Reading Time: 2 Minutes
I hope that you found lots of new tidbits to read today and that you’ve been enjoying 2025 as much as you can considering the circumstances that we won’t be discussing here. Because honestly, what the actual fuck.
I only have one EAD offering and I’m sad about that. The story itself is something I’ve been poking for a while because I’m still quite enamored with Star Wars and Cal Kestis. He’s all grown up in the offering so it’s going to be an interesting divergence for those of you have read The Righteous One.
Mating Rituals – Cal Kestis/Merrin
I’m sorry to have been largely unavailable for the last few months. I’ve been working through some medical issues and I’ve had to adjust to a new antidepressant due to medicines that I had no choice but to start taking. The new prescription basically obliterated the effectiveness of my antidepressant it took me quite a while to even recognize it.
Honestly, it was when I started to considering buying clothes instead of doing laundry that I knew I was in a really bad place and hadn’t been paying attention to myself properly. I’ve suffered depression the majority of my life and was diagnosed last with with persistent depressive disorder. Just another label to stick in my chart under the label of clinical depression.
I was also officially diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis late last month, and that’s been a hard road since I adamantly refuse to take narcotics.
I don’t need advice on this stuff though, so please refrain. I’ve got great doctors and everything is well in hand.
But the adjustments have been hard and sometimes, I barely have the spoons to get out of bed. I’m still adjusting. I’m going to be adjusting for a while and I thank you so much for your patience and kindness during this time.
Sometimes, I think people don’t talk enough about how exhausting pain is, how much it just saps the life out of you in every single way. That’s where I am right now–tired and sort of sad. I feel like my time is wasted sometimes, most especially when the biggest thing I accomplish on any given day is actually getting out of bed.
But things are slowly getting better and I’m stepping up slowly on a new anti-depressant as we look for the proper dosage. Switching was a real trial, but I’m doing the work and even got a therapist. Well, I got two therapist but the physical therapist really doesn’t care to listen to me complain about decades-old trauma coming back to haunt me. Honestly, she’s kind of evil but she’s helping (I admit that begrudgingly).
I’m looking forward to April and the next RT event.
All the best,
KM
Keira I’m sorry you have to deal with all of that. My Mother battled rheumatoid arthritis for a long time so I’ve seen the pain you have to deal with. I just want to let you know that people care and wish the best in dealing with it and the complications with your other meds.
I love your writing, your my favorite author as a matter of fact. I appreciate every gift you have freely given us. Thank you for this wonderful story.
Sending you warm and supportive thoughts. Hugs!
I”m sorry to hear you have had a rough time recently, but, I’m glad to hear that things are getting better. Best wishes to you!
The main thing is you take care of yourself. Those needs come first. I have arthritis, so I understand that. In my case painkillers, injections just don’t work on me.
You fo what is best for you.
I am thrilled when a story of yours comes out, I love rereading your fics to. But it should only be when you are ready.
Take care of yourself
Changing anti-depressants is one of the most brutal things on the planet in my opinion. I’m sorry it’s been a tough road but so glad things are moving in a positive direction and very excited to read your work from this year! Your ability to get me invested in a fandom I know nothing about is second to none.
Wishing you all the best❤️
As a person who only lurks, I don’t ever comment. I wanted to post this time to tell you how much enjoyment in life all your posts bring me. I know depression can really kick you’re butt. I’m glad you feel like things are getting better, but you’re wellbeing comes before anything. I just needed to let you know you’re in my thoughts, and I hope it keeps getting better.
I don’t think I have commented in any of your stories or other posts before. But I have been following your writing for a while. Thank you for all of them that you have shared.
I am sorry you have been having a hard time, but I am so glad you are finding the things that are working for you.
Some times getting out of bed is a massive accomplishment.
I’m sorry to hear things have been a mess lately. I am very happy to hear that you’ve got things well in hand and they’re improving. Slowly as they do, but improving. I’ve been very worried about you and have been hopeful you would post a message like this. Sending you all the good vibes I can muster. Take care
I read the post – it’s lovely. Health issues suck and I’m glad that things are improving (even if it’s glacial slow)
Thinking positive thoughts and sending virtual hugs (if you want them)
RA sucks. I have Sjogren’s with Unspecified RA. The medication helps but are very draining so they can imagine what you are going through. I hope things continue to improve for you.
Glad you sorted the meds out (fingers crossed!) and thanks for dropping in to say hello! Hopefully, despite *gestures broadly* all of this, 2025 will improve for you. As always, enjoy the work!
Im sorry that you are having a difficult time of things and I can commerate. You mentioned a few things that I am also labelled under, so I understand some of the things you are struggling with, even if I don’t experience it the same way. I wish you all the best and thank you for everything you do.
You have given us so much. I’m sorry you’re having a hard time. Please, take all the time you need & accept my heartfelt best wishes.
So glad to here from you! I was getting a bit worried but I’m glad you’re getting the help you need and that things are getting better slowly but surely. I honestly suck at saying the right thing in emotional settings but I figured something is better than nothing since I really was worried. So I’m glad to hear from you in this 2025 of ours!
I can’t believe I forgot about EAD! I have been looking out for this since Christmas and then I just forgot .
I will be binging all of the little or not so little snippets. Who needs sleep anyway? (I, I do need sleep. Adulting sucks)
We don’t talk nearly enough about how exhausting pain is. You need a separate stack of spoons just to deal with that, much less getting out of bed.
Thank you for participating as much as you do with everything else going on.
I hope that the right dose of new brain meds is right around the corner.
Fixing a glitchy brain is hard even under the best of circumstances, which we don’t have.
As someone else who also suffers from depression and a chronic pain condition…ugh, it’s the pits. Glad your doctors are taking care of you and hopefully things are slowly getting better. I LOVED the Righteous One and am super excited to read your ead offering!
You take care of yourself! (Hugs) and not to give a clicher answer to everything and feel free to ignore unsolicited advices. Every step toward improving something in your life is a huge thing when you have multiple problems working against you so pat yourself on the back for doing the work even when it seems its not working. You made it to here, you can make it to more tomorrow’s. Hope you feel better and I wish you all the best.
I’m so sorry to hear about all you’re going through with the RA and the depression. I don’t know anything about the depression meds, but I have a relative who has dealt with RA for quite a while. She gets an IV infusion once a year for it. Feel free to send me a private e-mail if you would like more information on the infusion. I have your stories bookmarked to read over and over and I truly love them.
So glad to hear an update; you’ve been my favorite author since I stumbled across Tangled Destinies in 2010. Found a random internet link and I’ve adored your work ever since. I sincerely hope for you that things improve in this year, hope your new medication helps manage the symptoms to get you feeling better.
We are all your adoring minions and we all wish the best for you.
Sending good thoughts, loving energy, and commiserating vibes. Depression and chronic pain both suck. I hope you find an effective treatment protocol soon.
I’m sorry to hear you are having mental and physical health struggles! It can be a tough fight for sure. I’m part way through some treatments of my own for similar issues. So you have my sympathies.
I hope your health (mental and physical) improves and that you feel much better Keira!
I’ve had a difficult last few months health-wise myself so I send you healing vibes if you’ll accept them and my best wishes for less bat-fuckery. We can but hope. And keep calling our representatives if we have the spoons. I also wish whatever self-care you can accomplish for yourself.
Damn, girl! You are going through hell. I’m so glad you’re getting the help you need! Please take the time to take care of yourself. We’ll be here when you get back to writing.
I’m sorry to hear that the last year has been so difficult! My mom was diagnosed with RA almost two years ago and it’s taken time to get both the official diagnosis and find the proper medication and dosage. It’s been really hard seeing her deal with the flair ups so I can’t imagine how you’ve been dealing with that on top of your depression. I hope things improve for you soon! Take all the time you need to take care of yourself. Sending virtual hugs your way!
So sorry to hear this. As someone who has also suffered clinical depression the majority of my life, I know how difficult it can be to change meds. People often don’t understand how many meds, and combination of meds, are needed to find what works specifically for you.
Thanks for the wonderful ead offering. It was lovely. Anything you are able to write for us is a wonderful gift. Hopefully the rest of the year improves for you.
Sometime taking it one day at a time is all someone can do. Wishing you all the best and lots of healing rest. Take care!!
Keira, I was concerned that something was wrong, and I’m so sorry that I your health, both mental and physical is suffering. Take care and I hope you have more clean spoons soon.
Sorry to hear that you’re going through it.
But why did I know exactly what you meant by spoons?
I haven’t seen or heard of that analogy in years and years. And yet I read it as normal terminology not realising it was strange that I understood it until the very end. Lol.
Hugs!! I’m so sorry everything has been so difficult, but I’m so so glad you’re on the path of healing. I’m always thankful for anything you share with us. You are so intensely talented enter of mind is a beautiful creative space. Thank you for sharing your struggles with us. I struggle and sometimes feel like it’s unique to me.
Physical therapists, every last one of them, ALL have the Marquis de Sade in their family tree. Every last mother-effin one of ’em. Good luck with your branch of the family.
So sorry to hear about stuff you’ve had going on, but glad you’re starting to feel better. Thank you for taking the time for EAD!!!! You’re one of my favorite writers and have been for years. Hope things stay manageable and start getting better for you.
Wow that’s a lot you are going through. RA itself is no fun and add the mental health. I’m glad you noticed that something is off and getting help.
Thank you for writing an EAD despite everything you are going through.
Hope you feel better soon, please take care of yourself.
As someone that is also suddenly & surprisingly battling something unexpected (& weaning off my medications while doubling others)–some days drinking water and eating are the goal and we must be proud to succeed.
Your new physical therapist sounds amazing; we do not need someone to be nice to us, we need them to be kind; kind enough to make sure we develop new skills & grow even if that involves a boot to the rear end. Did they recommend an occupational therapist as well?
I am glad you are doing better and feel for you. A good local friend has been also suffering with rheumatoid arthritis, depression, and dealing with doctors and meds, and yea, there are some days where just getting out of bed is an accomplishment. Keep your head up, and try not to kill anyone. *hugs*
dude I’m seriously bummed for you. glad you have good docs. hang in there and know I’m here giving you virtual shoulder bumps. <3
Sorry to hear about your medical issues. I hope you feel better soon. Take care of yourself.
Having major pain issues is well … a major pain. Thank you for everything you sharing with us and I hope that things continue to improve for you.
Thank you for sharing your life with us, both the good and the not so good. I can sympathise with the challenges of having to find a new depression medication and a new diagnosis, hopefully your medical team are helping you get back to a new normal.
I’m sad to hear about the new obstacles that have been put in your life. The universe is such an asshole sometimes. I hope things continue to improve for you, that you find joy even if things are difficult and that you have lots of support and love.
Keira,
I know how frustrating it can be just trying to get an accurate diagnosis. So while I’m sad that you are living with all this, I’m glad that you have a diagnosis and hope that it will lead to effective treatment(s) and support.
Marion
I am so sorry Keira that you have been having a very difficult and painful time, and just know you in my thoughts and take all the time you need to recover.
I am at the moment having another flare up of my adrenal insufficiency and doing my best not to go into hospital again, so I understand what it’s like to be unwell. Look after yourself.
Sorry things have been rough, glad to hear they are getting better.
It sounds like you have been going through hell. I’m sending all the good vibes and happy energy I can to you. It’s a great thing that you have a medical team that you have confidence in which is such a big part of getting through any medical problem. Take the time you need and know that we’ll be here for you if you post a story or just need to get volunteers to stand in a field with you and scream at the sky out of frustration.
I’m sorry you’ve been going through all that but am glad that you’ve been able to get the help you need. I hope the new medication works out for you. Wishing you the best.
Sorry you are having to go through all this. I’m glad as I’m sure many of your other fans are that you took the time to let us know. Please take care of yourself.
It sounds like you’ve gone through some rough times – switching anti-depressants always sucks – but I’m happy to hear that things are getting better! I know all your minions are wishing you the best!
That sounds like a long an exhausting mess to deal with. I’m glad you have family and resources to help deal with it.
I wish you all the best.
I’m so sorry you’ve been struggling with so many health issues. I myself live with depression including PDD and I know how frustrating it can be to live with – I myself have to frequently combat my internal dialogue about being frustrated with myself for not being able to ‘adult’ properly. I’m glad you have a good team in place to help you. I’m cheering you on from the sidelines!
I hope that your treatments, go well for you. I don’t have RA nor have I been diagnosed with depression. But I do suffer from Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis, a chromic autoimmune disorder. So, I tell you this in commiseration, many won’t look and see that some days getting out of bed is a victory, taking a shower should get you a gold medal, and doing anything else should get you a star on the Walk of Fame. So be kind to yourself but remember to live.
Some where I saw a mug that said something along the lines of I’m so awesome only my own body could kick my ass.
I so really enjoy reading the lovely stories you weave.
Angela
Sending you all the positive vibes! I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with all that!
Big hugs. I’d say take care of yourself, but it sounds like you’re already putting in the work. So, I’ll just leave it at ”Take care.”
Just want to send you big warm virtual hug.
And thank you for still sharing your writing and providing us with safe creative places! ❤️
I’m sorry you are in pain. Thank you for what you said, it is hard. I have been in pain since early 2021 and I am so tired. It is so hard to count making it through a day of pain as accomplishment and so easy to shame and blame yourself into pushing too far to remain functional. Your website brings me joy and I greatly appreciate you sharing your work.
Hi Keira.
Yes, chronic pain is so exhausting, and it’s hard because until you experience it, you can’t really understand when someone says that. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this but it sounds like you have a great team working with you, giving you hope that it’ll get better.
Get well soon!
As someone who was diagnosed with childhood onset rheumatoid I can understand how it throws ya. And I too don’t like narcotics. So it’s been fun adjusting to functional pain levels and then trying to make sure I don’t take too much tylenol or whatever because my live is a beast and we want to keep it filtering like it should lol. I’m glad to hear that you have good doctors who are actually interested in listening to you and the way you’d like to proceed with your future treatments, that’s amazing in this day and age. I’m excited to see any works you’re putting out (though I will admit to a craving for more of the werewolf 911 story lol) and quivering with antici….
Sending you all the love and hugs I can send. If I could send health and a pain-free life, I would. Every good wish and thought M’Lady. Hxx
This. I couldn’t have said it better, other than to add a simple and heartfelt thank you for sharing your art with us. And the knowledge that sometimes “wasted” time is what you need to recover, so it’s boring and not what you want, but it’s also not really wasted. We all want you healthy and as happy as possible, given… Everything.
You are certainly not alone with having your previously steady antidepressants stop working effectively and all the exhausting absolute bullshit that comes along with it. I’m working out of a years long depression relapse myself right now, so please believe that I can hear some of the many frustrating experiences that are lingering behind your words. Amen to how truly energy sapping it is just plain living with the constant routines required for basic survival with chronic major depression. Many times I’ve turned to fanfiction for comfort; your personal writing site and the challenges and community you’ve inspired and continue to host are so amazing and impactful. I’m trying to give myself grace and remember that I should recognize even “pathetically small” accomplishments because for me they really can be a struggle. Please know that even the ‘unproductive’ days you feel are wasted in bed you are still earning those wins just by being yourself the best you can that day, by the online actions you’ve already put in motion and continue to support, and all the lives you are continuously touching without knowing. Sending you supportive vibes in whatever form you most need right now: virtual hugs or girl scout cookies, commiseration in the pajamas at all times lifestyle, scathing cursing at health insurers, etc.
You’re singing the song of my people. As usual.
I’m sorry you’re having to juggle the wonderful world of changing medications, side effects, depression and chronic pain while simultaneously coping with degenerative diseases. Been there, done that. Fun, yeah? Add a metric fuckton of trauma and it’s even better, right? Yeah, not so much.
I’m glad things are starting to level – it’s that crossover period that’s so heinous.
EAD is a bright spark in the darkness! Thanks again for all you do!
Sending you all the positive feelings I can, hoping it can help you getting better.
I don’t know if it can be of any importance when you’re battling depression and pain, but know that your stories and your blog are a gift. I don’t think I speak only for myself when I say that I re-read a lot of them regularly. You’re the only reason I decided to read a Harry Potter fanfiction, after reading your fictions in all the other fandoms I was following at the time. I was looking for my fix. I even think of opening the dangerous box of 9-1-1 fanfictions nowadays when I never even watch a single episode of the serie…
I’m very grateful that you gave us a (wonderful) fic from time to time. You’re a fanfiction writer, it’s not your job to provide us with reading material, it’s a gift. I’m just grateful. So : THANK YOU !
I can absolutely relate. Take good care of yourself, as you can. Virtual hugs.
Thank you for taking the time to write. Life sometimes likes to kick us in the teeth to make us stronger. You are one of the strongest! Here’s hoping for many more words from you when you are ready. Thank you for sharing your words with the us. Good luck and huggles and snuggles all around!
Good Docs are the best. Hope things continue to improve for you.
Thanks as always for all your amazing stories!
I was gently concerned when you didn’t post a year in review, but when you posted to EAD it was basically proof of life. You don’t owe us even that of course, but it’s nice to have. The EAD story was lovely, and anything else you post will be as well. I’m sorry you are going through it medically as well as all the other ways we all are.
Zen hugs to you.
Hugs, lady. Have been there, done all that, & am just happy that I’m finally old enough for all my doctors to’ve stopped exclaiming that I’m “too young to have this much wrong” with me. Fuck them Very Much.
Also glad that you found good medical people to address the issues at hand, & that you’re doing The Work. Always happy to read whatever you’re able to write & share, & even happier to hear that you’re okay, on whatever sliding scale is working for you.
Moar & all the supportive stuff from my end.
——-}-@
Sounds as if you’re dealing with the suck as well as is possible, at least. Effective non-narcotic painkillers are one of my three genie wishes, along with anti-virals that work and a cure for cancer.
Keep on keeping on! We’re here for you.
Wishing you good health and no pain. Keep taking care of yourself and know that there are people who care and wish you the best.
I also want to take this time to say a big THANK YOU!!! for sharing your wonderful stories with us. I have enjoyed reading them and I’m so thankful they are free.
I am so sorry you are dealing with this. Thank you tho for the words you have given us for so long. As for wtf? Well I suspect all of us are doing that. Best wishes
I’m glad you’ve got doctors you can trust. And seriously, some days getting out of bed is a Huge win.
Sorry to hear about the issues but really glad for your progress. My husband used to joke with his physical “terrorist” that it was completely unfair that she could be all cheerleader-like and yet cause so much misery. It was a great combination though, she helped him more than any other therapist. Best wishes on your recovery and continued treatment and thanks for putting work out still.
Thank you for sharing with us what you are going through. Last year was painful year for me and the pain was isolating and hard to move through. All small victories are still victories and I hope things improve for you. I send virtual hugs and healing energy.
Thank you too for sharing your writing which is so fantastic it made bad days better for me.
I had recently been thinking it had seemed like a while since you’ve posted and was wondering if everything was ok. It has seemed like 2025 hasn’t been a great year for many so far. Take care of yourself and I hope that there is continued improvement with your pain management and depression. It may not help when you are feeling low but know that you bring joy into many lives with your writing.
I’m sorry to hear you’re going through so much PQ. It is good to know you’re starting to come out the other side though. You’re awesome and you deserve good things.
Hang in there, Keira. You give us all so much joy; be kind to yourself. My wife finds a lot of good pain relief with Frankincense balm from Vitality.
Dear Keira,
Thank you for sharing your update with us. I appreciate your honesty and the glimpse into what you’ve been going through. While I won’t offer unsolicited advice, I do want to send you my best wishes as you navigate these challenges.
I’m grateful for the stories you share and the worlds you build, but more than that, I hope you are finding moments of comfort and ease for yourself along the way. Pain—physical and emotional—is exhausting, and it’s completely okay to take the time you need.
Looking forward to whatever you choose to share when the time is right. Wishing you strength, rest, and as many spoons as possible.
All the best,
Kirsten (bambusdrache)
Changing medication is a bitch. Trying to get the right dosage and hopefully it doesn’t react badly with others. I’m glad you have a team of health professionals helping you out. Getting everything working together can take a bit of finagling. Be kind and take care of yourself.
Thank you for EAD offering. I do love Cal and company. I do l9ve your Star Wars verses.
I have arthritis, have already had one hip replacement plus a huge amount of other diagnoses, including ME and Fibro so I get how hard it is. If you ever want to talk let me know.
However I’m glad to hear you’re getting to grips with it all. Take your time. I’ve had my issues basically since childhood and at 30 I still don’t have it totally in hand all the time. We can wait, trust me your writing is well worth the wait.
You are one of my favourite author online or in RL and I’ve always been a massive bookworm. Your talent has sucked me into numerous fandoms that I’ve only had passing knowledge of before but I knew anything you wrote about would be golden. Reading and re-reading your stories has helped me through my own downswings and stress. So thank you for being a bright beacon in this crazy world. I only hope creating these worlds gives you as much joy as entering them did for me. Thank you for taking us on your adventures. The KM fandom is my favourite fandom. I wish you love, comfort, strength, endurance and mastery of the ability to be as kind and compassionate with yourself as you with others.
I am so happy to hear from you! Thanks for that reply last month to say hi, I’m alive. I was really worried because you are a chatty sort. The older we get, the more the machine breaks down. My whole crew at work, from frontline to management, has been dealing with the flu, Covid, you name it. I caught something and thought I could go back to work after two days. Let’s just say they threatened to call EMT after I passed out. Sigh.
I have two coworkers dealing with chronic pain. One has RA, the other Fibro. It’s rough watching them go through flare ups, so I can imagine what you’re dealing with. I’m just grateful that you felt well enough to come say hey. Take care of yourself!
I feel for you. I’ve lived with rheumatoid arthritis for about five years already and I’m only 45. I’ve also refused narcotics, in the long run they do more harm than good. You learn to live with the pain. Once doctors adjust your medication, your pain levels will stablise on an acceptable level.
Changing my diet also helped. I need to watch my weight very carefully nowadays. I eat 5 light meals throughout the day and I am very generous with seasoning that has slight anti-inflammatory effect (tumeric, garlic, ginger and cinnamon). It helps a little bit.
Take your time with everything, be kind to yourself and try to stay posititve.
I’m glad you have seem some improvement. I’ve missed your stories but I’d rather have you healthy than read a new story.
All my gentle hugs to you!
Wishing you al the best You are one of my Top Favorite Authors and i love your stories so so much but you come first
I understand you perfectly. I have arthritis in both hands and my neck and also refuse narcotics and if that is not enough, I also have hypothyroidism that makes me feel tired all the time. I send you all the positive energy that I can.
Sorry you’re having to deal with all this. Good vibes and thoughts go out to you. I have been there. Lucky I found a herbalist, best thing I ever did. Blessed be to you hon.
Keira, sending warm thoughts and healing prayers. My best friend has RA and it’s a bitch! Hope I can say that!! So I know of the pain you’re living with and I hope you find your “happy place” soon. Take life easy and worry about yourself. We will be were ready to read when you’re ready to write! Cheri
Hi Keira
I’m sorry to hear you are going through a rough patch. Being in pain is the worst, I hope the physio helps.
I don’t mean to overstep so feel free to ignore me, it’s just that I found it really frustrating to find out years later that switching out refined sugar for raw (I think you call it Jagery in America) could have helped with the inflammation when I was struggling.
Best wishes for finding a new normal you are happy with
Kat
I’m sorry to hear what you’ve been through these last past months. I have people in my life that are going through similar medical issues. It’s hard to watch from the sidelines, but I know it’s only a thousand times worse for the one going through it. Thank you for sharing that with us, and I wish all the compassion and strength I can offer through this message as you settle into a new normal.
So sorry you are dealing with what appears to be a Bermuda Triangle of Medical crapola. Sending you healing thoughts. Take care of yourself first and foremost.
Hello Keira
I wish you all the best. Take your time.
Physical therapists are godsend but they seam to come in 2 variants the evil once and the cherleading once. I think I prefere the evil once.
Thnak you for all the fanfics you share and the joy you bring us with them. Have a good recovery.
Just wanted to say I hope you are doing well.
I hope things settle down soon to a level your body and meds can give you a reasonably ok life.
i once wasted an hour of my time trying to explain chronic pain and medical problems to my daughter, never again, explaining the ageing process to a 35 yr old, worst idea i have ever had.
Your writing has always been some of my best medication, reading your stories always cheers me up and makes me feel better.
Thank you for sharing your gift with your minions.