“Yes, of course, but that’s unrealistic,” Athena said. “Some things you don’t want to say to your parents, and providing them an adult they can trust to say those things to is important to me. We live in a cruel world, Hen, and growing up Black in America is no fucking picnic. Media practically assaults our kids with violence and bias on a daily basis. We need to give them the tools they need to make the best possible choices.”

Hen smiled then. “It’s like you woke up a decade older and wiser.”

“I just want to live a good life.” Athena shrugged. “It’s not too much to ask.”

 

 

Chapter 7

Two Months Later

“I can’t say this is what we expected, Bobby,” Phil Evans said as he sat down at his desk. “You’re leaving a big support system behind if you do this.”

Bobby nodded. “I know, and I can’t say it’s not a concern. But the cold isn’t getting any easier on my back. I have to make some careful and considered decisions about my health and how long I can continue to work in the field. Plus, I’ve got to provide for my family on one income going forward. I need more career opportunities, which means a much bigger department. Finally, I think a change of scenery would be good for my kids.”

“Speaking of kids, the rumor is that the young man who sat with you at the funeral is your son from a previous relationship,” Evans said and raised an eyebrow.

Bobby nodded. “Yes, I didn’t know about him until earlier in the year. We’re figuring ourselves out the best we can. He’s been an immense help to me the last couple of months. I put him on a plane to LA yesterday—he’s starting the LAFD academy’s short course. It’s been on his agenda for a while, and he finally got a training slot.”

“The short course for the LAFD is for experienced firefighters,” Evans said. “You didn’t mention he was already on the job.”

“He did SAR in Colorado and volunteered with FEMA starting when he was eighteen,” Bobby said. “He has the certifications he’d have learned in the long course, including both SARTECH II and III. So, his focus in the short course is fire management.”

“He didn’t want to stay here and do it?” Evans questioned. “We’d have certainly welcomed a fifth generation.”

“He did offer to stay here in St. Paul,” Bobby said. “But I couldn’t let him sacrifice what he really wanted for me, sir. He’s been working toward this for a few years, and the LAFD was definitely the dream.”

“It’s got to be hard to connect with him at this point in his life,” Evans said and nodded. “I understand why you wouldn’t want to interfere. Maybe the change of scenery is what you and your children need. I’m sure Brook and Robbie are interested in spending time with their new brother as well.”

“They adore him,” Bobby agreed. “And it’s mutual.”

“I’ll make a few phone calls. I’ll have to disclose that your oldest son is attending their academy,” Evans warned. “What’s his name?”

“Evander Buchanan Nash but he prefers to be called Buck.”

“He already took your name?” Evans questioned. “Did he get raised by a son of a bitch or something?”

“Yeah, something exactly like that,” Bobby said. “He doesn’t discuss the people that raised him much. I feel like a failure for not knowing about him, but I was a dumb young man. It’s unfortunate that my son paid the price for that.”

“Well, doing right by him now is all that you can do,” Phil Evans said easily. “And it seems like you have a plan for that. Maybe your younger children will find some common ground with him if you’re all building a new life together in LA.”

“I just wish Marcy could’ve met him,” Bobby said and found that he meant it.

He’d been worried about all of it, but even a hostile divorce would’ve been better than her dying again. Even two months later, he felt raw and worn over the renewed loss.

“Let’s talk about Margot Harris,” Evans said and pulled a laptop in front of him. “She’s turned down two chances to be made a captain in the last three years.”

“Lt. Harris enjoys the work in the task force station,” Bobby said. “And I admit she likes the crew as well. You know what it’s like to work with the same people for a long time. You develop bonds based on shared trauma and survival. Plus, the level of trust that develops over time in such a situation is invaluable.”

“So, she won’t tell us no again?” Evans asked in amusement. “We’re starting to get a complex over it.”

“Margot’s not a difficult person, but she does have standards, and it serves her well on the job,” Bobby said. “She’ll need an easy-going lieutenant to soften her blunt edges. New blood in the station would be to the good as there isn’t anyone on the shift ready for promotion beyond Margot. Some might think they’re ready, but I believe you’ll find my performance reports don’t reflect that.

“They’re all focused on maintaining their current certifications, but they aren’t advancing rapidly. I do think that I’ve dropped the ball on that front as I haven’t actively encouraged continuing education courses and certs the way I should’ve.”

“You can’t force people to learn,” Evans said dryly. “And if they aren’t proactive about educating themselves, that’s not your problem, Bobby.”

“I know, but also, I feel like, as a captain, I should encourage them to learn and grow in their careers.” Bobby huffed a little when Evans quirked an eyebrow at him. “Seriously.”

“I never would’ve suspected you were hiding a bright-eyed idealist underneath all of your midwestern stoicism, Bobby.”

Bobby sighed. He didn’t know what to say but he’d spent the last month and a half trying to do some reorganization of his station. Mostly, he’d wanted to put everyone in a better place for Margot to take over. He’d had to spend several days reviewing his own records, notes, and everyone’s performance reviews for an entire year. Admitting that he’d slacked off a little on the education front for his people, even to himself, had been difficult.

He knew he had to get better and do better before he ever got to LA because Athena deserved that from him. She’d made a huge sacrifice for him, and Bobby was so grateful for her love that it was overwhelming. But a small part of him wondered what he’d ever done to be worthy of such a sacrifice on Athena’s part.

Since he’d spent so much time either at work or with his younger children, contact with Athena was little more than a few texts here and there. He didn’t want to give anyone the impression that he was in a relationship. It was too soon, and it would look like he’d been cheating on Marcy. Still, he was lonely in a way he hadn’t been in a very long time.

* * * *

Buck made a face as he watched the real estate agent get out of his car. He knew already the house in front of him wasn’t going to be big enough, and it was nowhere near meeting any of the other requirements he’d set when he’d called the agency.

“Buchanan Nash?”

“Yes,” Buck said, and his gaze flicked toward the house. “How exactly is a two-bedroom bungalow anywhere near what I asked for when I booked this appointment? I told your assistant exactly what I wanted when I met with her in your office.” Buck waved his phone as the man blinked in surprise. “I should’ve looked this house up before I even left my rental, but I foolishly assumed I was dealing with a professional.”

“I’ve been in the real estate business longer than you’ve been alive,” the man retorted. “And I saw no reason to waste my time showing you homes you won’t be able to afford.”

Buck stared for a moment. “You didn’t run the credit check, right?”

“No, I didn’t. At your age, I’d expect your credit rating to be fairly average, and that will certainly factor into the amount of money you can borrow.”

Buck pulled out his keys. “I won’t be needing your services.”

“But….”

“For the record, my budget wasn’t based on an estimated loan amount, but with the cash I have on hand.” It was gratifying that the man’s mouth dropped open. “My credit score is over 800, Mr. Malone. I’m what you call a trust fund baby, and I’m not even house hunting for myself but for my father. So, you just cost yourself not only a sale today but one in the future when I buy my own house.”

“You can’t really blame me for not taking you seriously at your age,” the man blurted out as Buck headed for his Jeep. “My assistant told me you were driving a cheap vehicle as well.”

“Not only can I blame you, Mr. Malone, I can hold it against you for eternity because real estate agents grow on trees in LA, and I’m literally spoiled for choice,” Buck responded and slid into the driver seat of the Jeep.

He offered the man a little wave as he started the engine and drove off. His phone went off, and he answered it with a flick of his thumb. As much as he missed his old Jeep, he did like the features in the new one and was no longer bummed that Daniel had talked him into purchasing a new one shortly before he went to Peru.

“Hello.”

“Hey, you’re looking at houses today, right?”

“Yeah,” Buck said and made a face. “I’m working on it. Did the kids get on Zillow again?”

Bobby laughed. “I outlawed that site because they were driving me nuts. I had my meeting with Phil Evans this morning. It went better than I expected, and he promised to make a few phone calls to LA regarding a transfer. I expect he’ll reach out to Gael Alonzo like he did the first time around.”

“I start classes on Monday,” Buck said. “I don’t expect there to be any issues. I remember the coursework, and it was honestly really easy the first time around.”

“How’s your passenger handling the move?”

“Calmly,” Buck said with a laugh. “Nothing has set me off magically since I landed. The Airbnb was as expected.”

“And your Jeep?”

“I picked it up with no issues, and it wasn’t damaged in transit,” Buck assured. “I missed it, so I’m glad to have it back.” The pop of a siren caught his attention. “Oh, hmmm, I’m about to get pulled over.”

“LAPD or county?” Bobby asked.

“LAPD,” Buck said as he quickly turned into a parking lot. The SUV followed and cut their lights as soon as he parked, then parked beside him. “Oh.”

“Buck?”

“It’s Athena,” Buck said and took a deep breath as he unlocked his doors when she jerked her head toward the passenger seat. He held out a hand as she slid into his vehicle, and she grasped it tightly. “Hey.”

“Hey,” she said quietly. “I’ve been worried sick about you.”

He glanced toward his phone and took a deep breath at Bobby’s audible intake of breath. She focused on the phone, too.

“Sweetheart, it’s amazing to hear your voice,” Bobby said, voice hoarse with emotion. He cleared his throat. “Was he speeding?”

Buck laughed. “I wasn’t, promise.”

“No, I just saw this White boy talking to himself and decided to pull him over,” Athena said and brushed tears from her face with her free hand then slouched back against the seat. “You don’t start the academy for another week. What are you doing here?”

“I’m house hunting,” Buck said with a shrug.

She opened her mouth, frowned, and exhaled noisily.

“What?” Buck questioned.

“I was going to tell you that you could stay with me, but I’d never be able to explain who you are to Michael or the kids at this point,” Athena said, and her fingers clenched around his as she focused on the phone. “How are you, Bobby?”

“Tired,” Bobby admitted. “I had a meeting with the deputy chief here and we’re in talks about a job to LA. I’ve prepared the station for a turnover. My second is taking my place as captain, and another captain from a different shift is being promoted to task force commander. It’s a lot, and I probably should’ve started the process sooner, but I didn’t want it to look insane.”

“Did Brook sleep okay last night?” Buck questioned.

“Yes, but she’s clearly not doing well with your absence.”

“I could’ve stayed,” Buck said and frowned when Bobby sighed.

“It’s not good to cater to that kind of anxiety, and you know it,” Bobby said wearily. “She needs to get used to the fact that you won’t always be there to sit with her on the couch and read books until she’s sleepy. The grief counselor says she’s doing well on the self-soothing front and that we need to allow her to manage the situation as long as it’s not dangerous to do so.”

“So, what kind of house are you looking for?” Athena questioned.

“Well, something for a family of seven,” Bobby said. “Eventually.”

“Oh,” she said, then sighed. “My house won’t be big enough.”

“No, it won’t,” Buck said. “Is that a problem? Do you think that Harry and May would be upset to move?”

“I don’t know,” Athena admitted. “We’d have to work on it a bit, I suppose. Michael gave me the house in the divorce, so I’d certainly have the funds to contribute to the purchase of a new house once it’s sold. That’s not something that could happen right now.” She focused on Buck. “What’s your plan?”

“Bobby and I are going in on the house together,” Buck said. “We’ll each pay half to avoid an outrageous mortgage—it gave us a very good budget even for this area.” He didn’t want to be callous about the fact that Bobby’s half had come from insurance money, so he didn’t mention that. “In the future, you can buy me out if you want.”

“Okay, that’s…a good plan,” Athena said and took a deep breath as she looked at the phone.

Buck picked it up, disconnected it from the Jeep’s Bluetooth, and offered it to her. She took it with a trembling hand, slid out of the Jeep, and went back into her SUV. He didn’t begrudge them a private conversation since they’d had precious little more than a few texts to avoid questions on her end and hurt when it came to Robbie and Brook. It had been easier after Michael had moved out, and she’d texted them about the divorce.

Still, Bobby had been dealing with a lot and had focused most of his attention on Brook and Robbie. It was what was necessary, and they all felt the influence of magic when they tried to press too hard against their circumstances. Buck had been startled and a little horrified to realize that Bobby and Athena both had magical gifts when they hadn’t before. Athena had been barely magical before she’d time-traveled. Now, she was dealing with a host of magical gifts that he really didn’t know much about, and neither did she.

He turned on the radio and listened to a few songs while he waited and just offered Athena a smile when she came back to the Jeep and passed the phone back to him through the window he rolled down.

“Thank you, baby. Bobby had to go; he had a call out,” Athena murmured and clenched her hand on his arm briefly. “Be careful, and let me know if you need anything. I’ll text you my schedule so you’ll know when I’m not at home, and we can talk freely. I’ve done the same with Bobby. We need to start making plans, I think, for his arrival.”

“Yeah, I get it.” He cleared his throat. “He appreciated the space you gave him, Athena, but also, he clearly misses you so much.”

“He had to grieve Marcy again,” Athena said. “And I can’t imagine how that wasn’t the most difficult thing he’s ever had to do.”

“The kids will break your heart,” Buck said quietly and leaned on the steering wheel as he focused on her. “Seriously. At first, just looking at them hurt because I knew how they died the first time around, and it was agonizing.”

“We’re on the right path,” Athena said quietly. “It’s going to get harder, but everything we’ve gained is worth the price that was paid.”

“Had I known it was possible, I’d have done everything I could to save them. I moved as fast as I could toward St. Paul, Athena. I was going…I wanted to save all three of them.”

“The magical…being…that you carry told us that we couldn’t circumvent Fate,” Athena said. “Marcy Nash made an immense sacrifice for her children, Buck. There is a fine line between regretting her death and honoring her final choices. I hope my last moments on this Earth will be just as righteous as hers.”

“I hope for the same,” Buck admitted. “Let’s try to have dinner soon.”

She quirked an eyebrow. “When you get a place. Otherwise, I might get caught by someone I know having a date with my future step-son.”

Buck laughed. “You’re totally out of my league, and I know it.” He looked down at his phone. “Call me.”

“Now?” she asked as she pulled out her personal cell phone. She quirked an eyebrow at him but browsed her phone.

He grinned when Waterfalls by TLC burst out of his phone.

Athena laughed as she ended the call. “Smart ass.”

“Since Bobby’s not here, is it cool if I list you as an emergency contact if I get hurt at the academy?”

“Not only is it cool—I expect it,” she said firmly. “Mark me as your emergency contact on your phone as well.”

“Yeah, okay,” Buck said and looked at his phone.

“Hey,” Athena said quietly and leaned closer. “As much as I’m relieved and happy that Brook and Robbie are going to be a part of my life—I agreed to time travel for you, Evander.”

Buck swallowed hard as tears welled up. “I am sorry that I died like that. I promise you that I wasn’t suicidal then, and I’m not now. It hurt to find out why the people who raised me hate me so much, but it’s better to know. Right?”

“Right,” Athena said and squeezed his arm gently. “You owe them nothing, baby. So, please keep that in mind going forward.”

“My mother cursed me out for moving my trust fund over text, and she told me that Phillip wanted all of that money returned to his family. I told them both to take it to court, but they don’t have a leg to stand on. Apparently, his mother knew I wasn’t her actual grandson through blood and left me a third of her estate anyway. I’d change my number altogether, but I shouldn’t have to do that to get some peace. They’re both blocked everywhere I could think of at this point.”

“Good. Keep it that way, and don’t let your older siblings guilt you into anything different.”

“Daniel wouldn’t, but Maddie sort of trauma bonded with her parents. She eventually broke with them completely in the other timeline, but she’s not in that place right now,” Buck said and made a face when her radio went off. He listened to her answer dispatch. “Be careful.”

“Of course,” Athena said and tapped his door gently before getting in her SUV and leaving.

Buck stayed where he was for a few moments before heading for a coffee shop. He needed to sit down and do some actual research on the real estate agent front.

* * * *

Athena knew she was giving her boss fits, but sometimes, she just had to push in and fix a situation that she knew was coming. It had taken her a few days of thought, but eventually, her only plan was to stalk Eric Parnell and take a picture of the nine-year-old boy he was pretending was his son. Then, use that picture to search through missing child reports. It had been the work of nothing to find the report after that.

Elaine Maynard probably thought she was crazy, but Jacob Walters was back where he belonged with his parents, and more importantly, he still had active memories of the family he’d been taken from. Athena had gotten a commendation for solving the case, but she didn’t care about any of that. She’d gotten one little boy home and prevented the kidnapping of another. Who cared if people were giving her side-eye and making noise about undisclosed magical abilities?

Well, she kind of cared because she was now sitting in Elaine’s office, along with a captain from psy-ops, having a conversation she didn’t want to have. Athena barely refrained from crossing her arms over her chest as she sat down because she might feel defensive, but she didn’t want to look it.

“Sergeant Athena Grant, this is Captain Mika Barnes, the Psy-Ops Bureau,” Elaine said as she rocked back in her chair. “She’s here to listen to you politely refuse to take the detective’s exam again.”

Barnes looked between them. “How many times has she refused?”

“Four,” Athena said.

Elaine frowned. “Five.”

“We don’t count the aftermath of Carmichael case by mutual agreement,” Athena reminded firmly, and Elaine nodded.

“Right.” Elaine grimaced. “Four.”

“What happened in the Carmichael case?” Barnes asked.

“I got stupidly lucky,” Athena said. “The whole thing was a cluster, ma’am, from start to finish.”

“So, why do you keep saying no?” Barnes questioned.

“I enjoy the work that I currently do, and seasoned officers in the field help provide a balance in the patrol ranks that is sorely needed. I know I could do the work as a detective and would have no issues passing the exam. It just doesn’t really interest me at this point. Eventually, I know that being in the field all the time won’t be realistic. I hope to have a few options, at that point, within the department.”

“In this recent case, with the child abduction. Something about Eric Parnell set you off. What was it? Can you define it?” Barnes stared intently at her.

Athena realized she was going to have to do some fancy footwork to avoid any sort of egregious lies. She cleared her throat and sat forward in her chair. “Are you asking if I’m harboring a magical gift of some sort?”

“Yes,” Barnes responded. “Exactly that.”

“I’ve always had preternaturally good instincts,” Athena said, and Elaine hummed her agreement. “I don’t have any trainable magical gifts that I’m aware of. I don’t have prophetic dreams, I’ve never seen a ghost and precognition….” She exhaled slowly. “It’s difficult to put my finger on that one. I’d say, if I do have any form of precognition, that it is limited and very near to the event. I avoided a collision in traffic by an inch yesterday, for example.” She paused. “And wrote two tickets in response.”

They both laughed.

“My grandmother told me that she had a very good bastard detector, and maybe I inherited that from her because people rarely surprise me when they reveal themselves.” Athena paused. “Or maybe I’m jaded and assume the worst of most people.”

“Well, you wouldn’t be wrong,” Elaine muttered. “Why haven’t we ever discussed this? It’s not listed in your file, Athena.”

“It’s not required to be, and I don’t have anything worth special standing or training as far as I know,” Athena said. “I don’t want people to build expectations around me that are unfounded or impossible to meet. It would’ve just hurt my career early on, and I don’t know how I would handle it now.”

“Do I have any chance of recruiting you into my unit at this point?” Barnes questioned.

Athena’s immediate inclination was to say no, but then the words family of seven drifted through her mind, and she hesitated. The hesitation must have been obvious because Elaine sat forward slightly in her chair with a startled expression.

“I’ve recently become a single-income household,” she began, and Elaine grimaced. “My ex-husband is paying child support, but more money wouldn’t hurt anything. I want to make sure my kids have everything they need now and in the future. I really don’t want to leave the field, but I’d be a bad parent if I didn’t consider how a pay raise would impact what I can provide going forward for my family.”

Captain Barnes nodded. “I understand that. I’ve been a single mother for well on fifteen years, and it doesn’t get easier the older they get.”

“You’d think they’d get less expensive,” Elaine muttered, and they both laughed. “My ex and I agreed that we didn’t want our kids leaving college in an immense amount of debt, so paying for that has been an undertaking of the first order.”

“We’ve had education funds set up for May and Harry since they were born, but we’re still building those,” Athena said. “So, that’s also a concern.” She took a deep breath. “So, what are my options in psy-ops? As I said, I don’t have any trainable gifts that I’m aware of. Despite my grandmother’s gifts, I wasn’t tested as a child due to parental choice. Thus, I also never had any training to encourage whatever gifts I might have to grow.”

“We can do some testing,” Barnes said, and Athena couldn’t help but make a face at that and both women laughed at her. “I have a lieutenant in my unit who needs a second-in-command—one with a strong personality and a good foundation in the department. That equals someone like you, Sergeant Grant.”

“Please, call me Athena,” she said. “What does this lieutenant do?”

“He’s a field operative, and the unit’s duties vary by the day—magical investigation, emergency services, critical missings, ritual homicide, and assisting other units within the LAPD at large with the capture or containment of psy-rated individuals.”

“How many people are in the unit?”

“A pair of uniforms, an IT analyst, psy-forensic specialist, Lt. Lou Ransone, and you, if you want it.” Barnes stared intently. “I’ve already spoken with Lou—he said yes as soon as your first name came out of my mouth. Your reputation precedes you in the department, Athena. Due to the nature of the unit and the inherent danger of dealing with psy-positive individuals, you’d get a ten percent pay raise without the detective’s badge.” She paused. “And thirty percent with it.”

Athena focused on Elaine, who gave her a firm nod. “Yeah?”

“I trained Lou Ransone,” Elaine said. “He’s a very good man, and I trust him. He’ll have your back and go to the wall for you in any situation.” She cleared her throat. “It’s time, Athena. Take the exam and start building a life for your kids that isn’t dependent on your ex-husband because people change. Right now, he’s paying child support without a fuss, but things happen, and circumstances can make co-parenting a nightmare.”

Athena huffed, and both women laughed and crossed her arms. “I’ve been considering picking out his next partner for him. Just to make sure I don’t have to deal with some hellbeast kind of situation.”

“If my marriage was any sort of gauge, you’ve been making most of his personal decisions for the better part of a decade,” Barnes said with a shrug. “Why stop now?”

“Mine couldn’t even make a choice about dinner without my executive-level input,” Elaine said then she focused on Athena. “Schedule your test. Mika and I will arrange your transfer after the results come in. It’ll give me time to figure out who I’ll be promoting into your place.” She waved a hand. “So, you have a week or two to terrorize your platoon until then.”

Athena stood. “I shall use my time wisely, and if you want my opinion—Calhoun is more than ready for a field command.”

“We’re on the same page,” Elaine said. “If I can get her to agree. She’s just as stubborn as you are.”

“I’m discerning,” Athena corrected, and they both laughed.

She left Elaine Maynard’s office and found a familiar man leaning on the wall beside the door. Lou Ranson was every bit of 6’5, but he took care not to move so far into her space that she had to look up at him.

“Lt. Lou Ransone,” he said and offered his hand.

“Athena Grant,” she took his hand. “It’s good to meet you, Lt. Ransone.”

He glanced toward the door. “Did you say yes, or do I need to take a knee?”

“That desperate?”

“Frankly? Yes.”

She stared for a moment and crossed her arms. “I drive nearly all the time, I don’t eat junk, and you’re to never, ever call me any sort of nickname that references my height as long as you live.”

“Deal. Call me Lou.”

“Athena,” she said. “I need to get out and about. But I want to meet your unit in the next week or so.”

“Our unit,” Lou corrected.

“Our unit,” she said and felt a little rush of excitement.

He offered her a business card. “Call me—we should have lunch when you can so I can tell you about what I can and cannot do as a psy-positive.” Lou paused when she hesitated to take the card. “Just lunch. I prefer men.”

She took the card, and he laughed. “Sorry.”

“No need. You’re a gorgeous, competent, and strong woman, and everyone knows you recently divorced. You must be getting hit on left, right, and center.”

It wouldn’t have been hard to get absolutely railed, Athena acknowledged privately, but her heart belonged to Bobby, and she wasn’t interested in anyone else.

“I wouldn’t be hurting for opportunities if I was in the market,” she said. “I’ll text you with my schedule, and we can pick times for that lunch and the meeting. I want to review the material for the exam, but I’ve studied it in the past, and I know I won’t have a difficult time passing it.”

“Why the wait then?”

She provided the only honest answer she could think of. “Nostalgia.”

He cocked his head a little, then slowly nodded. “Welcome to Psy-Ops Unit 44.”

 

 

Chapter 8

“I got your text,” Bobby said quietly as he closed the door of his office, not something he normally did on duty. “Thanks for agreeing to FaceTime.”

“I’ve been awake for a bit,” Athena said as she adjusted the pillow behind her. “How is your shift going?”

“Decent—kitchen fire earlier,” Bobby said and sat down at his desk. He leaned on the desk, phone cupped in both hands. “We’re offline for the moment. I like your hair like that.”

Athena ran her fingers through her hair, which was currently just an inch all over her head. “Yeah?”

“You’re beautiful, no matter what, but yeah. I like it.” He took a deep breath. “I miss you so fucking much I can barely breathe for it.” Bobby cleared his throat. “Why are you taking the detective’s exam, Athena? You were always pretty clear about how important field work was for you.”

“I have an opportunity I’d have never had the first time, and I’ll still be in the field as part of a special operations rapid response unit,” Athena said. “I almost said no out of hand, but then I thought about what we’re building toward, and I realized that while we were comfortable before, we weren’t a family of seven.”

“I’d never want you to sacrifice what you love for money,” Bobby said quietly. “I can work overtime as needed, and I won’t stagnate in my career with the LAFD. I’ll work toward a battalion chief position as soon as I can qualify.”

“I appreciate that,” Athena said. “I just want to be the best possible partner going forward for you. I wasn’t always the wife you needed me to be, and I know it.”

Bobby stared for a moment, at a loss for words. “Athena.”

“Let me…say this,” Athena said gently. “I’ve been thinking about other people’s mistakes a lot. It’s easy to see the toxic behavior of others in retrospect, and I’ve even started working on Hen in the hopes that I can prevent her from cheating on Karen this time around.”

“That’s good,” Bobby said. “She needs therapy, too.”

“I’ll get her there,” Athena assured. “So, I was talking to her about removing Eva from her life as much as possible to avoid the temptation. She’s been taking her calls from prison.”

Bobby sighed.

“I talked her into changing her phone number, and she actually did it. I was sitting there editing her contact information in my phone when it hit me that I….” She took a deep breath. “Bobby, why didn’t you ever say anything about the fact that I drank in front of you? I kept wine and beer in the home I invited you into as my partner and husband, and you never said a word.”

He didn’t know what to say. “It’s my job to manage my addiction, sweetheart, not yours.”

“No.” Athena frowned. “If I’m truly going to be your partner, then I need to have your back on this issue, too. Your sobriety is important for our future as a couple and family. And you should at least be free of temptation in your own home. I didn’t provide you with that comfort or safety. I’m ashamed of myself.”

“Please be kinder to yourself,” Bobby said. “I never said a word about it. Maybe I should’ve, so let’s chalk that up as a mistake we share. Okay?” She nodded. “Now, tell me about this job.”

“It’s psy-ops.” She took a deep breath. “Remember that boy that was kidnapped, who called 9-1-1 because the man he believed his father had kidnapped a little boy?”

“Yes, Jacob Walters.”

“Well, he’s safe and sound at home. I have a reputation for being intuitive, and apparently, there was speculation about it being some sort of magical gift in the past. I do have some magical stuff going on now, but I’m not sure what it is exactly. I’ve reported that I don’t know if I have any trainable gifts and left it at that. It was never mandatory to report, so I’m not in any trouble.”

“Okay,” Bobby said. “So, psy-ops. That’s a little more dangerous than patrol.”

“A little, but I won’t be alone. I’ll be part of a mobile response team, and I’m being partnered with the lieutenant who leads the unit. Lou Ransone.”

“I remember him,” Bobby said quietly. “He was one of the cops that responded when that asshole nearly killed you. He was professional and on point during the whole thing.”

“Jeffrey Hudson,” Athena said. “I’ve already taken care of him, too.”

“Taken care of as in…had him arrested or dumped his body in the ocean?”

She laughed, and Bobby grinned, pleased to have made her laugh in a genuine way. “Arrested. I knew the dates of his attacks, and we landed a week before one. I caught him breaking into the woman’s house. I’m sure that raised some eyebrows since I was kind of off the beaten path, so to speak. But no one made a big deal out of it because I caught a serial rapist. They had his DNA from six different reported attacks.”

“When will you take the detective’s exam?”

“In about a week,” Athena said. “I know the material, but I’m doing a refresher. The kids are helping me by asking me procedural questions from the prep test. I’ll be in Unit 44, and it comes with a thirty percent pay raise.”

“Do you truly want it?” Bobby questioned.

“I wasn’t certain at first, but yeah.”

“Then I’m happy for you and proud as hell,” Bobby said and quirked an eyebrow. “What are you wearing under that robe?”

“Nothing,” she said with a smile. “I just got out of the shower. It’s too bad you’re at work.”

“It is,” Bobby agreed and was actually kind of sad since he’d never had phone sex in his life. The thought brought him up short, and he laughed a little.

“What?”

“I just realized I’ve never had phone sex.”

“That’s a damn shame, baby,” Athena said and stretched a little. “But don’t distract me. Tell me how you’re doing for real.”

Bobby cleared his throat. “I can’t say that I’m operating at a hundred percent. I’m doing the best I can on the job, and when I’m at home, I can focus on the kids. I missed them so much that I could just stare at them all the time, which I don’t do because that would be weird.”

“I can’t wait to meet them,” Athena said. “You can talk about her, Bobby.”

“I don’t…even know what to say about Marcy,” Bobby admitted. “The first time around, I rightly blamed myself, but now Fate has made it clear that no matter my actions, this was Marcy’s destiny. It’s a horrible thing to know, and I was stupidly grateful that she was removed from the building before she burned this time.

“It’s hard to accept her sacrifice, but I’m so grateful for what she did. I don’t know how to truly honor that. Robbie told me that she said—she told him to tell me that she had no regrets.”

“In her place, I wouldn’t have regretted it for a second,” Athena said. “It’s what you agree to do when you have children, Bobby. I remember holding May for the first time and thinking that I would set the whole fucking world on fire to protect my baby. I’d live, kill, and die for our kids. That’s the covenant.”

“Our kids.”

“You might not be my husband in any legal fashion, but you’re my man. And that makes all three of your kids mine, too.” She smiled, and Bobby swallowed hard.

“I’ll never know what I did to deserve your love and loyalty,” Bobby murmured. “You’ll keep an eye on Buck until I get there, right?”

“That boy is going to start feeling straight-up persecuted,” Athena said wryly. “I drove by his Airbnb on the way to work and on the way home.” Bobby laughed. “It’s a decent neighborhood, and the people who own the property rent out their converted detached garage regularly through the service for extra income since they’re retired.”

“Background check?”

“Of course,” Athena said. “Neither have a criminal record, but their oldest nephew, who lives with them, has a history of reckless driving. I told Buck he’s not allowed to hang out with that asshole while he stays there. He sent me a smartass gif in response. So, I grounded him and got a pouty face back.”

“I love you,” Bobby murmured and shook his head when she grinned. He checked his watch. “I have to go. We’re due to come online in about five minutes. We’ll probably get a call immediately.”

“Be safe. I need to get May and Harry up for school.”

Bobby stayed where he was after she ended the call and just closed his eyes as he dealt with the emotions swirling around him. He felt so guilty for loving Athena so much that it often overwhelmed his grief over losing Marcy. He didn’t know how it would’ve worked out had she survived because he still loved Marcy, but he was no longer in love with her. He felt strangely monstrous as he wished with his whole heart that she was alive so he could divorce her.

A knock on his door broke him loose from his thoughts and forced him to focus on the present. He cleared his throat. “Enter.”

Raymond Curtin, one of the paramedics on his shift, poked his head. “Hey, Cap, we’ve got a situation.”

Bobby stood and slid his phone into his pocket. “Of what sort?”

“Dyer and Cantrell were sparring in the gym,” Raymond explained. “They got stupid with it, and Cantrell probably has a concussion.”

“Where’s Margot?” Bobby questioned as he followed Raymond out of his office. “Who was on dumbass watch?”

“Me.” Raymond shrugged. “It was a freak accident, honestly.”

Bobby sighed as he followed the younger man into the common area, where Cantrell had an ice pack on his face. He shook his head at them since the whole shift had gathered to stare at them.

“I can’t even sit in my office and brood properly as I’m entitled to as a man of my age and experience.”

“Sorry, Cap,” Cantrell said and waved the ice pack briefly. “I got distracted and hit his elbow with my face.”

“Sure.” Bobby made a face at them. “Raymond, take him to the ER for a formal diagnosis, then drive him home. We’re only three hours out from a shift change, so we won’t call in a replacement. Everyone make adjustments as needed and pick up any tasks they have left.”

* * * *

One thing Buck wanted the second time around was to make sure to keep his sex life completely away from his job. He’d gotten a lot of grief the first time around for his behavior and the fucking on the job. So, when a fellow firefighter at the academy followed him out of class and to his Jeep, he tried to brush off the interest as carefully as he could. He’d taken Bobby’s name, and that meant something. It meant more than Phillip Buckley’s name ever had.

“Most of our time is going to be taken up with the academy,” the woman said as she leaned on his Jeep. “No time for parties or clubs for the next two months.”

“Your name is Rachel, right?” Buck said as he tossed his backpack in the passenger seat. She was one of three females in the class, easily the most attractive, and had worked as a paramedic for a private company in Texas before coming to California.

“Yeah.” She smiled, hooked her fingers into the front pocket of his jeans, and pulled a little. “Seriously, follow me home.”

“First, you’re gorgeous, and the temptation is outrageous,” Buck said, and she laughed a little. “But I actually have another class to go to in about an hour.”

She raised an eyebrow and removed her fingers from his pocket with a little pout. “Oh, yeah?”

“FEMA is offering a swift water certification in Santa Monica,” Buck explained. “In fact, I’ve got classes scheduled most of the next month in the afternoons.”

Rachel nodded. “I heard you came into the academy with a bunch of certs already. Is it true you’re a fifth-generation firefighter?”

“Yes, but not with the LAFD. My family is from Minnesota,” Buck explained and jiggled his keys a bit. “There are some expectations to meet on that front, and slacking off will just get me lectures from twenty different directions. My dad’s still on the job in St. Paul, and even his boss let me know he’s keeping an eye on me through one of the instructors here.”

“No pressure,” she muttered. “How do you deal with it?”

“I just have to do well,” Buck said with a shrug, and she laughed sharply. “And I don’t fuck around when I shouldn’t. The reputation we make for ourselves here will follow us onto the job, Rachel, for good and bad. I’m not going to tell you how to live your life, but I know how I’m going to live mine.”

She flushed. “I see.”

“I’m not trying to…insult or hurt you,” he said. “Frankly, I’d love nothing more than to fuck your brains out.” She laughed, startled and clearly pleased. “But this is too important for me to get it wrong.”

“Okay,” she said and took a deep breath. “Great, two months of classes with the hottest guy I’ve ever seen in person, and I can’t even take a ride.”

“You can take a ride in a couple of months as long as you keep it to yourself,” Buck said as he slid into the Jeep. “We’ll be each other’s graduation present.”

“I’ll take that rain check,” she said cheerfully and trotted off toward her own car.

Buck watched her go with some regret but then started the Jeep so he could head toward Santa Monica. Hopefully, if traffic allowed, he’d be able to grab something to eat before class started.

Thirty minutes later, he was eating a grilled chicken wrap on the Santa Monica pier, wondering how he could get the tsunami warning system updated without looking like a completely crazy person. Several precogs had warned the state about the tsunami event in the hour before it happened. Unfortunately, none of them had been able to pinpoint a specific location, and California had a lot of coastline.

Even as he thought that Buck wondered if he could manifest some sort of precog ability of his own. The magic warmed in his chest in a way that spoke to a positive response. Maybe it was just relieved that he was willing to work with it now and in the future when he’d ignored it so often before. He really didn’t know how to apologize for the part he’d played in the other future to anyone much less the magic he carried.

Buck finished his lunch, grabbed his backpack, and headed for the area where a bunch of people had gathered near a sign announcing the class. Since it was a class sponsored by FEMA, he figured there were men and women from departments all over the area in the group based on the fact some of them were still in uniform.

His phone vibrated in his pocket, so he pulled it out of his pocket and checked his messages.

Dad: How was class?

Buck: Great. Just intro stuff today. I’m in Santa Monica getting ready for my swift water cert course. Just 10 hours in total. I was wondering if I should try for close quarters.

Dad: No not at your future size. You could do it now, but you’d grow right out of that cert inside of a year so it’s a waste of time.

Buck made a face but nodded to himself.

Buck: I could keep my size down

Dad: No the strength and endurance you brought to the job served you very well and it saved your life more than once.

It had also saved the lives of others, and he couldn’t ignore that. He glanced up to check to make sure the instructor hadn’t arrived and found everyone still milling around waiting.

Dad: Deep water cave rescue dive rescue and surf rescue would be the best use of your time

Buck: I have cave rescue on the schedule already but yeah I get where I should lean. Would a SARTECH I be out of my reach at my age and documented experience? I mean would it look weird?

Dad: Let that sit until after your probationary year. It’ll look good on your record at that point instead of like overcompensation.

A little noise caught his attention, and he looked up to find a man and a woman wearing FEMA T-shirts joining them.

Buck: Gotta run. I’ll call later to talk to the kids.

* * * *

“Mama.”

Athena looked in the rearview mirror briefly as she came to a stop at a light. “What’s up?”

Harry huffed a little. “When do I get to spend the night at Daddy’s house? Mark, at school, goes to his dad’s house all the time.”

“Your dad is still furnishing his condo,” Athena said. “But he plans to let you guys decorate your own rooms at his place in the next week or so. He’s still looking for a sofa.”

May laughed from the passenger seat. “Maybe we should’ve done it for him.”

“Maybe,” Athena agreed. “But it’s good for him to expand his horizons, and that way whoever he ends up dating will know what they’re really getting themselves into.”

“You’re still gonna pick out his clothes, right?” May questioned.

“Yes, I very nearly included it in the divorce agreement,” Athena said dryly, and May laughed. “The day I met that man, he was wearing a neon orange Polo shirt and dark green slacks that he thought were black. He’s lucky I agreed to even speak with him. He was blinding everyone around him.”

“I’m glad I didn’t inherit his bad taste,” Harry said from the back seat. “Or his color blindness.”

Athena exchanged a look with May, and they both laughed.

“What?” Harry questioned.

“Nothing, buddy,” May said with a grin over her shoulder. “You’re a total fashion plate.”

“I wanted to talk to you guys about something.”

May huffed, and Harry groaned loudly.

“What?” Athena questioned as she started forward through the intersection.

“The last time you started a conversation like that, you told us that you and Dad were getting a divorce,” May said. “I’m just trying to figure out what could be next.”

“Nothing bad.” She paused. “At least, I don’t think so, but you can tell me if you don’t agree.” Athena glanced in the rearview mirror. “Both of you.”

“Okay, so lay it on us,” Harry said.

“Your dad and I’ve been thinking about educational choices going forward for you both. We like how things went for May at Stratford, which is why we enrolled you there, Harry. That being said, if you don’t like it after the first year, we can look around.”

“I want a new school,” May blurted out, and Athena’s gaze jerked briefly in her direction before she focused on the road. “As soon as possible.”

Athena’s stomach tightened, and remembered fear made her heart clench in her chest. She changed lanes and exited the highway immediately. “Okay, let’s….” She took a deep breath.

“Mom?” May’s hand settled on her arm, and Athena realized she was shaking. “What’s going on?”

“I’m fine, baby,” Athena assured as she pulled into a McDonald’s, and Harry cheered from the backseat. She parked and took a deep breath. “Let’s not tell your dad about this.”

They both laughed.

Ten minutes later, Harry had plowed through an order of chicken nuggets and fries before throwing himself at the play area. Athena watched May eat her own fries in silence for a few moments before speaking.

“Talk to me, baby girl. Is something going on at school that is upsetting you?”

May smiled briefly and shook her head. “Carson’s is fine. I’ve made a few friends, and I worried that it would be hard to do since a lot of the kids have been together since nursery school. It’s been okay, but I was looking at the high school classes, and they don’t really have any sort of focus that I’m interested in. Maybe I shouldn’t worry about this now, but if I’m going to be in the same school until I graduate, then Carson’s isn’t the best choice for my goals.”

“What sort of focus do you want?” Athena questioned. “There are really no problems in the school?”

May made a face. “I mean…there’s this one boy who thinks he likes me, but he’s an idiot.”

Athena laughed.

“And there’s this girl who doesn’t like me at all, but we don’t have any classes together, so I see her like once a week if that. She’s just mad because she likes the idiot, and the idiot likes me.”

“Ah.” She sighed. “Well, that’s going to keep happening, unfortunately. Learning to set boundaries with people is just one of the skills you’ll have to focus on the older you get.” Athena paused and considered how to approach the topic. “This girl at school that doesn’t like you—what’s her name?”

“Josie,” May said. “She’s kind of generally hostile and isn’t exactly well-liked as a result. I think Carson’s is like her fourth school since the first grade. I heard from one of her few friends that her parents had a horrible divorce. I’m glad you and Dad aren’t taking your dead marriage out on me and Harry.”

“Dead marriage,” Athena repeated, and May shrugged. “What kind of focus did you want for high school? And how soon do you want to transfer?”

“I could finish the school year at Carson’s, but after Christmas would be cool as well. Cory ended up going to Sierra, and Darla is at Myers. Liza went to public school because her parents divorced, and they’re still fighting over everything, including her tuition. Again, I’m relieved you and Dad are civilized human beings.”

“You sound like you already have a place in mind,” Athena prodded. “What’s on your mind? Did you want to go where one of your friends from elementary school went? Because you said no when we were making this decision the first time around.”

“No, I was hoping to broaden my…friend group. I don’t know if it’s more expensive or not, but I’d like to go to Crossroads School for the Arts and Sciences.” May pressed her lips together. “They have a good college prep course system, which I figure that Dad will like. I think I want to study civil engineering.”

Athena stared for a moment. “I had no idea.”

“Is that a problem? I know grandma wants me to go to law school, but I’ve been ignoring her messages for a while,” May admitted. “She’s really focused on it—she says you ruined your life by not going to law school. I asked her how she could say that since neither Harry nor I would exist if you hadn’t met Dad, and maybe you wouldn’t have if you’d gone to law school. She didn’t respond.”

“I’ll speak with her,” Athena said shortly. “And I’ll talk to your dad about the admission process for Crossroads. We’ll see if we can’t get it done so you can take your second semester there. Otherwise, surely by the next school year, provided you can do well on their entrance exam.”

“I don’t think I’ll have a problem with that,” May said, and Athena appreciated her confidence. “But I’ll download the prep materials if they offer them, and thanks for asking. I didn’t want to bring it up because you’re going through a lot.” She focused on Harry, who was throwing balls around in the ball pit. “We’re going to have douse him in a whole bottle of hand sanitizer. He’s just basically wallowing in germs right now.”

Athena made a disgusted face because she knew that May was right.

* * * *

Bobby was only half listening to the conversation that Brook and Robbie were having on the iPad with Buck over FaceTime. He really appreciated how easily the three of them had bonded and was relieved, not for the first time, that Buck was so good with kids. It had been a definite bonus on the job, and it was even better on the personal front.

His phone rang, and he picked it up.

“Hello.”

“Good afternoon, may I speak with Robert Nash?”

“Speaking,” Bobby said easily as he tucked the phone against his cheek. He shifted the lid on the beef and vegetable soup he was making.

“This is Chief Gael Alonzo with the Los Angeles Fire Department. I hope I’m not calling you at too late of an hour. I didn’t check the time difference.”

“I’m two hours ahead, sir,” Bobby said. “Just finished putting dinner on. How can I help you?”

“I’m glad you asked,” Alonzo said. “Phil Evans reached out to me and told me one of his best captains is looking for a change. He told me that you’re responsible for building the SPFD’s only task force station and that you were very successful.”

“I was fortunate to have a very good team from the start,” Bobby said.

“Ah, well, we both know a team is only as good as the person that leads them. I’ve got a problem or two in my organization. Phil’s call was very timely. He also told me that your oldest son is currently attending our academy. Evander Nash.”

“Yes, he prefers to be called Buck,” Bobby said. “Today was his first day in the short course.” He shut the door leading into the kitchen and leaned on the counter. “Is there a problem with his placement?”

“Ah, no, his qualifications are on point, and his application was approved without any sort of hesitation by the staff at the academy. I’m told he had a glowing recommendation from a FEMA Deputy Chief. That letter, combined with his certifications, more than earned him a placement in the short course. I have some questions for you and an offer.”

“I’m listening,” Bobby said and took a deep breath because there was a lot riding on the conversation.

“Are you seeking to transfer to LA to be closer to your son?”

“I’m sure Chief Evans told you that my son and I connected late in his life,” Bobby said, and Alonzo hummed in agreement. “I do want to be closer to him. I missed out on a lot, and I don’t want to miss more.”

“I understand and would want the same if I were in your position,” Alonzo said. “Will you be maneuvering to have him on the job with you?”

“Yes,” Bobby said frankly, and Alonzo laughed. “There’s no reason to lie. I want to watch his back and keep him safe. He’s a good young man, Chief Alonzo, and he has a lot of heart. We both know this job can take a lot out of you. I missed out on a lot—I wasn’t there to be a father to him in his most vulnerable years because I didn’t know he existed. I’d like to be there when the job hurts him like we both know it will.”

“I don’t want to poke an open wound, Captain Nash,” Alonzo began. “But I do want to offer my condolences on your loss. Phil explained what happened to your wife. It was genuinely humbling to hear her story.”

“I’m doing my best, going forward, to honor the sacrifice she made for our family,” Bobby said quietly. “It’s all that I can do.” He cleared his throat. “You said you had a couple of problems?”

“I’ve got a station—a light brigade with some personnel issues, and I’ve been moving captains in and out of it for two different shifts. I’m considering separating the crews entirely and rebuilding both shifts from the ground up. They’re operating fine as is but could be better served with stronger leadership.

“But my bigger concern is the fact that I have a task force station down a commander due to…behavioral issues.”

“What kind of behavioral issues?” Bobby questioned, and his gut tightened in anticipation.

“He’s earned himself two different complaints from the LAPD for bad behavior. It’s a building situation—he’s on the hook for sexism and racism.”

“I would assume that your professional standards staff would be all over that,” Bobby said mildly. “The last thing the LAFD would need is that kind of hostility with the LAPD.”

“Yes, he managed to insult a field sergeant with the LAFD. I won’t even repeat what he said to her. But two of her officers filed reports regarding his language and behavior on the scene of a large accident the day before yesterday. Unfortunately, for my employee, he expected that the male officers on the scene would agree with him regarding his opinion of their superior officer.”

“And they didn’t,” Bobby said.

“They filed formal grievances before the end of their shift,” Alonzo said. “And considering what was reported—I can’t blame them. I’m personally furious over the situation, but I’m letting my people handle him and the union. Regardless of their choices, he’s lost his placement as a station commander. I’d like to force his retirement, but at the very least, he’ll be demoted.”

“That’s going to cause some resentment,” Bobby speculated. “Maybe even with his crew.”

“Do you think that would be a problem for you?”

“I could handle it,” Bobby said. “What’s your offer?”

“I don’t have anyone ready at the station to be promoted to station commander. I hire you at the rank of Captain II and you come in as the station commander of my biggest task force station. Phil assures me you can handle it. I’m sure you already know the benefits being offered by my department, 170k starting salary, and there will be no official questions regarding the placement of your son on the shift of your choice in your station.”

“When would I start?”

“You’ve got two young children, right?” Alonzo questioned.

“Yes, eleven and nine,” Bobby said. “I researched therapy options in LA and have already picked out a trauma center that can deal with the kind of loss they’re suffering. They’ve both had FaceTime appointments already.”

“They’ve been through a lot over the last couple of months. Would a new school be unduly stressful at this point? Because I can have you on the job in a week. In fact, I’d prefer it.”

“They’re both looking at LA like it’s an adventure,” Bobby said quietly. “And I think joining their brother there would be good for them. He’s not been gone long, and they both miss him. They’re currently interrogating him about his first day at the fire academy.” He cleared his throat. “I need to give the SPFD time to phase me out so I can report for duty on November 1st, barring any complications with the changeover.” He paused. “You mentioned the light brigade first but didn’t actually offer it to me. Why?”

“I could use you there,” Alonzo acknowledged. “And I wanted to give you that as an option if it would better serve you and your family at the moment. Does it?”

“No, I’ll take the task force station,” Bobby said and felt only a little guilty about leaving the 118 behind in his memory. “For what it’s worth, I agree that splitting both crews in the light brigade would be a better choice than trying to find the right captains to work the situation. They’ve developed a culture of sorts, and those can get toxic quickly. Separating everyone and putting them in different stations would hopefully give them all a clean slate unless they have documented behavior issues.”

“I appreciate the perspective from a man of your experience,” Alonzo said. “I’ve been out of the field for a long time, Captain Nash, and the social economics of a team has changed a lot. I never had to worry about the kinds of things you have to worry about these days.”

“I just put anyone that disagrees with me in mandatory therapy,” Bobby retorted, and Alonzo laughed. “They rarely have to go more than once to get the point.”

“I’ve got a battalion chief keeping your seat warm at the 56, your new station. I’ll let her know I’ve made a hiring decision, and you’ll hear from HR shortly.”

“Thank you, sir. I look forward to working for the LAFD.” He let the relief settle on his bones and pushed aside the little bit of guilt stirring in his gut.

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