Terrible Bastard

Title: Terrible Bastard
Author: Keira Marcos
Big Short Prompt:  Rodney McKay
Fandom: Stargate: Atlantis
Characters: Rodney McKay, Jennifer Keller, John Sheppard
Genre: Pre-Slash, Future Fic
Word Count: 1343
Warnings: No beta
Summary: If he were honest.

* * * *

The six months Atlantis spent on Earth had been good for the city and for the people who made their home on the ancient facility. Rodney was especially proud of how well they’d used the resources Earth had to offer to make Atlantis self-sufficient for the first time in over ten thousand years. They were growing their own food, and he’d resurfaced a large portion of the city with solar cells for energy collection. It worked well on Earth, and it would be life changing on Lantea.

Rodney signed off on the last supply list he’d have to submit before they left Earth and took a deep breath as he checked his watch. He was due to meet John for dinner since Jennifer was in Iowa visiting her father. The cell phone he’d been issued by the SGC went off, and Rodney grimaced. He hated it and couldn’t wait to get rid of it. Reluctantly, he picked it up. At least it was Jennifer and not some idiot at the SGC.


“Hey back,” Jennifer said cheerfully. “I wish you were here. Dad and I are going to the movies.”

“Sounds like fun,” Rodney said with a frown. He sort of hated her father but he was trying really hard to keep that to himself. Of course, the old bastard didn’t like Rodney either, but that didn’t appear to phase Jennifer at all. “I’m about to meet John for dinner—I haven’t figured out which movie to bring. What do you think?”

“The whole team, right? Something fun maybe? Or a disaster film. Ronon likes those, and Teyla loved Deep Impact. She said it spoke to her about the human spirit.”

“No, just John,” Rodney corrected. “Teyla is in Colorado and Ronon is off-world with SG1 kicking someone’s ass. He and Teal’c have apparently become blood-brothers or warrior brothers or….something. It was confusing. They’ve got matching tattoos.”

“Just Colonel Sheppard,” Jennifer said. “I…are you sure that you should be having dinner with just him?”

Rodney closed his laptop and frowned. “What does that mean?”

“I mean…well.” She huffed. “He’s gay, Rodney. People might think you’re on a date with him. I have to put with enough gossip as it is!”

“Gossip? What gossip? Why shouldn’t I hang out with my best friend? I don’t care if he’s gay,” Rodney said with a frown.

Though it had been quite a day when Sheppard had come out—during his own promotion ceremony on national television. Declassification had been required after Atlantis landed and it was discovered that several wraith had made it to Earth during the incident. They’d spent weeks hunting them and confiscating darts from various private citizens. Nearly twenty had been shot down by civilians in Colorado and Nevada which hadn’t surprised Rodney at all.

“A lot of people think that you and Sheppard are sleeping together. I’ll be really glad when Atlantis leaves!” She huffed. “And we can get on with our lives.”

Rodney sat down abruptly. “Get on with our lives on Earth, you mean.”

“Yes, of course.”

“Jennifer.” He took a deep breath. “I’m not staying on Earth. I thought you understood…Atlantis is my home. I’m going back to Pegasus. I’ve already started discussing new contract terms with the IOA.”

“But…” She trailed off and fell silent.

He listened to her breathe and wondered what she was thinking. Rodney had never been a good at figuring what women wanted or what they thought. He’d thought that Jennifer was pretty straight forward but that hadn’t been the case if she’d been fending off rumors about Sheppard. “Why didn’t you tell me that people thought I was sleeping with John?”

“Because it doesn’t matter. So what if Sheppard is bending over for you? You need to get that out of your system before we get married.”

Rodney leaned forward a bit and propped one elbow on his desk as he rubbed his face. “You think I have so little personal integrity that I would cheat on you, and you don’t care?” He slouched back in his chair. “So it’s the money then? I wondered—really—what I had going for me that would keep you interested. We don’t have the same interests, and you spend most of your time correcting my behavior like I’m a toddler instead of a grown man but I was overlooking it because I was getting laid.” He stood and started to pace.

“For the record, I never once said the word marriage in your general vicinity because I have no intention of asking you to marry me. I’m never going to live on Earth permanently—it sucks here, and it’s only gotten worse since declassification. I have an opportunity, for the first time in over a decade, to do the kind of research that will earn me a Nobel and you thought I was going…to what? Quit the program, move to fucking Iowa, and teach physics to a bunch of idiots who are drinking their way through undergrad?” He sighed because she’d started crying sometime during this monolog and that was irritating. “Don’t try to manipulate me with tears, Jennifer.”

“But you love me. You said…”

“I was brain damaged the first time,” McKay retorted.

“But you said it again…”

“You were blowing me,” Rodney sniped. “But it doesn’t matter since you think I’m an unfaithful asshole who needs to be house broken.” He closed his eyes and listened to her cry for a few moments. “I can’t do this. If you’re not signing a new contract, let Woolsey know, and he’ll have your quarters packed up. Don’t bother calling me anymore—we’re done.” He paused. “And for the record, when I sleep with men I prefer to bottom, so I doubt really fucking seriously I’d be interested in having Sheppard bend over for me. The man’s hung like a horse.” He hung up at her startled scream and tossed the cell phone on his desk.

“I don’t appreciate being objectified in the middle of your break up fight with your current Barbie,” John said dryly from the entry of Rodney’s personal lab.

McKay huffed and focused on John. “She said people think we’re fucking.”

“Yeah, I mean…” John shrugged. “But people have always thought that. Landry tried to file charges against me before the rules changed because Caldwell told him that I was gay and more specifically that I was gay for you. O’Neill had to intervene.” Sheppard leaned against the doorframe. “I thought you knew.”

“No, no clue.” Rodney frowned at him. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

John shrugged. “I figured the rumors stopped when you started dating Keller. I mean they stopped with Katie, but then Katie Brown actually liked you instead of your earning potential.”

Rodney huffed. “I’m surrounded by assholes.”

“Well, you’ve always been the most comfortable around your own kind,” John said with a smirk. “Let’s get some sandwiches, and I’ll tell you all about the single best rumor ever told about you and me. It involves Jumper One.”

McKay snorted and walked over to where John was—leaving the stupid cell phone behind. “Of course it does. Who was on top?”

“We took turns, apparently, for hours.”

“Don’t these assholes know that we’re over forty?” McKay demanded as John wrapped an arm around his shoulders. “I haven’t fucked for hours since I was twenty.”

“Don’t ruin Miko’s fantasies, McKay, she builds bombs as a hobby,” John admonished and led him out of the lab. “Wait until she finds out you prefer to be the bottom. She’s going to be so excited.”

“I hate you.”

John laughed. “I hate you back, buddy.”

“Can we have grudge sex? I’ve always wanted to have grudge sex and my break up with Jennifer has hurt my feelings.”

“You terrible bastard,” John said fondly.


The End

Keira Marcos

In my spare time, I write fanfiction and lead a cult of cock worshippers on the Internet. It's not the usual kind of hobby for a 40ish "domestic engineer" but we live in a modern world and I like fucking with people's expectations.


  1. For something called “Terrible Bastard”, this has made me unbelievably happy. Thank you!

  2. I love you. This story made my day. 🙂

  3. I love you….I don’t tell you that often enough I love you so much.

    Thanks for this I needed this like air today.

  4. I feel a giggle fit coming on.

  5. That was awesome, got to be my favorite of your McKay/Shepard one offs.

  6. I love it

  7. You made my day with this charming story. Grudge sex is the best!

  8. I love the way your write Rodney…. This was exactly what I needed today–thank you!!

  9. That was ace. Thank you!

  10. LOVE! <3<3
    This made me insanely happy. Thank you.

  11. That made me smile for the first time in 2 days. And I’m a smiley person usually.

    Many many thanks 🙂

  12. OMG! I love this. I can’t tell you how much I hate Keller. TPTB really tried to screw everyone over by putting Keller with McKay because it was a geek’s dream pairing. I love McKay being a bastard and Sheppard appreciating McKay at his snarky best.

  13. Its adorable how laid back and unselfconscious both men are about the rumors. LOL. I absolutely LOVE McKay dumping Keller so quickly and completely, and totally without romantic angst. “I was getting laid….”

  14. Thank you! This is wonderful and just what I needed today. I love the way your write Rodney’s voice.

  15. I adore Rodney in this, his tone comes across brilliantly. When I saw the line with “surrounded by assholes”, I had a flash to the movie Spaceballs. I continued reading the story, but at the same time I couldn’t help but think of Dark Helmet slamming down his face plate and saying, “keep firing assholes.”

  16. Love this. Rodney has always been a favourite of mine and I love the way you write him. John and Rodney are the best and I hate Keller.

  17. You have absolutely made my week with this! There is something about Rodney being a snarky bastard to someone that just really makes me smile and you really delivered. Thanks!

  18. I love that Miko ships them and Rodney’s only complaint was his age.


  19. Whether a magnum opus or a tiny tale – your John and Rodney always kick ass. Thanks for the niblet of joy.

  20. great made me smile

  21. This is lovely. Thanks for sharing!

  22. i’m just wondering how i can put into words how much your fic brighten up my days

    Do you accept kneeling and repeated chants of “thank you o great writer of word porn”

  23. Excellent!

  24. OMy, your take on Rodney had my chuckling madly (even my goldfish looked at me weirdly). Thank you so much for a great read.

  25. Oh that gave me such a case of the giggles! Thank you, that was sssoooo good. WW.

  26. Love John and Rodney together – the snark is foreplay. LOL I will always ship John/Rodney – pissing off Keller is just a bonus. 😉

    Thanks, Keira!

  27. You started my day with a smile! 😀

  28. This absolutely just made my day! ♥

  29. I love how you write them so damn much. You are amazing!

  30. Rodney choosing Jennifer over John is like me choosing chard over chocolate – just doesn’t work for me. Thanks for another fun, funny and warm story. And thanks for continuing to write Stargate Atlantis stories, I love them and yours in particular.

  31. greywolfthewanderer

    oh man I love this sooooo much!! snarky Rodney and snarky John, plus Keller getting a crash course in reality… awesome!!!

    it’s raining and cold and I have this huuuge grin right now. *doffs his hat* thanks, m’lady, I quite needed that!

  32. Trying hard not to giggle insanely since I’m at work. It’s been an annoying day and I so needed that. A new story from from you always makes the day better. Thank you so much for everything you share with your adoring fans.

  33. Thanks for the fic! I’m sitting here laughing and grinning like an idiot. So much so that my 12 y/o goes, “Are you reading fanfic again mom?” I guess she knows me. 😀

  34. “Well, you’ve always been the most comfortable around your own kind.”

    I giggled for five minutes.

    And Miko totes writes fan fiction about these two. Kinky fanfic.

    Loved this. Thank you. So needed it today.

  35. I love this story and McKay/Sheppard SO SO much and I’m not even a fan of SG1/Atlantis fanfic.

  36. I love Rodney’s blunt, “So it’s the money then.” to Jennifer and then the calm reaming out he gave her. Never liked Jennifer to begin with although you have succeeded in making me like her is a couple of your stories. Love the snarky foreplay between John and Rodney after the call and the ending was a hoot,

  37. Thanks very much..always very happy when I see an email from you about a new post..doing a happy dance.
    Just love John and Rodney.

  38. Absolutely Hilarious. I loved every word. Giggles insanely, and Miko is going to go crazy with fanfic when she learns McKay loves to bottom. Of course, John is hung like a horse, huge grins. Thank you for this wonderful fic.

  39. *throws kisses and hearts everywhere* I really hate that bitch! Lovin it!

  40. I laughed so hard I scared the cat. Oh I adore you, and that marvelous mind of yours. Thank you for sharing this.

  41. You made my lunch break with this one! The only way ot could be more perfect is if i didn’t have to go back to work now…

  42. The bit between John and Rodney at the end was just perfect – I giggled all the way through it. Loved it. Thank you!

  43. Loved this! I’m sick, my abdomen hurts from vomiting and I should not be laughing :(. But this story made me smile and feel a little better so the discomfort was worth it 😀

  44. I adore you.

    No, seriously… I do! This totally made my day.

  45. Was giggling at the end… Love it!

  46. Just what I needed this morning. Thank you, wonderful.

  47. I don’t know how I missed this one. I LOVE it. Thank you!

  48. I knew when I read the title that I would love the fic and I was proven right! I like how John knows all the gossip about their supposed relationship. Of course its always the quiet ones that think up the juicy ones.

  49. they are so awesome ^^ and the aside with miko is hilarious.

  50. I love reading this – and think that it will probably join my re-read list. You capture Rodney and Jon fantastically.
    Hmm…break up with Keller? Yes!!
    The rest was fantastic!!
    Thank you!!

  51. I just love the way you write Rodney. He is the on I myself have most trouble with when trying to write them – in many ways as a person I’m like the polar opposite of Rodney, so trying to see things the way he sees them and reacts to them is always a challenge. For me, John and his motivations are a lot easier to understand. Reading your Rodney is in many ways an enlightening experience for me, each and every time.

  52. This is totally great. I love it. Rodney is perfectly Rodney here- the break up with Jennifer was a pleasure to read. I also really enjoyed John’s commentary at the end. Thank you for sharing!

  53. Wonderful , thank you, made my day so much better.

  54. *cheers* Yay for in character Rodney. I love how you write him 😀

  55. still laughing…thank you!

  56. lolol

  57. -sigh- your little fics w/ Rodney always leave me wanting more. LOL every time I’m like OMG Keira did it again. Why Why Why does she do this to me?? Don’t stop. I LOVE it.

  58. Gets down on her knees and chants: I’m not worthy!!! I’m not worthy!!!

  59. Grudge. Make up. With either or, or both. I’m not fussy, but I am all kinds of greedy when it comes to those two. 😀 This just makes me smile. Thanks for that! 😀

  60. Snickers where has this been all my life

  61. Thank you so much! I always come back to this when I need to smile

  62. I adore John warning Rodney not to ruin Miko’s fantasies. There really is a whole lot of brains under all that hair! 😀

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